He needs me
by mycove
Summary: As Rapunzel sets out on her journey, Varian is taken to the castle dungeon. In her guts, Arianna can feel there is a lot of pain behind his anger, but how can she help ? Unfortunately, one person thinks that just being kept in a cell is not enough payment for such actions…
1. Chapter 1 - Back to New Corona

_**« Tragedy is not the conflict between good and evil it is the conflict between good and good »**_

 _ **Georg Wilhelm, Freidrich Hegel**_

 **I love that quote. It is so true, when you think of it. Anyway, I can't get Varian out of my head, so this is what may have happened after the battle in Old Corona, as Rapunzel sets out on her journey with her friends. But what about Varian ?**

Nobody spoke on the way back to the castle of Corona, the events of the evening having been far too overwhelming. King Fredric and Queen Arianna were both lost in their thoughts, needing some time to recover. How did they come to this ? There was the shock that many lives, including Arianna's and Rapunzel's have been seriously threatened tonight, still strong in their minds. But for the Queen, something else was gnawing at her.

The fourteen-year-old boy had purposely tried to hurt people, and yet, when he had been taken away by the guards, she couldn't help but feel an urge to run after them and ask them to stop. It was wrong, so wrong. Like the King had said once, we can't put children in prison. And yet, this teenager –young, so young – was shackled and put behind bars like any other criminal. For a moment, it didn't matter to her that his actions were wrong. It didn't matter to her that he had committed treason. She had watched him, while she was his prisoner in his lab. His eyes. His eyes were so filled with rage, anger and contempt. A crystal blue stare that made him look so much older than he actually was.

But at times, she was sure she could catch a glimpse of the boy he was, the boy he still might be deep inside. Under all the rage, all the anger, all the contempt, there shimmered doubt, fear, and guilt. This boy, once so loving, so helpful, was never meant to be the bad guy . So how did he become the biggest threat for Corona in years and years ?

When they reached the castle at last, she finally found the courage to speak.

"Dear ?"

"Mmh ?" replied the King absentmindedly.

"What should we do ?"

"You are exhausted, you don't have to worry about anything. I just want you to go to our room and rest so- "

"What about the boy ?"

At these words, the King became silent, lips sealed shut, a frown appearing above his eyes.

"I'll take care of that."

"Why don't you say, I'll take care of him ?"

Another moment of silence. Fredric knew very well what his wife meant, but for the moment, he just wanted her safe behind the castle walls. Away from danger. Away from the boy. He nearly lost her and his daughter, and he just had given permission to the latter to go explore the world, and couldn't protect her himself anymore. So he had to at least make sure Arianna was safe.

"Just go get some rest", he said, separating every word to make it clear, like he was talking to a disobedient child, "anything else is not your concern, Arianna."

But the Queen wasn't going to hear any of that. She didn't want to mention that the mere idea of going back to the very room where she was captured – and didn't really know who her foe was, for all she knew of him was his heavy coat, his mask with big round glasses and his potions that made her feel drowsy and faint. No, this wasn't about her. This was about a boy who went to crazy ends to save his father. That didn't excuse his actions, and it was clear that he would have to answer for those. But still…

She took a deep breath to steady herself.

"So are you just going to send him to the dungeon, after all he has been through ?" she asked the King, meeting his eyes.

Irritated, Fredric opened his mouth, but stopped himself as he knew how stubborn his dear wife could be.

"Look", he managed, "we don't have another solution for now. We all need to take a step back and cool off. Varian isn't going to listen to anyone right now anyway, you know that."

"If I may, your Majesties", said a nasal voice next to them.

It was Nigel. The chamberlain was standing there, straight as could be as usual.

"What is it, Nigel ?" asked the King, slightly embarrassed to have been heard in the middle of an argument between his wife and him.

"You are right, your Highness", said Nigel with a respectful bow, "we all need to rest and to clear up our thoughts. The boy will be kept safe in the dungeons, and we will figure out how to handle his case later."

"Safer… for him or for the rest of the world ?" asked the Queen with a strong look of disapproval on her face. For a reason she couldn't explain, she couldn't bear the thought of Varian locked up in a dark cell.

Nigel just ignored these words as he spoke to the King again.

"I wasn't there on the battlefield, but some soldiers arrived a short time before you, and from what I've heard, you all had a rough evening. This is for the best."

The King looked down for a moment, as if the ground in front of the castle had the most interesting pattern. Then he straightened his back and said :

"Nigel is right, Arianna. None of us can think clearly right now. Besides, you know that the raccoon followed the boy in the cart. Let him keep his pet for the night. Therefore he won't be alone, and I'm sure he can use a good night's sleep."

"If he can get any… " mumbled the Queen under her breath. She felt bad about not being listened to, but she too was exhausted, and for having tried her best to talk to Varian earlier, while they were in the lab, she knew that getting the boy to listen wasn't an easy task.

She reluctantly turned her heels to walk inside the castle, head down, without speaking another word.


	2. Chapter 2 - In the cell

**Be ready for some Varian angst in this part. And a cliffhanger. Am I mean ? To Varian, maybe, yes. I apologize in advance for all he is going to endure in this story…**

 **I don't own Tangled or the characters.**

Chapter 2

Varian never said a word on the way back. Nor did he soften his glare, his mind entirely set on one thing : "I will make you proud, Dad… if it's the last thing I ever do !". All his thinking was blocked out, anger being the only thing that kept him going. He just couldn't feel anything else, and he couldn't even acknowledge to himself that this was not normal. He couldn't see or hear the real world outside.

He couldn't even feel the gentle touch of Rudiger, who had managed to follow his friend before the cart was locked. The little raccoon has been trying his best to cheer up his human, but it was just like Rudiger wasn't there. No patting, no touching, no chittering seemed to reach the boy's mind.

Nobody spoke to Varian either, of course. The guards knew the orders. Not to mention they were all a bit shocked that they actually had been leading a dangerous attack onto a fourteen-year-old. And barely made it.

Varian's wrists were still shackled when they took him to a cell on the deepest level of the castle's dungeon. It was only after one of the guards opened the cell gate, waited for two other guards to drive the boy inside by the shoulders, that the heavy chains were removed. The guard who did so finally spoke :

"Food will be brought in a moment", he said, trying to keep his tone neutral, but it was not every day he had to lock up a kid like this one. He was a father too, and couldn't help but feel bad for the boy's fate.

"We will need your apron and these goggles too. You can't keep them in here."

No reaction from Varian. He just kept gazing at something invisible in mid-air, between him and the stone wall.

As gently as he could, the soldier grabbed the goggles, and undid the heavy leather apron. Without these items, the teenage boy suddenly looked even smaller and skinnier.

"What about that beast, Alden ?" asked another guard, making a face at the raccoon, who had followed the sad party in the dark corridors.

"He can keep his pet. King's orders"

They all left without another word, the last guard out locking the gate for good. The key and lock made an angry sound together, sharp and metallic, rough and unforgiving.

Varian didn't move an inch, and just stood there, his face still frowned and his whole body tense.

Rudiger tried some noises again, leaning against his human's legs, as if to tell him, "I'm here". But to no avail.

Then, moments later, as if the sound of the lock had to take twists and turns in the alchemist's brain to reach the right spot, Varian suddenly gasped, his head shooting up, his mouth wide open. His body, if possible, tensed even more. His eyes were unfocused. Rudiger backed up slightly, his ears down, not understanding what was going on.

Varian's whole body seemed to have frozen for a moment. He neither moved, nor spoke, nor even breathed. After a few, everlasting seconds, Rudiger could hear more gasping sounds, Varian taking shallow, painful breaths like he was choking, his eyes at the same time darting in one direction and then another very quickly.

So many things were happening in Varian's head at that moment that it was impossible for him to put any words on that. What was that sound ? Oh yeah, they locked me up…What ? How ? Why ? For how long ? What about Dad ? What about the rocks ? The King. The Queen. No, no ! Betrayal. Alone. Forever. Rapunzel. Rapunzel. Rapunzel…

Varian stood there for a while, helpless, while his body and his mind were trying to connect, but it was like they couldn't. His young brain, usually so bright, was totally unable to process all of this. He had been preparing his revenge for months, he had everything planned. But then, within a few hours, everything changed. All that was within his reach was gone. He had lost everything. His home. His Dad. His freedom. That was just too much for the already broken boy to handle. What did he have to steady himself ? What did he have to hold on to ?

Varian could have stayed there for hours and yet have been unable to describe the wall in front of him. His eyes were open but couldn't see. His body was in a cell but his mind wouldn't register it. It just knew one thing.

Panic. Fear. Anguish.

He couldn't breathe. Or at least he could draw short breaths, but they did nothing to help. He had the raw feeling to be underwater, that didn't make sense ! His lungs were on fire, his throat wouldn't let the air in. His legs were shaking – no, his whole frame was shaking uncontrollably. Thinking is impossible. What will I… ?

 _SNAP !_

Varian was suddenly jerked out of his trance, feeling a sharp pain on his arm. Waking up like after a nightmare, he was gradually able to take his surroundings in. Walls. Stone walls. Dull and grey. One small window high up, with bars. A bed – if you could call it so – on the side. And lower, on the hard cold floor, a very nervous and scared Rudiger.

Rudiger ! At least he is here ! But what did he eat to have his front teeth coloured in red ?

Varian look at his arm and saw blood. He exhaled heavily as he slowly understood what just happened, trembling like every time he caught sight of blood, but also from shock and exhaustion.

Rudiger had bit his arm to bring him back. Back to reality.

The reality started to set back in slowly in Varian's mind. At least he wasn't ruled by his violent emotions only. But that didn't make things less painful.

Legs weak, the alchemist let his body fall down on the floor and took Rudiger in his arms. The little animal was a bit on his guard first, not recognizing his human's usual demeanour, but then cuddled up in his arms, grateful to be reunited with him again. Varian didn't say a word, as silent tears started to roll down his cheeks, in a seemingly endless river of sorrow.

When the guard came back later with a tray of food, he was surprised to find the boy still in the middle of the cell where they left him, only keeling on the floor, curled up on himself (and on his raccoon, if he could trust the striped tail he could see sticking out the boy's lap), his shoulders shaking, but not a sound coming from this miserable, broken form.

Meanwhile, on the highest floor of the dungeon, Phil the guard was bored. He was a well-intentioned young man, still new to his tasks around the castle. But nothing seemed more boring to him than keeping watch at that moment. And the dungeons were not the nicest place in the castle.

Lost in his thoughts, he couldn't help but be startled when he heard the voice of someone whom presence he wasn't aware of.

"Take me to the boy. King's orders."

Willing not to let his carelessness show, the young man didn't even try to argue. Would he have asked questions, under other circumstances, seeing that person was wearing a heavy black hooded coat ? Would he have not shown the way to the young alchemist's cell ?


	3. Chapter 3 - A strange visitor

**These chapters are getting longer… but we are coming to the thick of things. Hope you like it, although I should warn you, it's getting a bit dark.**

 **Angie, wow, thank you so much for you nice review ! It made my day ! Hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story as much !**

 **Guest, sorry, but not sorry… well you'll know why after you read ! :) Don't worry, Varian means so much to me, so I'm not leaving him like that forever !**

 **So let's finally see who this mysterious visitor is ! Has anyone guessed ?**

Chapter 3

Within the deepest levels of his mind, Varian's emotions were still torturing him. But soon some voices inside started to speak louder than others.

"I will make you proud"

"No matter what becomes of me"

"It's their fault"

"It's her fault"

…

"NO !" The scream was torn from him, as his body suddenly lunged forward from its kneeling position so his arms extended and his hands, clenched into tight fists beneath the black gloves, slammed onto the stone floor. Rudiger tumbled down from the boy's lap in the process, not that said boy noticed or cared at that point.

If Varian had though, he would have seen the same scared look on his pet's face as the day when he changed. The day when his emotions took the best of him. The day when his kind, innocent, loving self decided he would never hurt like this again. The day he started to blame and hate the world.

No, he shouldn't be the one crying miserably now. They are the ones who should be sorry. Rapunzel, Cassandra, Eugene, the King and the Queen… everyone. Not him. For what they've done…

Again Varian retreated in this dark place where, to keep a last speck of sanity, it was better to blame everyone… but himself. Better to say they failed, but not him. Better to lose faith in everyone, but him. Better to hate…

"I will make you proud, Dad… if it's the last thing I ever do !" he repeated once again to himself in a deep growling voice.

Footsteps. Clicks of chains or keys. People talking. Coming closer. This time he heard the noises, and even if it sent a shiver up his spine, he would not show it. He glanced at Rudiger, who shared the same puzzled look. His jaw set tight, his hands clenched, Varian stood up and turned around to face the bars. He motioned Rudiger to back up under the bed just in case, but the loyal animal wouldn't leave his friend's side.

A guard came first. A guard he didn't know – there were so many of them in the castle. But their faces were not important in Varian's eyes. For him, they were just people who could throw him out of a castle into a raging storm or lock him up behind cold bars.

And then, a figure with a cloak and a hood. Who is that ? The person is slim, and tall but not so much, with polished shoes. Furrowing his brows, he was wondering who it would be to come down there to him. The Queen ?

No. Unless she traded her usual long dress for leggings. Not to mention, what would a Queen would have to do with him, when a princess let him down ?

"The shackles" commanded the person. A man's voice. Not too deep, with a slight nasal flare Varian was sure he heard before.

The guard, who was Phil, obeyed. He got the shackles ready in one hand while opening the cell door with the other.

"Hands out" he simply said to Varian.

Not wanting these two people to see him flinch or back down, Varian complied and lifted his hands, his gaze not leaving his mysterious visitor who was now entering the cell. The heavy chains were mercilessly locked around his slender wrists. Varian lowered his arms, hating the clicking sound they made and reminding him of his new condition.

Rudiger bared his teeth at the stranger.

"You may leave us", the hooded figure said. The guard turned around to face him, a look of surprise on his face.

"But Sir…" he started.

"King's orders" came the sharp reply. "Back to your position. Oh and" he added as Phil started to leave the cell, "you may leave these to me. I won't be long", pointing the ring holding the keys of the cells on this floor.

The guard started to open his mouth to retort, but he remembered "King's orders". So he undid the ring from his belt and handed them out to the man.

"I will be waiting on the main floor, Sir. Be quick" he boldly added, not completely comfortable with the whole thing, but having no other choice.

Inside the cell, Varian hadn't moved an inch. He kept his angry face, his violent emotions inside making it easy. He had no friends, he knew it, and if this person wanted some explanations, he would be glad to oblige and tell him how the people of Corona treated him.

But Varian wasn't given the chance to say a word or be asked a question. The man approached, his face still hidden, towering him since he was much taller than the boy who still had to hit his growth spurt. Then without the slightest warning, he backhanded Varian so hard that he sent the boy tumbling on the floor, chains and all.

Varian was seeing stars, and it took his mind a second or two to process what happened. Holding his stinging cheek, he just laid there, gaping with wide eyes.

"Get up", said the man, pulling his hood back, revealing brown hair held backwards in a catogan with a bow and a thin moustache above a lopsided, despising grin.

Varian couldn't help but drop his scornful mask as he gasped in realization. That day… The man who advised the princess to put aside his problem like he said. The man who had the guards take him away as he desperately was trying to get help. Well, that man was standing right in front of him.

"You…" the boy snarled.

Suddenly, all the rage in Varian's heart ate up the tiny remains of logic left, and with a cry of rage, he got up and lunged at the man with a cry of rage.

It was a bad move, though, as Nigel –although Varian didn't know his name- expected this to happen and with one swift movement of his arm, blocked his attack, pinned the boy's arms to his sides as we wrapped Varian's upper body with surprising strength with one arm, the other one threateningly under the boy's throat, making it hard for him to breathe.

Rudiger who had been scared by the violent slap a few seconds before now saw his friend in danger, and jumped at the man's leg, biting it through his silk tights.

"Ouch", screamed the man, but he kept holding Varian against him. He shook his leg, and managed to kick Rudiger away. The poor animal was sent a few feet away and rolled on the floor until he was hidden under the sturdy bed. Varian wanted desperately to call his pet's name, but he couldn't as his throat seemed to be more and more constricted.

"Now, you listen to me, boy. You have kidnapped the Queen, shown the greatest disrespect to the King himself, and almost killed several people, including the Princess. I didn't want to believe that a tiny teenage boy was the cause of all this, but now I see you, I am believing it." Varian was thrashing against the man's grip, but he was tired and hadn't eaten a thing since the day before, having not touched the tray of food, and couldn't get away as Nigel went on.

"And you know what ? You are going to regret this, especially because you are such a brat. You are a criminal, and after what you did, I don't want to imagine what will happen in the future. I don't trust our good King to be ruthless enough to punish you as you should be, especially if he listens to the Queen, or the Princess. He had softened so much since she arrived" he added, drifting for a second in his thoughts. "So", he started again, tightening his grip, "this is why somebody has to do it. And even if I'm wrong and the King eventually has you hanged, well, at least some justice will be served" and with these words, released Varian who fell to his knees, trying to get some air back into his lungs with shallow, irregular breaths.

Justice ? How ironic, thought Varian, still unable to utter one word. The day before, he had almost said these very words himself, firmly believing he was doing the right thing. And where was the justice now, for him ? How could this man be talking of justice ?

"We've wasted enough time. Let's go." He said, grabbing Varian's collar on his back, bringing him up on his feet and dragging him out of his cell.

"Wh.. Where are we going ?" the boy managed."Wait ! Rudiger ! Rudiger !"

But his cries were ignored. Nigel kept walking along the corridor, passing a certain number of cells, most of them empty (or only inhabited by rats). After what seemed an eternity to Varian, they stopped in front of one of the darkest cells. He couldn't make out what was inside at first, his eyes having to get used to the lack of light. Very soon, he was able to see two forms who looked identical.

Nigel took the ring of keys he got from the guard, searching for one key in particular. Then, unlocking the barred door, he said :

"This brat is a friend of an old pal of yours… Flynn Ride. He's yours. Make sure he's sorry for even being born."

And with that, he pushed Varian inside, so hard that the young boy couldn't help but fall down in the dust. He could hear Nigel locking the door after him.

Panic suddenly seized the boy's entire being. In front of him, the two forms had started to move and were coming closer to him. As they came into the light, he saw two huge men, looking very much like one another, except that one of them had a patch on one eye. The other man spoke :

"Well, well… would you look at that, brother ? Looks like we're finally getting a chance for revenge on Rider after all."

"No, no, no, no, no !" the boy repeated, -to whom, he wasn't sure. He frantically scrambled on his knees to turn around and seized the bars as high as he could in spite of his chains. "No, you can't leave me here ! Don't ! Please don't ! Please….Argh !"

Varian was suddenly ripped away from the bars by a strong, heavy hand who grabbed him by his shirt and threw him to the middle of the cell.

Nigel smiled and walked away.


	4. Chapter 4 - Help ?

**Angie, you are so sweet ! Thank you for your kind words ! I'm glad that you are enjoying the story so much !**

 **Excited one, welcome to the story and I hope you'll like it !**

 **About Nigel, I see him a bit like Javert in Les Misérables. He is not mean for the sake of being mean, he's loyal to the crown to a fault, and truly believes that what he's doing is right. For him, people are either loyal to the King or against him, and these people are nothing but bad. It's not always white or black, Nigel…**

 **WARNING !**

 **A part of the chapter, between the ******************, is a bit more violent and graphic than the rest. So if you are don't like this kind of stuff, or are a younger reader, you can just skip that part.**

Chapter 4

Arianna sighed heavily for the tenth time.

It was still broad daylight and she hadn't slept the night before (well, if she didn't take in to account the compound that made her sleep while being kidnapped), but she just couldn't bring herself to relax and rest.

She knew time was not her ally. She had to let her husband, the King, send Varian to the dungeon, for the lack of a better solution (they never had a teenager threatening the royal family and betraying a while kingdom before). When they all made it back to the castle, it was morning. So she had reluctantly agreed, knowing the dungeons wouldn't be as scary during the day. But how would the boy feel at nightfall, as the evening darkness closes in ?

She also knew her husband very well, and even though he never said it aloud, she understood that Fredric felt angry and probably resentful for having been fooled and captured by a sassy, fourteen-year-old boy, who almost managed to outsmart everyone, the King and his army that is. It was better for everyone to take a step back, deal with their own feelings and then, hopefully, find a solution.

Arianna herself was confused with mixed feelings. He did try to enclose her in amber and to crush her to… death ? Would he have gone so far ? And Cassandra, too… There was so much hatred in his eyes, so much anger… She had the sick feeling she would never forget those eyes.

But she also knew that there was more to him than this. Plus est en vous… Plus est en lui ! And she knew for sure, because although she hardly met him before, he was her daughter's friend. Rapunzel had explained to her, tears filling her eyes, how she had to break a promise to a friend for the first time ever, on that terrible day. Little did they know what the aftermath would hold.

Standing up, she let go of the wrinkled bedsheet she had been squeezing in her hand without her realizing. Something happened to the boy, and it was their duty, as adults, to listen to him now. Of course, Arianna had seen his father encased in amber like a transparent unbreakable tomb, but he obviously had come to believe that he had to use drastic measures to get people's help. How desperate had he been, during all those months between the storm day and Rapunzel's 19th birthday? Did he at least someone to talk to, someone to take care of him ?

She sighed again as she walks to the balcony, the answer much too clear to ignore. Deprived of his last and strongest moral support, and hurting with the possible loss of his father, Varian had drifted to a dark place that seemed out of their reach.

Stepping outside of the room, she remembered the night when her baby was taken away from her, from them, within a few seconds, the pictures in her mind still torturing her. Why did fate seem to keep taking children away from her ?

No. He couldn't become a lost boy too. So if the Varian they knew was still there somehow… then she had to try.

Varian shook his head as he lied on the floor after being tossed away like a mere puppet. His right cheek still red, he forced himself to open his eyes, although what he saw was the last thing he wanted to see. From where he was, the Stabbington brothers looked like giants, with huge boots that could crush him like a bug. And these boots were coming closer…

Varian's heart started to beat faster, like he was a rabbit in a death trap. He was now hyperventilating with fear.

"You have no idea how boring it gets in here. Nothing to do except thinking about what I will do to Rider when I get my hands on him, for having sent us here", said the one without a patch on his eye. "So I'll guess you'll have to do. So much for over-confident Mr Rider !"

Varian wanted to talk, explain, scream, shout, anything, but the sounds stayed caught up in his throat, though this time it wasn't because of Nigel's arm. Never had he felt such a feeling of utter panic. Even the most dangerous (and uncontrolled) explosions that often happened during his experiments with alchemy never made him fear for his very life like this.

The other man stayed quiet. Varian didn't know that he actually never talked (or maybe he let his brother do all the talking), and his silence made him somehow scarier. He was approaching with very slow steps. Unable to bear it any longer, Varian found in himself some last chance strength as his legs and hands tried to carry the boy's light weight away on all fours.

He hardly had moved an inch as a boot connected violently with his middle, his whole frame lifted up from the ground before falling back down in the dust. All air gone from his lungs, Varian could only think about pain as he curled himself into a ball.

"Leaving so soon ?" said the same snarling voice. Another kick from the talking one sent Varian rolling and landing on his back, stopped by a pair of legs.

The silent brother bent down and picked Varian up by his shirt. His face was so close to Varian's, he could feel his hot breath against his face. Not daring to open his eyes fully, he could hardly make out the rogue's face, and his gloved hands clutched automatically around the thick hairy wrist.

This only earned him to be tossed on the side, his back and head hitting the rough stone wall. Unable to steady himself, Varian let his body fall down miserably in a heap. Losing his balance, he fell on his side, his face feeling painful as his head hit the floor once again.

Completely lying on the ground, his eyes half closed, Varian's vision started to blur as he could see the four boots coming towards him again. All anger gone for a moment, Varian's mind went blank for a few seconds. Then, sadness filled him, tears starting to well at the corner of his eyes.

"Maybe… maybe after all… I deserve it", he thought to himself before he closed his eyes and let his world become black.

"I must speak to Varian first", the Queen thought as she walked down the hallway. She couldn't tell which one, from the boy or the King, was the most stubborn person, but they sure both were. She had to at least make sure that Varian would be ready to speak to them, unlike when he was getting on with his plans in the lab. Surely the young alchemist could use a little comfort, or at least know that someone was trying to help him.

As she reached the stairs leading to the main floor of the castle, which she had to take to find the ones for the dungeons, she was startled by a voice.

"Oh my dear, I was looking for you"

She froze. The King. Right behind her. Busted.

"Did you manage to get some rest ?" said the man with a smile.

Arianna wasn't sure what to reply. Should she tell him was she was up to ? She decided to play along and see where he would lead the conversation.

"A little bit, dear" she said, faking a smile, "but it's a bit bright in my room at the moment, and I can't really sleep."

"Oh, is that why you are trying to find another room on the main floor ? I understand. Why don't you try Eugene's room ? Now, it's not like he needs it at the moment ! I'll take you there. And there is something I would like to tell you."

"Er, yes. Of course. What did you want to tell me ?

"You know I have promised Rapunzel to get help for the boy. Well, I thought of two people who are just right for the job."

"Oh ? Really ? Who are they ?

"Ah ah, I would like to keep it a surprise, my dear. I already gave orders to have them ready. Why don't you get some proper rest, and when everything is settled, we will talk about it. Isn't that what you wanted ?" The King finished his sentence straightening his back. Although it made him slightly taller, Arianna couldn't help but think he had the eyes of a child who had just done a good deed and was hoping to see his parents happy and proud.

"Very well. Shall I come to the throne room later then ?" she replied, but her mind was only thinking of getting enough time to talk to Varian.

"Sounds perfect. There we are. I will see you later then. Please try to settle down and relax, dear. Let me take care of all this."

"…thank you, dear." The Queen simply said as she entered the room. All she had to do was stay in there for a little while so she was sure Fredric was away. She wasn't sure what this plan of his was, but it only made her think that she really had to try to talk to Varian so the interview with the King would go well.

Some time later, Nigel came back with the keys and opened the cell door, making sure the Stabbington brothers were away from it.

"You had your fun, time to put him back to his cell, where he belongs." And with that, he picked up a very unconscious, bruised and broken Varian with no gentleness, threw the slim form over his shoulder and turned to the brothers :

"No need to mention, if you tell anybody about this, don't expect other… treats like this. Understood ?"

Without waiting for an actual reply, he got out and locked the door. He walked down the corridor with his still burden and left it on the floor in the middle of the cell.

"Serves you right for betraying the crown, boy", he spat even though it was clear the young alchemist was out cold. Nigel had felt him breathing while he was carrying him, that's all he needed to know.

The advisor got out and locked Varian's cell as well. It was time for him to give the keys back to that gullible guard before anybody spotted him.

From under the stone bed in the cell, Rudiger slowly opened his eyes. He had been knocked out by Nigel's kick earlier, and it had taken the sound of the lock to wake him up.

As a scavenger, the raccoon immediately smelled something he knew very well – the scent of blood. He slowly got to his feet – paws – his body aching a bit after the incident. But he soon forgot about his own pains when he saw his human lying on the floor. There was the blood, running on his face. His cheek and maybe his mouth were bleeding.

Trembling, Rudiger ran to his friend's side, making cooing sounds in an attempt to wake him up. When that didn't work, he pushed his head again the boy's breast, trying to get him to stir, open his eyes, anything. But even his breathing sounded laboured and shallow. Worrying over the boy like never before, Rudiger curled himself up against Varian's side, trying to, at least, keep him warm.


	5. Chapter 5 - I deserve this

**Thanks again for your comments ! This is a short chapter, but it's Varian angst week on Tumblr, so here you go ! It's also important for this story that we go deeper in his mind (and don't we love it !).**

 _ **Inside Varian's head**_

Something strange happened to Varian in the dungeons. As he was lying there, unable to move anymore after being beaten up repeatedly by the two brutes, his mind escaped out of the cell and out of time.

When he realized he was stuck with these men, he knew he would not get help from anyone. He wasn't counting on anyone in Corona, of course. They never took action when the people were in need, or they just broke their promises. They would not help him any more now. But he also knew – and that's when panic really settled in- that he had no hope of seeing his father come to rescue him.

His father was gone, or almost, stuck in amber, and Varian didn't even know if he was dead or still alive, nor if he would be saved one day. He, Varian, was the one to free him. He could do it, couldn't he ? He had to. Because he was the one who…

His Dad wasn't here, he had no one to save him from this terrible fate, and there was nothing he could do to escape. His life was at stake, but strangely, that was actually the least of his worries.

His Dad would never come. He would never run to him with a desperate look on his face, hoping he would arrive in time and that his son was safe and unharmed. He would never take him by the shoulders and check his whole body to make sure his son was still in one piece. He would never be there to scold him for performing alchemy that his son sometimes (well, most of the times) couldn't control.

And that's just was happened that time again. Varian had carried on the experiments on the black rocks, despite his father's warnings. He never knew what exactly, but it was clear that his father knew more than he let on. He never knew why it had to be a secret either. He never knew why his Dad lied to the King. Rapunzel's father. She had broken her promise, and never came to check on him, even after the storm when her Dad came back like she said. And there was Cassandra. He had done so much to help her with her chores on the Science Expo day. Yet, she turned her back on him, when she decided to take that stupid guard duty over helping Varian with his presentation. Of course, afterwards, she did come back to him, but that moment when Varian was deceived still hurt. Was there no adult he could trust at all ?

All those events kept popping up to Varian's mind, like they were showing him all the times he had been let down. And now there he was, in a dark cell, being the plaything of two men who were too happy to have some distraction. There he was, alone.

And his Dad wouldn't come. He knew it.

Because it was his fault.

It was like there was a huge, stone door inside Varian's mind, and it was slightly ajar. And behind this door was the truth, the one he desperately didn't want to see. The truth he had covered up with rage and anger, with hatred and revenge. But it was showing now, as he was on the edge of unconsciousness. He had nothing to hide anymore, there was no use for faking or pretending. He was the one who started the reaction that encased his father. There was nothing more to say.

"Maybe… maybe after all… I deserve it"… he thought as he welcomed the darkness that took him over. At least, that door would be closed again.


	6. Chapter 6 - Please stay with me

**Welcome to a new chapter and thanks for your messages ! Angie, you are so right, Varian needs to come to terms with what he has done, and even with himself in general. It will be a long, painful way, so that means... more angst, more hurt/comfort and more to the story! :)**

Chapter 6

Arianna was pacing with impatience. She had to be sure not to come across the King again. But she also had to get out of that room and find Varian. She had waited for some time – and it seemed an eternity – but she still was unsure it would be safe.

She started to check the trunk in Eugene's room, feeling a bit bad for the young's man privacy, but she needed something to go around the castle. She was mentally slapping herself for not thinking of that before though. She could have easily taken something from her own clothes.

Despite Eugene being on a journey and having taken some of his stuff with him, the trunk was still quite full. Full with fancy shirts, nice doublets and different pairs of stockings, some with colours that had her make a face… She tenderly remembered that Eugene grew up with nothing, and one of the first things she saw him do when he settled down with them was to try on and get as many different outfits as he could. It's probably natural for someone with his background to amass as many things as possible to make sure that the changes in his life were real.

She was about to give up when she saw some black woollen cloth amidst the fancy colours. She grabbed it and pulled out a long cape. It was perfect. As it was summer, Eugene didn't bother to take it. She threw it around her shoulder and put the hood on. Ready to sneak around in her own castle, it was like "Darianna" was back.

More cautiously than the previous time, the Queen made her way to the stairs leading to the cell. At the top of these, Phil the guard was standing, still on duty and getting bored again. When he saw the hooded figure, he gave a start, and then said :

"Oh, did you forget something ?"

Arianna was puzzled. What was he talking about ? Anxious not to reveal herself, she decided to let him think she was whoever he thought she was, nodded her head beneath the hood, and made her way down.

"Rude" Phil thought. He briefly wondered whether he should hand over the keys again, but since he hadn't heard any request, he just let it be, keeping watch. He had no idea that the person who had just gone downstairs in the hooded cape was not the one he saw earlier…

Nigel had indeed left the prison cells a few moments before, after dropping an unconscious and injured Varian in his cell. He wasn't much concerned about the boy's condition, but more about the one of his stocking. After Ruddiger bit him on his lower leg, some blood was showing on the white silk. This was something that could betray him.

Blessing the long cape he was wearing, he walked hastily to his own chambers to get the wound cleaned (no doubt he would get an infection from that horrible beast, he thought) and change his stockings before he had to go back to the King.

Arianna wrinkled her nose at the change of temperature and smell as she went down and down. She could feel the dampness, as well as the typical scent of places that never saw the sun and would never get fresh air. Feeling sick that a child would be a prisoner in a place like this, she passed in front of several cells, most of them empty –Corona was a small and happy kingdom, and outlaws were not that numerous- searching for the one where the young alchemist was kept.

She reached to last flight of stairs, the one that lead to the lowest floor. Come on, Fredric, she thought, how dangerous could a fourteen years old child behind bars be ?

There were not so many guards altogether though, the Queen noticed. After the events from the day before, the King had made sure that most of them were allowed to rest. The Captain himself, who was injured during the attack from Ruddiger, transformed with a potion of Varian's invention, was still bedridden.

"Here for another deal, are you ?" came a deep voice that pulled Arianna from her thoughts. She stopped and looked into the cell where it came from, her face still hidden. Two men were there, sitting on the beds, elbows on their knees and head down.

The one who spoke didn't wait for a reply to continue, his voice holding more anger than mere taunting like before :

"Well you can forget it. Next time, you get your own hands dirty, you rat ! Serves you well for threatening us !"

The Queen couldn't help but let a gasp escape from her throat. The Stabbingtons raised an eyebrow at the same time, the second brother still mute. Something was not right.

Sudden realization hit the Queen. What happened here ? Did it had something to do with… ?

She turned her head to face the hallway she hadn't explored yet. She took a step forward, before breaking into a run. She had a very bad feeling.

Her hood flew off her head as she ran faster, her breath hitching. She was frantically checking on her left and on her right for the cells. Empty, empty, big nasty guy, empty…. Come on, Varian, where are you ?

At last, she stopped in her tracks, when she saw an odd shape in one of the cells. The first thing was that it was lying on the floor, in the middle of the room, barely lit despite the daylight, due to the very small and high window with bars. The second thing that startled her was that it was somebody, somebody very small and lanky like a twig. And the whole body was very still, lying in an awkward position. Varian.

He was on his back, his legs and arms randomly sprawled around him. His head was lying on the side, away from her. She couldn't see if his eyes were open or closed, but the fact that he wasn't moving at all and in such a way sent her over the edge.

"Varian", she screamed as she took hold of the bars with both hands. "Varian, talk to me !"

No answer. Instinctively, she reached for the door to open it, but it was locked. Of course.

"No, no, Varian !". She started to panic. He was lying there, as if he were dead.

Suddenly, she caught a glimpse of a movement. She started to feel a bit relieved, until she realized it was the boy's raccoon. The little animal lifted his head and, recognizing the lady who was in the lab before, ran to the door, making anxious chittering sounds.

"I must go and get the keys. Please stay with him. I'll be back as soon as I can." She said with her hands around the animal's face from across the bars, without knowing if the loyal raccoon could understand. But at that moment, it seemed she had no one else to turn to.

She ran all the way back, passing in front of the Stabbington brothers again but didn't slow down. Varian needed help, and fast. That was all that mattered.

Phil's surprise was immense as he saw the Queen coming up the stairs to him, breathless and eyes wide with fear. How could she be here ?

"I need the keys. Go and get the court physician, quickly !" She was speaking with an urgent tone that said it was not in his interest to argue. He handed the keys to her, bewildered, and ran off.

Arianna finally made it back to Varian's cell and took the keys to open it. There were so many, and in her haste, she didn't think of asking the guard which one she should use. She tried several ones, hands trembling, the waste of time unbearable, before the lock finally worked. She opened the door and ran to the unconscious form.

"Oh, Varian. Please wake up. Please !", she whispered, her hands hovering over the broken body, unsure of what to do. What if moving him made things worse ? Leaning over, she managed to see his face. His eyes were shut, his mouth slightly open, but the most scaring feature was his paleness. His head and face were also bleeding, making the contrast even stronger.

Without waiting to see if his chest rose and fell, she bent over to press her ear against his chest. She waited anxiously for a heartbeat. His breathing was barely noticeable. But it was there. A faint heartbeat. He was still alive.

Tears starting to form in her eyes, the Queen sat up again, and pressed her hand against his forehand. She couldn't feel the soft warmth she was hoping to find. Was he in some sort of hypothermia ? Or was he already starting to… ?

She undid her cape and covered the boy with it. He was way too cold. She shuddered as she could feel something next to her : the raccoon was coming back to his place, next to his friend. No doubt he had the same idea in mind, and that brought more tears to the Queen's eyes.

"Thank you" she whispered, and she took one of Varian's hands in her own and squeezed it, hoping to get a response in return. But nothing came. She held their hands close to her mouth as she whispered through her tears :

"Hold on. Please hold on. I'm here and I'm not letting you go. Please stay with me."


	7. Chapter 7 - Out of the dungeon

**First of all, I would like to say a big thank you to #forever-tangledup for giving permission to use Varian's pic for my cover image.** **Yeah !**

 **Thank you to reviewer alejg** **(and to google translation !) for sharing his thoughts !**

 **I wish I could write as fast as I think ! While I have the main thread of the story in mind, new ideas pop up every day. I'm happy to share them ! Please review and share your feelings or questions !**

Chapter 7

Remyus was a wise old man. He had been the court physician for too many years to count, always loyal to the Royal family. So whenever the King or the Queen sent for him, he would always be there for them.

Even If that meant running, literally, from one place of the castle to another at his old age !

And this time, the Queen's request sounded more than urgent. So Remyus barely had time to grab his satchel before he followed Phil to the dungeons. He had no details about who needed medical attention, nor why (was the person sick ? injured ?) and he hoped that he would have everything he would need with him.

Therefore, he couldn't hold a gasp of surprise as he found the Queen, kneeling in a dark cell, beside a small, broken frame. A child.

Well, not really a child to be honest. But a kid who still looked too young to be there. And to have bee, it seems, abused in such a cruel way.

"Your Majesty", he greeted as he always would in the presence of the Queen. Arianna whipped her head around to face him. She was suddenly so relieved she found it hard to get to her feet.

"Remyus, oh I'm so glad you are here. He's cold. He's hurt, but I don't know how bad it is. I don't know what happened exactly, I'm …"

With practiced assurance, Remyus held out his hand between them, palm facing the trembling lady in front of him. The Queen was freaking out, and that wasn't what the young boy needed now.

"Can you please keeping holding his hand ? I'm going to examine him. Guard ? Will you please hold up a light for me ?"

But Phil was just standing there with his torch, outside the cell, mouth open and eyes wide, like he had been changed into stone. He had seen that kid when he arrived here only to be locked up. He was fine. Well, as fine as could be, given the circumstances, but physically alright. He was on duty when this happened. Beyond these thoughts, any process of thinking seemed to have vanished from his head.

"Guard !" Remyus called, louder, snapping Phil out of his trance. "We need that light now."

Phil suddenly swayed, getting back to his senses, and processing the physician's words, finally stepped inside the cell. He held the torch so that the prisoner's body could be seen in every detail.

It wasn't a pretty sight. But Remyus knew better that to panic. He started to examine Varian's head for any trauma. There was a large bump on the left side, with half dried blood. The right side was also swollen, with a black eye (although the boy obviously had dark circles under his eyes, an evidence for lack of proper sleep). Opening Varian's shirt, the boy's chest revealed many bruises, some indicating that a few ribs were probably broken. His right arm was at an odd angle. The list went on and on.

At the same time, Nigel was done cleaning the wound on his leg. He had covered it with a piece of clean linen, and put on a new pair of stocking. There was a slight lump but at least, his stocking were not matted with blood, which would have been more obvious. He checked himself in the mirror, making sure his hair was spot on and his bow on the back on his neck straight.

He liked everything to be neat and tidy, it was almost an obsession for Nigel. But today, his whole image was more important than ever. Nothing should be out of place. Nothing and no one should. That was why thieves, rogues, thugs and criminals of all sorts had to be arrested and put behind bars. Never to be released, even. Once an outlaw, always an outlaw, thought Nigel. People who broke the law in their lives were traitors to the Crown, and that was it. They couldn't be allowed to mix with the good people. And that scrawny scoundrel ? Who did he think he was to threaten the rightful King and all he stands for ? Such arrogance had to be punished. Nigel wouldn't let anything or anyone turn this perfect world upside down.

A stretcher was brought for Varian, and after Remyus was done with the first aid, he was laid on it very carefully by the three people around him. To Arianna's despair, he remained completely unresponsive. The bandage around his head did little to ease her concerns.

Arianna wished she could sent for Pete and Stan to take the stretcher out of the dungeon. But she couldn't get too many people involved in this. While Remyus was at work, she had been thinking, and she had a sick feeling in her stomach. Her husband had talked about helping Varian. He had mentioned two people who were "right for the job". And she couldn't stop thinking about the brutes in the cell before she found Varian's.

As she let go of Varian, letting Phil and Remyus take him away on the stretcher, her hands clenched into fists so hard her knuckles turned white. She stayed alone in the cell, Ruddiger having followed his human friend with no hesitation, head bowed, her whole body still but emotions raging inside her. How could it be ? She knew he could be easily hurt in his pride and hold a grudge for it, but this ? Even if the boy did terrible things he would have to answer for, having him beaten up by two grown men was just…

She needed a word with her husband.

 **Note : "Remyus" is made up from "Remus" (which means "advice" and "protector") and Remy (the one who heals). I like these meanings for the court physician !**


	8. Chapter 8 - Bruises and broken bones

**Chapter 8**

 **Just to make sure, again, I don't own Tangled or the original characters. I don't own Ethel (in case you don't know, she is one of the maids helping Rapunzel in the song "Life after happily ever after "). I just own Remyus.**

It was decided that Remyus' chambers would be the odd party's best choice. Given Varian's condition, the wisest would be to have any type of medication and remedies at hand. It also had a back room with a bed to let the injured one rest quietly. It was on the main floor – more convenient to bring the wounded after a battle- but they had to take a few corridors to get there. The problem was, there were always maids and servants coming and going, and when something would be on within the castle walls, the word would spread out as quickly as fire. In short, the last thing they needed.

It was the end of the afternoon, but as it was summer, the light outside was far from fading. Using all her cunning and stealth abilities, Arianna took the lead. She wasn't sure how she managed to calm down – even if Remyus examined Varian in the cell, there was no telling if the boy would be alright – but she supposed it was out of necessity. They had no time to lose.

When they reached Remyus' chambers, Arianna made sure she locked the door after them. Remyus and Phil were already taking Varian to the back room. None of the inadvertent moves of the stretcher could seem to make the alchemist wake up or stir.

"Phil ?". Said guard felt a hand resting on his shoulder from behind. "You should go back to your duty now. And…thank you" said the Queen, with a weak smile that didn't reach her eyes. The young guard was at a loss what to say. First of all, it was the first time that a person of royal blood would speak to him, being so close and looking at him in the eyes. And second, he couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. He wasn't sure what happened exactly, but he knew he was the one who gave the cell keys to… who was it ? He had no clue and felt so stupid for that. And the result of his carelessness was just before his eyes now, embodied by the boy's broken form.

So he said nothing. He did a curt nod and managed a "Yes, Your Majesty" before he headed for the door.

"Hold on", said Remyus who had already started to check the boy all over again. "I will need some help. Surely you could get Ethel for me ?"

"I will help" Arianna readily interrupted, "You can count on me, Remyus."

Remyus took a moment to choose his words wisely. He could see how upset and tired the Queen looked, not to mention that he had no idea how she would handle the job (nor how he would be the one to give her orders, even if it was for the boy's sake).

"Thank you, Your Majesty, but we will need extra hands. And I trust Ethel will be the perfect nurse for this, as well as a discreet person."

Ethel and Remyus were of an age, and on several occasions, Ethel had helped out when there were many people hurt at once, or when, like today, when the injuries are important.

"I will make sure that Ethel comes to you, Remyus" came Phil's reply even before Arianna could open her mouth. And he dashed out, actually relieved he had a good reason to leave the room –although his feeling of guilt stayed with him.

"I'll strip him, you can freshen up the fire" were Remyus direct words. He would waste no time with decorum or protocol. Varian's temperature was still too low, but he had to proceed with the examination and the cleaning up of his many wounds. They had to warm up the room.

As Remyus started to undo Varian's ragged shirt, he was startled by a big bundle of fur jumping on the bed and almost fell off his stool.

"Argh ! Wh- what is that ?"

"His raccoon", said the Queen as if it was just an ordinary pet. "Poor thing is fretting over his young friend."

"B- But Your majesty, I cannot have this… this beast next to a patient !" replied Remyus indignantly.

Ruddiger looked slightly hurt at the tone of the man's voice. He cowered, ears down and back.

Arianna knew that this raccoon had willingly followed Varian to prison, and that he never left his side. But she also knew that keeping a patient in a clean environment was important.

"I'll take care of him", she said simply, not wanting to start a discussion about the emotional support Ruddiger could represent for the abused teenager in the bed. There would be time for that later. She took Ruddiger in her arms, whispering soft words and explaining why his human friend needed a doctor's care right now. Remyus raised an eyebrow doubtfully, but since the animal was letting the Queen have it her way, he just shrugged and went back to Varian. Arianna started to poke the fire, with Ruddiger at her side.

After a few moments, the flames were steady enough. Even Ruddiger seemed to appreciate the nice warmth coming from the fireplace, after such a long time in the dungeon. Arianna sighed at the raccoon's contentment, stood up and turned around.

She couldn't hold a sharp inhale as she suddenly saw Varian's frame, only in his underwear, littered by bruises. Arms, legs, torso, ribs… In some places, the rough floor of the cell had left merciless scratches. There were so many injuries on such a small body.

"Oh no… " she whispered, out of breath. "How can someone be so cruel ?..."

"He has two broken ribs, which explains his laboured breathing" stated Remyus, knowing how not to let his emotions show, "his right arm is broken as well, but I'm more concerned about his head. Also, he is dehydrated and probably malnourished. For the moment he is in a deep sleeping state, so his body can try to heal, but if he doesn't wake up soon, he might be too weak to…"

Arianna wasn't listening anymore. Malnourished ? He was arrested only yesterday, and even if he hadn't touched any of the food he was given (which was, actually, the case), that didn't explain this diagnosis. This thought brought her back to a hunch she had before : the raccoon had probably been his only companion during all those months after the storm. Has anybody taken care of the boy during all this time ? Made sure he was eating proper meals ? or getting enough sleep ? Was anybody beside him, just so he wasn't alone ?

The very idea sent shivers to her spine. When she woke up in Varian's lab after he kidnapped her, was she one of the first human beings he talked to ? That explain all that anger he was lashing at her, all that anger that he had bottled up for weeks and months… He was so young, once so full of life…

Wait, back up, she scolded herself. He kidnapped you girl, and now you're feeling sorry for him ? That didn't sound right. Not right for her head at least. But her heart knew where her duty lied now.

She was jerked out of her thoughts by a knock on the door. There was a particular beat to it, like the start of a song. She wanted to go and check carefully, but she was stopped by Remyus' voice who went "Come in, Ethel" on a casual tone.

She was relieved to see that it was indeed Ethel, an elderly maid who had worked all her life in the castle. She had the gruff exterior, but once you got to know her, she was a reliable and compassionate person.

"Your Majesty", she curtsied. "So, old fool", she added loudly for Remyus, " Looks like you need my help again, after all !"

Arianna was bewildered for a moment, but then couldn't help but smile to herself. These two knew each other far better that she had expected. No wonder Remyus knew who was knocking. In a way, she instantly knew that Remyus was right, the two of them would be a great team to help Varian.

And boy did he need help.

Arianna bit her bottom lip as she braced herself to go back on the boy's side. It tore her heart to see him like this, but if she could help, she had to be there.

But Ethel was already trying to chase Ruddiger away with a broom. She had pretty much the same reaction as Remyus when she saw the raccoon in the patient's room. Said physician pinched the bridge of his nose and said : "Your Majesty, would you please take the raccoon and sit on that chair in the corner ? We need to get on with the boy."

Arianna smiled, and said nothing as she went to pick up the animal in her arms. Sitting down for a bit sounded lovely after all. Just the time it would take for the little raccoon to calm down.

After a few minutes, Arianna was fast asleep on the chair, Ruddiger still on her lap. All that had happened from the day before finally took their toll on the Queen. She was actually so drained she didn't even realize she was drifting away to a deep, dreamless sleep.


	9. Chapter 9 - Bandages and bare hands

**So that's a smaller chapter, but I hope you'll enjoy. A little bit of angst and some reprieve time.**

 **Thanks again, angie and alejg for your everlasting support. Alejg, a picture would be great if you can make the time ! And thank you, readers, for whom I am happy to write this story (and maybe it's the only way to get it out of my head ! XD)**

Chapter 9

Out of the window, the sky was slowly fading into sweet shades of darker blue, purple and pink. Arianna used to love sunsets, but after Rapunzel's kidnapping, each nightfall, beautiful as it was, only reminded her that another day had passed without her knowing where her precious baby girl was, what she had been doing during the day, or if she was even alive. So Arianna ended up avoiding sunsets. Evenings only brought questions, doubts and anguish.

Nights were worse. A full moon shone when she was taken. A moon that didn't shine on its own, but received the light from the sun, somewhere far away. But for the King and the Queen, it was their own little ray of sunshine that was suddenly out of reach and no longer shining on them.

Arianna woke up, remembering these memories that obviously decided to come back and taunt her, a year after they were reunited. Why did she have that dream just now ?

It took her a few seconds to understand why she was not lying on her bed, but more or less sitting uncomfortably on a chair. She remembered.

Varian. It wasn't a nightmare, which she had hoped for a split second. It was real. He was lying there, pale, limp and unresponding, as Remyus and Ethel were still working on him together. Not many words passed between them and obviously, they needed none. They knew what they had to do. Arianna was grateful for that, and a bit ashamed to have been so useless, having fallen asleep with the raccoon on her lap.

Said raccoon was snoring softly, apparently quite happy to sleep on a silk dress. With extreme caution and gentleness, the Queen scooped the plump animal in her arms, stood up and, turning around, laid him on the chair. Ruddiger hardly seemed to be bothered.

Coming closer, Arianna could see that many bandages had been needed. There seemed to be more cloth than skin to be seen on the boy's frame. His right arm was secured along a splint by his side. With some ribs broken, Remyus decided not to fold it on the boy's upper body. On both wrists, more bandages were tied, and Arianna remembered painfully the awful sight of his scratched and bleeding skin caused by the shackles he had on when she found him. The person who put them on him had been mean enough to tie them under the cuffs of his gauntlets to cause more damage.

Arianna was sure the King had given orders to remove them when he was taken to prison. Obviously, something went wrong – or did he change his mind ? Varian did have the reputation to be dangerous from the start, and his recent actions were not helping people to think any different of him.

Now the boy's hands were bare, the gloves having been removed. The Queen could make out that the skin was looking different on the back of his left hand. It wasn't smooth and regular, but standing out like a slightly puffy circle. A scar ? A burn mark ? It looked old and long-time healed anyway.

"How is he ?" she ventured under her breath.

Remyus looked up and gave a small curt nod at the Queen, politely acknowledging her presence.

"We are nearly done with the bandages. His temperature is slowly coming back to normal, thanks to your fire, your Majesty, and that's a good sign. Yet…"

"Yet ?"

"Well, we have to hope that he will wake up, despite the head trauma. He needs water and food in his system to heal. Ethel, will you bring the blankets over there ? Your Majesty, there is some fresh water in that bowl. Could you please dip this cloth and moisturize his lips ? That's all we can do for now, but it can help to get moisture in his mouth."

"I will", replied Arianna, taking the stool Ethel showed her to sit at Varian's bedside. As she was closer, she was shocked by the sight of his dry, cracked, almost colourless lips. She swallowed hard and started to do as Remyus said.

Two blankets were spread on the bed by Ethel, who frowned slightly at the unconscious boy. She silently hoped that for the time being he would get warmer. The light was fading, so Remyus went to his main room to get a candle. It was a very untidy room, with shelves all over the walls, chock-full with books or ingredients or potions and other random items. The table only seemed to be there for some extra mess to sit there. It was a wonder Remyus could find anything in there, but obviously, he knew his way around.

He gave a startled jolt as he heard someone knock on the door. With a worried glance to the back room, he went to open the door.

He tried to keep his best composure as he found himself face to face with the King. It wasn't usual for him to come in Remyus' chambers, but it still felt awkward.

"Remyus, I'm sorry to bother you, but is the Queen here by chance ? I have been looking all over for her."

"I am here" came a clear loud voice before Remyus could say a word. Her tone was different from earlier. Not worried, not compassionate, not sweet. It was the voice of somebody who meant business.

Arianna quickly glanced at Ethel, and the old maid knew instantly what was expected of her. She took the Queen's place next to Varian's bedhead.

In a few long strides, the Queen arrived at the door and took her husband out in the hallway, under the eyes of a dumbfounded physician.

She closed the door loudly behind them, and Remyus took that for a "You go and take care of your patient, I've got this." There was no arguing.

And although he wasn't sure of what was going on, he was really grateful not to be in the King's shoes at that moment.


	10. Chapter 10 - Misunderstanding

**Thanks for your reviews ! It's always to hear about your feelings and thoughts ! :) Also, I know we haven't had a lot of Varian in a while, but I'm certainly not forgetting him on that bed ! This fic is getting quite long, so thank you for bearing with me !**

Chapter 10

Phil was fidgeting while on duty at the top of the dungeons staircase.

He knew that he should have told the Queen that he had let a person down in the cells. But he was afraid. He had been so naïve, or maybe so eager to be a perfect soldier that he had obeyed without questions. The thing was, nobody said he was supposed to obey blindly to a hidden face ! He should have known better. Being young and inexperienced was no excuse. Especially when the consequences were for a 14-year-old to be beaten up.

So when Alden arrived to start his duty in the evening, Phil didn't what to do or what to say at the senior guard.

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Fredric's first concern went immediately to his wife. She probably was at Remyus' for a reason. Pain ? Headache ? Insomnia ? Stress ? There were so many possibilities after all they had been through.

"Darling, I hope you are feeling better. Has Remyus been of any help for you ?" he asked, genuinely worried, but not wanting to sound too intrusive.

"I. am. fine" she replied coldly. "And I believe you have a few things to tell me." she added through gritted teeth.

Fredric was confused to say the least. But everybody have their moods, right ? And since he wasn't sure she had gotten some sleep at all (even though she did take a nap, it wasn't quite enough for those dark circles under her eyes to fade), not to mention he knew she was a bit upset with him because he sent Varian to prison when they made it back to the castle.

But now she wasn't a bit upset. She was very upset.

How stress can change people, he thought. Better carry on. He cleared his throat, as he always did before an important announcement.

"Uh, well, yes, I do, I certainly do. See, I'm sure that what the boy needs is to be taken care of"

" _Taken care of, really ? Is that how he calls it ?",_ Arianna thought, so enraged her voice was stuck in her throat.

The King turned around to face the window and proceeded as he gazed outside, not noticing her wife's tense features.

"We know that unfortunately, his father couldn't be with him these past months to teach him right from wrong. We need to, in a way, set a frame for his son, so he has limits and boundaries. And we happen to have the perfect subjects to help us."

" _Perfect subjects ? The Stabbington brothers ?_ " Arianna's mind was racing. At that moment, it seemed the floor was moving under her feet.

"Of course, I don't expect the boy to be enthusiastic from the start. He does have some guts, and even some… sassiness too" he said, remembering Varian's bold behaviour towards him when he had the upper hand.

" _Has he ever thought of the child's feelings ?"_ She couldn't believe it. Was that the man she loved ? the King she respected ? The man she thought she knew ?

"I know what you're going to say : it may not be a good idea, since we don't want another cookies incident"

" _Cookies ?_ "

"But I'm sure Monty and Attila will keep an eye. And having a few guards outside wouldn't hurt either. And since the boy has a knack for mixing things up, like when he does with his alchemy, he might find baking and sweet making quite rewarding in time", finished Fredric as he turned to her again.

Arianna swayed again on her feet, but this time it was from being hit by realization. Fredric rushed to her to help.

"Oh my darling, you must be so tired. You need to sit down."

"I'm fine", she replied, in a much nicer way than earlier. She was just so angry at herself right now. She should have known ! She should have trusted her lifelong love ! She couldn't believe she had been so mistaken about his intentions. And yet there she was a minute ago, ready to jump at his throat like a she-wolf. What was happening to her ?

"Did you have Remyus to check on you earlier ?"

"Yes… No. Look, I think your plan is great, and I know that you have been thinking about it while keeping in mind what would be best for Varian… but… that will have to wait a little. She looked at her husband with sorrowful eyes that got him to raise an eyebrow in confusion.

Arianna let out a long sigh and grabbed his hand. "Come with me".

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"My shift now, Phil. You go and get some rest, looks like you need it", joked Alden. "Long day, uh ?"

Phil only looked down as he searched his mind for words. "I… I think I need to talk with the Captain."

"The Captain ? He's still recovering from yesterday's attack, remember ? Look, if that's because you think your shift was too long for you, we can…"

"No !" shouted Phil, making Alden practically jump backwards. "No, it's not about my shift, Alden. I… I did something terrible. I didn't want this ! I swear !"

"Hey, hey, calm down, pal ! What's going on ?"

"Sorry, Alden", replied Phil after a few seconds. "I need to talk to the Captain and the Captain only."

Phil did appreciate Alden as a friend and colleague. But if today had taught him one thing, it was that he should not trust anyone until he knew who was hiding under that hood.


	11. Chapter 11 - King vs Queen

**Thanks for the encouraging reviews ! XD One more Arianna/Fredric chapter today before… well you'll see !**

Chapter 11

Remyus and Ethel gave a start when the door of the back room where they were attending to Varian was flung open. They couldn't help but notice the solemn expression on the Queen's face, as she entered, her husband in tow, her slender hand still holding his.

There was a very audible gasp coming from the King's mouth when he saw the one lying in bed. The young alchemist, who had been a real threat the day before was obviously no longer in prison, but right here in the court physician's chambers. But that wasn't what the King saw.

What he saw and made his stomach churn was that this wasn't the sassy boy with hatred plastered on his face. This was just a child, an unconscious child with way, way too many injuries on his body and face. His breathing was so shallow that it could be barely seen if one didn't take a close look. With one black eye, a swollen cheek and a bandage around his head, Varian was barely recognizable.

For a long moment, nobody uttered a single word. Ruddiger got up from the chair to jump onto the bed and curl up again the teenager. Remyus let him do so this time, Varian's injuries having all been covered, but also with the hope that the little animal would help them humans to get distracted from the awkward moment.

At last, Fredric found his voice again :

"What happened ?", he but whispered.

"We are not sure, darling", replied Arianna with an equally soft tone, holding his arm. "I…well, he was found like this in his cell. He was very weak. He still is. Remyus says he has to wake up before we are sure he will make it."

She could suddenly feel Fredric's arm tensing. His hands were clenched so tight his knuckles turned white. He broke away from Arianna's gentle hold with a frustrated groan, making his way out with heavy footsteps.

Fredric had never been the one to know how to communicate his feelings spontaneously and Arianna was used to it. She had learned how to take clues from his body language, his own personal triggers she knew about, or a couple of words he might let out without thinking. But this time was different. It all happened too fast and it seemed like her husband had locked himself up in an invisible shell.

She ran after him.

She managed to catch up down the corridor.

"Darling, wait ! Where are you going ?" she panted when she finally grabbed his arm to make him stop.

"To find out how somebody can beat up a prisoner who was in a locked cell without me knowing it", he roared, his face red with anger. While this was indeed something they had to do, Arianna was bewildered by her husband's violent reaction. Fredric saw that on her face and sighed, casting his eyes down.

"I'm failing everyone, Arianna."

"It's not your fault."

"Yes. Yes it is. Look where these black rocks are taking us. My friend Quirin is trapped because I ignored them. And I ignored them because I know I'm responsible for that."

"You're not responsible for the amber. Varian used a chemical comp…"

"But there would be no amber if there had been no rocks ! And I promised Rapunzel I would get Varian help. Help, Arianna, do you understand ? Now he's between life and death ! He may have committed treason, but he's also my friend's son ! And this happened literally under my feet. That boy was under my watch, and look what happened !"

Arianna's eyes went wide, realization dawning on her.

She raised her hand to his face, cupping his cheek and inviting him to lean into it. That was something she had done so many times when they were missing their daughter and that she tried to keep the flickering light of hope in his heart alive.

"She's going to be ok", she whispered. "Our daughter may be away on her journey, but what happened here has nothing to do with her." She knew that deep inside, Fredric was struggling with the idea that her daughter was out of his reach, out of his protection. If he couldn't protect the child under his roof, how could he be sure that his own child was going to be safe ?

Frederic laid his hand on hers, pressing it gently against his cheek.

"Thank you… I know you're right. But I won't breathe easily again until she's home, you know me. And as for the boy… what happened is still not acceptable. I must find out who did this and why. I will start with the guards. Nigel will assist me. Are you coming ?"

Arianna pursued her lips. She wanted the truth as much as he did, she wanted to help her husband too, but she was also afraid to leave Varian. This sounded stupid, she knew, especially with Remyus and Ethel at his side, but she couldn't bear the thought to be away when his fate was still so unsure.

She actually was the first person to find Varian after he had been beaten up, even if Fredric didn't know that… yet. She wasn't sure how he would react. She knew his over-protectiveness often took the best of him. So she chose.

"I should go back to Remyus."

That was a bad move.

"What are you saying ? You are not seriously thinking of going back there, are you ?"

Arianna's eyes widened. "What do you mean ? Why couldn't I ?" she asked in disbelief.

"Because Varian is still a traitor to the Crown, and a clever one", countered the King with his mighty voice. "He will get back at you as soon as he gets the chance. We have seen enough of his tricks to know he mustn't be underestimated. I don't want you near him again, am I clear ?"

Talk about over-protectiveness. But to this extent ? Really ?

"Did you take a good look at him ?", huffed the Queen. " You said so yourself, he's between life and death ! How can you even imagine that he's going to be a threat right now ?"

"I am the law and, injured or not, the boy is still a prisoner". The King's voice resonated in the huge corridor. "I will send guards for Remyus' protection and the criminal is to be chained up to the bed at all times. I will take no. more. risks", he bellowed to Arianna's face to make sure he would be heard.

Arianna felt silent for a few seconds. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes. A normal response for any broken heart. But they gave her the strength she needed.

"You are not thinking clearly, Fredric. Do you know that the boy has been alone for months until now ? Do you realize that if we had brought our help sooner, maybe, just maybe, we wouldn't have come to this ?" He has been denied our support for far too long. He's not just broken on the outside, Fredric. He is broken inside, shattered even, I know it. Yes, he did horrible things yesterday, and he will have to answer for those. But for the moment, he needs medical attention, he needs care, he needs love. He needs me."

Without letting her husband and King a chance to reply, she turned around and marched back to Remyus' chambers.


	12. Chapter 12 - Flickers in the dark

Chapter 12

Darkness.

Emptiness.

Varian didn't really know he was in that place until some colours showed up. One at the start, then another one, and another. They kept coming, painting up that darkness that surrounded him. Where was he ? He had no idea. The dark place was not unfriendly, it was peaceful and quiet, and didn't seem so dull until the colours came. Varian could have stayed there forever and be happy with it.

But the colours kept calling him. They unfolded like a coloured rainbow , of fireworks maybe. There were so beautiful that he wanted to see them closer.

See them ? But the place was so dark. Actually, the darkness started to feel cold. And how could he even see something in this pitch-black place ? The colours were not blinding, as they would have been had they been made of light. If anything, the darkness itself gave him the feeling to be blind.

So where did these colours come from ? No, wait… he couldn't see them. He could feel them. How could you feel a colour ? This didn't make any sense in his usually logical mind and that puzzled him beyond words. He could feel them, maybe taste them or touch them. He knew they were there even if he was completely unable to tell which one of his senses allowed him to do so.

He tried to reach out for the ever-changing colours. He tried to step forward, but realized he was suspended in mid-air. He felt he could hover and maybe move towards the direction he wanted, as if in a dream.

All this was weird, even for a dream. But he could bring himself to care, as long as he could get closer to the comforting colours.

As he could see more and more of them, and less of the darkness, he had never felt lighter and happier. Nothing else existed.

Suddenly, something came. Sharp, ruthless, unforgiving. His whole world was now filled with only one thing. Pain. Unimaginable pain that pierced his heart, destroying the peaceful feelings. No. No. Please no. It hurts. Please make it stop.

He could feel hands around him, but there was no one to be seen. He could feel a soft pressure against his lower lip, but he couldn't swap the thing away. He could feel coolness down his throat and seeping into his body, but he couldn't tell what it was. He didn't know he needed it, but he instantly knew he needed it. In spite of the pain, he had to stay and have more. He swallowed once more, and inexplicably and utterly exhausted by the effort, fell back into the darkness.

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Arianna put down the cup with a look on her face that couldn't decide between relief and worry. She couldn't help but brush his bangs away in an affectionate, almost motherly gesture.

Remyus carefully laid back the boy's upper body onto the bed, keeping one hand on the back on his head for support as long as it was possible.

It wasn't much, but Varian had stirred a little, while Arianna was playing a soft tune on her harp. And they had managed to get a couple of sips of water into his system. That was something, at least.

Was he awake, ever so briefly ? Could he hear them, as they were coaxing him to drink ? He hadn't opened his eyes, and the only motion that told them there was still life in that thin body was that he instinctively swallowed the water he was given. It seemed to last only a few seconds before he went completely limp again. But it was still worth taking this as a good sign. Varian had moved. His face showed pain on his features for a moment. Pain means you're alive, after all.

So when Remyus had noticed the boy's eyebrows furrowing, he quickly had seated behind his head, carefully lifting his shoulders off the mattress, calling the Queen softly at the same time. She had gasped, understanding at once and had put down her instrument – not as carefully as she usually did. She had taken the cup on the bedstead and, watching Varian's slightest reaction closely, had brought the cup to his lips to have him to drink a few drops of the water his body needed so much.

Had Varian heard the soft melody she was playing ? When Arianna asked for her harp to be brought to Remyus' chambers, she knew that there was little to no chance that he could hear her at all. But she still wanted to play for him. Keep a light up in the darkness where he was lost. So she had taken the heart-shaped instrument on her lap, holding it in her arms like a babe and played. And hoped.

And Varian had stirred.

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 **Yessss, Varian is starting to come around ! In his coma, his sensations are blurred, and on the edge of wakening, he can feel, rather than hears, the music that was played. At least, that's how I wanted to tell this part of Varian's journey.**

 **I am a harp lover and player as well, and I think no other instrument could suit Arianna better. I also had a similar experience, playing the harp for someone in a "half" coma. I have no words for such an experience, and I think it's a nice way to help Varian come back to the world of the living.**


	13. Chapter 13 - The little maid

**Dear L and readers,**

 **Thank you for sharing your thoughts, the Stockholm syndrome is an interesting idea. Now, I'm not a specialist, but I'd say there is a lack of time and/or intimate moment between Arianna and Varian in the lab. Not to mention it's not automatic : only a small percentage of victims develop that syndrome.**

 **Usually, the Stockholm syndrome would require, among other things, an absence of previous relationship (and Arianna has probably at least heard about Varian, by her husband or daughter). And the victim would have to share the same values (therefore not seeing the aggressor as a threat anymore), and it's safe to say that Arianna would not agree on everything Varian did, even if she can understand why he did them.**

 **Arianna is an adult with experience of pain too, and she's probably a natural empath as well. That's the key for me, she gets Rapunzel, and she gets Varian. That being said, it's easy to imagine there is also something she's trying to fix, consciously or not : she couldn't raise and care for Rapunzel, and the boy is like a second chance for her.**

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 **No connection, but I may not be able to update during the next few days. But I'm not dropping this story !**

Chapter 13

Phil stood trembling in front of the door where the Captain was resting. He would have preferred not to disturb him, pretend that nothing happened and just go home, but the nasty feeling that twisted his stomach and rammed his head would not leave him alone. And deep down, he knew he had to do it.

"Come in", came the weary voice answering his knocks of the heavy door.

"Er, Captain ? May I have a word with you, please ?" Phil asked timidly.

"Of course, Phil, what is it ?" he replied, trying to sit upright, but not managing to stifle a groan of pain.

"I'm sorry, I know you are injured, but…" He trailed off. Where to begin ? The Captain saw his hesitation and the sadness in his eyes. The older man motioned the guard to come closer, locking eyes with him, so he could say without words that the young man could speak freely.

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Time both passed and seemed to have stopped. There were the same long hours in Remyus' chambers, the same routines of wound cleaning and dressing, the same constant checking on the boy's pulse. Which wasn't too easy to find, by the way, because of the hand cuff.

Arianna had been able to convince her husband to let her stay by the young alchemist's side, but the King had decided that a prisoner couldn't be allowed to move freely (the fact that the boy was clearly unable to do any harm wasn't to be discussed) and that he would either go back in his cell or be shackled. Hadn't his right arm been broken, he would have cuffs on both arms. Arianna hated to see the ugly metal piece around his slender, already damaged wrist, but it was better than sending the boy back to the cold solitude of the dungeon. She tried to understand why Fredric would take no chances, especially with this particular prisoner, but it still seemed too cruel to her.

Furthermore, she wanted Remyus close to Varian so he could keep an eye on him. Although the physician had explained that the teen still needed a lot of rest to allow his body to mend, Arianna was eagerly waiting for another sign that he would make it.

The bruises on the boy face started to slowly fade away. His cheek was not as swollen anymore. Ethel came by whenever she was able to, to check on Varian or to see Remyus more often, Arianna wasn't quite sure but she was grateful either way. The sound of harp the Queen would occasionally play brought the only moments of peace, since the rest of the time being mostly quiet, and silence could be oppressive in its own way.

It was during one of these moments when the music was soothing everybody's nerves that a door creaked. Remyus, Ethel and Arianna turned their heads as one, only to find a small scullery maid shyly standing there.

"What do you think you are doing, young lady ?" asked Ethel in a voice that wanted to sound crossed, but failed.

"I was looking for you, Grandma. And when I heard the music, it was so beautiful, I only wanted to…"

"Please, don't be mad at her, Ethel", the Queen interfered. "She's doing no harm."

"Your Majesty, with all due respect, the orders…." Remyus started, trying to get the Queen's attention towards the restrained boy lying on the bed. The King had warned him that Varian was dangerous, smart beyond words, and not to be underestimated.

"I know what the orders are, Remyus" answered the Queen in her usual dignified demeanour, "and I thank you for your concern. I'll handle this."

She put down her harp, and went to kneel in front of the girl.

"Your name is Elora, is that right ?"

"Yes ! Oh, er, yes, Your Majesty", Elora replied with the best curtesy she could perform.

She was so adorable at that moment. She always has been, thought the Queen. Elora was a young maid in the castle, like her mother and her grandmother before her. Even though she didn't know her personally, Arianna had seen that little girl grow up in the castle's hallways. She had always seen a smiling, cheerful face. But she realized that at the moment, the little girl's eyes were not as bright as usual.

"Is there something wrong, sweetie ?"

"I… I'm fine, Your Majesty. It's almost my bedtime, and my Mom said she was busy, and I would like Grandma to… to…"

"I see", Arianna replied with a smile.

"Elora", came Ethel's voice again, "please wait for me outside the room. I'll be there in a moment."

"Yes, Grandma" she started to turn on her heels, but suddenly decided against it. "Goodnight, Your Majesty. Goodbye, Remyus. Goodbye…." She tried to crane her neck to get a better look at the still form on the bed, which was a little too high for her. "er, sleeping Monsieur."

At her call, Ruddiger's head shot up from behind Varian's body. The raccoon spent most of his time curled up against his friend's side, leaving him only to eat, which he tried to do as quickly as he could every time.

To say that Elora was startled was an understatement. She screamed in a high-pitched voice, scaring the animal and every human in the room as well.

Ethel explained to her that Ruddiger was a nice pet, a friend to the sick boy, but Elora was too scared to go near him. She relaxed slightly at her grandmother's words and did her best not to run away.

"Can you wait for me outside, dear ?" asked Ethel. "I'll be right there".

And the little girl, still shaking slightly, ran out of the room.

Ethel gave out a long sigh.

"I'm sorry about that, Your Majesty. Elora is… having a lot of nightmares these days, and she is anxious to go to bed without someone near her, that's why she came. And she is a bit scared of animals at the moment."

"Of course, Ethel, I understand. She needs you, so please, go. We will be all right here."

Ethel bowed her head and went for the door, leaving Arianna pondering over this little girl's fright and nightmares.

 **Note : I don't own Elora, as she is the little girl in the same scene that introduced Ethel, I just named her for the story. I don't own Tangled.**


	14. Chapter 14 - Awake

**I'm back ! Sorry for the wait, I've been visiting the South of England, and although it was great, I was looking forward to getting more time for writing my ideas down. Thanks for your reviews :), it always makes my day to know how the story makes you feel ! And even if you just prefer to read, that's all right. Enjoy !**

Chapter 14

Fredric was certainly one tired king.

He was sitting on his throne, rubbing his temples in an attempt to make the fatigue go away, but nothing helped.

Nothing helped at all.

It didn't help that the Captain, having heard of the recent events by a shameful Phil the guard, stood up, against Remyus' advice, to meet up with the King and try to figure out what happened.

It didn't help that every guard on or off duty had been interrogated to try and reconnect all the pieces of the puzzle.

It didn't help that they also asked all the prisoners if they heard something. But nobody heard anything, saw anything, and nobody spoke.

It didn't help that Nigel did everything he could in the shadows to prevent the King form finding the truth.

And it didn't help that Arianna hadn't talked to him ever since she stomped off him after they argued about Varian. When Fredric came to Remyus' chambers with two guards so the boy could be shackled to his bed, well if eyes could kill, Fredric would have been gone already.

Part of Arianna knew that as King, her husband had to take every safety measure. And that the boy was mentally unstable to say the least, and that his high intelligence could be a dangerous weapon if ill-used. But part of her only saw a young boy that has been physically abused. He was also a young boy who had gone through an immense stress, loss and solitude, more than any adult could bear.

Sometimes Arianna looked at Varian's bruised face, and wondered how hurt he was inside too. How bruised ? How broken after all this ? She knew there used to be kindness in him, Rapunzel told her so. He used to be helpful and eager to please others to a fault. Nothing like the boy who spoke bitterly of the rulers of Corona, who was ready to sacrifice Rapunzel to break the amber, who threatened to kill her twice. What happened in that young and brilliant mind ?

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Another full day passed until Varian moved again. Remyus was in and out of the room all the time, having other patients to attend or ingredients to collect for his remedies. Ethel would come over whenever possible for her. So most of the time, it was just Arianna and Ruddiger.

Arianna couldn't really brag about how comfortable she was talking to a raccoon, so she would keep herself busy with some cleaning and trying to get a response from Varian from time to time with a light touch. She would hold his hand and squeeze it gently, or brush off his unruly bangs and lay her hand upon his forehead. When nothing worked, she would let out a worried sigh and play a little bit of harp.

Fortunately, the music had the power to soften her nerves. And she hoped that Varian could somehow hear it.

Varian found himself in the darkness again. How long has he been there ? Where was he before ? He had no idea. He couldn't see anything this time, no colours, but he could hear something faintly in the distance. Like in a dream, he didn't have to walk or run. It seemed that his will to go closer to the sound was enough to do so. The soft sound guiding him, he became more aware of the melody, the different pitches, the rhythm or the beautiful harmony the notes made when played together. He didn't want it to stop.

With a barely audible moan, Varian's features across his face tightened. His eyes squeezed shut, before they opened slowly. Varian could hear his own, labored breathing. His eyelids seemed to weigh a ton, but the music and the soft light that appeared before him enticed him to continue.

Above him, he could make out an off-white ceiling he didn't know. He was lying on something soft, at least much softer than any bed he had before in his life. Shutting his eyes again, he swallowed hard before he tried to turn his head on the side.

He had guessed, from the dull pounding in his head, that it might be painful. He went for it slowly, carefully, but a sharp wave of pain ran across his head. Instinctively, he tries to take his hands to his head. But one arm hurt as he tried to move it, the other was restrained, although he couldn't see why or how.

A gasp of pain escaped his raw throat. It felt painful too from the lack of use. And as his body tensed, his ribs screamed in agony, leaving the boy unable to make another sound, as his teeth clenched in response.

Ruddiger, who was sleeping as usual by his friend's side, woke up at Varian's painful movements. Chittering excitedly, he hopped to get closer to his face, and patted him gently on the cheek. Overwhelmed by pain, Varian didn't seem to acknowledge his presence.

It was then that Arianna noticed the unusual rustling on the bed. Stopping immediately and almost dropping the harp in surprise, she stood up. He was awake at last.

She took a step forward, but she stopped in her tracks, frozen. Remyus was not there. Just him and her. Him, that helpless boy on the bed who was also the most dangerous criminal in Corona. Her, whom he had kidnapped, almost trapped in amber and crushed to death.

She had been genuinely scared, when she saw the rocks turn into yellow amber and grow their deadly spikes towards her. That amber, for which they didn't have a solution, even now. She remembered his cold, icy blue eyes, that shown no doubt or regret. He was so determined, so poised and so fearless that, at that very moment, the small, skinny boy was far scarier than any other criminals they had to face.

Arianna's legs started to shake beneath her. She failed to understand why she was thinking of all this, just now, when she had so much time while waiting for him to wake up. More than that, wishing for him to wake up. Suddenly, those mixed feelings made her almost wish he hadn't.

While the Queen was debating with herself, Varian slowly opened his eyes again. The first thing he could see, even if his vison was blurry, was the friendly face of his ever-faithful companion, Ruddiger. On the verge of falling asleep again, the boy managed a weak smile, that didn't reach his eyes and did little to ease the raccoon's concern.

Varian, unable to think much about where he was and why he was there, his eyelids half-closed, muttered :

"Did I sleep in, Ruddiger ?"

As he spoke, Arianna snapped out of her trance-like state and stepped forward. The motion in the background of Varian's line of vision made the boy aware of someone's presence. Tiredly, he looked up, shifting his gaze from Ruddiger to the person who was standing there. Blue eyes met green and it was like time had stopped.

For a few seconds, neither spoke or moved. Arianna, because she was still too confused, Varian, because he was trying to gather his thoughts, his vision getting back to normal. He knew that face, but his mind was a big mess, like his lab could be on his most intense days of experimenting, and it was like he had to open every drawer, check under every pile of books and search in every corner in order to find where the information related to that image was.

Suddenly, his eyes shot wide open and he was gaping in realization. Forgetting in a flash what happened before, he tried to sit up, but in his frantic moves, he only felt pain again, hissing and clenching his teeth like before, eyes closed.

"Shh, easy, Varian." Arianna's instincts took over. She could see him again as the injured, fourteen-year-old boy he was. "You are hurt. Just try to lie still and stay calm." Her tone was soft, yet she had the queen-like authority in her voice that made the boy comply, at least until the pain subsided. When Varian opened his eyes again, he saw the Queen leaning over him, her expression showing every sign of concern. Her hand was hovering in mid-air, unsure where to go, until it went to rest gently on his shoulder. Then she smiled at him.

"You'll be alright," she added in a whisper. "You must rest. I'll get you some water and something to eat."

"B-but", Varian started, confused.

"Hush, now. I won't be long. I will make sure the court physician will be here soon too."

"No !" the boy screamed on a way that startled her. "I – I can't stay here ! I can't be late, not today !"

"Late ? late for what ?" inquired Arianna, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"The science expo !... Has it started already ?"


	15. Chapter 15 - Memories

**Thank you readers for your enthusiasm! Varian's path to healing and redemption is going to be a long one, and this partial memory loss is only one step of the way. You'll see later why we're heading there at the moment, but shhh….**

 **Oh and we're going deeper in Nigel's backstory. It wasn't exactly planned, but that part just got written by itself. Just like Varian, it is interesting to think of the reasons for their actions, consciously chosen or not.**

Chapter 15

Arianna blinked a few times, trying to process Varian's words. She had expected some yelling, snarling, sassiness or sarcasm on his behalf, as she probably wasn't his favorite person at the moment. She hadn't expected a spontaneous, alchemy-obsessed Varian, with two wide open, although tired, childish eyes.

"I- I'm sorry, what ? she stuttered, unable to keep her usual composure. "Varian, the science expo… that was…."

Months ago. That was the truth. It took place before the assault on Varian's house, before the sunflower theft, before the snow storm. Before everything.

"Oh no, was it today ?" The anxious boy's eyes were darting to and fro, showing how panicked he started to be."Did I miss it ? Wh- what happened ? Did I blow up something again ?"

Varian was getting to his full-speed speech, which was something he always did when he was either passionate or stressed about something. "Oh, does my Dad know already ?" He cringed at the thought.

Arianna was at a loss. How could she tell the boy he had a four or five months gap in his memory ? She couldn't sum them up just like that. Especially not these ones.

She took a deep breath to calm down, forcing herself to gather her thoughts. Keep calm, Arianna, there must be a way. He just woke up from a several days coma. It was to be expected he would be confused.

"Varian", she began with the most reassuring voice she could produce, "like I said, you are hurt. You must calm down. Breathe, think, and tell me : what is the last thing you remember ?"

The tired teenager did as he was told, his brain still foggy. He remembered the days before the expo, working for endless hours on his machine to make this new element from sand. The one he would name after…

Cassandra.

Rapunzel.

The Queen.

It hit him only now, the person in front of him was no less than the Queen herself ! He kind of knew, but he had pushed that thought at the back on his mind, still trying to catch up with his concerns about the expo. A second wave of panic flooded through him. The words tumbled out of his mouth as he tried to sit up once again to show the respect due to royalty.

"Oh, You-Your Highn – Ow". Varian had barely moved his weak body when the now familiar waves of pain mercilessly reminded him of his current health condition.

"Varian, you mustn't move. And you know what ? No more talking either. I will get Remyus now", said the Queen, turning her heels without letting Varian a chance to reply. To say the truth, she was more than relieved to have the opportunity to bring that nonsensical discussion to an end. She turned around before going out the door, though, but this time, she wanted to have a word with her four-legged assistant :

"I'm counting on you to keep an eye on him, of course."

Ruddiger, obviously understanding every word, went immediately to squat by Varian's side. Said boy was just watching the Queen leave, lying there, gaping, eyes wide, not fully getting what just happened.

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Nigel had always been a nervous person.

But now, he was constantly biting his nails, no matter how much he didn't want to show it. Maybe a pair of gloves would help ?

No, what would help would be to make sure his little secret would not be betrayed. He had threatened the Stabbington brothers to convince them to keep their mouths shut (well, at least, for the one who talks) and it had worked so far. Same for the prisoners who might have been close enough to hear the fighting noises and the boy's cries. These people didn't have a lot of privileges, to say the least – eatable meals, blankets, to name a few – and it was easy to persuade them to abide by his will to keep them.

But what if some people changed their minds ? It didn't take a genius to imagine that if someone gave out some useful information to the King, that person might be rewarded with more privileges, or probation, maybe even freedom. Worse, Nigel had of course heard that the boy was being taken care of in the court physician's chambers, and that the Queen would not leave his side.

Some dark feelings were lurking in the shadows. Not doubt, not guilt, to say the truth. He had what had to be done to such a brat. Show him what he would get for betraying the Crown. Teach him a lesson so he learns. The law couldn't be broken.

No, Nigel was worried for his own future. He knew he had carried out justice out of his own decision, and that the King would never forgive that. The ever loyal counsellor never did such a thing before, and thinking back, it never came to his mind. But this arrogant, insolent child…

Ironically, painfully, that child reminded him of another child, long ago. He had said rude things about the Royal family, out of challenge or defiance, something like that. He had reached an age when he really had enough of hearing his Dad rehashing the same things over and over. He was an intimidating tall man who wouldn't speak much, except to praise the King and the Queen in every possible way. But who never had a kind word for his own son. On the contrary, everything his boy tried never seemed enough to get a look of pride, a smile or a reaction whatsoever. The kid should have gotten used to it. He never did.

So one day, when he needed his father to response more than ever – in any way- the boy lashed out against the Royal Family, even if it meant making up stories and going too far.

He earned a huge slap that sent him tumbling down a few feet away in the dust. And a mark that stayed for three days.

Nigel knew that boy too well. It was long ago, but he remembered how scared and desperate he had been. And yet, years later, after his father died, he did the only logical thing in his mind : protect and serve the Royal Family, because if he had learned one thing during those painful years, it was that any action against the Crown was terribly wrong.


	16. Chapter 16 - What is this chain ?

**So….**

 **Indeed, Varian has a partial amnesia, due to the beating (remember, something snapped that moment) and he doesn't remember anything after the science expo we saw in season 1. It could be a chance for him to heal better for the moment…. but I can't promise that I'll make things (too) easy for him, ha ha ! And yes, Nigel is in an awkward situation now, and this too will have consequences on our cinnamon roll… he's not out of the woods yet !**

Chapter 16

Arianna was beside herself because of the unexpected turn of events, but thankfully, her experience as Queen helped her through it. Almost automatically, she sent two guards out to find Remyus and another one to the kitchen for fresh water and food for Varian in no time. She didn't want to leave the boy alone longer than necessary.

She headed back to Remyus' chambers, hoping the physician would be back quickly. She entered the main room, but, just as her hand was about to reach the handle of the second door, she hesitated. What if his memory was back ? What if he was going to lash out at her again ?

Come on, Arianna, she told herself. This is ridiculous. You are an adult, behave as such.

Upon opening the door though, she could hear some laboured breathing and all those doubts were gone in an instant. She flung the door open to find a very active Varian, wearing the only shirt they could find that wouldn't be ridiculously huge on the scrawny kid (but it was still too big), trying to roll over on one side, his legs curled up probably to help him sit up in his bed, despite the angry chittering of one angry raccoon.

"Varian !" she shouted before she could think of it, and the boy froze. He felt like a small kid caught in with his hand in a jar full of sweets. His eyes opened wide and his lips sealed shut. He suddenly looked younger than he had in ages.

"Varian," sighed the Queen, " I thought I told you to stay still. There, lie back, and be patient please. The physician will be here soon." Her tone had softened. Inside her, she couldn't help but be impressed by such will power. Weak and injured as he was, that teenage boy wouldn't let anything stand in his way. For the best or for the worst, apparently.

"Y-Your Majesty", asked Varian with a feeble voice and concerned eyes, "why… ?" He trailed off, not sure how to ask what was on his mind.

"What are you talking about, Varian ?"

"Why is it here ? The… the chain, I mean. I felt I couldn't move my left arm, and I… I was trying to see..."

Arianna looked down on Varian's left wrist. The chain was so short, it only allowed a little bit of slack, but the boy couldn't touch his own face in his lying position. And since his right arm was in a splinter, he could use neither of them. The Queen's eyes went unfocused for a split second, as she struggled to find something to say.

"Well… we had to… make sure you wouldn't move." She said simply. In a way, that was the truth, even if she intentionally kept the true reason vague. "Didn't work so well, as I can see", she added with a smile, trying to make her tone casual, but knowing at the same time what a terrible actress she could be.

Weary, Varian actually bought Arianna's fib and looked away, thinking hard. Well, any thinking was hard at that moment, because his head was still hurting him so much. It was like someone decided to play the drums beneath his skull, and made him wish he was still asleep. Maybe for once he should listen and take it easy.

After that, they spoke no more. Arianna dipped a rag in a bowl of water, and gently wiped the boy's face, trying to relax him. Varian blushed at the attention, but felt too drained to protest and closed his eyes. Being nurtured that way was new to him, having lost his mother when he was very young, and his father… well, his father wasn't too keen on such affectionate gestures, or words for that matter. And of all people, why was the Queen doing all this for him ? But to say the truth, he was too tired to bring himself to care right now. He just wanted to rest.

No dark thought was taunting his conscience anyway. In his confused and foggy mind, there was never a broken promise. There were never guards throwing him out in the snow. There were never weeks of solitude, working out on plans to get the flower. There was no revenge on the royal family. There was no Dad encased in amber. The last day that he had seen, as far as he knew, was the day of the Science Expo at the castle.

At last, Remyus came and began to examine Varian straight away, checked his eyes and his throat, asked him questions about how he felt and touched him to find out if it hurt here and there. The old physician didn't speak much, which made Varian feel even more uncomfortable than he already was. They hardly could afford a doctor's visit back in Old Corona and he wasn't used to being touched. In the meantime, some freshly fetched water was brought, and Varian drank it eagerly with Remyus' help. Arianna seized that moment to lock eyes with Remyus and, with a slight movement of her head, let him know that she wanted to talk to him privately.

"Varian" said the physician as he laid his patient back on the bed. "I will get a painkiller to help with your headache."

"M'kay", muttered Varian, on the verge of dozing off and grateful that the examination was over for the moment. His devoted Ruddiger, getting the cue, wasted no time to resume his usual place close to him.

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In Remyus' main room, the Queen spoke in a low voice.

"Remyus, I didn't want to tell you in front of Varian, but he has obviously lost part of his memory."

Remyus raised an eyebrow at this statement.

"Mmmm. It explains why I didn't have the impression to deal with the wanted criminal he is. It was unnatural he was so calm and compliant. I wonder…"

"What ?" inquired the Queen.

"Amnesia usually has physical causes. It could be due to the concussion he had on the head. It's always tricky to know what happens inside our skull, but it seemed to heal pretty well."

"What are you saying, Remyus ?"

"Well, I think we shouldn't overlook the possibility of a psychological cause. From what I know, the boy has been through a lot, and after the abuse he has endured, we could have a coping mechanism at work here. He may have built high walls around the most painful memories when they became too hard to bear. Not willingly, of course. It could be his brain trying to protect him."

Arianna was trying to process Remyus' words.

"But… how much time will it take for him to be back to normal ?

"Who knows ? Two days, a month, years, maybe ? Your Majesty…" Remyus hesitated before he carried on. "He might never recover."


	17. Chapter 17 - Innocence

**Thank you for your reviews ! Indeed, Arianna will have a tough choice to make regarding Varian. But for now, he's too weak for explanations. We'll get there at some point, but time for some caring moments.**

 **Enjoy !**

Chapter 17

Arianna couldn't utter a word. It was like the ground had vanished beneath her feet. For a moment she could only stand there and look into the void, as the words sank in.

A knock on the door brought her out of her trance. Reacting fast, Remyus left her to open the door, and found Ethel waiting behind it, holding a tray.

"Ah, is it my snack at last ?" he said with a gentle scowl and a playful smile on his face as he saw his old friend.

"You legs are still good, old man" she replied on the same mischievous tone as she stepped inside. "Your Majesty", she curtsied before carrying on. "You can get it yourself and you know it. Now, since I'm pretty sure you've only fed the poor kid with potions and remedies so far, I made my very special soup. And that's just for him, don't you dare touch it, will you ?"

"Aw, what do I have to do to get the same favor ?" replied the old physician on a fake disappointed tone, as they both made it to the back room.

Arianna hadn't moved an inch and was standing in the middle of the main room, barely listening to their antics. She was still pondering about what it would mean for Varian to live without his memories when the door made a small squeaking noise as it was pushed open a little bit more. A shy face framed with a white mob cap emerged from behind it.

"Well", began the Queen, loudly enough to be heard, "looks like a little mouse has been following our dear Ethel ! Or… is it a little girl ?"

Said girl vanished for a moment behind the door, and then timidly reappeared, looking too ashamed to speak.

"Elora ! Come in, dear, don't be afraid", encouraged Arianna.

"Shhhh… um, I mean, shhh, Your Majesty. She'll hear you !"

"Who ?"

"My grandma. I… I know I shouldn't be here, she told me to stay in the kitchen , but… I couldn't help but overhear that the injuried Monsieur was awake, and I wanted to see how he was. But Grandma got angry at me when I asked to go along." Eyes down, she trailed off on her last words, with a mixture of disappointment and sadness. "I just wanted to help."

Arianna couldn't help but feel sorry for the little girl. She had, of course, figured out why Ethel would be so strict on her about coming to see Varian. He was the most dangerous criminal in all Corona, after all. And technically still a prisoner. But obviously, nobody had told her the truth.

Well, she thought, she's just like Varian. Still innocent and unaware of all this mess.

"Elora ? Come with me", she said, holding out her hand for the little scullery maid to grab it.

Elora hesitated for a second, then a big smile illuminated her face and she put her small hand into the Queen's with a squeak of delight.

"Come on, lad, you will rest later "urged Ethel as she was trying the boy to sit up, propped up by cushions . The shackle on Varian's wrist, that didn't allow him to move up much towards the bedhead, didn't make it easy though. "For now, we have to get something into your system. And trust me, my special soup is just what you need. Very smooth, no bits, to make it easy for you. And I will not take any faces, young man", she scolded gently.

Varian had indeed made a face, but was it because of the word "soup" or because of the excruciating pounding in his head as he was moved, he didn't care. His headache only seemed to get worse by the second. He was tired and just wanted to be left alone, but he couldn't have slept in this condition anyway.

"Mmm… my head" he mumbled weakly.

"Here," said Remyus, "let him have his potion first.", as if he needed to ask for Ethel's permission.

"All right,"Ethel relented, not even trying to conceal how she rolled her eyes, "potions first as ever, eh ? Sorry, lad, that old man will never change."

Stop talking, please. Stop making so much noise and just give me that potion if it can help. Please make it stop. Poor Varian was in no mood to listen to their bickering, and unable to speak out his thoughts. Even the ordinary light seemed blinding to him. He needed quiet and he needed darkness. Why would they not understand that ?

Coming closer, Arianna, with Elora in tow, saw his pain-stricken face. He was still wearing a large bandage around his head, and the sight tore her heart.

"Ethel, Remyus, maybe some quiet would be a good idea ?" she whispered, hoping they would follow her lead and put an end to this childishness. It worked, and they both fell silent, Ethel trying to keep Varian in a comfortable position by nearly sitting behind him, Remyus prying his mouth open with his free hand before pouring the painkiller in his mouth.

"Drink it all, boy. You'll feel better in a while", coaxed Remyus. "Now I know you want to sleep, but you need to try and eat something before that. Plus, believe me, you don't want to cross the old lady by not-"

"Remyus…" the Queen interfered, keeping her voice low, but steady enough to remind the old physician that he was too talkative again… as he always was whenever Ethel was around. It was cute, in a way, the way he would show off to get her attention, but Varian didn't need that. "Shouldn't you be writing your observations about Varian to keep track ?"

Too embarrassed to reply, Remyus decided it was best for him to be on his way. Arianna watched him leave, then came closer to Ethel, practically dragging a frightened Elora hidden behind her dress.

"Ethel, I must apologize, I know you will not like it, but I think you need a helper right now. And I have just the right person", she added as she lead Elora to stand in front of her.

Ethel's eyes went wide. Had the person in front of her not been the Queen, they would have known how shocked she was, and not in the nicest way ! But as a wise woman who has worked in the Palace all her life, she knew better.

"Your Majesty, but… the King said –"

"I know. And I'm taking full responsibility for this. I don't know why, but I am convinced that this little angel can help more than we think."

And she added "She'll be alright", but only mouthed these words while Elora was facing her Grandma.

"Grandma, please ?" asked Elora with big, hopeful eyes. "I really want to help him get better. You always say I bring joy everywhere I go. Well…. I think I found somebody who needs joy right now", and she turned her gaze on Varian with her last few words. Their eyes met, and Varian tried his best to focus. Elora was sure she saw a smile, feeble as it was, on his tense features.

Ethel kept silent for a few seconds, then her features softened and she replied : "Your smile can brighten up anything, sweetheart, it does."

Arianna was smiling too. She would have readily helped Ethel herself to say the truth, but she determinedly turned away, leaving the old maid and her granddaughter spoon feed an almost asleep Varian. She just managed a polite : "If you'll excuse me…", before she added, more to herself than for them :

"There is a key I must lay my hands on."


	18. Chapter 18 - Spoonful and argument

**Things are getting better for Varian (at least for now…), but a lot of questions are left unanswered, like, what will Arianna do about his memory loss ? Will it be truth or lies ?... Thank you for sharing your ideas, I love to hear about people getting involved in the story and sharing their thoughts. I will give you no clues/spoilers for now (it wouldn't be fun !), just know that I have a lot planned in my head for the unfolding of the story and I'm looking forward to write the next chapters.**

Chapter 18

As Arianna approached the King's work room, a strange feeling rose in her guts.

Although they both live in the castle, as it is the case most of the time, this time, it seemed she hadn't seen him in forever. In a way that was true. Even since she found Varian unconscious in his cell, Arianna had neglected most of her royal duties, and she had neglected her husband. Not to mention that their last conversation had been an emotional strain, one putting everyone's safety first, the other only seeing a young boy in need.

In the middle of all this, there was Varian.

Of course, Arianna hadn't forgotten the terrible things that had happened on Rapunzel's birthday. They had been lucky in the end. They managed to avoid a complete disaster in the nick of time. The boy seemed ready to go as far as killing people, out of spite and rage.

But also grief. Immense grief. And probably fear. They tore his heart and shut out his logic and judgement. They took the best of him, literally.

Why wouldn't her husband understand that ?

After Rapunzel's abduction, they both grieved. A lot. But Fredric also decided on a witch hunt, sending a lot of people to prison, whether it was justified or not. Out of rage. Out of grief.

It didn't bring Rapunzel back. It didn't make Fredric feel any better.

She took a deep breath.

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"There. That's a good boy, Varian."

Ethel kept coaxing the injured boy to eat, because she could tell it was only a matter of minutes until he would take no more. He was weak, his head was wobbly, and his stomach probably wouldn't be able to keep a lot down. It had been too long since the kid last ate. They had to help his body get slowly used to having food again. But he also needed to take enough fuel to start getting his strength back.

Elora was doing her best to keep all of the liquid mixture in the spoon, and to give them to Varian at a regular pace. She couldn't be too slow or too quick. At least, she wasn't as scared of Ruddiger as before. Not to the point of reaching out a hand and petting him yet, but she was fine with being in the same room as him now. She knew he was important for Varian, and was even starting to marvel at their incredibly close relationship.

In other circumstances, Varian would have protested, embarrassed by the whole ordeal. Relying on other people for something as trivial as eating was downright unusual and awkward. But he couldn't use his hands or even seat upright without support. Each one of his limbs seemed to weigh a ton. Holding his head up was a torture.

Open mouth. Swallow. Repeat. Even these actions were awfully exhausting. But he had a strong will to live deep inside, so there was no choice for him. He just had to eat, no matter what. He just wished his body would stop hurting, with little to no energy to endure the pain. He wished his father were here, tears brimming in his eyes.

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"So let me get this straight", said Fredric. He had seen the Queen enter his work room, pleased and dejected at the same time to see her. He missed her beyond words, but he didn't know what to expect, since he knew she wasn't pleased with his decision to keep Varian shackled to his bed. The worst part being that they hardly talked to each other anymore. "The boy doesn't remember the whole thing, the storm, the flower, the amber, his betrayal…"

"You make it sound so bad" she replied with a scoff.

"It's the truth", he retorted, trying to keep his voice void of anger.

"Fredric, he is going to ask questions. As far as he knows, he came for the expo and has done nothing wrong. How are we supposed to explain this to him ?" She was shaking despite herself, so she took a calming breath. "He's also in such a bad condition, he is not going anywhere. He can't get up, can't even sit by himself. Couldn't we forget about the shackles for a few days ?"

"I can't ignore that he had endangered so many people's lives, Arianna. If we have no idea when or if he will remember, there is no telling what he would do if he could."

Arianna remained silent for a while. When she finally spoke, it was on a dead tone, like someone who had lost hope and faith.

"He didn't choose to forget his past. For someone who does well in ignoring things, I thought you would be more understanding."

Her reply was like a punch in the King's stomach. He instantly knew she was referring to the black rocks, and how he tried to ignore them, hoping everyone would do the same.

There was an awkward silence in the room. Fredric had dismissed all the counsellors he was working with, as well as the guards, when the Queen came. It was just the two of them. Or so they thought.

Nigel was among the counsellors, as usual. When the King asked everyone to leave, he used the back door, pretending to close it, but doing so with enough strength for the door to bounce back and stay slightly open.

A perfect spot for eavesdropping.

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As Ethel had predicted, Varian's head turned away from the spoon Elora held, indicating he would take no more. He gathered whatever courage he had to say a soft "thank you" to the little girl. Elora put the spoon back in the half-full bowl, putting on a smile, but her eyebrows still showing her concern. Would that be enough ?

Somehow, Varian knew how she was feeling and what she needed to hear.

"Later. I'll eat some more later, okay ?" he tried. His head was feeling slightly better, thanks to the painkiller he took earlier, but he still needed a lot of rest.

Elora nodded, and her smile was genuine this time. Remyus came back at that moment to retrieve the kettle from the hearth. He poured some hot water in a cup and added some herbs.

"We are going to change your bandages now, Varian, and then you can drink this before you go to sleep. It is herbal tea, it should help you sleep through the night."

Varian groaned in frustration. He would have gladly laid back down straight away, with Ruddiger curled up next to him and know nothing else.

Remyus smiled. If the kid was starting to protest, it was definitely a sign that he was getting better.


	19. Chapter 19 - Three days

**Hey ! Long chapter today ! Varian is finally getting better, but the situation is tricky. Even Arianna is doubting herself. Please R &R !**

Chapter 19

After Varian's bandages were changed, Remyus secured his bad arm in a sling. The dressing around his rib cage felt tighter than the old one, giving the boy a strangely reassuring sensation, like he was hugged permanently in somebody's arms. His head got a new bandage as well, although not as big as before. All his major injuries were starting to heal nicely. The bruises started to fade, and his swollen cheek was getting back to normal.

His strength, however, was still at bay. He was thinner than before, if that was possible, and even his muscles had started to melt away from the lack of use. His face remained quite pale, contrasting with the dark bags under his blue eyes. Said eyes were hazy most of the time. The kid could definitely use a good night sleep.

Arianna made it back in the chambers just as Remyus was giving Varian his herbal brew. She looked worn out and tired. It was a fact that she hadn't got proper sleep these days, but she was actually mentally drained after her last talk with her husband. In her trembling hand, she was holding a small silver key.

She made it to the bed, walking absentmindedly like a ghost, and without a word, simply unlocked the shackle around Varian's left wrist and put it away. The young alchemist was almost asleep and barely registered what happened. Arianna frowned at the damaged skin underneath the cuff. It was red and raw in some places from having the unkind metal against it for so long.

"In Quirin's name" she reminded herself. These were the words her husband pronounced when he reluctantly gave in and handed the key to Arianna, and they were ringing inside her head. She felt bad about this. She knew how Frederic disapproved the decision to undo the shackles and she knew why. In a way, she couldn't blame him. As King and as a husband and father, he had every right to protect his family from the very person who threatened them all. More than that, it was his duty. And eighteen years of trauma after losing Rapunzel made him an even more over-protective person.

But beneath his authority and seemingly stubborn nature, Fredric was also a good man at heart. And justice was his priority when it comes to his people. If he wanted to be fair, he had to acknowledge that he had his share in this mess. Varian made very bad choices, and his anger led him to unthinkable actions, for which he should have been executed - the only reason Varian was still breathing was his young age. But everything he did was to save his father. The only family he obviously has left.

When Fredric used the sunflower, he had been warned that his decision would have horrendous consequences in the future. Quirin tried to explain that. Hard. But no one, nothing would have made the King change his mind. He just wanted to save his family.

Just like the boy. And now, Quirin's son, his friend's son was paying dearly for it.

So, in Quirin's name, and despite his deepest fears, Fredric returned the key, his only request being that the bedroom door was to be locked whenever Varian had to be alone.

…

Ethel looked up and noticed the solemn look on the Queen's face. She stood up and brought a chair to her.

"Your Majesty, would you like to sit down for a moment ?"

Arianna seemed unable to focus on anything for a second, then met Ethel's eyes and nodded weakly. After a few moments when her mind was away rather in the room, she could feel a hot cup being brought against the palms of her hands.

"You should drink this, Your Highness. It will help you too", said Ethel softly, motioning to the same hot drink as Varian. And then she added : "Let someone else care for you a little."

Arianna looked down at the steaming brew, then up to Ethel, and it was only then she noticed that Elora and Remyus were gone. It was just her and the old maid Ethel, a sleeping Varian and his beloved raccoon. She planted her eyes into Ethel's.

"Thank you", she murmured.

There was silence between them for a while. Ethel stayed next to the Queen, deciding she would be there, should the forlorn royal wished to talk to someone.

"What am I doing ?", Arianna finally managed. "He was my… my kidnapper after all." The words tripped on her tongue. They sounded so weird, so hard when came out. And they made no sense. "Yet I want to be there for him more than I could say. Why can't I just let go ?"

Ethel took the time she needed before she replied :

"For what it's worth, what you are doing for him…I think it's wonderful. And beautiful. I should probably hate him for what he has done, like so many people in the kingdom do. Especially because of that night… ". She trailed off, closing her eyes, like she had something on her mind, but then deciding otherwise. "But there you are, and when I see you… I think that the kid is not here by chance."

Arianna looked puzzled. "What do you mean ?"

"Your Majesty, I've been working in the castle all my life. It's no secret that these years, not knowing where your daughter was… have been terrible for you and the King. You didn't get the chance to raise her. But today, there is another one in need. You have the ability to see right through people, Your Majesty, and you can see right through him now. You know I'm not talking only about his physical condition."

Arianna reflected for a while. "Yes… I know what he needs. And I know why I'll be there for him".

Two love-starved souls. That's what they were. The mother who missed her daughter and the son who was desperate to get his father back.

"He needs me… and I need him." she concluded as the daylight was fading fast.

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Varian woke up at dawn the next morning, feeling much better than he ever had since the beating –although he still didn't remember that. Again, it took a few seconds for him to be aware of his surroundings and why he was there.

Ruddiger came to pat his cheek to say hello, happy to see that his friend's deep blue eyes conveyed more energy, close to the Varian he hadn't seen in months, the one who was curious of everything and who had too many projects in mind to count. The young alchemist started to pet the raccoon with his now free hand, realizing that something was wrong with it as he lifted it. In his mind came the fleeting memory of his wrist with a cuff. Or was it a dream ? Whatever it was, it was bandaged. So ?...

"Hey, Ruddiger. I'm glad to see you too. How long have I slept ?", he said, shifting his attention to his dear friend. Varian's voice was raw for the lack of use, but it was the gentler Ruddiger had heard in a long, long while.

Turning his head on the left side, he saw that the Queen was still next to him, fast asleep in an armchair that didn't seem so comfortable for her. Varian had to wonder, did she spend the night there ?

The boy was thirsty, but he didn't want to wake her up. He spotted a cup on the night table and tried to reach it with his good hand. Unfortunately, he only knocked it over and it fell to the floor with a loud clang. Varian cringed.

Arianna startled awake with a jolt, confused and slightly panicked, until her sleepy head could register what must have happened. She smiled at the boy.

"Good morning, Varian. How are you feeling ?"

"Uh, I'm – I'm okay… I guess. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up, Your Majesty" he apologized. The Queen's voice was soft, and although he was impressed by her presence, he couldn't help but feel safe and at peace.

"Don't worry about that, Varian. Do you need anything ?"

"Um, can I – may I have some water, please ?" he stammered, feeling awkward while asking something of the sort to a royal.

Arianna simply smiled and went to pick up the cup. "Of course. Just give me a second. I'll be right back."

"I'll be here", he replied with a hint of irony. It wasn't like he had a choice, with his multiple injuries anyway.

Arianna came back swiftly, water in one hand and a tureen of soup in the other. She went to the fireplace to heat it up before she settled Varian against the bedhead for support, with the fat pillow in between. The teenager did his best to not let out a cry of pain as his ribs protested. He still had a dull headache, but not as bad as before. And his arms- his arm, that is, the only valid one- felt like a noodle, like the rest of his body.

Once his throat felt not as parched as before, Varian actually started to be very talkative. His tongue was not tired in the least. Ruddiger was lying on his lap, paying no particular attention to his ranting.

"So, um… what did I break this time ?"

"Did one of my inventions explode again ?"

"Hey, do you know if Cassandra came to visit me ?

"N- Not that I care, but, maybe, maybe she popped over ?"

"Is Princess Rapunzel around ?"

"Hey, I hope my Dad is not too worried. I mean, how long have I been here ?"

Arianna was stirring the soup, her gaze focused on its greenish color, like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Varian was asking one thing after the other, leaving her no actual time to respond, and for that, she was grateful. It gave her time to think.

Silently, she sat down next to Varian's bed, a bowl of steaming soup in her hands. She plunged her eyes into Varian's and silenced him when she raised her hand, three fingers raised.

"Three days, Varian. You need to focus on getting better and nothing else for three days. Healthy food, proper sleep and bedrest. The rest will have to wait. Then, and only then will I answer all your questions. Deal ?"

The boy was gazing thoughtfully at her, not fully understanding why the Queen would set such a rule. He knew he was in a rather bad medical condition, his body was reminding him of that every second. Was is that bad ?

In the end, after studying the Queen's eyes for a while, he decided he could trust her. Knowing he was going to be taken care of even felt good. Now he was older and quite independent, he wasn't used to all this nurturing anymore. He wasn't sure why, but he knew it sounded tempting.

"Deal", he replied with a smile.


	20. Chapter 20 - Reprieve

**Hey ! It's great to see that more and more readers are enjoying the story ! Like some of you, I just miss him so much, and telling a story helps me from being constantly focused on tangleboi ! I am so hooked by his tragic story, and all the complex relationships between the characters, and all the mysteries we have in the show.**

 **So, allow me to share this with you, as much as my English (not my first language) enables me, but when it comes to fantasy, there is no other language for me.**

Chapter 20

"If I may, Your Majesty, this is a very good idea. We have three days ahead of us to figure out what we will tell the boy about the past months", confided Remyus as the two of them were searching through the physician's bottles and vials after Varian had some breakfast.

"What we'll tell him ? Remyus, we don't have too many options. Actually, the truth is the only one we have", she whispered back with a slight look of shock in her eyes.

"The truth ? But, Your Majesty, even in three days' time, the boy may not be able to handle that. He might be a little stronger physically then, but emotionally… As his physician, I must advise against this. "

Arianna took a deep breath.

"Remyus, the King saved my life using that flower, even though he had been warned of the consequences. He never told me anything about it, and even as the black rocks appeared in the kingdom, he continued to ignore them and kept the truth from me, from our daughter, and from his people.

"I'm still here", she continued, "thanks to the flower, but it came with a price. Whether I chose it or not, I am linked to the consequences we are facing. Varian… snapped, because he thought that everyone betrayed him. How can he learn to trust and love again if we keep lying to him ?"

Remyus didn't know what to say. The Queen had a point. In theory. But thinking twice, he couldn't bring himself to be convinced that a fourteen-year-old could cope with the brutal knowledge that his father was trapped in amber, that he betrayed the kingdom and tried to kill several people. Who could ?

"I know what you're thinking, Remyus, and believe me, I do not wish to hurt Varian. I'm not saying that his actions are forgotten and forgiven. It's hard for me too. But he deserves to know the truth, and the only thing I can do prepare him and be there for him."

"I understand, Your Majesty, and I respect that. Although, I still fail to see how we are going to tell him the truth."

"To be honest, so do I, Remyus. So do I…"

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Moments later, Arianna was back in Varian's room with a flask containing an oily substance and a hairbrush. The boy was sitting in his bed, looking thoughtfully out the window, Ruddiger sleeping on his lap.

"Longing to be outside ?" she asked gently.

Varian's head whipped around as he looked embarrassed, the sudden flush on his cheek making him look healthier than he actually was.

"Oh, um, um, no, I – I just… well, I was just looking at the trees in the garden and I was thinking… You said we were a few days after the lantern festival, didn't you ?"

"That's right, Varian."

"This is just so weird. I - I can't grasp that concept. For me, yesterday was the Science Expo, before winter, and now, it's –" he sighed- "it's summertime ! It doesn't make any sense." His shoulders slumped as his voice trailed off. For his scientific mind, such a gap was beyond any kind of logic.

"Varian, you know, nobody expects you to understand this right away. Give it some time. And remember, your only job for now is to take care of yourself."

She uncorked the vial, letting out a sweet flowery smell.

"What is this ?" asked Varian, who couldn't be in the same room as an unknown substance without inquiring about it.

"Oil, for your hair. I bet we will need that to untangled this mess. It's better to brush it through before it gets wet."

"Um, excuse me, wet ?"

"Remyus is making sure that everything will be brought swiftly for your bath, of course."

She didn't add "it's high time", but she meant it. Even if the wounds had been cleaned, a thorough wash was a good idea. Varian made a face.

"I'm not sure I can do much, with my arm and my ribs, you know." He tried to protest, but inside, he was actually longing for a hot bath. It sounded so much nicer than a quick wash at home or in the river.

"Remyus and Ethel will assist you, so you don't have to worry or strain yourself. I have some duties that are long overdue, but I will come back later in the morning."

Varian suddenly panicked at the idea of having these two around him – he wasn't sure what he feared the most, the lack of privacy or their constant bickering. But he didn't dwell on it, his mind quickly setting on another reflexion : how could the Queen be still spending so much time here, with all her duties ? He couldn't find a logical explanation why she would spend so much time with him.

Back at home, nobody was really spending time with him. He didn't have any friends his age, but he was used to it. He found out when he was very young that his interests were very different from the other children's, who were avoiding him. Books quickly became his only friends. As for family, well, it was just him and his Dad. As chief of their village, Quirin had his share of duties too, but even when he could spend some time with his son, it was something that rarely happened, Varian wasn't sure why. Because of his knack for alchemy ? Because communication never felt easy ? Or worse - and that was Varian's deepest fear deep inside -, because Varian wasn't the son that Quirin wanted to have ?

The boy was taken out of his thoughts as Arianna started to coat her hands with oil beore spreading the substance in Varian's raven hair. It was thick but shaggy and dull from the lack of care, his blue streak hardly visible. But the more she ran her fingers through it, the less tangled it became. A few strokes with the hairbrush and Varian's hair was smooth and shiny again – just a little greasy, but that would come off with the hair washing.

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Varian was amazed at how a hot bath could be relaxing.

He felt a little embarrassed at first, wearing only a loincloth around his hips, and not being used to having people around him for bath time. But Remyus and Ethel had been very gentle, making him feel at ease by reminding him they were just like a doctor and a nurse taking care of their patient. And once he slid into the water, he felt a pleasant warmth enveloping his weary body. Forgetting everything else, the alchemist relaxed and closed his eyes.

Later, Varian was back in bed, feeling exhausted and yet unbelievably good at the same time. He was able to have some broth with a piece of bread on the side. Full meals were still an issue, but his appetite was definitely back, and as long as he ate reasonably-sized portions every now and then, there would be nothing to worry about.

Elora dropped by with a big book under her arm, eager to share her favorite stories with Varian. She had grown very fond of the boy – and Ruddiger- and would spend all her free time with them. For some reason, she decided that Varian needed to hear nice stories to get better and was more than happy to read them aloud for him.

"All right, time to sleep", came the soft voice of a Queen as Elora finished a story about a young boy who felt cast out because of his unique strength, before he found out he was a demi-god.

"What ?" retorted Varian, forgetting his manners. It's early afternoon."

"And it's time you took a nap. Varian, you are still recovering, and that may surprise you, but at your age, your body needs a lot of rest – which means as much sleep as a young child. That's two good reasons for closing the curtains and laying back down", she replied with her queen-like demeanour as she was making the room as dark as she could.

"But I'm not tired, and I would like to read another story. Hey, do you have the Tales of Flynnigan Rider in your library ? Because if not, you really should, I mean, this guy…"

"Varian", Arianna chided. "Time to rest. I can't make you sleep, but you're at least going to stay still for a while." And with that, she gently took Elora's hand, hoping the little girl wouldn't make the same fuss as the stubborn teenager.*

Slightly disappointed but understanding at once, Elora chirped :

"I'll be back later. And I will bring a new book, okay ?". And with that she darted off, not without giving a pat on Ruddiger's head.

Varian, defeated, sighed, and laid back down. Arianna took away the dishes from his last meal and washed them in a bucket of water in Remyus' main room. When she came back in the back room just a few moments later, Varian was already sound asleep, his good hand resting on the raccoon, his breathing even and slow.

Arianna smiled. He did need that nap.

And thus started these fews days of reprieve, nursing Varian back to health – or as much as possible at least.


	21. Chapter 21 - Nightmares

**I am amazed that more and more readers are joining in. Thank you for reading this story and I'm doing my best to make it enjoyable and interesting all the way long. Thanks for your amazing reviews and suggestions ! Feel free to leave a comment !**

 **Will you get the reference in today's chapter ? It's also a call out to one of the characters of the show !**

 **Things are getting a little bit angsty - take it as starters !...**

Chapter 21

The next days were more of a challenge than Arianna had assumed they would be.

As Varian got more and more strength back, his old sassy self began to show, laced with stubbornness. And having to convince a teenager to eat their vegetables was new to the Queen. It took her a while to realize that, before she became an adult for whom balanced meals were a natural habit, she too had been a young girl who was not so keen on carrots and broccoli.

But she couldn't say she hated the job, to be honest. She wasn't quite sure it was right to feel that way, but taking care of Varian was like having a child to care for again. If things had been different, he would never have needed, much less accepted, to be fed with mashed fruits or tucked in bed for the night. He was beyond that age. But his medical condition required all the nurturing and pampering he could get, so he could heal in the best way.

Varian himself did feel it awkward at first, but he had to give in to the obvious fact that he would need that help for some time. His mind, though, started to reel and seethe with ideas and projects and alchemy. He couldn't wait to be back on his feet.

He couldn't wait to see his Dad again too. It seemed ages since he was stuck there. Little did he know how much time had actually passed.

Arianna knew the three days they agreed upon would be done too soon.

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There was another consequence at Varian's better condition.

So far, his body had been in a great need of deep rest to rebuild what was broken. Now dreams were starting to creep up during his sleeping times. And "dreams" was a nice word to describe them.

On the third day, just before sunrise, Varian started to thrash in his sleep, moaning inaudible words or at other times merely whimpering, fingers curled up and tangled in the bedsheets. Words became screams, whimpers turned into sobs, until Remyus was awoken by his patient's cries.

The physician ran to his bedside and grabbed the teen by the shoulders, squeezing them gently to bring him out of his trance.

"Varian ! Varian, open your eyes. Look at me. It's only a dream."

"N-no… please no… Help me… please don't leave me… ". Varian's face and body were covered in sweat, his brows furrowed and all his features tense. Tears were starting to form under his closed eyelids.

"Watch out ! Dad….DAD !"

That last word was screamed in a high-pitched voice that didn't even sound like the boy's. His eyes suddenly opening wide, watery, wild and unfocused. Varian found himself lying on his bed, panting like crazy, his throat hoarse and now unable to produce another sound.

"Varian", came Remyus soft voice, trying to calm him down."Varian, it's all right. It was just a bad dream."

Varian's blue eyes hovered for a moment before landing on Remyus' wrinkled face.

"I –this… this was so scary, Remyus. I was scared. So scared", he blurted with a weak voice.

"Scared of what, Varian ? Tell me what you saw in your dream."

Tears were flowing down the sides of Varian's face, wetting his hair and pillow. The kid was still struggling for air. He gazed at the ceiling.

"I don't know. I - I don't remember. I just know I've never been so scared before."

Remyus gasped in shock. He had clearly heard Varian say – well shouted – his father's name. Could it be that he didn't remember his dream ? After all, it was possible. Everyone, he assumed, has experienced that at some point.

"Ruddiger ! Where's Ruddiger ?" Varian suddenly asked desperately.

Said raccoon appeared timidly from under the closet at the other end of the small room, a terrified look in his eyes. He had been awake with Varian's first jolts, but he couldn't really understand what was happening and got panicked when his human friend's screams filled his ears.

"Ruddiger is here, Varian. Give him some time, your pet looks a bit shaken."

Despite Remyus was never fond of the raccoon, he turned to the frightened animal, came slowly closer and squatted in front of him.

"Your little master is fine, buddy. He just had a nightmare. It's over now. I know you've been scared, but he could really use a cuddle presently", coaxed Remyus.

Ruddiger's eyes were set on Remyus' face as the old man spoke. With a sad croon, the raccoon finally left his shelter, unsure, ears and tail still low. But his paws moved at a steady pace, as the little animal decided that nothing was more important than the comfort Varian – his Varian - so desperately needed.

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Varian didn't manage to go back to sleep after that.

It was an odd feeling, knowing you should be afraid of something, but having no idea what it was.

Running his fingers through Ruddiger's fur did help the boy calm down, his breathing slowly coming back to normal. It took him a little longer for his tears to stop welling in his eyes though. His forehand was still sweating and he felt on fire, even though Remyus had given him some water and wiped his face with a wet rag. A churning feeling kept twitching his stomach. Worst of all, he couldn't put words on the anxiety that was taking hold of his body. All he could do was feel it and try to bear it.

Only when the sun came up, filling the sky and the room with light, did he start to drift off to sleep every now and then. But every time he would come back to reality as his fear seemed to strike him for the hundredth time.

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"Your thoughts, Remyus ?"Arianna inquired after the physician reported about Varian's hectic awakening. Not that he wanted to hide it from her, but the first thing the Queen saw upon seeing Varian was how awful he looked. His bags under his eyes were worse than ever, eyes still red from crying, hair dried into thick locks formed by sweat and stress plastered on his face.

He looked so miserable, she had to resist the urge to run to him and wrap her arms around his fragile frame, remembering just in time that he wasn't a toddler or a small child anymore. He was not even her own child. So instead she went for a hand on his upper arm while sitting next to him, and talking to him with the softest voice. From time to time, she would run her fingers in one of his stray locks to keep them from his eyes.

But the boy didn't have much to say about his dream, much less about these feelings he couldn't even start to understand. He just sat there, looking lost and shaken.

"I can't be sure, Your Majesty," he replied in a low voice so the teenager couldn't hear them, "but the fact that part of his brain remembers enough to dream about his father tends to prove that his memories are not physically destroyed. "

"So… his memory loss seems to have been caused by an emotional trauma, that was your hypothesis, right ?"

Remyus nodded.

"Then… What will happen when I tell him ? Will that trigger all his memories back ?"

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Later in the morning, Elora came in with yet another book under her arm. She was excited at the idea of sharing it with Varian, as always.

"Morning, Varian ! I have brought a book of ancient tales. I'm sure you will like it !"

"Um… I don't know, Elora", Varian mumbled. "I'm sorry, but I didn't sleep so well. I'm not sure I can be a good listener today."

"Aww…" the little girl pouted. "Just one story ? My favorite ?"

"Ah all right", Varian conceded, knowing how much it meant to his young friend. "So what is this story of yours ?"

"It's about the daughter of a King and Queen, and she was cursed. Wait, no, it was a gift, the gift of prophecy. She would fall asleep and snakes would whisper things about the future."

"Can come in handy", joked Varian, trying his best to be in a good mood. "Why did you first say it was a curse ?"

Elora flickered the pages hastily, searching for the good one.

"She was cursed by a god – he loved her, but she didn't keep her promise to be with him. So he decided…. Oh no, I am telling you the whole story instead of reading it !"

Varian couldn't stifle a laugh. Elora could be so excited over things, and then got carried away without realizing it. In a way, she was a lot like himself.

"That's all right", he apologized, "I'm just curious to know what the curse was about though."

"Well, if you have to know, _Monsieur_ , she was still able to know the future, but nobody would ever believe her."

Varian pondered over this for a few seconds.

"Funny… She knows, she remembers, but she can't tell anyone. I can't see the future, but I wish I could remember what my nightmare was about", he whispered more to himself rather to Elora.

"You had a nightmare and you forgot ? I think you're lucky."

"Why are you saying that ?"

Elora's gaze suddenly became grave, and she looked older than usual.

"I keep having this nightmare. It's always the same. And I do remember it every time."

Varian's smile faded as compassion for the little girl invaded his body, from his head to his stomach. If only he could help…

"Why don't you tell me about your nightmare ? Maybe it will go away."

"I've already told it to Mommy and Grandma, and it's still coming back. But it's like the princess of the tale, they say it doesn't exist."

"What doesn't exist ?"

"Monsters" she said at last. "Big, hairy monsters with sharp teeth and long claws. I keep dreaming about it because I'm sure I saw it one day. For real ! It was in the castle courtyard, in the night and the fog !". She sighed. "But they say I dreamt that too", she added while closing the book and resting her hands on it.

Varian was listening to his friend, thinking hard. What could he say to comfort her ? Dreams and nightmares may not be real, but the feelings they induced were, he knew that.

Something else was tugging at his mind. He had a strange feeling, like this nightmare was familiar, but from a long time ago. Or like it was somebody else's dream. It was hazy and couldn't put his finger on it.

Trying to gather his thoughts, he shook his head and put his hand on Elora's.

"Elora, it doesn't matter if it's real or not. You are feeling bad about those dreams, and we should try to do something about it. Let's say this monster exist. What could you do to get rid of it ?"

Elora pondered for a while.

"Mmmm… I could scare him off by making a lot of noise. I could…. bang a metal spoon on a frying pan !"

"Now, that's the spirit ! What else ? How about we show it something uglier than it is ?"

"Varian, that's not possible !"

"Is too !"

"Is not !"

"Easy, now, you two", Arianna intervened as she came in. "Elora, we agreed that you could come and read to Varian, not tire him out."

"Oh, no, Your Majesty", Varian quickly replied, "please don't be mad at her, it's my fault."

Arianna looked at the two children with a barely concealed fondness. "All right, but take it easy, Varian, ok ?"

"I must go now", Elora said. "It's almost lunchtime and Grandma will scold me if I neglect my maid duties."

"See you soon, Elora", Varian replied.

When the little maid was gone, Arianna turned to Varian with a smile and said :

"Varian, get ready, will you ? I have a surprise for you."


	22. Chapter 22 - A surprise for Varian

**Kudos if you got the reference to Cassandra – not our Cassandra, but the daughter** **of King Priam** **and of Queen Hecuba** **of Troy** **in Greek mythology. A hint to the beloved character of the series, and a metaphor of Varian being misunderstood (starting with his Dad, his village…)**

 **Also, Elora's nightmare is very important - and you probably have guessed Varian's responsibility in this. But he'll have to find out and deal with that later on…**

 **Enjoy the last moment of reprieve before the angst comes back ! (you didn't think I would let things be easy for Varian forever, did you ? *evil laugh*)**

Chapter 22

The wheels were rolling noiselessly on the thick carpets in the castle hallways, Ruddiger scurrying along, happy to go for a walk.

The wheelchair was definitely very handy, thought the Queen. It had been very useful when Cassandra broke her leg, several months ago. And useful to Fredric, after he twisted his ankle on that dreadful snowday…

Of course, Varian had looked very uncertain when he first saw the thing – couldn't prevent a "What ?!" from passing his lips - quickly adding he was feeling much better and that he could walk just fine. Arianna had firmly replied that she didn't want him to get too tired and she assured him that what was coming next would be worth it. Of course, Varian's curiosity took the best of him.

Arianna smiled to herself. She was getting good at this. Getting Varian and how to talk to him so he doesn't shrink back into his shell at the slightest prod.

Remyus had been informed by the Queen that Varian would be out of his room for a couple of hours. Ethel decided that this was a great opportunity to clean it from floor to ceiling (not without a spicy remark about how Remyus was not the best person at household chores), including letting the windows wide open and changing the bedsheets.

Arianna and Varian came across several people, mostly servants, who glanced at the boy with expressions that were difficult to read. Gossips were spreading fast in sculleries or halls, and everybody knew that the Queen was spending a lot of time with the alchemist, who was, as far as they knew, a traitor to the crown. So, they were all the more surprised when they saw the skinny boy in a wheelchair with an arm in a sling. And since Varian's blurry mind didn't allow him to remember the day he spent doing Cassandra's chores or the one when he came to beg Rapunzel for help, it felt like he was inside the palace for the first time. So there he was, gaping, wide-eyed and awe-stricken, at the beautiful decorations that could be seen as far as the eye could see. Was that kid the biggest threat Corona had faced since…forever ?

Turning round a corner, they literally ran into a lanky figure dressed in a crimson coat.

"Oh, Nigel ! Good morning", gasped the Queen in surprise. Given the hectic relationship between Fredric and her at the moment, she was not so thrilled to be face-to-face with her husband's closest advisor.

"Your Majesty", answered Nigel coldly. His gaze darted from the Queen to Varian and it turned into a scowl. The young teenager felt a cold shiver run up his spine. Without knowing why, he shrank slightly, shoulders hunched and teeth clenched with sudden stress he couldn't understand.

A low-pitched growl was suddenly heard, and it gave Varian a good reason to look away. Ruddiger was nearly twice his regular size, his fur bristled. His fangs were bare, and his eyes were flashing with anger.

Nigel looked down, his expression tense for a second and then back at the Queen. "Actually, it's past noon, Your Majesty, so good afternoon. If you'll excuse me…"

Queen, boy and raccoon watched him leave without a word. Once he was out of earshot, Varian mildly scolded his furry friend.

"Hey, what was that, Ruddiger ? Look, I know he doesn't look super friendly, but what did he ever do to you ?"

Ruddiger let his fur come back to normal and relaxed a bit, only to glance up at his human with a deadpan expression (if raccoons could make one). Varian could have sworn he felt like that look clearly meant something like : "Are you kidding me ?"

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"So, um, where are we going, Your Majesty ?" the alchemist ventured.

"I'm afraid it wouldn't be a surprise if I told you, would it, Varian ?" she replied with a wink, stopping in front of a set of doors. They were so tall, as all the doors in this castle were, Varian had to crane his neck to see the top. From his sitting position in the wheelchair, he had the feeling he was very small.

"Ready ?" Arianna asked him with a beaming smile.

Varian mereley nodded, too puzzled and too impatient to make out words.

A sudden splash of light poured down on Varian's slight form. He squinted his eyes, raising his good hand in front of his face to block the bright flow. Outside laid the castle's back garden, so colourful and welcoming with multiple shades of green. There were soft hills, and trees, and an elegant pavilion where the Royal Family enjoyed some meals whenever they could.

Arianna knew that the boy could use some fresh air and sunlight. It didn't take a doctor to guess by his currently pale complexion that Varian hadn't been outside in a long time. Not only since being arrested, but obviously weeks before that, maybe more. Even his freckles had faded from the lack of sun.

Once his eyes got accustomed to the light, Varian lowered his hand, blinked a few times and tried to take this beautiful sight in. After being bedridden in a small, dull room, feeling the warmth and the light was like being born again. He could actually cry with joy. The air he was breathing held so many fragrances. It all made him dizzy and he was actually grateful for the wheelchair.

Arianna drove Varian to one of the nicest places to be at this time of day, under big chestnut trees that provided some necessary shade. There on the grass was spread a huge tablecloth, littered with delicious food of all sorts. Mouth-watering salads, sandwiches and fruits seemed to shimmer in the daylight, providing a wide range of colors like a rainbow. It was a feast for the eyes, and no doubt it would be for the mouth too.

"You… you prepared a picnic... for me ?" Varian asked in awe. "Wow, ham sandwiches !" he exclaimed before she could reply. His eyes sparkled with a carefree joy Arianna had never seen. His big, childlike eyes.

"Well, not just me, the cooks and the maids did most of this, actually !' Arianna explained with a soft laugh.

"Yes, but… this is your idea, isn't it ?" Varian ventured, turning his head around and looking up to make eye contact with her. Arianna shivered. Was it the brightness of the sun or sheer emotion that made suddenly his blue eyes water? The way his voice wavered gave out the answer anyway.

"I just thought you needed some fresh air, Varian" she replied like it was nothing. "I hope I didn't do wrong. And what better place than this to go for a walk ? Just for you to take a few steps."

Varian didn't know what to say. He lowered his eyes and resumed his position, facing the lunch that was there, barely able to believe this was real. His stomach felt churned, both from hunger that started to gnaw at him, and from another feeling, deep and overwhelming, but not unpleasant. No, not unpleasant at all.

He quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

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The nice weather and the soft breeze did wonders on Varian's appetite. Even with an arm still secured in a sling, he could grab the ready-to-eat food with one hand and pick whatever he liked himself. He had his fullest meal in days, especially because he didn't have the feeling he had to force the food down for once. He felt more relaxed than ever and his usually busy scientific mind was oddly at rest.

However, while he was eating, he started to ponder on the three days that just passed. He knew he had a huge gap in his memory, he knew he had been found injured and unconscious, he knew his father was not with him at the castle… and yet, as agreed with the Queen, he never asked questions, which was very unusual of him. He wasn't sure why... but he had the feeling he needed not only the time for his body to heal, but also the reprieve, the rest, and the peace of mind. And to be honest, being taken care of, with such gentleness as the Queen, Elora, Ethel and even Remyus showed, made him feel safe somehow, and wanting more.

As he was eating and thinking, his eyes landed on a swing a short distance away, a small yet sturdy swing made out of carved wood. It was probably designed for a child, he decided, because the swing had a back for safety. Connecting the seat and the back, the sides had a particular shape. Narrow at the top, large at the bottom, they had been hollowed and curved to look like an…

"R", Varian said aloud without realizing it. Arianna looked up and understood at once.

"R for Rapunzel", she specified. "We – I had it made by the town carpenter for her third birthday."

She felt silent as the words sank in into Varian's mind.

"But… but when she was three years old, she was….". He couldn't finish that sentence, the painful unspoken truth dawning on him.

The Queen had this made even though her daughter was still far from home. When she was nowhere to be found. When she still tried to maintain hope, against the odds, that she would be returned to them to play and laugh on this very swing. And yet, it had remained used.

Varian had always lived with his Dad. He knew he couldn't imagine his world without him.

He didn't know his greatest fear had come true.

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In a place much higher that the grass of the garden, away from the sun and the soft breeze, behind closed windows, little did Queen and boy know that eyes were watching them.

"Sire, this is going too far", snarled Nigel as they watched Varian take with Arianna's support a few unsteady steps towards the swing. "May I remind you that the boy is a ticking bomb ? He could attack the Queen any day, and she's growing far too attached to him to be on her guard."

Fredric was standing straight, his hands behind his back, brows furrowed and his features tensing.

"I am afraid you are right, Nigel." Part of him didn't want to see the mentally unstable boy take place on her precious daughter's swing, but he was unable to look away. "Something has to be done."

 **Note : I've posted some art on tumblr (mycove01) for the swing design if you're interested.**


	23. Chapter 23 - The vial

**Your attention please everyone, tentpole chapter ! And a trigger warning for (mild?) violence/agression (on a fourteen-year-old, who else ?)**

 **This chapter was really tricky to put together because I needed some events to overlap and several characters to act at the same time…I did it and I'm happy with the result. I've worked so hard on this one and I hope you will like it !**

 **Please R &R !**

Chapter 23

Time seemed to have stopped on the happiest place on Earth. The harp strings were singing under Arianna's slender fingers as she sat under the chestnut tree, Varian lying next to her and letting the music penetrate his body and soul to the core. The sun was shining through the leaves and a soothing breeze ruffled their hair from time to time. No wonder that after a while, Varian started to rub his sleepy eyes and gave a yawn.

Without saying a word, the Queen put down her instrument. It was naptime after all, and she knew a certain alchemist who needed it. She stood up to get the wheelchair straight away because Varian seemed ready to fall asleep right then and there. At least she was happy that he ate quite well and that a nice rosy color was now adorning his freckled cheeks. And most of all, she had to admit that she probably enjoyed that moment just as much as he did.

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Meanwhile, tension thick as fog filled the air in the throne room. The official crown sitting on his head, the King had made his decision.

"Now, Sire ?" came Nigel's quivering voice, although he tried his best to keep it steady.

"Yes. Go and get him now. As of today, Varian is going back to prison, memory loss or not." The King's words sounded final, leaving no room for argument or questions.

The lanky man bowed respectfully, and made his way out of the huge throne room. When he turned away from the King, he could barely conceal his excitement, the thin moustache lopsided into a half grin on his face. This was perfect. The sooner the alchemist would be back behind bars, the better.

"And if I have to be the one to tell him the truth about his past," the King added as Nigel was crossing the threshold, his back still turned to the King, "so be it."

More concerned by Arianna's reaction to come than by anything else, Fredric didn't notice how his advisor stiffened at his words and how his face had gone pale in an instant.

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Varian didn't make it to his bedroom – not awake, that is. Being out in the fresh air after such a long time indoors literally knocked him out and he fell asleep on the way back from the garden, the smooth motion of the wheelchair lulling him into sleep.

Arianna didn't try to keep him awake even when she saw his head hanging down, eyelids closed and mouth slightly open. She knew that he had to take all the rest he could get now. Tomorrow, she would have to fill in the blanks in his memory and he would need all his strength.

The mere thought of that moment made the Queen shiver from head to toe.

When she reached Remyus' chambers, she called out to the physician softly. The old man picked up Varian's small frame like it weighed nothing and went to lay him down on his bed. Varian barely stirred, exhaustion clearly winning the battle. Although Arianna could have sworn that the sigh that escaped his lips as his head was gently settled onto the pillow sounded like a word. No, a name.

"Dad…"

Arianna's heart dropped and tears started to swell in her eyes. If only she could protect him forever.

She didn't get time to dwell on these feelings, as heavy footsteps could be heard in the distance. Coming closer. Several people. Guards, she guessed from the metallic clanking.

The Captain of the Guards appeared in the doorway. His injuries were almost healed, and he had insisted to get back to work as soon as his physical condition allowed him. He was flanked by three soldiers, one of them holding shackles in his hands. And with them, a fifth person, whom they didn't hear coming. His large heels didn't make so much noise.

"Captain ? Nigel ?" Arianna blurted out, bewildered as she ran to them. "What is going on ?"

"Your Majesty, we have come to arrest the boy and take him to the throne room. King's orders", said the Captain, albeit reluctantly. He still felt hatred for what the boy did, but he also knew about his current condition – injuries, memory loss and all. Nigel's expression was unreadable.

The Queen clenched her fists. At least she was grateful that Varian was asleep and couldn't hear their conversation. She just couldn't believe that this was happening. Features tense, hands shaking, she was turning white with a rage she could hardly contain.

"This is not what we agreed upon, the King and I", she enunciated slowly between clenched teeth, glaring at them. "Now, listen. The boy is asleep now, and you are certainly not going to wake him up. I will take this up with the King right now."

"As you wish, Your Majesty", came Nigel's smooth reply, bowing in respect.

But the Queen was already gone.

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Elora had just grabbed a book from the library again, straight after she completed her lunch duties. She was skipping down the hallway, a smile on her face.

She knew it would be too early for Varian to be awake – she had gotten used to his nap routine – but at least, she could drop the book in his room and come back when she has a little bit of free time later in the afternoon.

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Arianna arrived moments later in front of the big gates of the throne room. Angrier than anybody had ever seen her, she made no effort to keep her usual Queen-like demeanour. For years, when Rapunzel was missing, she did feel angry at times, more than words could tell. But she had always managed to keep it a secret for everyone – including Fredric – because she had a strong sense of duty and believed that a Queen had to keep her self-control, no matter what.

Until now.

Now nothing mattered more than making a point to her dear husband were their responsibilities lay. Where humanity lay. She didn't care anymore if she was being unladylike. At least, he had to let her talk to Varian first, not arrest him out of the blue and tell him the whole story bluntly and coldly when he still didn't remember the first thing about the past events.

"Fredric", she called out loud from the doorway.

Said King was slouched in his chair, his shoulders heavy like stones with worry. He straightened as he heard her voice – and her harsh tone.

Within seconds, the huge room was filled with their angry voices.

"How could you ?", Arianna started. "You agreed to let me handle this."

"Arianna, I know you are upset, but I am not taking any chances any more. Varian is dangerous !"

"He is not the person he was back there. Not right now anyway. And even if he still remembered, he deserves a second chance. Everybody does ! He can't go through this on his own ! Someone has to be there for him !"

"And how could it be you, Arianna ? boomed Fredric's deep voice. "Look at you! You are getting far too attached to him. He almost killed you, and you're treating him like he was your son !"

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Varian felt somebody shift him in his sleep.

Are they settling me down on the bed ? he thought absentmindedly in his half-sleep. Varian could feel his head and shoulders only were lifted, so no, he was probably in bed already. Oh, I get it, he thought as he felt something cold and hard pressing on his lower lip, Remyus is trying to make me swallow one of his potions again. Really ? Did the old man have to wake me up for this ?

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"Why can't you see the child behind the criminal, Fredric ? shouted back Arianna. "He may have pursued awful actions, and I'm not saying I'm not feeling hurt about that, but please, just stop and think about what he went through. He lost everything he had. His home, his father. He had no one, and we failed him too. No wonder he lost his way."

"Uh, Your Majesties. I beg your pardon" came the Captain's unsteady voice. He wasn't sure whether he was interrupting the Royal Rulers of the Kingdom, or a married couple having an argument. Both possibilities made him feel very uncomfortable.

"What ?" King and Queen shouted in unison.

Arianna whipped around and Fredric's eyes left her to take a look at the small party that just came in. The Captain and the three guards the King had just sent to arrest Varian had brought in Remyus.

And on the floor, in a cage, a very agitated raccoon was squealing with all its might, going in circles in the cage as it desperately tried to find its way out.

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A moldy smell made Varian's nose wrinkle. A liquid was being poured into his mouth, and the taste was even worse as he swallowed it. No, that was too much, Varian decided. Gotta wake up and let the physician know a thing or two about his home-made concoctions.

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"Captain ?" asked Fredric, confused. "Why did you bring Remyus and this animal here ? You were supposed to bring…"

Arianna did not hear the end of that sentence. All her warmth drained from her body. She was barely aware of the Captain's reply : "Nigel sent us here."

So they all had left Varian's room. All of them, except...

Realization hit her like a punch in her stomach.

"Varian" she breathed out in a terrified whisper.

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Varian's eyelids seemed to weigh a ton, the need for sleep very strong and appealing. But something was not right. The grip behind his head was nowhere close to the gentleness of Remyus' expert hands, nor the Queen's.

Through his half-opened eyelids, Varian couldn't make out the wrinkly face he expected.

His blurry vision barely allowed him to see an elongated face with a thin black moustache and dark eyebrows tied into a frown. A tense, twiggy body was leaning down on him, one hand behind his head as the other tilted a small vial in order to get more of that foul-smelling potion down his throat.

Varian froze, stunned and defenseless on his bed, his right arm still in a sling. His icy blue eyes, wide open now, locked with Nigel's brown ones.

He knew those eyes. He knew they were dangerous, a threat, a menace. He met the man earlier in the hallway, but this time, there was more than that. His whole body started to shake with uncontrollable fear as the lanky figure suddenly seemed to be surrounded by unfriendly, cold, hard rocks.

Rocks as dark as the night and pointy as needles.

A transparent yellow rock that held a large frame encased inside.

Grey bulky rocks – stones rather, hard and cold as ice.

Varian's breathing started to hitch, and he coughed against the liquid at the back of his throat. In a sudden reflex of survival, with all the strength he could muster, the limp boy tensed and spat out part of the horrible thing out of his mouth and right into his aggressor's eye.

Nigel screamed, letting the boy fall back on the bed unceremoniously. His hands dropped the vial as they reached his face and a sound of breaking glass resonated in the chambers. It was followed by a dull thud, as little Elora who just came in dropped the book she was holding under her arm, all strength leaving her body.


	24. Chapter 24 - Shock and remembrance

**For those who were wondering what the potion would do to Varian, well, check it out !**

 **I have done some research about poisons beforehand and have found one that has been used since the middle ages, many of its symptoms identical to those that I had in mind. Strange how reality sometimes connects with fiction !**

 **Warning : that's another tension-filled chapter…**

 **Reviews : thank you for your enthusiasm, both on fanfiction and tumblr ! and sorry, not sorry, but I may have a few more cliffhangers to spare… :)**

Chapter 24

Still healing ribs and arm sent jolts of pain as Varian painfully rolled on his side and doubled over, overwhelmed by an agonizing coughing fit. He coughed and dry-heaved repeatedly, his body out of control as it tried to fight the poison.

A shocked Nigel stumbled backwards, his shoes breaking the shattered glass further with a screeching sound. He had no way to be sure the boy had ingested enough of the liquid in the vial before it was broken. When Fredric had announced his intention to tell the truth to the boy before sending him back to his cell, Nigel had started to panic. That could have been the trigger that would bring his memories back, and the lanky man couldn't let that happen. He had been sweating under his crimson coat all the way as he walked along with the guards to Remyus' chambers. And trying hard to figure out a plan.

Only when he reached the physician's main room and saw the many bottles and vials stored on shelves did he get an idea. What it a good one ? Nigel's racing mind couldn't include that question in the bigger picture. Having the kid cared for by the Queen for three days had been excruciating enough for the royal advisor, and he had barely slept for fear of being found out. All that he knew was that he had to prevent the interview between the King and the teen.

Even if it came down to murder.

So after the Queen left, he persuaded the Captain of the Guard that it would make more sense to take Remyus to the King so the physician could give his opinion about the boy's physical and mental state. He also suggested that they should take the raccoon away while the kid was still asleep. That clever move bought Nigel enough time to find the deadliest poison in Remyus' stock so he could silence the young criminal forever.

But now, the vial was shattered. Someone would probably come because of the noise of broken glass. Overcome by panic, Nigel didn't notice the trembling little girl who was already standing there. Eyes wide, she was petrified as the sound of Varian's labored breathing and coughing filled her ears.

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"What is the meaning of this ?" roared the King. His face showed anger and severity, but inside he was truly afraid. Afraid that things were going astray, afraid that something terrible happened, but he couldn't bring himself to believe it.

"Varian", the Queen repeated, louder this time, anxiety clear in her voice. Gazing into the void like a ghost, she started to lean forward and took a couple of unsure steps before breaking into a run.

The Captain went immediately after her, followed by his small squad, Remyus and the King. The guard next to the cage couldn't ignore the raccoon's cries and frantic attempts at getting out any more, and unlocked it to let the animal go. Ruddiger dashed out of the room, much faster than anybody would have expected from the chubby raccoon. He quickly overtook all those two-legged humans.

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Nigel watched as the teen struggled to catch his breath, half-kneeling, half-lying, his back turned towards him. No clear thinking went through the advisor's brain. He just knew he had no choice but finish the job.

He reached out and tightened his hands around the boy's throat from behind.

Varian agonized as no more air could enter his already burning lungs. He couldn't make a sound any more, and his vision was getting dark.

Unexpectedly, it was the sudden silence that snapped Elora out of her daze. The sounds that terrified her were gone, and her eyes took over. Varian, her friend Varian, was being strangled to death right in front of her.

She didn't think twice and ran to pull the aggressor away. Nigel, although slim, was a full-grown man with adrenaline rushing through his veins, and she was just a little girl whose arms and legs still felt like noodles after the shock she just experienced. She screamed and cried and begged the man to let go, pulling his arm with all her might, tears streaming down her face. When it became too much, Nigel released one of his hands to jolt the girl back with one arm, sending her sprawling on the floor. And with unshakable persistence, resumed his position and made his steel grip on Varian even stronger.

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Ruddiger never slowed down and soon made it to his friend. His instincts kicking in, the small animal immediately jumped on the felon, biting him sharply in the shoulder. At last, with a cry of pain, Nigel let go of Varian.

The teen gave out a raw gasp as he sucked air into his lungs again. It was both painful and a blessing. The rapid breathings that followed were excruciating, but his wildly beating heart was screaming for oxygen.

Arianna rushed to his side in alarm, protecting him with her body from Nigel.

"You..." she snarled. "Get away from him !" Not knowing what to do exactly, she instinctively put one hand on Varian's shoulder, the other on his back, rubbing circles gently and coaxing him to calm down with a voice she could hardly keep steady. Varian took a couple of painful breaths, but then his whole frame tensed and he swatted her with his good arm to make her let go of his shoulder.

"NO ! NO ! Don't touch me ! Leave me alone !" he screamed between pants, his voice hoarse and raw. As he whipped around, she could see that his lips were turning blue, his eyes bulging, dark bags contrasting with his sudden pallor. The boy tried to move away from the Queen, only to fall off his bed.

Arianna backed up in shock. What was she supposed to do ?

The guards and the King arrived in tow, but it was Fredric who reacted first.

"Guards ! Seize Nigel ! And get the little girl out of here, now !"

The Captain and two guards pinned Nigel's arms behind his back, locked the shackles that were meant for Varian earlier and took him away. Nigel tried to squirm his way out, but soon he had to give in, a scowl never leaving his face. The last guard picked up Elora and took her out of the room, ignoring her protests and her tears.

"No ! Let me go ! Varian ! No, no, please, wait ! Varian !"

Old Remyus came last, out of breath and looking for Varian, still helpless on the floor on the far side of the bed. He saw his patient's face and then looked down at his feet, his eyes searching for something in particular among the broken shards.

He saw it. The piece of broken glass that still had the label on it. Remyus read it and his heart skipped a beat.

"Devil's Helmet… " he whispered.

"What ?" asked the King.

"It's the Queen of Poisons, Sire. It's made out of aconite roots, and it has many healing purposes when used in very small doses or in ointment. But if used otherwise…. It's a violent poison that could kill the kid within the hour."

Fredric remained silent as the words sank in. He looked at Arianna who was still standing there, frozen, and at Varian who was desperately trying to keep the biggest distance between him and everyone else, backing up against the wall and looking more like a frightened rabbit than the cold-blooded criminal the King remembered. Screeching loudly on the bed, Varian's raccoon was trying to get his friend's attention, but to no avail.

"Is there anything we can do, Remyus ?" he inquired.

"There might be a chance, but we don't have much time. Get the boy to lie down. It will prevent the poison from spreading too fast in his system. And pour some of the hot water that is in the hearth into that bowl. I'll be back." And with that, he hurried off towards his main room.

Get the boy to lie down ? Easier said than done. The teen was in shock, and didn't seem likely to listen. Fredric turned to the one who could handle the boy best in his opinion.

"Arianna !" Fredric called, urge clear in his voice. "Can you…". He trailed off. His wife was just standing there, wide-eyes, and not making a single move apart from her trembling.

"Arianna !" he called again, facing her and and holding her arms, forcing her to make eye contact. "Arianna, listen ! Did you hear Remyus ? We have to do something ! Do you think you can manage with the boy ?"

"… He's dying… he's dying…" was all the Queen could say.

"Darling…" Fredric tried to keep his voice gentle, but he was also panicking inside. "You have to do this. Do you remember when you told me that he needed you ? Well, you were right, he does need you, and he needs you right now more than ever. Now, you are going to go next to him, talk to him and get him back on the bed, all right ?"

Arianna finally met her husband's eyes, her mind slowly processing his words.

"Fredric… I… I can't lose him too" she stammered with a desperate look in her eyes.

"Arianna, we will do as Remyus says and try everything in our power to save him. We are going to make it, Arianna. Together."

Arianna nodded and went closer to the teen. Putting down his coat and his crown quickly, Fredric went to the fireplace for the water, his gaze never leaving his wife.

"Varian ?" she ventured in a soft voice, "Varian, honey, I know you are scared. We are not going to hurt you. Varian, please. You need to lie down."

"Don't you dare touch me" the boy snapped, anger flashing in his eyes through his shaggy raven hair.

The sight sent a shiver down Arianna's spine. She know that look, those furrowed eyebrows and those menacing bared teeth. She had seen all of them in the boy who was ready to take revenge on Corona and the royal family a few days ago.

Deep inside, Varian was feeling overwhelmed by a gigantic wave of emotion. When he saw Nigel bending over him, it was like hundreds of images were forced into his head, and he couldn't process them all. Worst of all, with these pictures came uncomfortable feelings. Sorrow. Betrayal. Loneliness. Anger. Bitterness. Hate.

Some pictures were bigger than the others, blurry but they were there. Those rocks again. Spiky black rocks sprouting up from the ground. The dull grey bricks of a prison cell. And yellow amber, tall as a mountain, and inside, he swore he saw…

"Varian, I'm sorry" came Arianna's voice again. "This should never have happened. Please listen –"

"No, no, you listen, Your Majesty", and his tone sounded forlorn and hurt. "You said you would answer my questions, am I right ? Then tell me, tell me now, is my father encased in amber as we speak ?" he cried, his voice breaking, ignoring the burning sensation in his mouth due to the poison starting to take effect.

Arianna gasped, all words dying in her throat. She honestly thought that the boy was in shock after being assaulted. But now she knew the true reason why he wouldn't let her near.

He remembered.

Fredric understood at once too, but he knew they were running out of time, and the boy's life was more important than his bitterness… and more important than his own resentment for having his royal pride hurt by a fourteen-year-old back in the lab.

"Varian ! Listen, lad. You just have been poisoned. How much did you drink ?" he stepped in.

Varian shifted his gaze to meet the King's eyes defiantly, but he kept his mouth shut, lips tight and eyebrows frowned. He tried his best to look steady and determined, even though he started to experience a tingling sensation of ants crawling all over his body, while his mouth and tongue were now getting numb.

Just then, Remyus came back with a bottle containing some powder in one hand, and a funnel in the other. He couldn't help but overhear their argument. So he locked the door behind him, making sure that the boy wouldn't get a chance to escape. When he was close to King Fredric, he whispered :

"Sire, there is no time to reason with him if we want to save his life. I'll mix this powdered mustard with hot water. I need you to get him on the bed now, by force if necessary."

Fredric nodded and decided to rely on the element of surprise to catch the weak boy.

"Follow my lead, Arianna", he simply said in his wife's ear as he passed by her. Then, to Varian's horror, he lunged forward, cornering the boy between the wall and the bed and seized him gently but firmly by the waist between his large, strong arms, pinning his good arm on his side. Varian thrashed and kicked and yelled, but Fredric stood his ground and settled him down on the bed.

"Fredric, what are you doing ?" Arianna blurted in outrage.

"Your Majesty, he is doing the right thing", interfered Remyus as he finished stirring the strange mixture. "Now look, this is an emetic that will make him vomit, and hopefully bring most of the poison out of his body ", he explained. "He has to take it, no matter what. That's why you will have to pinch his nose as soon as this is in place", he added, lifting up the funnel for the Queen to see.

Arianna's eyes went wide in realization of what was coming next.


	25. Chapter 25 - Despite himself

**Today's menu : aaaangst !**

 **And many unpleasant symptoms due to the poison for Varian to endure.**

 **But the most excruciating pain is the one that shatters a broken heart….**

Chapter 25

Elora's cries startled Ethel from the far end of the hallway.

She dropped the shirt she was working on – a greenish grey shirt that already had a patch on the left sleeve. It was Varian's shirt. After she washed it, she found that a couple of seams had come loose and needed a few stitches. It was an old shirt, but it was the only one the boy owned, as far as Ethel knew.

She stood up abruptly and rushed out of her working room. Her granddaughter was running towards her, weeping bitterly, the guard who accompanied her waiting respectfully a short distance away.

Elora threw her arms around her grandmother's waist and sobbed into her apron. The older lady hugged her back, understanding she would have to be patient until the little girl would be able to speak.

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"LET ME GO !"

Varian never stopped thrashing even when he was pinned down on his bed.

He could still feel Nigel's hands around his throat, and was certainly not too keen on being touched again right now.

But the thing that was most unbearable for Varian was that the man who was forcefully holding him down was the King himself ! The most powerful person in the kingdom, who just purposely chose to ignore the black rocks threat and let his village be destroyed. He didn't anything against it. He too, was responsible for his father being trapped in amber.

The twiggy boy was no match for Fredric. It was easy for the older man to pin down Varian's legs and hips with one arm, the slender wrists in one large, beefy hand. The ruler of Corona made sure he wouldn't strain the bad arm. The boy tried to buckle and twist his body under the steel grip, but there was no way he could have enough strength. His face bore a mask of pure hatred for his opponent. His words were filled with rage and his eyes were darting daggers.

Meanwhile, Arianna's hands were shaking a little, holding the bowl containing the emetic medicine. She waited for Remyus' signal, trying to breathe deeply to slow her racing heart.

With Fredric still holding Varian's limbs down, Remyus pressed one hand against the teen's forehead, hard enough to keep it from moving from side to side. He looked at the Queen briefly : that was her cue. She used her free hand to pinch Varian's nose, forcing him to open his mouth. Remyus then shoved the funnel deep into his mouth, reaching the back of his throat. Varian coughed and gagged against the tip of the dreadful object, but there was no way for him to escape.

Quick and determined, because she kept saying to herself that this was their only chance to save him from the poison, Arianna poured the content of the bowl into the funnel and down his throat, making sure she didn't release the boy's nose until he swallowed. When he did, Arianna let go and backed down in self-loathing after what she made the kid endure. Her hand weak, she let the empty bowl fall down and roll on the floor.

Remyus pulled the funnel out but let his other hand rest on Varian's forehead, this time stroking the boy's sweaty skin to soothe him. The boy panted from the lack of oxygen, making him unable to speak. Nor that he could have used his voice anyway. His throat was burning and felt raw after the contact with the funnel.

"That's right, Varian. That's a good boy. We are going to get that poison out. You are doing fine."

Varian, more enraged than ever, continued to fight for a few seconds under Fredric's hands, but his erratic movements soon subsided, as a strong nauseous feeling settled in. He soon started to feel a sharp pain in his stomach that made him wince and grit his teeth. His whole body tensed, his hands already around his middle in Fredric's grip. The young alchemist tried to raise his head and feet to roll on his side, desperately wanting to curl up into a foetal position. Remyus' trained eyes did not miss the boy's need.

"You can let him go, Sire. I'll get the bucket."

Fredric obeyed and the boy immediately doubled over, retching. Remyus arrived just in time with the bucket as Varian emptied the contents of his stomach.

So much for his full meal at the picnic.

Dazed, Arianna was still standing a couple of steps away, watching the whole scene as if it was part of a play. She felt like the sweet boy she had nurtured for three days was suddenly gone. The same body was lying in front of her, but it was like there was an entirely different person inside. And he might die within moments because they let his aggressor be alone with him. Her mind just couldn't process all this. Her legs felt like jelly.

Varian threw up three or four more times, until he was wrecked by repeated dry heaves only. By the time he was done, his body was sweating all over, his skin cold and clammy. His laboured breathing resonated in the small room. Exhausted, he fell back upon his bed, lying on his side.

Remyus took Varian's good wrist in his hand and checked his pulse. It was irregular and weak. There was no doubt that the poison was already at work.

"What's wrong with him, Remyus ?" asked the King. "We got the poison out, so why is he so pale ?", he added, alarmed by Varian's bloodless features.

"We got most of it out, Sire, but aconite is a very fast poison. Part of it is running through his system already. There is no known antidote, so he will have to fight it. A grown man would be sick for one day or two, but…"

He didn't finish that sentence. He knew he didn't have to add that Varian was probably too small and too thin to stand a chance. The greyish color on his face was enough to prove how sick and weak he actually was.

He sighed.

"It will all depend on his will to live in the end. All we can do is hope now."

From where he was lying, Varian could see the paralyzed Queen, and her forlorn eyes locked with his. Of course, he was the one who yelled at her to stay away in the first place, but now it was like she was afraid to come near him again, and the thought broke his heart.

More scared to be hurt in his feelings than in his body, Varian reinforced those high walls around his heart and looked away.

Well, they had better leave me alone anyway, he thought. I won't let them pretend to be friends with me again. Sooner or later, they will turn their backs on me, I know that. No, I'm not falling for that again. Ever.

His strength ebbing, he allowed himself to close his eyes, his last surge of energy fighting another wave of pain in his stomach. When the ache subsided after what seemed an eternity, he re-opened his eyes, only to see the Queen sway on her feet, her body becoming suddenly limp as she passed out and fell on the floor.

I keep messing things up anyway, he said to himself as his own world faded into darkness.


	26. Chapter 26 - Not you too

Chapter 26

 **************10 years ago*************

 _Varian was only four, but he was old enough to notice that suddenly, all the people from his village were casting pitiful glances at him with sadness in their eyes. They would talk with another adult, take a look at him again, shake their heads, and then keep talking like he wasn't there._

 _As the days passed, nobody explained to the four-year-old what happened. Most people in te village thought it was best not to talk about the traumatizing event to the child. Some plainly didn't care, trusting the kid would adjust. Quirin was too deep in his own grief talk to anybody, let alone find the words for his son. So all Varian knew was that one day, his Mom was here, and the next she was just… gone._

 _Without realizing it, the child grew up with the absolutely terrifying certainty that things could be taken away from him in the blink of an eye with no logical reason and no explanation._

 _Little Varian didn't want to make his Dad feel even worse by asking questions. And also, because when you are four and not mature enough to know that you are not responsible for all the world's harms, the boy believed firmly that if Mom was gone it was his fault, that he must have done something wrong, although he didn't know what._

 _Naturally, this young scientific mind concluded that the same thing could happen to his father. And that became his greatest fear._

 _So Varian became very dedicated to working hard each and every day to show his Dad that his son was special. To make him proud and give him a good reason to stay._

 _So he would never vanish from his life._

Varian didn't get to escape his pain in blissful unconsciousness.

No, he had to stay awake, Remyus knew. His whole system would slow down, so would its defenses and the poison would take over easily.

So the physician used some more of the hot water in the hearth and added some vinegar. He forced Varian awake by putting the bowl in front of his face, the steam coming up from it feeling like daggers up his nose. Varian blinked several times and looked around, eyes darting from side to side. He needed a few seconds to take in his surroundings. He also registered that his nausea was still there, not as strong as before, but enough to be very unpleasant. His stomach still felt upside down and painful. His whole body was pins and needles.

The boy jolted when he realized he was being held in Remyus' arms, afraid that the old man was here to pour some potion down his throat once more. He didn't want to feel the funnel in his mouth again.

"Easy, now. I'm not going to hurt you, Varian. I'm sorry about earlier, but I had no choice", said Remyus as he laid his patient back on the bed.

Varian kept his mouth shut and tried to put on a defiant face. But he was definitely too exhausted to scare anybody. Taking in the attitude all the same, Remyus decided to give the boy some space and went to the fireplace to add another log.

"You must be cold but that's to be expected", he said casually. "The blankets I gave you will keep you warm, so please keep them on you even if you are sweating."

Varian was about to talk back. But cold sweat was indeed taking hold of his small frame. He felt dizzy and unable to focus. Breathing was difficult.

He decided to give his grudges a rest and just focus on enduring those discomforts. Even though he still felt angry about the funnel, the fact that Remyus was not a member of the royal family made it easier for Varian to drop the act.

His eyes suddenly went wide and he uttered a loud gasp as his mind caught up with what his bloodshot eyes saw before. The Queen. He saw her collapse to the floor before he passed out.

With difficulty, he turned his head on the side, and his heart stopped beating in his chest. She wasn't there anymore.

She was gone.

Just like Mom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The large and lavishly decorated royal bedroom was eerily quiet as Fredric was sitting next to his unconscious wife in bed, holding her hand and barely holding back his tears.

He was so angry at himself. For not seeing how the love of her life exhausted herself out for the boy. He also felt like he failed Rapunzel. He gave her his word he would get help for Varian, and he couldn't say he did a very good job at that. The boy has been beaten up, poisoned and strangled. The mighty ruler of Corona wasn't even good at providing basic physical protection.

At least, Arianna tried to help him, but at what cost ?

And now, the King could only hope and pray that Varian would make it alive. He didn't want to be the one to tell his wife that the kid passed away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ruddiger's worried chittering gave Remyus a start, and he immediately knew that something was wrong with the boy.

As he came closer, the old physician was shocked to find out why.

Varian was crying.

The butt of his only hand available –clenched into a fist – pressed on his left eye, he was sobbing uncontrollably. His hot tears were falling on the sides of his face and died in his hair. His whole body was rattled with violent shakings.

He couldn't talk, he could hardly breathe. He didn't react to Ruddiger's calls or pats. His body was no longer his own, his mind was blank. All he could do was cry on and on, overwhelmed by mixed emotions.

He remembered his Mom. He remembered her face, more so thanks to the portrait in his home than to his memories because he was so young. Was it because of his weary condition or because of the poison, but all he could see was a tall figure fall down on the floor, his Mom's face mingling with the Queen's. He couldn't tell who was who. He just knew he wanted them back.

Please be back. Come back and hold me once more, begged the four-year-old who still lived inside the broken teen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Arianna opened her eyes at last, Fredric felt a wave of relief wash over him. Of course, Remyus checked on her when she collapsed and said she would be fine after some rest, but he couldn't help but be worried sick as long as her eyelids remains closed.

"Fredric ?" she mumbled. "What – what happened ?"

"It's all right, darling. You fainted and have been out for almost an hour now. You must take it easy."

"An hour ?" she gasped as she tried to sit up. " Varian ! What about Varian ? How is he ?"

"I've asked Remyus to keep me informed every hour, so he should be here soon. Calm down, darling, please. Since he hasn't come earlier, I think it's safe to say that the boy is still alive."

But that wasn't enough for Arianna.

She threw her blanket over and started to get up.

"Arianna…"

"No, Fredric. You know the situation he is in. If you think you can keep me here…"

"That's not what I was going to say, sweetheart."

He stood up and went to the corner of the room, where the wheelchair was stored.

"I just wanted to suggest I would take you to him myself", he explained with a soft smile.

Arianna lost her voice in surprise. That was unexpected. She looked up at him with questions in her eyes.

Fredric sighed.

"Darling, to be honest, I still don't know what to do with the boy. He has been a threat to the Kingdom and to us directly. But I also respect what you are doing for him despite all that happened. It's still beyond my understanding but… I've… I've realized I made a lot of mistakes recently. For the time being, and until the boy is better, I'll trust your judgement and follow your lead, Arianna", he concluded as he got near her and held out his hand.

Arianna's vision became blurry. She put her hand in his with a beaming smile as he helped her onto the wheelchair.

 **Allow me a short explanation here about how Varian had to deal with his mother's death (which is my own take on it). For me, the fact that nobody put words on his mother's death (and he probably wasn't present at the funeral either) is an issue for his logical mind, developing anxiety (because of the lack of an explanation) and eagerness to please people (especially his father) in him.**

 **I got inspired by my son. When he was 4, our cat died. A couple of hours after I told him, he came to me and said he wanted to see her dead body. So we went to the vet for a last pat, and the day after, it was over. As if he could tick "check" in his database. I wasn't sure at the time, but now I'm certain that going to the vet helped him grasp what it meant.**

 **Another thing is that the loss of a parent at a very young age often backfires at an older age under new circumstances. That's exactly what is happening with Varian, stressed by the situation with his father and all the recent events.**


	27. Chapter 27 - Tears of a broken heart

**I haven't done it for a while, so please allow me to thank you again for all your enthusiastic reviews *hugs*. I'm writing this from my heart, but the story wouldn't truly live without you amazing readers !**

 **So some of you picture Nigel's punishment in a unique way : being turned into a donkey ! This is so much fun ! Yet, *scary Varian's voice behind the wielding mask* I. DO. NOT. WORK. WITH. MAGIC !**

 **I prefer to shatter the characters' feelings instead, bwahaha !**

 **OK, so this is definitely a fluffy chapter laced with angst. Hope you'll like it ! Please review !**

Chapter 27

Arianna couldn't find the words to express how much it meant to her to reconcile with her husband. Her heart told her she was right to tend to Varian, but she also knew how her actions affected Fredric, and she felt guilty for it. There would still be some issues to deal with, but at least, they had come to agreement for now, and it was like a huge weight left her shoulders and flew away.

This peaceful feeling couldn't last though.

As they approached Remyus' chambers, they could hear the voice of the old physician.

There was a sense of urge in his voice – not panic, but not too far from it either. It was intermittently covered by the kid's sobs.

"Varian ! Varian !" and his calls were louder with every try. "Varian, wake up. Open your eyes, boy."

Fredric froze in front of the main door, but Arianna literally leapt from the wheeling chair, legs wobbly, struggling to find her balance. Heart beating wildly, she ran to the back room where Varian was.

Said boy was lying on his back, tears pouring from under his closed eyelids and face red from crying. His skinny frame was shaking with every sob, and it sounded like Varian's feeble voice was trying to repeat the same few words over and over again, although they were impossible to catch. Remyus was bending over him, one wrinkled hand squeezing the youngster's fingers, the other patting his damp cheek. As no response came from his patient, the pats quickly became increasingly strong slaps. Ruddiger clearly showed that he did not like this at all, snarling at the old man and putting himself between him and his boy.

"Remyus, what is going on ?" asked the Queen, panic rising in her chest.

"Oh, Your Majesty !" Remyus flustered, surprised as he was since he didn't hear the royal couple come in. "I… I'm not sure, Your Highness. He has been like this for almost the whole past hour."

"Is the poison doing this ?"

"It shouldn't be. There are many symptoms to this poison, but the mind remains clear. It could be a psychological shock. It's like he's not conscious. I've tried everything to make him open his eyes and talk to me, but it's like he's deaf." he replied, head low and eyes closed, a clear indication that he was out of solutions. And that scared the Queen to her bones. She felt Fredric large hands rest supportively on her shoulders, but it did little to ease her concern.

"But – but I don't understand. How can he be crying and unconscious at the same time ?"

"It's a rare response to an anxiety attack. The body is taking over to release the stress. It can last from a few minutes to a few hours. So it's helpful in a way. But in Varian's case… well, at least the body is still active, which means its defences are still working against the poison to their full potential. But on the other hand, the kid is exhausting himself out."

Remyus paused, looking for the best way to put it.

"Regarding the poison, he's not out of the woods yet, Your Majesty. And, despite all our efforts, he was too weak from the start. I'm afraid the boy will have to give in before the poison does."

"No", uttered the Queen under her breath as she covered her mouth with her hands.

Remyus was an old, experimented physician, who was always able to come up with a remedy, no matter what the problem was. It was the first time that Arianna saw him shake his head and slump his shoulders in defeat. Except when there was nothing he could do.

Tears started to well up in her eyes.

"Arianna…" Fredric ventured.

"No !" she shouted. "No, there has to be something we can do." She whipped around to face the two men, a silent plea in her eyes. This was just so unfair. Varian didn't deserve to die like this.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. But we must prepare for the worst" added Remyus. He knew better than keep people's hopes high when it was a lost cause.

Arianna let out a shuddered breath, turned around and knelt down next to Varian's bed. She began to stroke his mop of hair. She was letting her tears fall freely now. After a while, she couldn't take it anymore and buried her head on the crook of her arm, sobbing openly on the bedsheets.

Remyus motioned the King to leave the Queen for a moment with a tilt of his head. Fredric took a last look at her and followed Remyus. They shuffled their feet to the main room and the physician closed the door behind them. It had never felt so heavy. Fredric clenched his hands into fists, arms shaking with rage and helplessness.

"Nigel… that traitor… if the son of Quirin dies, I swear I will hang him myself within the hour !" he growled under his breath.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Over Varian's sobs, Arianna could hear the door closing as if it was in the distance. She raised her head, her face tear-stained just like his. His young life was slipping away like sand through her fingers, and it was too much to bear.

"Varian," she whispered softly as she combed her fingers through his hair again. "Please don't give up. You are stronger than you think, and you… you have so much to do. Your father needs you. I – I need you. Please don't leave me."

Old memories came back to her in a flash. She was just a little girl when her younger sister fell very ill. Willow had yet to celebrate her second birthday. Arianna didn't remember what it was, but she clearly remembered the worry in her parents' eyes, and how they would never smile anymore. The sun itself seemed to be less bright during the day, and the nights were even darker. As the toddler became weaker and weaker, her mother decided to keep her close to her. She draped a piece of fabric around her, settling the child inside, Willow's head resting on her chest and giving her warmth and comfort with her whole body.

"Please don't leave me", Arianna remembered her Mom saying these words over and over again.

Arianna never knew if her mother's actions and words helped Willow, and to which extent if they did, but the baby girl pulled through.

She was no doctor. But right there and then, she knew what she had to do.

So she took off her shoes, leaving them on the floor next to the bed, lifted the blankets and laid down next to the sobbing boy. Her arm made its way under his neck as she pulled him close to her, his head resting against her heart. He was sweating all over but she didn't care. His skin was cold, his pulse irregular. He showed no response and kept on crying uncontrollably, his limbs slacked. Chin resting on the top of his head, Arianna embraced him with both arms and held him tight, one hand stroking his hair, the other rubbing soothing circles in his back. Should he stop breathing in the next minutes or hours, at least, he wouldn't be alone.

Without realizing it, she slowed down her own breaths, coaxing him to slow down his own breathing rate. She went on whispering to his ear, soft words that were meant for him alone. She didn't know if he could hear her, but she did it anyway, wishing with all her might that she was able to reach his shattered soul somehow.

How much time passed ? Had she started to sleep or was she in a sort of daze ? She only knew she gave a start when Varian was able to mutter his first audible word.

"Mom…"

She froze, barely daring to believe that he had spoken. She also realized that his sobs had quieted down, reduced to soft whimpers and shuddered breaths. She hugged him tighter, like he would fall apart if she didn't and resisted the urge to sob herself. Was he talking to her or was he about to die and talking to his deceased mother ?

"Come on, Varian. You must fight it. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. Don't let this cursed poison win the battle. Time to show me your obstinate, stubborn self."

 **So,** **Varian's state might seemed a little far-fetched, but it did happen to my cousin in her late teenage years a few years back after she had a psychological shock. I also read about it recently. Let's face it, even if some of his choices were wrong, the boy has been psychologically abused since he was a kid ! and he has bottled up so many feelings that now they are coming out, one way or another !**

 **This remind me of "Tommy", a musical and movie by the Who. If you want to dive into what the 4-year-old and the 14-year old Varian could be pleading for, you can listen on to the first minute here :**

 **watch?v=Ju7Y4X6tf0M**

 **I don't own Tommy or Tangled.**


	28. Chapter 28 - Back to life

**Hello, all ! So, yeah, it was high time Varian got a comforting hug ! Even if he's not fully conscious. Boy, does he need affection and love to maybe start over.**

 **I'm amazed every time at your enthusiastic reviews (and the number of clicks on this story !) ! It really gives me confidence to write more. And honestly, I didn't know I would/could write such a long story. You readers have a huge part in it too !**

 **Ah ah, maybe I should keep the donkey idea in mind and use it somehow… but I have plans for Nigel's fate and its role in the story. All in good time…**

 **Pure Hurt/comfort and Angst chapter ! On with it !**

Chapter 28

Pain.

Pain was the first thing Varian registered.

He had the feeling he was waking up from a deep sleep, and instantly wished he hadn't. The excruciating stomach pain was there again, overwhelming his small frame like a giant wave and making him grind his teeth and tense all his muscles.

Then he realized that, as he squeezed his eyes shut against the pain, tears fell. His face was wet, and his breathing was ragged and short. Was he – was he crying ?

His eyes snapped open as he felt something soft brushing his cheek and froze. He expected to see the furry face of Ruddiger, or Remyus maybe, not the angelic face of the Queen smiling down at him, wiping his tears with the back of her hand. She was close to him, so close!

"Hey there ! You are awake", the beautiful face said softly, like they couldn't believe it, eyes brimmed with tears. "How are you feeling ?"

Varian's eyelids flickered. He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, unable to process his thoughts. He felt crushed under the weight of so many questions and so many emotions at the same time. It was like they were all trying to make their way through a door that was much too small.

A searing pain erupted again. Varian's good hand found Arianna's forearm and it dug its fingers in the tender skin. Her fond smile turned into a worried frown, and her arms hugged him tighter.

Wait. Since when does she have her arms around me ? he managed to wonder in his agony.

"I'm sorry you have to be back to pain" he heard her whisper. "But you are here now and I'm so relieved, Varian." Oh, if he only knew how scared she had been, how she tried to brace herself for the worst.

As the pain subsided, Varian instinctively tried to pull away, but he found out that his body was exhausted and wouldn't let him. It went limp of its own accord, deciding for Varian that there was nothing to pull away from. Despite the awkwardness that would have made the boy blush if it weren't for his bloodless features, being held as he was wasn't such a bad feeling.

Since when had he not been held like this ?

Since when had somebody touched him at all ? Well, expect for the guards who manhandled him, and the lanky guy with a fishy look who tried to murder him.

He shuddered at the thought, the panic he felt back then still fresh in his mind. His body didn't forget either, and started to shake.

"Shhhhh", the Queen shoothed as she ran her hand through his thick hair. "What is it, Varian ?"

Varian tried to speak again, but the rasping sound that came out of his mouth was barely a word.

"You must be thirsty. Let me get some water for you", she said as she squeezed his hand gently for reassurance. She shivered. It was so cold. She made as a mental note to get Remyus as well. "Ruddiger, I need you to keep him warm."

Ruddiger didn't have to be told twice. He got up from where he was, against Varian's back, to take the warm spot where the Queen was, settling close to Varian's middle. Perhaps the raccoon could help with the stomach pain, like a real-life hot water skin.

Varian was surprised to find himself about to protest about her leaving, but he didn't have the energy. He was so tired, in every way. The nausea was back, and he was shivering like he had a fever, except he was actually rather cold. He felt awful. He started to stroke Ruddiger's fur languidly, in an attempt to put those discomforts at the back of his mind.

Arianna opened the door to find Remyus and her husband talking with Ethel. The poor old maid looked a little shaken, after her granddaughter Elora ran to her in sheer distress after she saw Nigel attack Varian.

"Elora is with her mother now", Ethel explained to the two men. "She is doing her best to calm the poor thing down. I have made it clear that she should not allow Elora back here for the moment, but…"

All heads turned to the Queen as she blurted out the words they weren't sure they would ever hear. "He's awake". As she let these words out, she felt all the tension leave her, and she would have collapsed if it weren't for the handle and the door frame she was resting on. Fredric immediately ran to her for support.

One look between them and they knew they needed a moment together. So the royal couple stayed back in the main room as Arianna let her tears of relief flow freely, the events taking their toll on her, and Fredric holding her tight, unable to hide how worn out he was too.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Within moments, Varian was given the water he so desperately needed. He was already on the verge of severe dehydration, after throwing up repeatedly, sweating profusely, and crying so many tears. With kind words and sensible advice, Ethel made sure that he was not going to choke on the water he so eagerly gulped down.

Remyus grabbed the boy's wrist, eventually finding the fluttering beating of his feeble pulse. It was not racing like it did during his panic attack, it was now slow and irregular. Varian's skin was still clammy, with a sickly pale hue. The poison was definitely still in his bloodstream.

Remyus and Ethel kept on talking to him, prompting him to let them know if he was in pain, or hungry maybe, but it was pretty obvious that the boy was already in and out of consciousness with fatigue, eyelids fluttering and seldom fully open.

"Ethel', Remyus called, "Will you help me strip him ? I'd say that some frictions would make his blood be more active and keep him warm. Hopefully it will also prevent him from falling asleep."

Varian didn't try to argue or squirm away when Ethel undid his shirt. Remyus dipped a rag in a strong-smelling liquid – there might have been some alcohol in there – and started to rub it on his torso and skinny arms, while Ethel started to work on his legs. It stung a little, because of its composition he thought absentmindedly, but it quickly gave the teen a pleasant feeling of warmth on his tender skin.

Remyus was right : the frictions were keeping Varian awake, well more or less. The young alchemist let the two of them work on his body while his mind started to race.

He had an unsettling feeling, like he was sitting on the top of an anthill. He wanted –no, he needed to see the Queen's face again, and he couldn't comprehend why. This was just not adding up in his head. Of course, he was aware that she took care of him over the last few days, and at that time he was grateful. But now things were different.

Now Varian remembered what happened between him and the royal family. He remembered how it hurt when the people of Corona turned their backs on him when he needed help. He remembered Rapunzel breaking her promise and letting the guards throw him out of the castle in the snow storm. He remembered hurting and being alone. He remembered he had to turn against who he was to save his father. All those old wounds were suddenly opened raw again, and it felt like his heart was ripped apart by his resurrected anger.

But worst of all, a new pain, more dreadful than any other, burst in, burning and gripping his heart.

He remembered he hurt them. He remembered he hurt the Queen.

Unnoticed by Remyus and Ethel, Varian's good hand clenched into a fist.


	29. Chapter 29 - Go away

**Okay, so this kinda hurt to write… Sorry but I'm just getting started with Varian's deepest angst !**

 **You are still here ? Enjoy your reading then !**

Chapter 29

There was only so much Remyus could do to prevent Varian from going to sleep at that point. Drained by the effects of the poison, the boy finally relaxed and welcomed the quiet realm of nothingness washing over him. He was sound asleep when the King and the Queen came back to his room. Every now and then, he would cringe in his sleep because of still very frequent and intense stomach pains.

Arianna's eyes were circled in red, exhaustion clear on her face. It seemed that she could barely walk and that Fredric's large frame supporting her was the only reason why she was still standing.

With a sigh, Remyus declared :

"Let's keep a constant check of his pulse and proceed with regular frictions, even if he's asleep. He's been fighting the poison for a good while now, let's hope that will be enough for him to recover. He needs his rest now."

Arianna looked down at the teen, the raccoon mimicking her from his sitting position on Varian's large pillow. She was still anxious that he would not wake up, even if Remyus seemed a little more optimistic now. Said physician picked up on her worried and tired gaze and purposely added :

"He's going to be out for a good while. I'll watch over him, Your Majesties, and Ethel will help me."

"Thank you, Remyus. And thank you Ethel. For everything", the King replied before his wife could express a protest of any sort. "We will go and get some rest."

Reluctantly, Arianna let Fredric lead her back to their apartments. She knew that her husband spoke wisely, and that she would need all her strength for what was to come.

Because right after they stopped Nigel red-handed, Varian made it clear with sharp words and flashing anger in his eyes that his memories were back.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After that, Varian slept for 18 hours straight. Dawn was about to break when Remyus finally dozed off on a chair next to the boy's bed, after watching after him all night. It was more and more likely that the kid was out of danger, and the old man could definitely use some sleep. And Ethel was scheduled to come back after sunrise to take over.

Light was starting to swell slowly in the small room where Varian laid. As if on cue, the long, restful sleep came to an end. The boy's head shifted from side to side, a clear indication that he was on the verge of waking up even before his eyelids cracked open.

Ruddiger was the first one to greet his friend with excited chittering and furry head giving his human's cheek energetic rubs. Varian gave a weak smile and returned the pats.

"Hey Ruddiger ! How are you, old boy ?" he said in a very low voice, his eyes full of fondness for his ever-faithful friend.

If Ruddiger could talk, he would probably have asked the same question. At last, Varian was feeling much better, the nausea was almost gone and his hands and feet weren't so cold anymore.

Then his eyes landed on the crouched frame of Remyus, asleep on the chair. Varian chuckled at the peculiar sight and looked around. The light was dim, but he could see that no one else was around.

His stomach was actually begging for food now, but he didn't register it. Overwhelmed and confused, the teen's mind took the lead with no specific thinking or planning – and like one of his automatons, which require somebody else's will to move, Varian slowly got up. He didn't know where he wanted to go, or what he was going to do, he just had to get out. Out and away. He didn't care that he was wearing a long night shirt. As silently as he could so as not to wake up the old physician, he took wobbly steps towards the door. His legs felt so weak, all his muscles possibly gone – actually, they were, after such a long time on bed. Remyus kept snoring softly as the kid passed by him. Puzzled, Ruddiger followed Varian's every step.

The young alchemist didn't believe in magic and such things as miracles, but he had to admit that making it to the hallway in his condition was a little miracle in itself. Leaning against the wall for support, he dragged his feet on the castle's thick carpets.

There was not a soul there. Most guards were only about to take their duty shift after the night, so no one was standing in front of Remyus' doors. Maids were still busy in the kitchen lighting up the fire and preparing the breakfast.

After a few steps, Varian had to stop. He was panting like he just ran a marathon and felt dizzy.

It took him a few seconds to register that at the other end of the hallway, something was moving – and coming closer. In a daze, he watched as the little figure ran to him, calling his name.

"Varian ! Oh Varian, you're here ! You're alive !"

And before the teen could understand what was happening, he lost his balance and fell on his backside as Elora, too thrilled to think of being careful of Varian's injuries, stumbled into him, her arms thrown around his waist with the spontaneity only children are capable of.

Ruddiger was hopping around, and Elora was literally weeping with joy. Varian blinked several times, his good hand on the floor for support and finally stammered in a hoarse voice :

"E… Elora ?"

"Varian, I thought you were dead ! Mom and Grandma wouldn't let me see you, they forbade me to come here. But it's very early, so I sneaked out. I had to know. You won't tell them, will you ?"

Varian was still too stunned to make a reply. Elora, on the other hand, couldn't stop rambling.

"You know, I woke up early, so it was easy to leave unnoticed. Everybody was still asleep. It was just another nightmare, but this time I didn't scream in my sleep. You were in it, Varian, and you know, it was the monster in the fog in front of the castle again. I was scared, I was looking for my family everywhere. It was dark and I couldn't find them, and the monster found me first. Its eyes were glowing, and it opened its mouth to eat me ! And suddenly you came Varian ! You came when I thought you were gone ! You stood between me and the monster and you told him to go away ! I don't know how you did, because the monster listened to you, and it ran away. You were the only one with the power to control the monster !"

The last words were ringing in Varian's ears. "You were the only one with the power to control the monster !"

"You were the only one with the power to control the monster !"

"You were the only one with the power to control the monster !"

Varian's heart started to race. His breathing started to hitch. He found himself sweating, when it had stopped a few moments before. His eyes were wide and unfocused, his mouth gaping.

"Varian ?" ventured Elora. But he didn't respond.

Not the way she was expecting at least.

"No… no, no, no…" he repeated over and over in realization. His voice was like a breath at first, but it became louder with every word, until he was sitting there, shouting and shaking his head in dismay.

"No, no, NO !"

"Varian ?" Elora tried again, this time holding his arms with her tiny hands.

Varian's eyes wavered a little longer until they focused and came to a stop on Elora's big eyes.

He closed his gaping mouth, his lips tight and his thick eyebrows were drawn in a deep frown.

"No ! You shouldn't be here !" he spat as he pushed her away with surprising strength. "Go ! Get away from me !"

Elora was now the one to fall on her backside awkwardly, petrified at Varian's sudden outburst. She suddenly felt very cold and very scared.

"Don't you understand ? I am the one who created that monster ! I am responsible for this ! Go away ! I don't want you here ! Don't you dare come back !" he yelled in rage and desperation as he tried to stand.

"Varian…" Elora whined as she started to cry hot tears and scramble back on her hands and feet.

Seeing he had succeeded with the little girl, Varian dropped his eyes onto the raccoon.

"AND YOU!" he lashed out even louder. "Why are you still here ? After what I've done to you ? Stupid raccoon ! Go away ! Both of you ! Go and leave me ! Leave me alone ! Forever…"

His angry voice trailed off, as he needed to focus more on the support the wall could provide, but it was too late. His eyes rolled at the back of his head, and he collapsed at Elora's feet.


	30. Chapter 30 - Defiance and tears

**I'm sorry it's difficult for me to reply to everyone individually, but thank you, thank you for your reviews !**

 **Crystal, just to make it clear, the poison has no influence on Varian's behavior (except for the fatigue and all). His memories are back, and they are making a big mess in his head. There is a reason for his reaction to Elora and Ruddiger, wait and see !**

 **L, thank you for your Star Wars parallel, it is so true. Slowly, Varian will go back from steps 4 to 1, but with all that happened (and still happens in his head), there is a long way to go.**

 **I'm going to have a few days' break, so I may not be able to update within the next few days (but I'll be back !). Hope the long chapter makes up for it. Emotional pain is hard to write ! Take care, all, and please continue to share your thoughts !**

Chapter 30

Varian opened his eyes and saw the Queen sitting at his bedside. She wasn't smiling down at him. That was new.

"Glad you're awake, Varian", she said sternly, her tone not quite matching her words. "If you would please sit up, it is high time you ate something."

She didn't sound absolutely mad at him, but her body language and the controlled irritation in her voice were a clear indication that it was a wrong time to mess with her right now.

Indeed, the Queen was having a hard time keeping her self-control. Not only had Varian got up and sneaked out of his room, but he also lashed out at Elora and Ruddiger.

Yet, Arianna knew that being mad at Varian would only result at him crawling back into his shell, and become this angry, defiant boy who was her keeper in his lab. This was definitely not the way to make him listen – and talk.

Plus, the boy had a very, very empty stomach, after being forced to throw up all its content the day before to get rid of the poison. No wonder he passed out in the hallway during his outburst. Before leaving his patient to get his own rest, Remyus confided to the Queen how baffled he was that Varian was able to get up at all. He never thought the kid would be in condition to go anywhere.

Varian was a very sensitive boy who was intuitively capable of feeling what other people need or expect from him. And from what he could perceive from the Queen, she sounded very capable of getting the funnel at once and shoving it down his throat herself. Silently, he shuffled on his bed to sit up. This time, Arianna let him manage by himself. Her cold gaze on him started to freak him out.

Arianna kept her mouth shut as she took a bowl from the nightstand and started to scoop up some soup for him.

Varian realized how hungry he actually was with every spoonful, and they wouldn't come fast enough to his liking, Arianna making sure that he had time to swallow before the next one. He had to hold himself back or he would have grabbed the bowl and drunk up all its content. The soup was all gone too soon anyway, and if he didn't know better, Varian would have asked for more. But, first, he could feel he couldn't overload his stomach. Second, he was too anxious about the discussion he knew was coming up to say a word.

It came swiftly and abruptly.

"Now," Arianna began as she set the bowl and the spoon aside, "I want you to tell me what happened earlier in the hallway. And you know exactly what I'm talking about, Varian."

She was poised – as a Queen should be, and Varian shrank as he felt he was about to get a lecture like a small child. His features tensed even more as he remembered Elora's panicked face and Ruddiger's scared eyes. He turned his head away, his jaw set and teeth gritted, blatantly refusing any kind of communication.

Arianna sighed. She had run across Elora on her way to visit Varian after she woke up, and had spent almost an hour trying to calm her down. The little girl managed to explain between sobs what happened with Varian. She also told how the whole ordeal woke up Remyus who arrived only to watch Varian crumple to the floor and how he then took him back to bed to tend to him.

"Varian", he heard her, "I know that you now remember all that happened during those past few months. I'm sorry your memories had to be back the way it happened, and I'm sorry that we let the person who wanted to hurt you get to you."

Hurt me ? Call it as it was, please, Your Majesty, he wanted to kill me. But, well, you know, no sweat, he thought to himself with bitterness and irony. But still, he didn't move an inch to turn around and meet her gaze. Knitting his eyebrows together even if she couldn't see his face, he kept staring at the wall.

"And…I know you are angry at us, at Corona and at our family, but this is not the point right now. The point is, Varian, you can shout at me, and yell at me, and lash out at me all your heart's content, I am ready to hear your words of hate. But you cannot, absolutely cannot do so to the young girl who wants nothing more but be your friend."

Varian scoffed at her words but said nothing, building walls around his heart. He too, only wanted to be friends with Eugene, Cassandra and Rapunzel. He thought they could be friends and that he could count on them. That they wouldn't turn their back on him when he needed help.

"Varian, will you please share with me why you were so angry at Elora and Ruddiger ?" Arianna ventured one last time.

Arianna kept her eyes on the teenager and gave him a few seconds, hoping he would eventually be ready to open up to her. Varian hated how he could feel her gaze upon him and how it made him uncomfortable. He pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them with his arm. He was definitely back in his shell, physically and mentally. Arianna was at a loss what to do, and her own frustration grew with Varian's mutism.

"Very well", she said in a tone that was as neutral as she could. "I will leave you to think about it while I go wash the dishes."

She stood up, picked the bowl and spoon, and turned her heels without another word.

In their respective contained anger, neither Arianna nor Varian noticed that Ruddiger was missing.

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The metal bowl and spoon clanked loudly against each other as Arianna set them a little too roughly in the sink in Remyus's main room. She stayed still for a moment, upset inside. Shortly afterwards, she broke down and quickly covered her mouth to stifle a sob.

Right now, dealing with injuries, memory loss or even some deadly poison seemed so much easier than this. She had, in her opinion, barely prodded the boy and the result was a disaster. He was so stubborn, and so reckless! How could she help him if he didn't let her ? How to encourage him to talk ? She was never taught how to make a defiant teenager listen to reason. She had no idea how to deal with him anymore.

Her mind reeled over the past events. Arianna was deeply shaken by the what-ifs that stumbled into her thoughts. What if Varian had escaped ? What if he had attacked Remyus in his sleep ? She had a responsibility in this, and Varian could have hurt himself, but also other people. She had even considered using the shackles on Varian again, and felt sick to her stomach with guilt, torn between her hate for cuffs and the safety they provide – the safety she should provide.

She also felt guilty for being so cold towards him, but she had to show him that his attitude could not be tolerated. If anything, the boy needed limits. He had been on his own for far too long, and it took him down the wrong path. As much as she hated to play that part, she had to be strict with him, or he would end up in a cell again. They were lucky so far that Fredric didn't find out what happened, since he was busy with royal duties first thing in the morning.

"Okay, just breathe, Arianna", she said to herself. This didn't add up and she needed to understand. That he was upset with her or the King, or Rapunzel, she could understand. She knew the story. But why would he reject sweet Elora and his beloved Ruddiger ? What could he blame them for ?

With that in mind, she gathered her courage and went back to Varian's room.

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When Elora joined her mother and grandma in the kitchen, eyes still red from crying, they both scolded her at first for disobeying and visiting Varian, but in the end, they couldn't ignore her distress. They did whatever they could to soothe her before they had to go on with their duties.

Elora tried to keep her hands busy by washing frying pans to distract her troubled soul, but it didn't work. She could still hear Varian's angry voice in her head and she performed her task mechanically, wondering over and over what she did wrong.

The foam in the sink and the pan's handle sticking out of it suddenly reminded her of the fog and of the monster's huge tail she saw that night. Varian said… he said that the monster was his raccoon.

With a gasp, she left the pan as it was and left the kitchen in a hurry.

She had to find Ruddiger.

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Varian was in the same position as the Queen left him, except for his shoulders that were slumped. She couldn't see his face, but she could tell how miserable he was.

She came closer and sat down quietly, trusting the rustling of her dress to indicate to Varian that she was here. A moment passed without either of them saying a word.

"Varian, I'm sorry about your father." The Queen ventured at last. She wasn't sure at all it was the right way to start, but it was what her heart told her.

"Don't talk to me about my father", replied the teenager who shrugged without shifting from his position. "You didn't care back then, why do you now ?"

"I'm here now, Varian, and I want to help you. I know it seems hard to believe for you right n…"

The explosion came. Varian's head snapped and turned around to face her.

"Hard to believe ? Hard to believe ? Yes, it is hard to believe. It's impossible. That's what people do anyway. Oh, but I've learned my lesson, Your Majesty." She could hear the sarcasm from the way he enunciated her title. "The people who pretend to be my friends always betray me one day or another."

"That's not true, Varian"

"Do you really think so, Your Majesty ? Rapunzel didn't keep her promise and let the guards throw me into the snow storm. Then my own village turned against me because they heard that I attacked the Princess. And I'm not sure Cassandra bragged about how she let me down when she said she would be my assistant at the Science Expo, just because she had a better opportunity that was more important than our pretended FRIENDSHIP !"

This last word was ripped out of his throat with a strength that surprised even him. His voice echoed in the room in the silence that followed.

Arianna looked down and tried to process his words. No wonder that after the beating, his brain decided to shut down all the memories from the Science Expo onwards. That day was the first pang he felt in his heart. The first of many. No wonder he outright refused to go through that again.

"Varian, is that why you reject everyone ? Even Elora and Ruddiger ?"

"They will turn their back on me at some point anyway, like everybody else !" he spat.

"Varian, Elora loves you like a brother. And Ruddiger has always been there for you. They would never hurt you on purpose and you know that. Now stop blaming others and give me the true reason why you turned them away, Varian !" shouted the Queen, pushing the boy to his limits. He had to say it himself.

"They would !" he replied at the top of his lungs. "They would hurt me and they will ! They have every right to do so ! Because if they don't hurt me first, I will be the one to hurt them eventually ! I have hurt them already!"

Varian felt silent, a mix of rage and despair on his young face. His pantings were the only sounds heard in the room. Arianna was holding her breath.

"Why would they stay by my side ?" he murmured after a while. Tears were starting to well up in his eyes, and he wiped them quickly with the back of his hand, sniffing. "I have hurt them. No matter what I do, I always end up breaking things and hurting people."

Varian was shaking. He was trying to hold back his tears, refusing to break down in front of her. In his head, a voice kept saying ; "I did this. I did this." He squeezed his eyes shut hoping it would stop.

He gave a start as he felt a hand upon his. He opened his eyes and met Arianna's. The Queen reached out her other hand and cupped his cheek.

Varian let out a sob. Before he knew it, he felt warm arms around his frame.

Hesitantly he let his head down, hiding his face in her shoulder, and the dam broke. His whole body rattled with erratic breath and uncontrollable sobs, he at last allowed himself to let his sorrow take over for once. He couldn't find it in him to return the Queen's embrace, but didn't try to pull away either. He had so many unshed tears in him, and he needed her to let them flow.

"Oh Varian… ", was the Queen's silent prayer for him. "What your hell must be…"


	31. Chapter 31 - I must find them

**I'm back ! I have been traveling a bit, and couldn't type (but I never go anywhere without a drawing pad now, so I worked on some pieces of art related to the story. Check them out on tumblr soon !).**

 **I've also been thinking on the story too :) It's pretty much complete in my head, but it doesn't hurt to have more ideas popping in, right ? (except for Varian maybe… I may be mean to him in the future…)**

 **This chapter is a bit short, but I couldn't wait to post again !**

Chapter 31

Neither the Queen nor Varian would have been able to say how long their embrace lasted. Arianna kept rubbing circles on his back or sometimes moved her hand up to his hair to remind him that she was there, but she silently let him cry and waited for him to calm down. It was too early to talk, for both of them.

She had little to no experience with teenagers after all, especially when their troubled mind and heart came in the way. And this particular boy was a riddle himself. Of course, these past months' events had clearly left deep wounds in him. In addition to that, he was still so young, no wonder he was struggling to understand and control his emotions.

While she was holding him close to her, she was pondering these things. The truth behind the anger started to dawn on her. Pushing his friends away was the only response he was able to give, overwhelmed and terrified by his own actions and their consequences. He was actually blaming himself more than them. She felt a pang in her heart, trying to imagine how he felt as he shouted at them, blinded by his resolute desire to protect Elora and Ruddiger from himself.

Things were far from being as clear in Varian's head.

All he knew was that he wouldn't stop crying. He just couldn't. He felt very childish, like a kid who broke his toy after tossing it in the air. He didn't even know why he said those words, and he regretted them the moment they left his mouth. Because the Varian that was still there, deep down, would never have sent people away like that. On the contrary, he used to be that boy who would have gone to the moon and back to get a tiny speck of recognition, love maybe, in return. Now he felt completely lost and angry at himself for being such an idiot.

His sobs suddenly stopped as he could hear some voices arguing in the room next door. Arianna also lifted up her head as she froze to listen.

"This is my patient we are talking about, Ethel, and you are not going in there", Remyus' voice boomed, trying to be intimidating.

"Out of my way, old man !" came Ethel's biting reply. "You know she was upset after seeing the boy, and I'm going to find out what he knows."

Arianna looked down at Varian, green eyes meeting blue. His face was wet with tears.

"Here, Varian", she said softly as she handed out a handkerchief to him so he could blow his nose, "Will you please stay here for a minute ? I'll be right back."

She stepped off the bed where she was sitting and bolted out the door, leaving the sniffing boy behind her.

"What is going on, here ?" whispered the Queen, hoping to shush them both.

"Your Majesty", replied Ethel, barely calming down, "I haven't seen Elora for several hours now. I have been looking all over for her, but it's like she just vanished."

Arianna bit down her lower lip.

"Oh, that's terrible. I will send some guards to find her. Don't worry, Ethel, we'll find her, she can't be far."

"Your Majesty, with all due respect, the boy…"

"Needs some time and rest, Ethel. I'm sorry, I know I am asking a lot from you, but he has been in this room for hours, unconscious most of the time, and there is no way he can have a clue where…"

"I will go and look for her", a shaky yet determined voice burst in.

Remyus, Ethel and Arianna all turned their heads to see the teenager standing in the doorway. His sling was gone – he obviously just decided to take it off. He had given his face a quick wipe. But the most outstanding sight was his eyes, still red and watery from crying, making the blue drop in his iris look even brighter.

"Varian, you shouldn't be up", the Queen scolded half-heartedly.

"I MUST go and find her !", he shouted, ignoring her last words. "Ruddiger… is missing too" he added softly. "I'm the one who shouted at them. I must go and find them. Please" he begged, very much like he begged on a not-so-distant snow day. The mere memory made him sway and wobble on his weak legs.

Arianna was already by his side and wrapped her arm around his waist for support.

"Please let me go find them" he added in a whisper, his pleading eyes digging into hers.

Arianna nodded, understanding how important it was to him. Not only right now, but also for the future. If he could face his responsibilities regarding Elora and Ruddiger, it would pave the way for him when it will come to facing some of his other bad choices.

"All right, Varian, but you will have to use the wheelchair. You don't have the energy for a long walk, and you know it."

Varian seemed about to reply, but he knew better than arguing with the Queen on such matters. So he simply muttered "Okay" and made his way to the wheelchair. Remyus brought a blanket to cover his legs. Only Ethel stayed back, torn between her worry for Elora, her irritation at Varian and some wonder for the boy's persistence.

"So, Varian, do you have any idea where to look first ?" Arianna asked once he was sitting on the chair, kneeling down so their eyes would be on the same level.

"Miss Ethel," he asked politely, sensing her coolness towards him, "Where have you been looking so far ?"

"Well, everywhere in the castle. She knows every part of it. She could be anywhere."

Varian was fighting his fatigue to think hard. He didn't know the castle so well, and he didn't know Elora so well either after all. Come on, Varian, think. What do you know about Elora ? What does she like ? What could bring her some comfort ? Well, the little girl had seldom stepped into his room without a…

"Book ! The library ! Have you checked there ?" he asked, leaning forward hopefully.

"Yes, I have" replied Ethel with her head down. "She wasn't there."

Varian sat back in frustration. All he needed was one clue.

What about Ruddiger ? Where would his raccoon go if he felt sad ?

Suddenly, it hit him.

"The garden !" he exclaimed. "The chestnut alley where we had our picnic ! Ruddiger loved that, and he probably felt more comfortable outside. Elora could be with him, couldn't she ?"

Ethel's eyes widened. She had been so set on the idea that Elora was probably crying somewhere in a corner that she never thought of that.

"Your Majesty," Ethel inquired with a respectful bow, "May I take Varian outside myself, if you please ?"

Arianna smiled and nodded.

"Yes, of course, Ethel. Please do. I hope you will find them there."


	32. Chapter 32 - Under the chestnut tree

Chapter 32

The wheelchair pace seemed awfully slow to Varian, but the boy didn't dare rush the old maid. She was probably as eager as him to find Elora and was probably walking as fast as she could. So Varian resigned himself to biting his lower lip to control his restlessness.

They reached the garden, and it was easier for Ethel as soon as they went down the slope, all the way down to the chestnut alley. Varian's eyes darted in every direction constantly, heart beating faster with the anxiety to have proven wrong.

So when he spotted the white and peach dress of the young maid, the boy stood up before he could think of it, wheelchair still in motion, and leapt off the footboard. The blanket fell on the ground but he didn't care, nor did he seem to mind that his bare feet were tickled by the thick grass. He ran down the hill, his usual lack of coordination combined to his apprehension making him trip and stumble more than once, but his icy blue eyes remained locked on the little girl's form.

She was sitting very still under a tree. A shaky exhale of relief escaped his lips when he saw a grey and black lump on her lap, which he immediately recognized as Ruddiger. It was a new sight, though, since Elora was afraid around animals in general.

He slowed down when he realized that both of them were asleep. He paused before making his way carefully, step by step. Coming closer, he felt his heart was breaking as he knelt down on the grass, his legs now too weak to support him.

"She has cried herself to sleep" he muttered, noticing the harrowing proof - tear stains on her cheeks. "She has cried herself to sleep because of me…"

Varian knew too well what he felt like. He had lost count of the times he had gone to sleep with his face wet and his eyes burning when he was all alone in his lab, with only his father crystallized in amber for company. Well, not quite alone.

Ruddiger was there. The sweet creature couldn't talk, but his concerned chittering, his small pats on Varian's leg or arm and his heartfelt cuddles were probably what protected Varian from losing his mind completely. The boy was too upset and angry to acknowledge his furry friend's kindness at the time, but still, the raccoon has always been there for him, no matter what.

Varian realized that now. Another pang of guilt hit his chest as fresh tears sprang to his eyes.

Awakened by Varian's heavy breathing, the raccoon stirred, ears first, and lifted his head to meet eyes with his boy.

Ruddiger's ears backed down, his fur bristled and his teeth bared. In one second, he was away, hidden in thick bushes.

Paws moving fast on her legs woke up Elora. She blinked a few times, trying to remember what she was doing outside, before falling face to face with the dejected teenager in front of her. His gaze was lost somewhere in the green behind her, and in it, the little girl saw what a heart that's been torn apart looked like.

Ethel had decided to stay a respectful distance away, Elora sat frozen on her spot and Varian was still in his daze. None of the children spoke. The sighing of the wind and the rustling of the leaves alone filled the silence, until Varian let out a choked sob.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Arianna quickly changed Varian's bedsheets again, the task helping her to take time to think. It was hard to realize that the boy had just escaped death. The poison almost won the battle, and to call it a close call was an understatement. Even Remyus thought Varian was doomed. But the young alchemist definitely had more strength in him that met the eye, and an iron will.

Her mind started to wander as she was shaking the plump pillow, more roughly than needed. This was not about what the kid had done anymore. He had been a victim in many ways these past days, and the Queen was not going to take it.

It was time to pay a visit to a certain advisor.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I'm sorry."

…

It took Varian a few seconds to realize that Elora had spoken, like his ears were stuffed with cotton that didn't allow sounds to reach his brain easily. He jolted out of his trance, and his eyes focused on her at last.

"What?..."

"I'm sorry, Varian."

The teen was dumbfounded.

"You're sorry?… for… for what ?"

"For making you angry. I didn't mean to", she said timidly, her eyes filling with tears.

Varian felt like his whole body was melting. Actually, he wanted to disappear into the ground with shame.

"Oh, Elora, I…" he started, but found out he was unable to say more. He was shaking with fresh sobs and hid his face in the crook of his arm.

The little girl was puzzled. She didn't quite understand why Varian was so upset, and she didn't exactly get why he was so angry earlier either. She was a sweet, innocent child who knew nothing yet of loneliness and despair.

The only thing she knew was that she hated to see her friends cry. And despite what happened, she considered Varian as such in her heart.

She stood up and closed the distance between them. She took his other hand in hers and waited for him to look up.

Varian's muscles tensed under the little girl's touch, and he kept his eyes hidden as he burst out crying :

"There is nothing for you to be sorry for, Elora. It's me… it's all me… I… I don't know why I did that, and I'm… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry. You… you didn't do anything wrong. I keep messing things up and I was so angry with myself. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

The broken teen gave a start when he felt Elora sitting next to him on the grass, gently wrapping his free arm around her shoulders. He lowered his elbow to look at her in astonishment, tears still streaming down his face.

"It's okay, Varian. I just… don't want you to be sad anymore. You're my friend."

At these words, Varian completely lost it and hugged Elora tightly in his frail arms. He felt so vulnerable, he was unable to do anything but cry even harder. Yet, at the same time, he could feel deep within a sparkle that ignited and started to warm up his heart.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Nigel lifted up his head when he heard footsteps approaching. He had been rotting in jail since his arrest with no news from the King about his fate.

So he was quite surprised to find out that the guard was escorting the Queen. The key was put into the lock, and the heavy door squeaked open.

"Your Majesty", Nigel respectfully bowed as she walked to him.

After a few seconds, as the Queen didn't utter a word, he slowly raised his head and looked at her.

Suddenly, Nigel saw stars and his cheek stung painfully. His head was forced on the side with the powerful strength of the hand of an angry Queen.

Nigel's eyes went wide open with the shock the slap triggered, but he stayed steady on his feet. He didn't move at all for another few seconds.

In front of him, the Queen's eyes darted daggers, literally, and her voice came out like it wasn't her own, blank and cold with deep rage.

"How could you..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elora and Varian had been sitting under that tree for a good while, Ethel thought. But she could see from a distance that they were doing well and she knew they needed some time together. Although she wished she was a tiny mouse, so she could hear their conversation.

"You know, I've spoken to Ruddiger", Elora said, back to her very chatty self. "I'm not afraid of him anymore. And now I know he was the monster I saw, I don't think I will have these nightmares again."

"Really ? I'm glad to hear that. Elora, you are the bravest girl I've met."

The girl giggled, but shortly after, her face became serious again. "Are you very worried about Ruddiger ?"

Varian sighed. "He ran away when he saw me. I…" A pause to swallow the lump in his throat. "I never thought I would scare him away like that. He has always been there for me, and I… well, he deserves so much better than a friend like me", Varian concluded, his gaze forlorn once again.

"Nonsense !" Elora burst. "Do you think Ruddiger would have stayed with you all this time if he didn't think you were the best friend for him ?"

Varian closed his mouth. She had a point.

"But I yelled at him, Elora. I... I was so afraid I would harm him again, like when I transformed him into a monster and sent him to fight against the castle guards. I… I don't want him to be hurt. If he were hurt because of me, I think I… I just couldn't bear it."

"Mom and Grandma always say that everybody makes mistakes. It's all right as long as you say sorry, fix them and you make sure you don't do the same thing again", Elora explains, with a seriousness beyond her years.

But what if he doesn't listen to me ? Varian thought to himself, his old fear gnawing at him again.


	33. Chapter 33 - Please, Ruddiger

**I'm back ! I love this discussion that's been going on about Varian's possible (or not) adoption. In the case of this particular story, I have something in mind about that matter already, and I don't want to spoil anything, but like L, I'd say that it couldn't happen in the situation we have, because of Frederic. Not because he's the King, not because of what happened between him and Varian, but simply because Varian would never accept to have a surrogate father, key word being "father". It would mean he is remplacing his Dad and it would symbolically "kill" Quirin, or at least implies that Varian goes along with the idea that he doesn't have his father anymore. And Varian being Varian, he would blatantly refuse that idea. That's my opinion, and I'm happy to listen to other ideas !**

 **Also, there is no canon age for Elora. She is younger than Varian, I imagine her being around 9. Um, yet, I'm not shipping them as anything else as good friends or maybe a brother/sister relationship. Having a younger person to care for is essential for Varian's growth. He has Ruddiger, but most of the time, it's more Ruddiger who protects Varian rather than the other way around ! And, I said this on tumblr, but Varian is absolutely not ready yet for a romantic relationship whatsoever, not even with Cassandra. Again, just my opinion.**

 **Without further ado…**

Chapter 33

The more he was thinking of it, the more anxious Varian got about Ruddiger. He couldn't find a reason why the raccoon would come back. He couldn't find a reason why anybody would stick by him again.

Yet Elora was here, right next to him. He never meant to harm her directly, so the fact that she forgave him somehow made sense in his wrecked mind. It was an entirely different matter with Ruddiger. And, come to think of it, with Cassandra, with Rapunzel. With the Queen.

He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. No, no, he shouldn't reason like that. These people, they…they deserved it. He had no choice. He had to do whatever it took to get a chance to free his father.

It wasn't his fault. None of this was.

He tried to put Cassandra, Rapunzel and the Queen at the back of his mind. But it was hard, because only excruciating guilt towards Ruddiger remained.

Of course, he had to turn it into a monster. It was essential to his plan. But the major difference was that Ruddiger did nothing to bring this upon himself, except hanging out with him, the science weirdo nobody wants to hang out with.

So how could he hope that Ruddiger would forgive him ?

"Varian ? You're shaking", Elora asked. "Are you cold ?"

Varian froze in surprise. He hadn't realized that he was shivering uncontrollably.

"Um… a little bit", he lied, fully aware that extreme stress was causing his shallow, shuddering breaths and knots in his stomach. "I should go for a walk. I… I think I need a minute", he added.

Elora looked at her friend with her big, round eyes, and decided :

"Okay. I'll be up the hill with Grandma."

Varian felt a wave of relief flood over him.

"Thank you."

Elora stood up and ran to meet Ethel who was still waiting by the wheelchair. The little girl's steps seemed much lighter than before, her feet barely touching the ground.

The boy watched her leave, wishing for a moment that he could still be as carefree as her. He knew it would never happen again.

He abruptly scrambled up to his feet, or rather his all four, limbs quivering and head dizzy. He barely had time to hide behind the steady chestnut tree as his stomach started to heave. One hand on the trunk, the other one on the ground, Varian threw up the little amount of food he had taken earlier. He stayed there on his knees, spasms continuing to wreck his small frame, this time caused by more sobs. Tears started to leave his closed eyelids and slide down his nose. He felt disgusted by himself, sick to his stomach with what he'd done.

"Ruddiger… Ruddiger…" were the only words he could articulate under his breath.

In a sudden surge of energy, he stood up and staggered into the think bushes where the raccoon disappeared earlier. Branches and thorns scraped his skinny, exposed legs and hands but he didn't seem to register the pain.

"Ruddiger !" he shouted with a louder voice. "Please come back ! I'm sorry ! Please...Ruddiger, I'm so sorry…"

His voice was hoarse with so much crying in one day, but that didn't stop him. Only when his last bit of strength left him did he sink to the ground. Or was it the last flicker of hope ?

Ruddiger was nowhere to be found. Too weak to stand and go on searching, Varian let out his frustration by punching the ground repeatedly with his bare hands.

"Why ?" he cried. "Why did I do that ? What is wrong with me ?"

After a while, tired of hitting the grass below him, he sat back on his heels and hid his face in his hands, shedding hot, uncomfortable tears.

He felt a soft touch on his knee. Elora, probably. Oh no, he thought. He didn't want her to see him cry again. He forced himself to stop sobbing and wiped his face with the back of his hand.

"I'm okay… I'm okay, Elora, I just…"

He paused as he opened his eyes. Through his vision blurry with tears, he couldn't distinguish the pastel colors of the little girl. In front of him there was a small, grey and black bundle of fur, its black front paws still resting on his knee.

Varian fell silent. He used his other arm to wipe his eyes again.

Ruddiger was there, looking at him with worried eyes, a concerned croon escaping his throat. Ruddiger was there, but Varian couldn't believe it.

Raccoon and boy stared at each other as if they were meeting for the first time. No one dared to move for fear it might break the spell of that moment.

Ruddiger tilted his head sideways, crooning again and looking at his friend expectantly.

 _I'm here. I'm here with you. I don't know what you are going to do now, but I'm okay with staying here anyway and finding out._

"Oh, Ruddiger…" Varian whispered. Then, all doubts gone, he wrapped his arms around the raccoon and pulled him into the most precious hug ever between them. More tears came, flowing freely and bringing relief this time. Ruddiger snuggled into Varian's shoulder, taking in the boy's scent he knew so well and that he had missed so much.

Varian whispered more words of regret, shame, relief, gratefulness, all at the same time, for his raccoon alone. Things that sprang directly from his broken heart, things he never said to anyone and that flew away with the wind. The two friends could have stayed like this for hours, just basking in the joy of the moment and the warm feeling of their friendship being whole again.

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Arianna was walking up the stairs to get back to her room, focused on her thoughts more than on the steps. She didn't really know why she went to talk to Nigel, and it troubled her usually composed mind.

Right then it seemed she only did it because she needed to release her anger. But what solution, what new perspective did it bring ? Absolutely none. It was wrong that she somehow wanted to carry out justice herself and she knew it. Come to think of it, there wasn't much difference between what she did, even if it was just a slap, and what Nigel did. And what Varian even did back then, when he felt ignored and shunned by everyone.

As much as she hated to admit it, she was itching to see Nigel pay for what he did to Varian. And somehow, it made her understand why her husband was so reluctant to give Varian some slack. He too, must have been itching to see the boy pay for putting his wife and daughter in danger.

She herself wasn't sure where she stood anymore. Varian did very bad things when his rage blinded him, most of them she couldn't approve, but part of his anger she could relate too. But occasionally, nightmares about that night would come and plague the few hours of sleep she was trying to get when she was too tired to look after Varian, and it was hard for her to forget what she felt like at that moment.

When she reached her quarters at last, she closed the door behind her and took a few steps to stand in the middle of the huge bedroom. The high ceiling above her made her feel smaller than it ever did. She clenched her fists and let out a long cry of frustration. Last time it happened, it was when Willow burst into her life again, only to awkwardly steal the mother-daughter time she was finally getting with Rapunzel and looking very much forward to.

The last words she said to Nigel were ringing in her ears.

 _"_ _You should know that the reason why your sentenced hasn't been carried out yet is that the King and I discussed and came to the conclusion that Varian has the right to understand your motives and to confront you during your trial."_

She walked to the window, shuffling her feet with weariness and gazed out the window. Beyond the pavilion and down the hill, she could see Ethel rolling the wheelchair behind Varian and Elora helping him to sit down on it before spreading the blanket on his lap. An excited small animal hopped around the chair before jumping onto the boy's shoulders. He's bringing them both home, she thought with immense relief. Well done, Varian. I'm so proud of you.


	34. Chapter 34 - Warm milk

**Quick thanks because it's soooo late ! As you may have noticed, I've named the chapters, I think it's nicer and easier now that the story is getting quite long !**

 **Ask box open on tumblr if you want to share your thoughts there too ! You can also look out for some art I occasionnally post about the story !**

Chapter 34

When Ethel and Elora came back inside the castle with Varian and Ruddiger cuddling each other on the wheelchair, Remyus was already in his chambers. The old physician was still resting when his patient went outside, and was beside himself, worried sick that the boy may have escaped again.

"Are you trying to be the death of me, Ethel ?", he exclaimed, choosing to argue with his old friend rather than with his patient. "How could you take him for a walk without referring to me first ?"

"Please don't be angry with her, Sir", Varian quickly interfered. "This is all…" The words died on his tongue.

 _This is all my fault._

"Calm down, old man, he's still in one piece after all". Varian bowed his head as Ethel took over, hiding his eyes underneath his long bangs. His arms hugged Ruddiger tighter.

Unaware of Varian's tense reaction, Remyus sighed and gave Ethel a scowl. He opened his mouth to argue further, but was interrupted by a rumbling noise coming from Varian's stomach.

"Oh, Varian, are you hungry ? " Elora inquired, worry on her face. With Varian sitting in the wheelchair, their eyes were on the same level. The boy forced himself to look at the little girl, blushing.

"Starving", he admitted with an awkward smile, remembering that he threw up the little amount of soup he had taken earlier in the bushes. He had so-to-speak nothing in his system, and he could feel his strength ebbing as the emotional rollercoaster took its toll on him. If anything, the dark bags under his eyes were an obvious evidence.

Remyus, back to his professional physician self, took the wheelchair and pushed it to the back room.

"All right, Varian, let's heat up something to eat for you and I will examine you in the meantime. Elora, why don't you and your Grandmother go and get some fruits for our raccoon friend here ?" (he made sure to emphasize the word "Grandmother" just to tease Ethel a little bit more).

"Sure !" answered Elora, her good mood and her desire to help her friend radiating in her voice. "I'll be right back, Ruddiger ! And keep an eye on Varian for me please !". And with that, she dashed off before Varian had time to protest at her last words. Ethel shrugged at Remyus with a pout and left with the dignity of a Queen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Making Ruddiger get off Varian proved harder than Remyus would have ever imagined. It was like the little animal was glued to the boy. No coaxing, no scolding and no luring away with food could convince the raccoon to leave his friend.

As he was desperately trying to get a good look at his patient, Remyus noticed the yellowish stain at the bottom of Varian's sleeve and immediately guessed where it came from.

"Varian, your stomach wasn't able to keep your last meal down, am I right ?"

Embarrassed, Varian's eyes darted around as the boy struggled to make up a fib.

"Varian…." Remyus' calm voice was reassuring, "you are not in trouble. I'm only trying to find out if this was caused by residual poison… or any other reason."

"Um…I… I…" Varian didn't know where to start. He didn't vomit on purpose, he was just too upset when Ruddiger was nowhere to be found. But for some reason, that was hard to admit for him.

"Any more stomach pains ?"

"No"

"Nausea ?"

"Except that one time, no more."

"Are you feeling feeble, dizzy ?"

"Only when I'm standing."

"I think it's safe to say that you beat up the poison, which is a very good thing. But your stomach has been through a lot. We'll try some broth to start accustoming your body to be fed again. Now, let's have you sit on the bed while I'm checking your ribs."

Within moments, Varian was sitting on the edge on the bed, shirtless, Ruddiger snuggling against his legs. The teen was patting his head absentmindedly.

"Are you… are you going to tell the Queen ?" he ventured. About me throwing up, I mean. N- not that I care she would sweat, but, she would… she would sweat, maybe ?"

Remyus pondered Varian's words before saying softly :

"She really cares about you, you know that ? Are you afraid she would be mad at you ?"

"No !" he protested wildly, "no, of course not. It's none of my concern if she worries… but… well, there is no need to make her worry, right ?"

Remyus smiled and didn't comment further on the teenager's conflicted feelings as he was prodding his sides to check how his ribs were healing.

"No, Varian. Of course not."

There was a new sensation to Varian, and it made him almost unaware of the lingering pain in his still tender upper body. He didn't really want to face the Queen – or any member of the royal family – for the reasons everybody knew, but he was also hoping for her figure to appear on the threshold, craving it actually, even if he didn't want to admit it to himself. He shook his head. This didn't make any sense. What do you expect, you fool ? he thought. Haven't you learned anything ?

"Lie down, Varian, please. I'll take care of your legs, now."

"My legs ?" he asked with a frown. Without thinking, he glanced down. His eyes went wide and his face went white as he saw blood seeping from the multiple scratches that the thorns in the bushes inflicted on his lower legs. He hadn't noticed, nor felt them, until now.

Varian had always been squeamish around blood. No matter how many times he would hurt himself whenever an experiment would go astray (which was very often), he could never get used to it. The sudden sight of red lines on his legs caused him to waver and almost pass out. Remyus caught him just in time to lay him down onto the bed, just as Queen Arianna came in.

To say that the Queen was shocked was an understatement. Shocked by Varian's pale face, his eyes circled in dark blue, his skinny and bloody legs, and especially his ribs. Sure, the bruises were healing nicely and were almost gone. But the boy was so scrawny she could have counted each and every rib, and the sight sent pangs to her heart.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Elora came back, holding a huge basket full of fruits of all sorts, Remyus was bandaging the boy's legs, while Arianna was stroking his bangs and talking to him gently to keep him awake and encourage him to bear the stinging pain. Varian was still rather pale, but he stayed conscious. He didn't say a word to the Queen though, too weak but also too confused to do so.

Ruddiger couldn't resist anymore and decided to go pick a thing or two from the delicious display of food. Elora set the basket on the floor and watched Ruddiger browsing with delight. Glacing sideways, she noticed there was a book on the floor. She instantly recognized it as the one she brought back then, when Varian was attacked by Nigel. Nobody took the time or cared to put it away.

She picked up the heavy book and started to turn the pages.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Later on, Varian was sitting in his bed, wearing a new, clean shirt. Remyus was giving him a last spoonful of broth, hoping that the boy would keep it down this time. Arianna was pouring warm milk in two cups and mixing it with some honey as Elora came to her side, tugging at her purple dress to get her attention.

"May I read a story for Varian, Your Majesty ?" she asked hopefully.

Arianna turned around. It didn't take a doctor to assess that said boy absolutely needed to rest after so much crying. But she also knew that his heart needed to heal as much as his body. And that the first thing to do was to make sure he felt safe. Suppported. Surrounded by people who cared for him.

"I think this is a very good idea, Elora. If it's all right with Remyus, and if Varian is up for it", she said as she handed one of the milk and honey drinks to a bewildered Elora (it was not every day that a humble maid was served by the Queen !) and the other one to Varian.

"Well, I am fine with it", advised Remyus, exchanging knowing looks with Arianna, "as long as Varian is lying in his bed".

"Unless you are feeling too tired, of course, Varian", the Queen added.

"Oh no, no, I- I'm fine" he stammered. Honestly, he felt so drained that all he wanted was to close his eyes and let sleep take him, but he also wouldn't allow himself to turn her down again.

The two children sipped the warm milk in silence, until Elora noticed Varian's left hand. The skin of the back of his hand was not soft and smooth like it should have been, but looked cracked and scarred.

"What happened to your hand ?" she asked him with innocent curiosity.

"Oh… That ? I'm don't really remember. Seems I burnt myself by accident when I was little, maybe four or five. It was shortly after my… my Mum was gone, because I remember crying for her and she wasn't there anymore."

"Oh, Varian, I'm sorry…"

"No, no, don't be, that was a long time ago", Varian declared with a not-so-genuine smile when he saw Elora's sad expression on her face. "It's all right now, see ?".

A short distance away, Remyus and Arianna looked at each other, the same realization dawning on them both at the same time.

If Varian burnt himself, he would probably have grabbed something with the palm of his hand, and it would have been that part that would have been burnt, not the back.

Looks like somebody else was responsible for this old injury. But who ? And why ?

Too tired to think about it anymore, Varian rested his head on the pillow. As on cue, Ruddiger swallowed one more bite and climbed on the bed to cuddle against him.

"And now, miss, I am ready for that story of yours", he said, giving her a wink.

Elora sat on the big chair next to Varian's bedhead and starting to read. She was barely reaching the bottom of the second page when Varian was already fast asleep, his features completely relaxed and his whole being more at peace than he had been in a long time.


	35. Chapter 35 - The Wizard

**Hi all ! For Megan Guess (and everyone else who uses tumblr), I have changed my username on tumblr so now it's "mycove" (instead of former mycove01) like on fanfiction. Sorry if the transition messed things up. I have opened an ask box there (you will need an account to send an ask though) or you can PM me on ff if you wish. Hope that helps.**

 **Back to the story ! You may have thought that things were going to be easier now Varian has shown genuine remorse towards Elora and Ruddiger… Well, I wouldn't be so sure...**

 **Ah, and about the hand… let's just say it's a seed I'm planting for later in a possible sequel :)**

Chapter 35

With Varian resting under Remyus' watch, Arianna decided to spend the rest of the day with her husband. The royal couple didn't usually get that chance too often on a regular basis, and those moments had been awfully scarce since the boy was in the castle.

"We are going to keep it the same way", Fredric decided. "I am not going to have Varian shackled to the bed again, but as a precautionary measure, I will appoint two guards at his door permanently. He is unpredictable, and you must understand he is technically still a prisoner until his trial."

"I do, Fredric", agreed the Queen, although she knew her reasons were quite different from her husband's. He wanted to protect the world from an unstable alchemist. She wanted to make sure this grieving child would be safe from the world now. And most importantly, she had come to realize that above all, Varian needed to be protected from himself. For the time being at least.

What was going to happen in Varian's head now ? She wasn't sure. He accepted her help and care at the start, but that was when he suffered memory loss. Then he was poisoned, and too sick for a heart-to-heart talk. And as soon as he could walk, he messed things up with Elora and Ruddiger during an outburst that spelled clearly how upside down his world was.

She could only wish she had enough time to demonstrate that there would be people who were going to be there for him, no matter what.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _The sun was setting on Rapunzel's birthday, enveloping the Corona Castle in increasing darkness._

 _It was time._

 _From his satchel, Varian pulled out two large vials of colourful compounds of his making. All he had to do was mix them together to create the fog that would invade the courtyard._

 _This has to be done, he repeated himself. No going back now. He put on a mask designed to protect his nose and mouth._

 _Gloved hands smashed the vials on the ground, and a grey fog swelled quickly, reaching the castle in seconds._

 _Soon it will be on them. Soon they will regret to have turned their back on me. They are going to pay._

 _The courtyard was already swarming with guards, led by the Captain and –isn't this perfect ?- the King was there too. At the bottom of the highest tower of the castle, Rapunzel and her friends were already gathered, trying to figure out a plan to stop the rogue alchemist he had become. Cassandra in tow, of course. Even Maximus was with them._

 _Oh but it's already too late, Princess. You and all the people you love are already doomed. My special fog will not spare one soul in this courtyard._

 _Within seconds, nobody could even see the person standing at arms' length anymore. It was like a dark cloud of dust had fallen upon them. It didn't have any particular smell, which didn't make breathing seem dangerous._

 _"_ _Eugene ?" Rapunzel called out. "Stay next to me"_

 _"_ _Everybody, gather up. Stay together !" insisted Cassandra._

 _"_ _Blondie !" came Eugene's deep voice. "Blondie, where are you ?"_

 _They both reached out their hands, following each other's voice, and finally managed to find each other's arms._

 _"_ _Eugene ? I'm… I'm feeling dizzy"_

 _"_ _You know what ? Me too. I must admit, I did not see that coming. I… Blondie ?"_

 _Eugene's heart started to race as he felt Rapunzel sag to the ground. His own arms felt like jelly, and he fell to his knees, barely managing to catch the Princess._

 _"_ _I… I am feeling weird, too. Sleepy… I… no… Blondie ?"_

 _No answer came. The whole courtyard fell incredibly silent._

 _With his mask still on, Varian stepped into the fog. As it got thinner, he was able to find the two forms, holding each other on the ground. They were, like everybody else in the courtyard, plunged into a deep slumber. To Varian's satisfaction, even the mighty King was helplessly lying, face down in the dust._

 _So what are you going to do, now, Rapunzel ? You didn't keep your promise, you didn't come and help me when I so desperately needed you. You didn't even bother to check on me after the storm. You were like dead to me. Well, now, there you are. Dead to me. You and your friends are going to sleep for one hundred years. Corona will know the same agony I've been through. And when you wake up at last…"_

 _He never finished that sentence. Tap. Tap. Tap. A sharp regular noise, like something was repeatedly hitting the ground. Someone… someone was there ? How was it possible ?_

 _Varian whipped around and saw the bent figure of an old man with a long white beard. He was wearing a long ragged robe, and a frayed pointy hat. He was wearily shuffling his feet and he was leaning on his staff that made the noise that got Varian's attention earlier._

 _Attached to the staff, a few vials were tied with a string, their colourful contents dancing as the old man walked._

 _Although Varian was not a believer in magic, he decided at once that the man had to be a kind of wizard._

 _He held his breath, still puzzled by the fact that a person could walk through his fog without being affected by it._

 _The wizard stopped when he reached the middle of the courtyard and grabbed two of his vials from his staff. Clicking glass against glass a couple of times, he finally smashed them on the floor in one swift motion._

 _A pink fog emerged and spread everywhere, covering Varian's grey fog. Soon afterwards, the bodies lying on the ground started to move slowly. Soft moans and stuttered words could be heard as everybody started to regain their senses._

 _All this time, Varian could only stare at the whole scene, bewildered._

 _Rapunzel and Eugene were waking up as well._

 _"_ _Eugene ? Are you okay ?"_

 _"_ _Blondie ? Guys ?... What… what happened ?_

 _"_ _That was a trick of Varian's, no doubt" snarled Cassandra. "But what…?"_

 _She fell silent as her eyes fell onto the wizard._

 _Rapunzel shuddered. A real wizard. At least, this was how she had always imagined wizards, because this was how they were described in her books. His head was bowed, and she couldn't see his face, hidden under the large hat._

 _"_ _Who ? … Who are you ?... Did you just save us from the fog ?" she asked as she took a few wobbly steps towards the old man._

 _Varian's eyes were locked on the wizard, who nodded slightly before lifting up his gaze to the Princess._

 _Rapunzel and Varian's hearts skipped a beat at the same time._

 _There was no mistake whom these deep blue eyes belonged to, even if they were now tired and surrounded by wrinkled skin._

Varian opened his eyes in a split second with a gasp. There was no fog around him, just moonlight on his bed and the worried face of Ruddiger close to him.

The boy stayed for a while, lying there and staring into space with shock. That was his future self he saw, and the vision was still very clear in his mind. Shaking, he sat up slowly and put his head into his hands. Ruddiger pawed his lap gently, but the boy didn't respond.

Varian was overwhelmed by panic and fear. It was a dream, just a dream, and yet it felt so real. He knew it wasn't the truth, because back then, his fog only provided a diversion (as well as some kind of protection for Ruddiger in his monster's form), while he could kidnap the Queen.

In his dream, his anger and his bitterness had led him to create a compound with an entirely different purpose. The Varian in his dream wanted to see the Princess, the King and all the gang dead to the world, just like his father was. The thought sent a cold shiver down his spine. Sure, he hated them. Yes, he wanted to make them pay. They had it coming anyway, all of this was their fault, from the beginning. But he could still feel the pure rage he felt in his dream. It was like, instead of turning Ruddiger into a monster, he had become the monster himself.

And why would that old version of himself show up ?

Varian ran his hands down his face which was wet with tears, and exhaled deeply, trying to regain his senses. He glanced down at Ruddiger.

"Hey, Ruddiger… sorry I woke you up."

Tenderly, he scooped up the plump animal in his arms and buried his face into his fur, letting more tears roll down his cheeks.

"I'm glad you're here, Ruddiger. I don't know what I would do without you…"


	36. Chapter 36 - Reaching out

**Varian's nightmare is not over, it will come back to haunt him (ha ha…). His old man self didn't actually became a wizard, he's still on alchemy only, but I like the irony that as a very old man, he would end up looking like Rapunzel imagined him the first time he was mentioned to her.**

 **A new character is being introduced (but is he really a new character?... who could he be ?…)**

 **And trigger warning for mild eating disorder in this chapter.**

Chapter 36

Dawn came, after what seemed ages for the boy who couldn't get any more sleep after the nightmare. It left a bitter taste on Varian's tongue and he couldn't stop thinking about it. It reminded him being there, hiding near the castle only to reach the Queen's apartments (at least something useful came from his helping Cassandra with her chores on the day of the expo, he knew his whereabouts in the castle hallways). Then, when he used a special concoction that put her to sleep, he didn't think twice of the person he was going to abduct. Like he said, she was merely bait to force the Princess to come back to Old Corona. Leverage. End of story.

And yet, his thoughts couldn't stop reeling. Now he was getting to know the Queen better. Before all this, she was just a member of the royal family, a pretty sight in official events with little to no power, because that was how it worked in Corona. The King alone owned supreme power.

Now… now she was more than that. She didn't have to, but she would be there, taking care of him when he was more dead than alive. She would be there to play the harp to soothe him, to prepare a picnic and to cradle him in her arms while he was crying uncontrollably. All that time, she would be there with her soft gaze on him.

No, no. Get a grip, Varian, he scolded himself, resting the palm of his hand on his forehead. All he did, she deserved it too. She could have… she should have watched her daughter, make her go and help him after the storm at least, make her keep her promise. She could have sent some guards, or even come over herself. Why did it take his imprisonment (as well as the beating and the poisoning that went with it) to make her realize he was there ?

Gritting his teeth, he tried to block the flow of his memories, but they keep intruding into his brain. They made him feel sick inside and his guts were torn, so much that he had refused to eat anything since he woke up. Varian knew he should have felt hunger gnawing at him, but his appetite was gone. The bowl sat on his nightstand, untouched, despite Remyus' coaxing.

It's their fault, Varian's mind was screaming inside him. They made him do this. Taking the Queen away from Rapunzel and the King, tying her up and then threatening to encase her in the same amber that was still encasing his father and crushing her in his automaton's grip, it was all their doing.

He had no choice. This had to be done to make them hear him. He did nothing wrong.

So why did he feel so bad as he kept repeating this to himself ? His mind was a nothing but a huge mess, overwhelmed by emotions darting in every direction.

He clung even tighter to the bedsheet (when did he start clenching his hands ?) when he heard the Queen's footsteps. He heard her greet the two guards that the King, true to his word, had appointed at Varian's door.

One of them was a fairly new guard who stood out with his red hair and long sideburns. He had arrived in Corona only a few weeks ago, and had managed to be hired as a royal guard. All he ever said about himself was that he was from some place further south. The second one was Phil, the young guard who unfortunately let Nigel come into Varian's cell after the boy was arrested. Still gut-wrenched with remorse, he had himself requested to the King the privilege of making up for his mistakes by being part of the alchemist's protection squad.

"Good morning, Varian" said Arianna casually as she entered the room, carrying pile of clean and neatly folded clothes that the boy immediately recognized as his own. On the top was resting a small book with a dark leather cover.

Arianna glanced at the full bowl of soup next to Varian and then to Remyus. The old physician shook his head, concern in his eyes.

Varian noticed their brief and unspoken conversation and frankly, the last thing he wanted was to talk about it. He didn't dare look at the Queen, so he simply rolled on his side, facing the opposite wall, nearly sending Ruddiger tumbling down on the floor in the process.

Arianna let a soft sigh pass her lips, barely audible. She knew she had to think of another approach. She put down the clothes on a table, keeping only the book in her hands. Then she pulled up a chair and sat next to his bed.

"Varian, I brought something for you", she stated. "You might not want to use it straight away, but I'm asking you to keep it at hand just in case."

Her words caught Varian's attention, the boy being unable to keep his natural curiosity at bay. He turned his head, just enough to look at her over his shoulder.

"This book is filled with blank pages. You can write in it, take some notes or draw. Use it as you want. It's yours."

She held out the journal to him and waited to see how he would react. Varian looked at her and then at the dark cover, his expression unreadable. Suddenly, he frowned and said :

"And what do you think I should call it, Your Majesty ? How to kill the Royal Family with ten automatons or less ?"

The sass was full back on. The anger in his eyes too. He didn't add a word as he turned back to the wall.

Arianna stood up abruptly, barely containing herself. With the few words he spoke, the boy managed to cross a line and get on her nerves, rather than taking the hand she held out. A bright, but still immature boy.

Arianna took a deep breath, frustrated for not being able to reach him. She knew that there would still be anger within the boy, his reaction when he recovered his memories said as much, and she half-expected that he would reject her. But she couldn't let him go wild and give in to his frustrations without a second thought for the consequences. After being alone for such a long time, Varian needed limits more than anything.

"Varian, you have a job to do today. I was planning it for later, but I think we should start right now. I'm giving you thirty minutes to eat something, wash and get dressed."

Varian's eyes widened, but he said nothing. What was she talking about ?

"Whether you do these things is entirely up to you, but you should know that I am dragging you out of this room in half an hour, ready or not."

And with that, she turned her heels, leaving a confused and irritated Varian. She was the Queen, all right, but it would take more than that for Varian to comply willingly.


	37. Chapter 37 - Cracks and crevices

**Hi, friends ! As Varian's 180 may not be very clear, I tried to insert more explanations here. And well, we are talking about a teenager in a very complicated situation. Resolution cannot happen in one day, and progress is never linear.**

 **I also posted some art with Arianna and Remyus to try the physician's design. I made some sketches a while ago, and when I saw Megan Guess' ask, I decided to give it a try ! Not that easy to draw an OC, especially an old man (for me) !**

 **And with that, on with the story !**

 **Please read & review ! It always makes my day !**

CHAPTER 37

"All right. Deep breaths."

As the King's wife, Queen Arianna had met hundreds of people at court, welcomed some of the most powerful rulers around and spoken in public too many times to count. Yet, at that moment, none of those situations had been half as intimidating as stepping into Varian's room.

She was walking on eggshells, to say the least. She knew she was dealing with a teenager about to hit puberty, so mood swings were to be expected. But there was more than that to Varian's instability. Even if he took a big step forward by patching things up with Elora and Ruddiger, it didn't mean he was ready to open up about his actions and feelings towards everyone.

The events that unfolded since the black rocks sprouted up had put Varian and Rapunzel in a situation that was bigger than them with the tragic consequences they all knew. In reaction to his father frozen in amber and being left alone, Varian made some bad calls he now had to face. But that wouldn't be easy and Arianna could tell he could never snap out of his "it's not my fault" attitude without help, the only solution he was able to find to cope with this horrid mess so far.

There was a wall in his heart that had to come down, the one that was protecting this young soul from the rage, the hatred, the fear, the sadness and the full acknowledgment of his responsibilities. Unfortunately this wall was also keeping Varian away from learning to trust again, make up for his mistakes and eventually forgive himself.

It would take time for him to sort through his complex feelings., but there was hope for him to come back from this, she was sure of that. So whether the boy was willing or not, Arianna was determined to stay by his side every step of the way with all the care and love she could provide.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alone in his room (except for the two guards standing outside his door and Remyus who pretended to be busy to give the kid some space), Varian started to get dressed. Not because he decided to listen to the Queen, but because it felt good to put on his own clothes again. Ragged and tattered as they were, he still preferred them to any of the fine shirts he had worn so far.

Varian decided that a quick wash wouldn't hurt, especially with clean clothes to put on. He absently noticed that the little holes and loose stitches he knew had been mended while he was bedridden. Ethel did a very good job at making his clothes look good as new.

The soup remained untouched though. Not only did he still feel he wouldn't keep anything down, but he was also not ready to let the Queen think he would abide by her every will.

So strange how his mind seemed divided in two. Part of it was still very angry after Corona and the Royal Family and just wanted to reject everyone. But another part, the one he would not admit out loud, was yearning to feel her arms around him again and to hear the soft words that would bring reassurance. It was like there were voices in his head, at war for his willpower and ripping his brain in the process. Varian sat on the edge on his bed and held his head on his hands, breathing heavily.

Arianna came back exactly thirty minutes later like she said, carrying a small wicker basket and Varian's leather apron and thick black gloves across her arm. With a quick look across the room, she picked up on what the boy had decided to do (and what he decided not to do) while she was away.

"Varian, I would like you to follow me now. We are going in another part of the castle and you will know why when we get there", she said turning her heels as she spoke. She didn't let Varian any chance to reply. Irritated as he was not to be given a choice, he was also grateful that he didn't have to utter a "Yes, Your Majesty" that would have sounded fake on his tongue.

As she exited, Arianna stopped by the two guards. "Phil ? Hans ? You are coming with us, of course."

"Yes, Your Majesty", answered Phil respectfully. The other guard, Hans, said nothing, his expression unreadable, but when Varian came out of the room, he grabbed the teen's upper arm firmly.

"Hey !" Varian's reaction to the unexpected touch escaped his lips before he had time to realize.

The Queen whipped around at the sudden cry.

"Hans, please. That won't be necessary", she commanded.

Hans clenched his jaw in an almost imperceptible way and reluctantly let go of Varian.

"Sorry, Your Majesty. Should I stand behind the prisoner ?", he asked with a very even voice until the last word. Varian could have sworn he emphasized it on purpose and glared at the red-haired, but the man was ignoring him already.

"Yes, please" answered a very calm Arianna. "And I would be grateful if you would use physical contact only when necessary in the future."

"As you wish, Your Majesty", Hans relented with his lips drawn into a tight smile, observed by a confused Phil and a now much more wary Varian.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The small party walked down the palace's hallways, Arianna leading the way until they reached the outside of the throne room. The sight of the huge doors brought back uneasy memories to Varian. It reminded him of the day when he saw his father lie to the King about the black rocks. To this day, Varian still failed to understand why he acted that way and tried to handle the situation by himself.

The throne room had other purposes. It was where weddings were traditionally celebrated and it was sometimes used as a courthouse or the presents' room on Rapunzel's birthday. Outside the room, the hallway was different from all the others Varian had seen so far. It had a huge crack running from floor to ceiling. Arianna stopped in front of a big sack, some tools and a bucket of water.

"Here is joint compound powder and putty knives in different sizes", the Queen explained. "Phil and Hans will help you mix the powder with the water so you can fill the crevice."

"So is this what you expect from me, Your Majesty ?", the boy sneered. "Doing some sort of community service and slaving away in your castle ?"

"Not exactly, Varian", her voice remaining calm as she turned around to face him. "It's called fixing your mistakes. You see, this crevice is the result of an automaton attacking Rapunzel, Eugene and Cassandra within these walls," and with that, she handed the apron and gloves to Varian.

Varian took them without really thinking of it, his mind reeling. He never thought twice of the first automaton he sent in separate pieces, hidden in present boxes. Nor of the damage it may have caused.

Sensing the boy's embarrassment, Arianna went on. "I am not expecting you to fix it completely today in your condition. I am expecting you to start though, and do as much as you can. I will be back in one hour. Don't strain yourself, though."

Varian was trying to find a witty remark to shoot back at her, but his mind was now blank. She was asking this so naturally, as if it was a perfectly normal thing for the person he almost killed to ask him to repair a stupid crack in the wall.

"And I am leaving this basket for you. You might get hungry at some point, and you'll need all your energy. Please help yourself."

 _She had this basket with her even before she saw I didn't eat anything_ , he thought, dumbfounded. _How did she know ?...1_

Once the Queen left, Varian let out a deep sigh, feeling suddenly very tired. He spent a rough night because of his nightmare, and had an empty stomach. And his muscles had been at rest for quite some time, so much that his limbs felt like noodles, and the mere thought of the efforts required for his so-called job was strenuous already.

"Get to work, brat, and let's get it over with."

Hans's cold voice surprised both Varian and Phil the guard. As tense as the relationship between the Queen and the boy seemed to be, Her Majesty had always been very polite and respectful to Varian. Phil spontaneously reacted :

"Hans, give the lad a break, will you ?"

"He is a prisoner and has to do what he's told. What's the matter with you, Phil ? Maybe you want to massage his shoulders before the poor baby gets started ?" he teased.

"Hans…" Phil snarled warningly, sensing anger building up inside him.

"That's all right, Sir. I… I'll get to it," came Varian's low voice.

Phil turned around in surprise and cooled off.

"Oh… Okay. So, erm… should we start with the joint compound mixture ?"

Varian's big eyes looked up at the guard, a shy smile showing across his face.

Little did he know that as he started to fix the crevice in the wall that he was taking in first step on the path of mending the cracks of his own heart.


	38. Chapter 38 - How did she know ?

**Wow, thank you for your enthusiasm and comments ! I'm glad you are enjoying all the twists and turns that come from my (probably) damaged mind (ha ha !).**

 **Let's have a reprieve and some fluff for once ! (Don't you worry angst lovers, not everything is solved yet !)**

Chapter 38

Funny how something as simple as mixing water and joint powder felt good. It was quite simple to make, but it was like Varian was allowed to practice alchemy again. Choose the quantities, mix the components, adjust to get the desired texture, mix again…

Phil readily helped the boy with the stirring, as it was pretty hard for his weak arms. But the rest was Varian's job to do.

Not that Hans would have helped anyway. He just stood a few steps away, seeming utterly bored (or slightly irritated).

Hans' plans didn't go as he expected. After a personal failure in the Kingdom of Arendelle, he came to Corona with the hope he could woo the newly found princess. He heard how she had been missing for eighteen years, after escaping from a tower where she grew up. How easy it would be to seduce her. A girl who knew next to nothing to real life. And Hans, on the other hand, knew all the tricks to make girls fall for him.

Word on the street was that she was more or less engaged though. But that didn't stop Hans and his ambition for power. She fell in love with the man who rescued her, so what ? Of course she would. What a naïve girl she must be.

Yet, Hans didn't get his chance. The Princess was away, on a journey far from Corona, or so they said. Having no clue about when she would return, Hans decided to get hired in the Royal Guard for one purpose and one purpose only : to make sure he would be in the castle when she would come back.

In the meantime, as a member of the Royal Guards of Corona, little had he expected to end up babysitting the youngest criminal he had ever seen.

Unaware of Hans' contempt, Varian started filling the crevice in the wall. Using the putty knife, his gloved hands mended what had been broken with controlled, even strokes as he made the surface smooth again. Working with his hands enabled Varian's mind to escape from his dark thoughts, filling him with a new feeling instead. For the first time in months, he was making something rather than destroying things. More than that, he was fixing something he was responsible for. Like in the old days, when he would spontaneously start cleaning up his mess after yet another explosion when his experiments didn't turn out well, because it was the right thing to do. He wasn't sure why, but he felt somehow…at peace for a little while.

Varian was in many ways an overachiever. No matter what he would do, he would always do his best. And this wall was no exception. Anybody in the young alchemist's situation would have gotten the job done in the most slovenly way. But not Varian. Consciously or not, he couldn't fight back that boy inside him who was so desperate for love and validation that everything had to be perfect and worthy of praise.

Arianna had asked for a quite small ladder for Varian's task, one that would not allow him to do too much for his first session. She had started to understand a lot of things about the boy. She knew that if he started this, he would overwork himself. Her point was to make Varian see things differently and realize he could make up for his mistakes. It was only a cracked wall, a grain of sand compared to the injured guards or the attempts of murder, but it was a start. The last thing she wanted was for him to strain himself or worse, faint from hard work combined to the lack of food and sleep.

Yet Varian's efforts soon proved to be too much for his tired body. As he bent down to get more joint compound and straightened up too fast, he swayed on his feet, feeling dizzy but trying to step on the ladder all the same.

"Varian !" came Phil's sudden cry as he realized what was happening. "Hold on !". Leaving his halberd to fall on the floor with a clank, the young guard reached Varian just in time to steady him before he fell backwards. The putty knife fell down, sending joint compound sprawling onto the carpet.

"Hold on", he repeated soflty. "Easy now, lad. Sit down for a minute, okay ?"

Phil settled Varian on the floor with his back resting against the wall. The kid pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his head in his arms, trembling slightly.

Phil wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't a nurse or a doctor. He put a reassuring hand on Varian's shoulder to tell him he was there while giving him some time to recover and looked up at his colleague. Hans didn't move an inch and just rolled his eyes.

Looking around, Phil's eyes fell on the Queen's basket. Then it hit him ! He didn't mean to eavesdrop earlier, but as he was standing outside Remyus's back room, he couldn't help but hear that the old physician was trying to get the stubborn kid to eat. No doubt that he fainted because he was starving.

"You know, you really should take a bite, now. Let's have a look inside that basket, shall we ?"

Varian barely lifted his head, just enough for his eyes to peek from underneath his overgrown bangs, blue gaze contrasting with his raven mop of hair. He looked at Phil but kept his lips sealed, then slowly stretched to press the back of his head to the wall, eyes closed, silently begging his head to stop spinning.

"Okay, here's something to drink. Apple juice, I guess. And – hey ! Ham sandwiches !"

Varian's eyes snapped open and went wide. She… how did she do that ? Was she a witch ? For once Varian was tempted to believe in magic. It seemed a better option than the obvious truth. The only reason he could logically see was that she observed him at the picnic and she found out he was a fan of ham sandwiches. And she probably did because… she cared.

How was this possible ?

With the back of his head still pressed on the wall, Varian shifted his gaze to look at the food that Phil, who was still browsing, was holding in his hand. Varian seemed frozen, if it weren't for his eyes that started to shimmer with new tears.

When Phil lifted up his gaze to Varian, hoping he would take the food from him, he went still for a second before saying on a light tone :

"That stupid joint powder ! Gets everywhere, right ?". His eyes never leaving Varian's, the young guard's lips curled into a sad, knowing smile. Varian stared at him, and quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his glove :

"Erm… yeah. Yeah, it's a pain," and he weakly returned the smile as he held out his hand to grab the ham sandwich.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When the one-hour time was done, Varian was brought back to his room. Arianna had gotten the wheelchair and Varian was grateful for it. The few bites he finally managed to take had not been enough for him to regain his full strength, and they were far from counterbalancing the energy the boy spent making the wall whole again. After all, he was barely recovering from the poison Nigel forced him to swallow.

Even after such a short separation, the reunion of Varian and Ruddiger looked like a celebration of their own. The raccoon crooned and nuzzled his friend, while the boy cuddled and petted his furry companion.

Arianna's smile faded away as she became serious again, stern thoughts obviously making their way through her mind. She politely asked Varian to sit down on the edge of the bed next to her.

"Varian, we didn't really get the opportunity to talk about all that happened since you are in this castle. I know these are painful memories, but I would like you to tell me about the events in the dungeon."

Varian turned his gaze away, mouth shut and eyes looking into the void. He did remember. Those moments often came back to haunt him when he expected them the least. He remembered, but he wasn't sure he wanted to put these images into words. When it became too painful to think about them, he closed his eyes, very much the same way he did when Rapunzel prompted him to talk about the black rocks destroying his village.

Varian tried to focus on something else, and the most pleasant and recent memory he could hold on to was something that still seemed very peculiar to him : it was Queen Arianna's beaming face when she came back in the hallway earlier. He was still up the ladder working on the wall, the putty knife in one hand and a ham sandwich in the other. He couldn't really grasp why, but it almost looked like there was… pride in her eyes.

So this was what it looked like. The pride in their eyes.

He swallowed hard and braced himself.

"It was cold. There was a damp smell around. Ruddiger was there to keep me sane. But this man dressed in a dark cloak came into my cell. He… slapped me and dragged me to another cell. I had no idea what this was about. It was only when he pushed me inside that I got scared. Really scared. I was standing alone – well, rather kneeling – in front of those two huge men."

"Who were they ?" asked the Queen, trying to keep her tone calm.

"I don't know their names. Two giants, they look so much like each other. One had a patch on his eye and never talked. He scared me most. They started to beat me up and there was nothing I could do about it."

Varian couldn't take any more. His head suddenly sank, his shoulders shaking. He buried his face in his hands as he started to sob. Ruddiger pressed his head against his friend's side in comfort.

"I thought I was going to die., he cried "I really did. I tried to scream for help, but no one came. They kept hurting me over and over, and everything was pain. I… I knew I deserved it, but I didn't want to die. Not like this. Not without freeing my father…I…"

Soft hands embraced his shoulders and pulled him gently into a hug. He let himself be cuddled, the need for physical comfort too strong to be denied. He grabbed Arianna's dress like he was afraid she would vanish if he didn't.

"Shh…shh… don't ever say that you deserve the horrible things that happened to you. That's not true, honey, and I'm so sorry. This never should have happened. You have been very brave to reminisce all this. Calm down, now, you're safe here. No one's going to hurt you."

Varian couldn't say another word, sobs growing louder as he cried himself out. Arianna stayed with him, holding him in her arms until he fell asleep. He still had some joint compound on his face and in his hair, but it didn't matter. When the last hiccups and shudders died away and she was sure he was fast asleep, she gently laid him down next to his beloved Ruddiger for a well-earned nap time.


	39. Chapter 39 - I am the only Varian

**Glad to hear some people appreciated a bit of a reprieve in the last chapter ! Now is it going to last ?... (no spoilers, but, hey, you know me by now)**

 **Mild warning for a description that might be a little too graphic (no blood involved, but still)...**

Chapter 39

Arianna tiptoed out of the bedroom, opening the door with extreme caution and then closing it just as carefully behind her. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and looked up to meet the two guards' eyes.

"He's sleeping," she informed them. "May I ask that one of you goes and get the King for me, please ?"

"As you wish, Your Majesty," answered Hans readily with a respectful salute. Any opportunity for him to be noticed by the King was not to be neglected in his schemes. He left promptly.

Arianna started to walk to a chair so she could sit down for a moment in Remyus' main room. Her interview with Varian about the dungeon events had been emotionally straining for her, even if it was probably a grain of sand in the desert compared to what Varian was going through. She had never imagined there would be raw terror in the boy. Before today he had never let on to which extent those events had affected him.

"Your Majesty ?", came Phil's voice before she could grab the chair.

"Yes ?"

"Erm… I… I'm sorry Your Majesty, I – I don't mean to pry, but…." he stammered.

"You can speak freely, Phil. I'm listening," she said reassuringly.

Phil cast a thankful look to the Queen and went on :

"Well, despite the closed door, some of the words the boy cried reached our ears. This was… this was about the beating, wasn't it ?"

"Phil," Arianna ventured softly, "you are not responsible for what happened back there. As King and Queen of Corona, the blame is ours."

"Forgive me, Your Highness, but I am responsible for this !" Phil was practically yelling at that point. "I am the one who let Nigel…"

"And we have been living under the same roof as this man every day for countless years and we never were suspicious of him. We never thought he would do such a thing, or that anybody would. You couldn't have known," she replied with a soft, calm voice, refusing to name the traitor for fear she might not control herself so well if she did.

Phil went silent. He wasn't quite convinced.

"Phil… You are a good man. You are young, and maybe as you grow older you will see that the world isn't all black and white. Besides, you did a great job back there in the hallway. Varian started to fix the wall and to eat again, but on the top of that, I heard you too chatting as I arrived."

"Is that important ?" Phil wasn't sure where the Queen was going with this.

"Absolutely. Varian needs help in more ways than one. Everyone can make a difference. You see, he's been alone for months and refuses to trust anyone. I want him to be able to trust and love again. He will have to cast his anger aside, but he can't do it by himself. We have to be the ones who hold out our hand until he's ready. And I believe you have started that."

"Wow…" Phil was feeling very awkward now. He liked the way the Queen was seeing things. How they could work together for Varian's future instead of dwelling on the past. "Th.. thank you, Your Majesty. Not as much as you already have, though."

"When the time is right, I'm sure the two of you can talk about what happened. For the moment, I don't think Varian knows the details of Nigel's sneaking into the dungeon. Better let it be for now, if you agree."

Their conversation came to an abrupt end when a little girl burst into the room.

"Oh, hello, Your Majesty," she curtsied. "May I see Varian, please ?"

Arianna bent her legs and rested her hands on her knees so her eyes were looking directly into hers.

"I'm sorry, Elora, but he just fell asleep. I'm afraid you will have to come back later."

Elora couldn't repress a pout of disappointment.

"Not fair ! He already fell asleep last time when I was reading the story! We'll never reach the end !"

Arianna laughed softly. "You will. You just have to be patient, _Mademoiselle_ !" she teased, touching the tip of Elora's nose lightly. "He's still recovering, you know."

Elora was about to retort when a scratching sound was heard behind the Queen. Guessing immediately the reason for this, she opened the door ajar to let Varain's chubby raccoon join them.

"Ruddiger !" Elora exclaimed with joy.

"I'm sure he would be happy to go for a walk. What do you say, Elora ? Do you think you can take him outside for a little while ?"

"Of course, Your Majesty. Come on, Ruddiger !" And the little maid dashed off as quickly as she came in.

"You see, Phil, that young girl is another person that could make a difference for Varian. She couldn't fonder of him if he were his brother. And believe me, he now cares for her more than he would admit. He needs people around him, Phil. People who care and show him the way."

"Erm, yes, right. About that, Your Majesty…" Phil didn't like Hans' behavior towards Varian earlier and he decided he should let the Queen know. But as he began, said guard proudly came back with the King.

"His Highness, the King !" announced Hans in a more formal manner than needed.

"You sent for me, my Darling ?" asked Fredrick, coming closer to take her hands in his.

"Indeed. Thank you for coming. Let's go in Varian's room for a moment, shall we ?" She slipped her arm underneath her husband's and led him to the back room. Just before she did, she turned around. "I'm sorry, Phil, did you want to tell me something ?"

"No… No, Your Majesty, nothing important," stuttered Phil. And he let the door close behind the royal couple.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"The Stabbington brothers ?"

Arianna nodded, her gaze never leaving Varian's sleeping form, her hands in Fredrick's. "The description he made leaves no doubt about it." A pause to swallow the bile building up her throat. "How did we miss this, Darling ? How could we let a person like Nigel roam in the castle when he had no qualms in handing over a helpless child to two brutes, and then tried to murder him ?"

"I don't know, Arianna. If we didn't have the proof he was behind this, I would never believe it myself. But Varian survived this and more. He is strong. He'll pull through it."

"You didn't hear his cries, Fredrick," she replied in a whisper, Varian's broken voice still too fresh in her mind to forget. The bodice of her dress was still damp with the tears he shed. "He is traumatized. By the beating in particular, and who knows what else ? I know he was a very different person back there in Old Corona and that he made bad choices, but he is entitled to justice. I only hope that during his trial, Nigel will tell him why he wanted to hurt Varian so much."

"Arianna…" The King spoke softly. "You realize that when we all meet in the Courtroom, it will not only be Nigel's trial, but also Varian's."

"I know…" She kept her eyes closed, but tightened her grip on Fredrick's hands. "Just… Please just never send him back to the dungeon…", she begged, another pang in her chest pushing a few tears out from underneath her closed eyelids.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _Varian wasn't sure where he was._

 _It was foggy, but there was an eerie feeling about it._

 _Suddenly, Varian knew why. It was the fog he created as his tool for revenge. Frantically, he ran this way and that, unable to find his way through the mist, until he heard voices and followed them._

 _As the fog cleared, Varian was able to see familiar forms. Rapunzel. Eugene. Cassandra. The King. And the old man._

 _Out of breath, legs weak, he stumbled next to the hunched silhouette, his mind needing to understand the logic in all this._

 _"_ _Wait… Are you… are you the future me ?"_

 _"_ _Varian," Rapunzel tried, only to be silenced by Old Varian's gloved hand. He didn't even turn to the fourteen-year-old boy as he asserted :_

 _"_ _No, I am not. I am the only Varian. You, my boy, are my past self." He raised sad, tired eyes to Rapunzel and her father, his voice full of respect and regret. "It took me a long time, Your Majesties. Much too long, a lifetime's worth, to forget my plans of revenge and use alchemy again to stop this. I am… ". Faltering, he leaned on his staff for support. "I am sorry for your loss, Your Highnesses."_

 _Varian's own words resonated inside his head._

 _"_ _My special fog will not spare one soul in this courtyard"_

 _Rapunzel and her father were still standing there in shock, eyes wide. Cassandra and Eugene exchanged alarmed glances._

 _They suddenly all broke into a run and rushed inside the castle._

 _Varian – young Varian- was frozen on his spot. His blood had run cold in his veins and he had stopped breathing in pure anguish. He was staring at nothing, or was it to the old man he will become ? Or had already become ? Did it matter?_

 _She wasn't in the courtyard. She wasn't in the courtyard, he repeated himself in agony._

 _When Varian's legs started to move, it seemed it wasn't by his own will. His mind blank, he started to run after the others, already sweating profusely. No, NO, NO ! He was scared beyond reason of what he expected to find, but he had to go on. Hallway after hallway, he kept running in the dark, with only his ragged breath to break the silence._

 _As he turned a corner, he could see a dim light coming from an open door. Sobs and cries filled his ears._

 _Varian came to a stop in the doorway, and saw them all, Rapunzel and the King kneeling next to the large, four poster bed and holding each other. Cassandra and Eugene were standing respectfully a few steps behind them._

 _Varian stepped inside. He went passed his once teenage crush and idol, but none of them seemed to be able to see or hear him anymore. He came closer to the bed, flinching as he did so but unable to walk away._

 _And then he saw her._

 _She was lying there, very still and calm, in her favorite purple dress. Her arms were folded on her chest, her skinny hands made her knuckles stick out painfully. Around her shoulders her once brown shiny hair was spread out, now all white and dull like it was made of dust. Her barely recognizable face was gaunt, greyish and wrinkled beyond words. Her cheeks were hollow and her closed eyes were sticking out like they would pop open any second. But she remained still, as cold as death. Deep inside, he knew this was for ever._

 _And it was his doing._


	40. Chapter 40 - Rejection

**The nightmare takes its toll on Varian's sanity… Thank you for your wonderful, passionate reviews ! If you haven't yet, feel free to leave a comment !**

Chapter 40

"The Duke of Epoisses ?" Arianna repeated her husband's last words with a look of disbelief in her eyes.

"Did you forget, Darling ? Their annual festival of the Moon is in three days and we are expected there. It has been planned for months."

"Oh, that's right. I know… I know, but…" Her eyes were unfocused, darting to and fro, a proof of her turmoil inside. She couldn't say it. She couldn't speak out the words from her heart. The truth was that she couldn't bear the thought of leaving Varian when he was barely starting to recover. "Their festival takes place at night. We would have to…"

"Stay overnight, indeed", answered the King in a very calm voice. "The Kingdom of Epoisses is only a few hours' ride from here. We will be back before you know it. Before he knows it", he added with a soft smile, taking his wife's hands in his again. "He'll be fine, Arianna."

"You are probably right, it's just… I'm so afraid he will feel abandoned again. He's still fragile, love. You have no idea how torn he is."

"And he is a big boy too. I'm sure that if you explain to him that this is your royal duty and that you are not abandoning him, he will understand. Darling, he can survive two days without you."

Arianna relented reluctantly. She knew that the relationships between their kingdom and the one of Epoisses were a bit strained, and that the festival of the Moon was an opportunity to strengthen the bond they couldn't afford to waste.

But she also had started a long process that would lead, hopefully, to Varian's recovery. Start small by fixing a simple wall and work the way up until he is able to acknowledge his responsibilities. He wasn't the only one to have made mistakes though. But he had to be ready to listen to everybody else's version of the story, without being blinded by spite and rage.

Only then will he finally be able to trust again and move on.

Not for the first time, the Queen of Corona glanced down upon Varian's small frame. He was still sleeping, although his closed eyelids twitched with involuntary movements. His fingertips were stirring slightly and his mouth seemed to mumble silent words. He must be dreaming, she thought.

 _Varian wasn't even sure his heart was beating any more. His blood felt like ice, the air in his lungs was gone. He found out he couldn't see Rapunzel and the King next to the bed any longer. The whole room was actually filled with fog, a thicker and darker fog than the one he created._

 _He didn't know if he was walking on a sturdy floor or black clouds but he didn't care. Guts wrenched in fear, he took a few steps like a zombie. His bottom lip was trembling as he sucked a shaggy breath._

 _"_ _No… no, no. Please no… it's… it's not my fault, Your Majesty. They made me do it. I… I never wanted this. Never ! Please talk to me. Open your eyes. Please…"_

 _He didn't know when his tears had started to fall. He felt shattered inside, guilt pooling in his stomach as he got closer. He couldn't think. He could see that she was lying there – old and dead – and yet, there was nothing he wanted more than for her to smile at him again and take him in her arms once more._

Varian's unspoken words turned into moans.

 _"_ _Your Majesty… please look at me. I'm here. No… no… Your Majesty…"_

 _The white corpse in front of him didn't respond, of course. Varian could feel the pieces of his heart break down further and it was like a real physical pain. The Queen had to wait for Rapunzel, her baby girl, for eighteen long years. And then… then she had to wait during the rest of her life for her daughter and husband to wake up and come back to her. She had waited in vain though, and for a very long time. Enough time for her skin to wrinkle and her hair to turn white. And it was because of him, he knew it. But he couldn't say it out loud, even to her dead body._

 _He clenched his fists. Suddenly bursting with pain and anger, he threw himself on the floor (and it hurt his knees even though fog was the only thing he could see) and banged his fists on the bed._

Moans turned into inarticulate sounds.

 _"_ _You have to wake up. What would the Kingdom be without you ? What about Rapunzel ? What about me ?"_

 _The tears were streaming down his face and wet the bedsheets._

The sounds turned into screams, prompting Hans and Phil to open the door and join the King and the Queen inside the bedroom.

 _"_ _NO ! No, it can't be ! This is not what I wanted ! Do you hear me ? I didn't want this !"_

 _He reached out his trembling hand, desperate to shake her and see her react somehow._

 _His gloved hand covered her hand. He could feel how stiff and cold she was._

 _He pressed harder and shook her._

 _The resistance under his palm suddenly gave way. In a split second, there was no more hand. From the square neckline swelled a cloud of dust. Worse even, the Queen's peaceful face vanished in a mist made of a multitude of specks shimmering in the dark._

 _She was gone. Her whole body had turned into dust under his touch. The dress she was wearing stayed still for a second before collapsing flat on the bed._

 _Varian's face was white, his mouth wide open in an expression of pure horror. And then he let out a scream that was too loud even of his own ears, his voice not sounding like his own, raw and torn with utter despair._

Varian shot up into a sitting position with a long piercing scream. His eyes darted around but couldn't focus. He was panting and sweating profusely. His face was wet with tears.

It took him a few seconds to realize that the King and the Queen were beside him, looking at him with concern in their eyes.

"Varian ?... you.. you were thrashing in your sleep. We tried to wake you up, but…" The Queen had an almost apologetic tone. "Honey, are you all right ?"

Fredric frowned slightly at the tender way his wife addressed Varian, but he said nothing.

"It's over now, calm down. Why, you look like you've seen a ghost", she murmured.

Varian didn't respond to the irony of her words, his mind trapped within his body. He was trembling from head to toe. All he could think of was the dead corpse of the Queen turning into dust. His eyes met the Queen's, almost by accident given their erratic movements, but he ripped his gaze away for fear she might become the vision of his nightmare in the blink of an eye.

Arianna reached out and touched his hand to ground him. But Varian's reaction was to pull away like he had just been burnt, eyes wide in fear. The touch, the dust. No.

Arianna flinched at Varian's expression. It was the one of a scared, wild animal. She repressed the urge to close the distance between them and hug him, not wanting to frighten him more than he already was. In the end, Fredric was the one to make a reasonable decision.

"Guards ! Get Remyus, quickly !" he commanded, startling them. Phil was confused and worried, unable to understand what was going on. Hans was itching to reply that a good slap would probably be the best solution to make the boy stop his tantrum, but he knew better than arguing with the King himself. The two men darted off after a respectful nod and Fredric came closer to his wife, his hands reassuringly on her shoulders.

"He's in shock, Arianna. He needs medical attention." But his wife was unable to listen to him.

"Varian…" the Queen tried again, bending over the trembling boy.

"No…", he whispered. "No ! Don't touch me ! Get away from me !". His voice rapidly came out louder and higher in pitch. Desperate to make the Queen back up, Varian grabbed the closest thing he could find – a purple glass carafe to keep water for him and with the unexpected energy of a cornered beast, threw it against the opposite wall. It brushed Arianna's cheek, and her hair flew with the draught. The carafe met the stone wall and broke into pieces with a loud clank that was echoed by said pieces falling on the floor like a waterfall.

Arianna hadn't moved an inch and kept staring at him. She buried the shock of Varian's violence deep inside her, even though it made her heart race, waiting for his next reaction.

Fredric was boiling with anger – the boy was dangerous indeed – but he had learned to trust his wife when it came to Varian. She knew what she was doing. At least he hoped so.

"Are you done ?" she snapped to Varian. "See, I'm not backing up, Varian. I told you before, I'm here to help you and I'm not going anywhere."

Varian was speechless, panting with the effort and the rage boiling inside.

"It was a nightmare, Varian", she added more softly. "Just a nightmare. It's not real."

Varian let out a heart-wrenching cry.

 _No, no, he thought, holding his head in his hands. She doesn't understand. It doesn't matter that it was a dream. Things may have been different in reality, but I still wanted to kill her. I tried to kill her._

The thought was gnawing at him from inside. He knew he did that terrible choice, but the worst part was that he really meant it. He really meant to kill the Queen and Cassandra back then with his automaton. It sounded crazy, but at that particular moment, it was like he had no other option in order to…. make it right ? feel better ? Suddenly he wasn't so sure.

"Your Majesties ! I came as fast as I…" Remyus was out of breath from running but the reason why he trailed off was the whole ordeal in Varian's room.

"May I ask you to leave us for a moment, Your Majesties ?" asked the old physician, knowing that the best way to stop this was to give the boy some air.

Arianna looked at Remyus in disbelief, but Fredric forced reason upon her. "Darling, we should listen to Remyus and let him work. I trust he can help."

Unsure, Arianna turned around to meet her husband's eyes and saw a confident smile on his face.

"All right", she exhaled. "I… I think I need a minute too." This was hard for her, incredibly hard and Fredric could feel it. She wanted to be there for Varian so badly, but sometimes, filling those shoes was beyond her reach just because she was getting too much involved.

When he was left alone with his patient, Remyus first grabbed the broom and started to gingerly sweep the shards away.

"Please lie down, Varian. I will check your pulse in a minute", he instructed in a casual voice like nothing happened.

Remyus' steady voice seemed to ground the boy. His eyes were still looking wild, but his breathing eased a little bit. His fingers fumbled for the bedsheet and ruffled the soft fabric nervously. The boy didn't lie down but brought his knees up to his chin, curling into a tight ball and staring at nothing. He was biting his lower lip so hard it hurt.

After letting the kid come back to his senses on his own, Remyus came closer and sat down next to the bed.

"All right, Varian. You should try to relax now. Take 5 deep breaths, in and out. Count them in your head. Come on", he coaxed.

Varian complied without a fight. He hated to feel so tense, he somehow always was nervous on a regular basis, but right now he really felt he was going crazy. He started breathing, trying to get as much air as he could in his scrawny body.

When he was done, he felt slightly better. Still too anxious to speak, but better. Remyus laid his fingers on Varian's wrist and checked his pulse.

"It's a little fast, but that was to be expected. Now, would you like to tell me about your dream ?"

Varian flinched and kept his mouth shut. He seemed lost in his thoughts for a while, but he was the one to break the silence in the end.

"I.. I think I should get back to work, now. The joint compound I applied this morning must be dry by now", he said simply.

Remyus frowned slightly, then decided not to push the boy.

"Fine, Varian. But not before you eat and drink something."

Varian nodded feebly, thankful that he was, for the time being, able to keep the intricate mess of his emotions inside his lurching stomach.

 **Note : The King and the Queen are supposed to attend a festival in Epoisses. I named this imaginary kingdom after a lovely French village, famous for its castle and especially its strong and quite smelly cheese…**


	41. Chapter 41 - A beast to be locked away

**Are you in for more angst ? You've been warned…**

 **This chapter (and the next, because I've been working on both) have been more complicated to write than I expected. I'm trying my best to show how much it is complicated in Varian's head, because… it is ! The whole situation is. There are his feelings of betrayal, the responsibilities he still has to face, the issues with his father (this will be for later, hehe…), and more. So sorry if you get the feeling that we are never getting out of this ! Healing is a slow process , and all the steps are planned in my head, but we will get there ! I promise ! (I'm having second thoughts every time I use these words now !)**

 **Anyway...**

Chapter 41

Arianna couldn't stop pacing the royal library, the nearest and quietest place in the castle Fredric could find. She felt irritated, frustrated and helpless. The boy was clearly distressed, and she failed to find a way to snap him out of his trance.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Darling. I know you only want him to feel better, but it's not an easy task. Especially with that boy." He chuckled. "Well, at least, I understand now why tending to Varian is your full time job.".

"It's not funny, Fredric", she snapped, unable to control her temper. "He's been in this castle for days now, and every time I think we're out of the woods, he gets overwhelmed by his dark thoughts again and clams up. I'm at the end of my rope, Fredric."

Her husband went serious again.

"Arianna, he was obviously shaken by a nightmare. After all that happened, who knows how bad his dreams are? Listen, even if it doesn't show yet, I'm sure everything you do for him is very helpful. He'll come to realize it, some day."

"There's something I'm missing… ", she countered, not really taking in his words. "It's like there are walls around his heart and I can't find the way in."

Facing her, Fredric put his hands on her shoulders to make her stop pacing.

"Look, it wouldn't be honest of me if I told you I totally understand and approve what you are trying to do. But I'm trusting you. After the battle of Old Corona, I told Rapunzel I would get him help and I intend to keep my word. Yet, I must admit I would be at a loss as to what to do with him. But you… you can do this, my love, because you have the heart of a mother, and I know you will never give up on a child in need." Arianna's eyebrows relaxed slightly as she looked up to meet his gaze.

"Thank you", she whispered with a grateful smile.

Feeling the tension loosening, Fredric's lips stretched into a lopsided grin as he added :

"Well, even though said child threatened the whole Kingdom and tried to kill you…"

"Fredric !"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Varian was wielding the putty knife with frantic gestures. His arms were sore from his efforts earlier, but that didn't stop him. On the contrary, the dull pain in his muscles was distracting him from the mental torture inside his head.

Apart from asking Remyus to let him get back to work, Varian had stubbornly refused to utter another word. He ate in silence, only taking the minimum of food required to convince the old physician to let him leave the room. He kept his lips pursed when Ruddiger came back with Elora after his walk, much to the little maid's dismay. Then he got ready and left in his, Phil and Hans in tow, since they were supposed to follow Varian everywhere he went.

And that was another thing that was getting under the young alchemist's skin.

He had been alone for weeks and weeks in his lab, with only a raccoon and a Dad frozen in amber for company, and now, he couldn't get a moment's privacy. There were people around him day and night and wasn't used to it.

Yet, Varian wasn't looking forward to being on his own again. Irritating as it was, his keepers' physical presence was reassuring somehow. Or was it the loneliness that was unbearably scary ?

He still hated them, all these people around him. Where were they, when it was dark and cold and that there was no one with him ?

Varian didn't notice when his strokes had become swats, breaking pieces of the wall around the crack as he did so.

"Put your head into it, will you !"

The sharp, cold voice of the new guard startled Varian out of his thoughts. He nearly lost his grip on the ladder. Hans went on.

"We're trying to have that wall fixed, not broken further. Pay attention or mark my words, I will make you do it all over again."

Varian clenched his jaw and kept his thoughts to himself. He didn't like how that guard just talked to him one bit, but he was still so angry at everything and everyone that he kept refusing any form of communication.

"Hey, I'm talking to you, scoundrel ! Get down at once !" Hans boomed with a forceful voice.

"Hans, take it easy, will you ? You told him off, I'm sure he got your point. Leave him alone", Phil stepped in, trying to keep everybody's temper in check.

"Quiet, Phil ! I'll teach that kid some respect !" Hans stomped until he was standing next to the ladder and waited with scornful eyes for the teenager to get down.

Varian looked down. Met Hans' stare.

Then he turned around and got back to work, not bothering to reply.

He suddenly felt he was yanked off the ladder by his free arm, lost his balance and tumbled down onto the carpet, landing ungracefully on all fours.

"Now," said Hans coldly, crushing Varian's left hand under his boot, "you're going to stay on your knees and apologize to me. Then you will get back to work and won't stop until you're done."

Varian's head was spinning but he lifted his chin to look at Hans. The man's face was white with rage and a shiver ran up the teenager's spine.

Phil reached out and firmly grabbed Hans' upper arm. "That's enough, Hans !", he said between clenched teeth.

"You'd better let me go, Phil", replied Hans, pulling away and shifting his weight on his other leg in the process. Varian was able to free his hand, scrambled back and stood up again, his expression blank for a second.

The two guards were still holding their grip on each other when Varian grabbed the ladder and, with a howl of rage, flung the ladder off the wall, with the bucket full of joint compound still attached to it. The mixture sprawled everywhere around the hallway, carpet and walls. The clatter resonated far in the hallway.

The King and the Queen, on her way to check on Varian, appeared round the corner. Fredric saw the mess and the kid he just heard yell next to it, put two and two together, and lost it before any explanations could be given.

"What is the meaning of this ?", the King boomed, not asking a real question. "Varian ! Go to your room this instant !"

Varian rolled his eyes.

"Oh ! Oh, am I grounded now, Your Majesty ?". Phil's eyes went wide, shocked by the kid's sass. This attitude was definitely bound to get on the King's nerves. "Oh, wait !" he went on. "I'm your prisoner anyway, so I'm kind of grounded already, am I not ?", he said bitterly.

Arianna couldn't help but feel exasperated by her husband's lack of tact and impressed by the boy's clever sarcasm at the same time, but she quickly caught herself.

"I'm sure there is an explanation, Fredric, and I think we should hear Varian about that matter", she stated calmly. "Varian ?"

Said boy kept his defiant look on his face, hands clenched into fists. Suddenly squeezing his eyes shut and grinding his teeth, he turned his heels and ran away in the direction of his room.

Arianna ran after him before she could think.

Phil and Hans, remembering that their duty was to be watching Varian at all times, dropped their quarrel and made it to catch up.

Fredric stayed there stunned, admiring, not for the first time, his wife for not giving up, no matter how complicated things were.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Out of breath, Varian stomped into his room first, the Queen on his heels. She could feel all the bottled up anger rising again in the boy, and she might as well be standing next to a volcano about to erupt.

"This is useless ! All of this !", Varian shouted, tugging his hair in frustration. "No matter what I do, I'll always be the bad guy, the beast to be locked away."

"Varian, honey… I know that you are upset and the King may not have…."

"No !", the young alchemist burst. "No, you don't know anything ! All of you, this is all your fault ! You made me become what I've become ! And you know what ? I don't care if I'm the bad guy ! I don't have any regrets, because I did what I had to do to save my father !"

His voice was wavering, his hands were shaking. There was a crack in the wall inside his heart as he was lashing out. He knew what was behind it, what was threatening to show. No, no. It was all Rapunzel's doing. She was pretending – yes, pretending – to be his good friend, like everyone else, and how could he have been stupid enough to believe it ? They all abandoned him in his greatest need. And then, they never cared about him when he was alone and shunned by his own village. And the King didn't bother to come to Old Corona until he made the Queen his prisoner.

So why couldn't they just get off his case, walk away and leave him alone ? Why would they care now if he was unhappy ?

Oh, there is a reason why they wouldn't leave him alone. He is a bad guy now. Much too dangerous to be free. That's what people would say about him long before those events anyway. Maybe… maybe they were right. And they will never change their minds about him. It was too late.

Trembling, he sucked in a deep breath.

"Look into my eyes, Your Majesty", pure venom and bitterness in his voice, "You are always acting like you want to help me, but tell me something, if you can : are my actions -kidnapping you, attempting to freeze you in amber and crushing you to death with my automaton – completely forgotten? And forgiven ? Are they ?"


	42. Chapter 42 - A second chance

**TRIGGER WARNING for self-harm intentions.**

 **I would like to remind everyone that the whole fic is rated T. Although I'm not going into something extremely dark and / or violent, it is important that you are warned.**

 **So please don't read the last part if you know it is not for you.**

 **On a lighter note, I would like to give a few shout-outs to very regular readers who follow up the story actively - I know there are a lot of regular readers (maybe more than I can imagine) and I would like to thank everyone for bearing with me. Now I would especially like to thank (sorry if I'm not naming everyone, it's late and I'll stick to the most recent ones !) Car45, chinesepotatochipleader, Totallynotvarian, L, Crystal, crystalcritter2007 (same reader ?), Shia Rephic, Lorraine. 48,beweme and jidfanfic for their continunous support through comments and thoughts that are so helpful for me. I write the story because I really, really want to, but sharing it with people is the icing on the cake.**

 **In a perfect world I would love to reply to everyone individually, but writing takes a lot of time, and I can't get less sleep than I already do ! :)**

 **Now, if you're ready for another quite dark chapter… (but there is a light at the end of the tunnel… Arianna can be stubborn too and won't give up)**

 **I wrote the part about the ring a while ago, because I felt like I wanted to explain why in the series it seemed a challenge for the Queen to forgive Eugene** **(it looks like she makes her decision at the last minute in the episode). And as you will see, this story is very much about forgiveness (in my opinion).**

 **And btw, I know I am kind of letting Nigel rot in jail at the moment, but I am not leaving him out. All in good time...**

Chapter 42

Arianna was stunned by the boy's harsh words.

"Varian, I'm not acti…"

"ARE THEY ?" he yelled, fists clenched tight, teeth bared and eyebrows frowned like he was enraged.

Arianna closed her eyes. She had to keep her composure. Not just for herself, but for the angry boy in front of her who, she understood that now, was now scared beyond words by his own actions and their consequences. But there was a fine line between choosing her words wisely…and lying.

She chose to be honest.

"All right, Varian, if you have to hear the truth, these events still haunt me. I can't say that these actions are forgotten. Or forgiven. Not yet at least. I can only hope that someday I will be able to put those grudges behind me."

She took off a ring from her slender hand. It was a simple yet beautiful ring with the symbol of Corona on it. The sun with seven rays.

"This, she stated, was taken from me years ago. A petty, young thief broke into my carriage and took it. It was just an object. But I felt angry and hurt whenever I would think of that missing ring for years and years after that. Do you know why, Varian ?"

Varian kept his jaw clenched and shrugged, trying to maintain his "I couldn't care less" look on his face, but not succeeding completely.

"Because this ring is a gift from my mother, and it was destined to be my daughter's one day. When she would become Queen." She closed her eyes and paused to exhale deeply. When she opened them again, it was like she was looking at the ghost of her lost child. "My baby girl was stolen in the dead of the night many years before that. To have this ring taken away too… it was like my daughter was kidnapped for a second time. As long as I had that ring with me, I could keep telling myself : she will be back, and I will give this ring to her."

And then suddenly, I had no daughter and no ring. I'm not saying that the ring is as important as a person, but that was the last straw. I was angry at everything, at life itself ! Was it going to tear off every last bit of hope ?"

"Angry ? You ?" asked Varian is disbelief, almost forgetting his facade.

"I took me a long time to leave my anger aside. In fact, I was still mad at that petty thief, even when I recently found out who he was and how he had come to this. You see, Varian, he too was angry at the whole world, and believed he had no other choice than stealing to get what he wanted."

Varian was silent, listening and waiting, sensing that the Queen was coming to something with her story.

"The thief's name was Flynn Rider, Varian. Eugene was his real name."

The boy's jaw dropped when he heard the name of his idol (or ex-idol). It mouthed words aimlessly for a second or two before he could ask :

"But, but you were able to forgive him. After all, it was only a ring, right ?", ventured Varian, shivering at the thought of his own actions. And they had little to do with the theft of a mere object.

"Not exactly. I found it in myself to forgive him when I started to think about who he was back then, and who he was later on. You see, Varian, he was young, and he has come a long way and regretted his mistakes. Fixed them. Made sure he would not make the same mistakes again and become a better person. That's why, in my eyes, he deserved a second chance."

"A second chance…" Varian murmured.

The boy was thoughtful for a second, before his features tensed. His jaw tightened, his hands clenched into fists, nails digging in his palms and knuckles turning white.

"But…" he uttered under his breath, head bowed. Overwrought, he looked up, tears in his eyes already swelling and yelled at the Queen's face : "But some of us just don't deserve a second chance ! I can fix as many cracks in the walls as you want, it won't change what I've done !"

"We all make mistakes, Varian", she replied, standing her ground. "And you can learn from them, if you can accept what happened and forgive yourself. You are a good person, Varian, I know it. Please. Don't let pain and rage consume you."

As she spoke, she came closer and reached out. Her fingertips barely touched Varian's upper arm, causing the boy to rip it away and turn his back to the Queen, breaking eye contact. His right hand reached his left upper arm, a reflex of his whenever he felt insecure. His shoulders were so tense they almost reached his ears.

Arianna sighed, fearing that she would get nothing more from him, when she unexpectedly heard his voice, quivering and barely above a whisper.

"I… I would like some time alone, Your Majesty. Please."

His voice sounded so childlike suddenly, void of bitterness and anger. It was a desperate plea. Varian wouldn't have been able to explain why he was yearning for loneliness so much if he had wanted to. As much as he dreaded it, it was an old companion of his after all, one that wouldn't judge him. At that moment, it seemed that he would feel safer if he were alone.

Arianna was torn. The young alchemist was going through a physical need for comfort and reassurance, she was sure of it, and her instincts were kicking in hard, begging her run to him. But Varian clearly spelled out that he was not ready to accept that now.

"All right, Varian", she relented. "Please get some rest. I'll make sure that a full dinner will come up for you, and…" She swallowed hard. "… I'll see you later."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Arianna's own words were ringing in her ears.

 _Pain and rage._

Varian was full of contradictions. A brilliant alchemist and engineer, yet still a child in many ways. It was like the scientist in him couldn't understand the outbursts of that boy who still needed much emotional support and guidance. With great intelligence and knowledge, possibilities were almost unlimited, but the choices were still the ones of a child and so were the mistakes that go with it. Two sides of a coin, an explosive mix.

He was also torn between sorrow and hate. He'd been hurt and that was an understatement. Anger stepped in, to save this young soul from withering into despair.

If only she could find a way to…

An idea crossed her mind and hit her like lightning. She picked up her step to hurriedly get her cloak. She had to make it in time to the marketplace, before the shops closed for the night. She would need all the help she could get to take the rage out of Varian's heart.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Varian's breath hitched and turned into bitter sobs as soon as the Queen left the room as he let his tears fall. There were so many things he regretted already. He should have known by now, that nothing good ever came when he let his anger fits take over. His words said "leave me alone, I don't deserve any help", but at the same time, he was terrified that she would eventually turn away for good.

He wanted so badly to run to her and let her warmth thaw his violent emotions away, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Reject or be rejected, and he couldn't go through the latter again. And also… accepting love and care from the royal family would be acknowledging that they are not such bad people…so what would that make him ?

It would take away the stone securing the bottom of the ivory tower of the certainties he built himself, mainly the one that he wasn't wrong.

Giving a soft croon, Ruddiger came to cuddle his friend's legs, hoping that Varian would pick him up and take him in his arms or over his shoulders. The boy remained as stiff as a tree trunk, with only his shoulders shaking as he cried.

Through half-closed eyelids, Varian caught an unexpected glint on the floor next to the fireplace. Blinking a few times to chase his tears away, he recognized where it came from : the shards from the carafe he broke earlier. Ethel was right : Remyus wasn't a very ordained person. He took great care of his patients, Varian had to give him that, but when it came to tidiness, he obviously wasn't as dedicated.

Still ignoring Ruddiger, Varian approached the messy heap of purple glass and knelt down. His gloved hand picked up one of the pieces between two fingers. The boy was completely still for a while, studying it like it was the most incredible thing in the world. He wasn't crying anymore, but he swallowed bile several times.

It was tempting beyond words, beyond reason. To use the piece of glass and run it on the tender skin of his arm, just to feel another kind pain for once. Maybe it will stop the sorrow inside.

Varian never felt that kind of urge before, and it scared him. He couldn't understand the feeling, especially for someone who knew very well that he couldn't stand the sight of blood. But he was tired. So tired to feel bad and upset and hurt. He just wanted to forget his pain for a little while.

His hand was trembling. He gave out a whine.

Cold glass touched his forearm, ready to slash through skin.

Something dashed onto Varian's lap and the teen felt he was hit in the stomach and fell on his back, letting go of the piece of glass in the process. Jolting out of his trance, he looked around wildly before focusing his gaze on Ruddiger, who was standing on top of him, paws firmly planted in his chest, and scolding his human friend in what sounded like the rude language of a very upset raccoon.

Varian stared at his furry friend, wide-eyes and stunned by the fact that he was being lectured by a raccoon. Then he exhaled, shoulders dropping, and let the back of his head rest on the floor, laughing nervously.

"Have I sunk so low, Ruddiger, that you have to act like my guardian ?". His laughter turned into scoffs. "You know what, Ruddy ? You've always been there for me. Funny, hey, that you are the only living creature I can talk to. Or pathetic." Scoffs turned into whimpers. "You are my angel. I've lost count of how many times you have saved me. And I…I'm so… I'm such a fool. Will I ever feel better?"

Varian was a nervous wreck as he was lying on the floor and crying himself out. He hid his face in the crook of his arm, too embarrassed by his own weakness, even in front of his raccoon.

Ruddiger froze and let sadness engulf him too. Crooning softly, he came closer to Varian's face to nuzzle his chin. Without a word, Varian wrapped his arms around the chubby animal and shifted to turn on his side, curling into a foetal position, letting himself cry for the time being and see if maybe the tears will wash the sorrow and the pain away.


	43. Chapter 43 - Can't fight anymore

**Christmas is nearly here, so here's a little bit of fluff (enjoy it, while it lasts…). Most importantly, I sincerely wish you all a lovely time with your loved ones. If, for various reasons, you are feeling sad and lonely for Christmas, I'm sending you lots of hugs and love. Don't be alone. Try to call a friend, go out and meet some people, or write to someone.**

 **Love you all !**

Chapter 43

It was almost dawn when Varian started to stir in his sleep. The moon, not quite full yet, was casting a cold light on his bed. On the verge of waking, Varian was once more plagued by strange dreams and scary visions.

Ruddiger is the first one awake, due to Varian's restlessness. Sensing his friend's discomfort, the raccoon patted his tender cheek to bring him back to reality.

Varian woke up, confused and trying to get used to the dim light. He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes. Ruddiger pressed against his side, making his way under Varian's arm.

"Hi, Ruddiger !" he whispered. "Did you sleep w…"

He trailed off, as he realized he didn't remember going to bed last night. This was quite usual for him, as he would more often than not collapse out of exhaustion on his work rather than leave it for the night and lie down on his bed.

Oh, boy, he thought anxiously as he remembered how he cried himself to sleep on the stone floor before it was evening. How long did he sleep ? And who found him and put him to bed ?

Please let it be Remyus. Ethel would be fine too. Phil, why not ? Hans ! He would even take Hans, but please, please do not let it be…

The Queen.

Varian's heart skipped a beat as took in his surroundings at last. And there was Queen Arianna herself, asleep next to him in a makeshift bed.

The boy remained breathless as he gazed at her still form. What was she doing here ? Why wasn't she in her own, comfortable room ? Did the King know ? (that thought alone sent a shiver down his spine).

As the initial shock faded away, Varian swallowed hard and, realizing that he and Ruddiger were the only ones awake, let himself relax a little.

She was a beautiful sight, her face peaceful and serene, her hair for once gathered in a thick braid that rested on her pillow and over her shoulder. Not for the first time, the only word that came to Varian's mind as he basked in the lovely vision was angel.

In the eerie silence of dawn, the teen reached out to grab the journal that was sitting on his nightstand. That very journal the Queen gave him, and that he nearly threw at her face, his heart full of anger and contempt. But now, he felt the urge to pick up the pastel pencils she left with the book and draw his angel before the heavenly moment ended.

Varian propped up his knees to lay the thick journal on his thighs, Ruddiger moving up to rest across his shoulders. With expert fingers, he started to make a sketch of the Queen with an artistic talent that was uncommon for a fourteen-year-old.

Drawing effectively grounded the boy. It always had, but right there and then, it soothed him more than ever. He could let his mind wander as his hand worked. Yet, after a while, he gradually and obstinately traced darker lines over his first draft and his portrait of the Queen turned into the one he saw in his nightmare the day before as dark thoughts overpowered him again. Varian's hand added wrinkles, white hair and dark fog all around with thick lines that almost tore the paper, his whole body getting more and more tense in the process.

Ruddiger tried to get the teen's attention again, but Varian's mind was clearly somewhere else. His breathing became shallow and loud, almost like gasps. Was it the light swelling or the sounds Varian made that prompted the Queen to wake up at that moment, no one would ever know.

Still dizzy from sleep, she propped herself on one elbow, eyes wide at the sight of the boy's shaggy hair and bewildered eyes. She got out of bed.

"Varian ?..."

Varian froze and looked up. The Queen was standing next to him, deep concern in her eyes. Now he was out of his trance, he realized he had been crying.

When did the tears start to fall ?

He quickly wiped them with his sleeve and tried to fight them back, to no avail. It didn't matter much in the end, since his trembling hands gave away how much stress he was in.

"I didn't want you to wake up alone, especially in case you had another nightmare, Varian", she ventured.

Great. That's what I get for falling asleep on the floor, he thought, unable to utter an answer.

Arianna leaned over the boy and rested her hand on his shoulder. "Varian, was this… was this your nightmare ?" she asked gently as she took in the messed up but still recognizable picture of herself.

Varian cringed and tore away from her touch as if it was burning him. The journal fell off his lap as he curled into a ball even more, covering his ears and squeezing his eyes shut.

"No, don't… Please… Stop it, I – I can't…"

I can't talk about it, he tried to say. But the words were stuck in his throat. He knew he was being childish and rude, and above all, he felt powerless against his emotions. He felt like a puppet in their hands, his heart their hostage and his mind trapped in a cell like the one he had been locked in.

Arianna took a step back. Then reconsidered. When words would fail, there was only one way to help, she decided.

She leaned forward and hugged him tightly. Varian didn't pull away this time, breaking down completely. He didn't know why he cried so much, but just like the day before, he knew he just couldn't fight those dark feelings anymore.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was dawn for the townspeople too. The first rays of the sun were shining on the plaza where many people, old and young, were already gathering and chatting loudly.

"Two days ? She needs so many of them and she gives us two days ?"

"Yes, you heard right ! She said that she would pay handsomely, though !"

"It doesn't really matter how they look like, she said, as long as we get them delivered by tomorrow afternoon !"

"She told my husband they would help the young alchemist."

"What does she means by that ?"

"Why would she try to help him ?"

"No idea, but we should trust her."

"He's just a boy after all."

"We should get started. Everybody come to my shop to get the material you need !"

"Can I make one too ?"

"And me ?"

"I can help !"

"We will also need all the ovens we can use !"

"We can do this !"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Later in the morning, while the Queen was getting dressed in her apartments, Phil came in, bringing a tray for Varian's breakfast. He was followed by Alden, the older guard he used to team up with, when he was in charge of the dungeon.

At Varian's questioning look, Phil explained :

"Hans has been reassigned. After you ran away, the King demanded some explanations. I simply told him the truth, even though Hans' eyes looked like they were going to shoot daggers at me !", he joked as he put the tray on the table.

"Oh… oh, wow, that's…. great news. Although, I… well I wouldn't want you to be in trouble with Hans because… of me", stuttered Varian, who was blushing slightly at the memory of his anger fit in the hallway the day before.

"Hey, it's alright", the young guard replied in a gentle voice. "I should have done this long ago anyway. The guy has been digging up trouble from the start. If he's not happy now, that's his problem. And I'm glad he's out of your way now."

"Oh… well… thanks...", he managed to say, even if he looked away shyly. "What is his new assignment, then ?", asked Varian, back to his curious self.

"He was sent to clean the stables, as far as I know", answered Alden with a smirk of satisfaction on his face. "And for what it's worth, I want you to know that as guards, we may be here to keep an eye on you, but we'll also make sure that you are okay and treated well."

The concern their voices warmed up Varian's heart. He didn't know Alden at all so to speak, and Phil –well, Varian hardly spoke to him before, but he felt he could trust them – well, almost, because it was still a challenge for him to trust any adult - and that felt good.

The truth was that Phil had genuinely come to care for the boy. In a very short amount of time, he had witnessed his rage fits and bitter words but also his mutism and breakdowns at times. It was easy to guess that the so-called traitor to the Crown was just a very, very tormented kid.

Unbeknownst of Varian, the young guard also bore a stomach-wrenching feeling of guilt. The boy didn't know that Phil was the one who inadvertently let Nigel into his cell, but Phil could not forget.

Pushing that thought at the back of his mind, Phil turned his attention to Varian again. The Queen had rightfully guessed that Varian went to sleep with an empty stomach the night before, and her orders were crystal clear : the boy wasn't to step out of his room until he had a proper breakfast.


	44. Chapter 44 - The cornice

**Busy holiday times, but I'm happy I was able to add a new chapter before the end of the year ! The last day of 2018 is also my birthday, and it's a way to celelebrate !**

 **Enjoy, and thank you to all of you who follow up this story with enthusiasm !**

Chapter 44

The morning sun cast a pleasant light over the soft cushions spread out on the library's window sill where Varian was sitting.

It was very unusual for the boy to have a very extensive treaty about alchemy on his lap and not actually read it with eager eyes. Instead, he was gazing thoughtfully out the window, his mind on the previous day's events.

After the Queen found him in tears while he was drawing his nightmare with rage, Varian had felt a weight come off his chest. Sharing his vision helped him put it back to its right place – merely a vision, a dream, and somehow a warning of who he may become if he let anger and hatred rule his heart.

He didn't want to feel that way anymore. He was tired of being alone against the world. He felt like that day, when he was much, much younger and got stuck in the swamps outside the village. He was sinking and panicking, calling for his Dad repeatedly and trying to step out of the mud frantically. But the more he would struggle, the deeper he would go. Only when his father told him to calm down and stop fighting was he able to think clearly and grasp the staff Quirin held for him to be pulled out.

But Dad wasn't here this time. Dad was still frozen in a giant amber rock that erupted because of Varian's compound, in an attempt to understand and get rid of the black rocks.

Varian was hating himself for that. A self-loathing that has been his companion since that day and that he had concealed so far with hatred for the world.

Was could be the way out this time ? Should he grab the staff that was held out to him and trust this second chance the Queen was talking about ? Should he let go of his resentment against the Kingdom, against Rapunzel and forgive them ?

What was there to forgive anyway ? A rational part of him knew that Rapunzel had no choice that day. She had been caught in unexpected events and couldn't keep her promise. Did he have the right to blame her for not foreseeing that, even if it hurt him more than he could say ?

What was there left for him ? Only to accept the pain he had been feeling ? Accept what felt like betrayal and abandonment and not spread pain further by hurting people ? Making Rapunzel suffer like he did wouldn't bring his father back anyway, he could see that now.

"Varian ?"

It took the teen a few seconds to jog his mind out of his daydream.

"Huh ? Oh, what is it Elora ?" he asked, looking back at her.

The little girl had put aside the fairytale book she was reading.

"Look at Ruddiger, he's been restless for a while. I think I'll take him outside before he has an accident."

"Oh ?... Oh, yes, of course. Thank you, Elora."

It had become a routine between the three of them. Since Varian was still technically a prisoner, it was easier to have Elora take care of Ruddiger whenever he needed to go outside. Phil and Alden, the guards who were responsible for Varian during the day, were grateful for that and let the girl and the raccoon slip out of the library.

Varian had been allowed to spend the morning in the library as a treat after he cleaned up the mess he did the day before by hurling the ladder after the Hans incident and then finished to fill up the crack in the wall. The Queen also added that she wanted him so have some time off before the afternoon, although she didn't mention any task or chore she may have planned for him.

Did it have something to do with the Moon Festival of Epoisses on the following day, he wondered ? The Queen had told him first thing in the morning that she would have to leave for 24 hours at least, as one of her many royal duties, and that Festival was one she couldn't put off. She had spoken with her calm, queen-like voice, but Varian had seen the unspoken sadness in her eyes. As much as he could rationally understand her reasons and her uneasiness, another part of his brain was screaming at yet another excruciating feeling of abandonment as unbidden memories came back like a dark plague.

His twirling thoughts made him feel suddenly homesick, more than ever before. Oh it wasn't like he had never shed tears for missing his home and his father before. But he never allowed himself to complain to anyone in the castle, feeling he had no right to do so after what happened. But it was tearing his heart each and every minute he had to spend away from home.

Varian's gloved hands clenched into fists. His gaze hardened, like that day in his lab when he found his father completely covered with amber. No more tears, no more sadness, no more thinking. Enough of this mess and this waste of time. He had to go out and run to his Dad.

Now.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So let me get this straight, Your Majesty, " said the Captain, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You want me to talk to the boy, but I'm not allowed to mention the attack on Old Corona."

"That's right, Captain."

"Nor my daughter."

"Captain… I know I'm asking a lot from you, but what happened between Cassandra and Varian… well that's for them to fix."

"He tried to kill her", the man retorted, barely containing his anger.

Arianna sighed.

"We're walking on eggshells, Captain. I know he made bad choices but think of what he's gone through. What he's still going through. He accepted to repair the material damage caused by his automaton in the castle which is a progress in itself. Now he has to be ready to make up for hurting you and half of your guards when he sent his transformed raccoon to attack us. The… murder attempts…." She closed her eyes as she remembered the tight grip of the metal hand around her ribs, "will have to wait."

The Captain locked his jaw and swallowed hard.

"Captain, I understand that you want to protect your daughter above all. You know I do. But she is a grown woman now. And she can fend for herself", she added with a soft smile.

"That's for sure,", he relented. "It's just… it's so hard for me because I was lying here in the castle, powerless while she could have been killed. Your Majesty, I know he's just a kid and that he has suffered a lot but… that doesn't make it right."

"No, it doesn't. That's why we must help him, show him the way so he can acknowledge his mistakes and make it right. When he's ready, he will find the words to talk to your daughter. She's probably still struggling with her feelings about that night too, and she has the right to face him. The rest – whether she wants to forgive him or not- is up to her. Trust me, it's important that we let them sort this out by themselves. For both of them."

The Captain looked away, his hands behind his back. After warring with himself, he straightened and looked at his Queen. "All right, Your Majesty. I'll follow your lead."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Varian knew he didn't have much time. Elora would be back with Ruddiger soon.

He felt a pang in his chest as he thought of his furry friend he had to leave behind. He quickly brushed it away, confident that Elora would take care of him. He couldn't afford to dwell on those kind of feelings if he wanted to escape.

The library was on the second floor, which was quite a long way from the ground as each storey in the castle was preposterously high. But there was no escaping through the door because of Phil and Alden.

The window would have to do.

He silently opened the latch before closing the book he had on his lap and stood up, pretending to go and put it away to get a new one.

Hiding behind the shelves, he peeked at the guards when smaller books allowed him to do so. They were bored, to say the truth, and were chatting while checking regularly on Varian.

Said boy put down the heavy book and quickly went back to the window, silently praying that the guards would assume he would take some time browsing the shelves. Opening the window slowly, just enough for his lanky body to slip out, he stepped unsteadily on the cornice, leaning flat against the wall and trying not to look down. He wasn't really afraid of heights, but he had nothing to hold onto, and the cornice was quite narrow. A last speck of rationality made him curse himself for not thinking how unprepared he was and how reckless and stupid this decision was.

But not enough to make him turn back. Not with his Dad at the end of the path.

 **Have a nice 31st of December all, and see you next year ! (yes, I'm afraid I'm leaving Varian on the cornice until 2019… *evil grin*)**


	45. Chapter 45 - Over the wind

**I am proud to announce that ymiry36 is currently translating this story into Korean language! Thank you, ymiry36 for your dedication and hard work ! The first 2 chapters are already on line on** **post/3014875**

 **Thanks again for your messages, it's great to read your reactions on the spot !**

 **Without further ado… (because Varian is in a nasty fix after all...)**

Chapter 45

The wind was toying with Varian's overgrown bangs and taking his breath away.

From the cornice he was standing on, his back pressed against the wall, the teen could see the stables below, much smaller than he thought they would be.

Varian gulped before going on, walking sideways like a crab. He could feel his heart beating fast in his chest and pounding in his ears. Beads of sweats were making their way down his face, their coolness on his skin emphasized by the wind.

"Ok, kid, turn around slowly," came a soft voice from behind, barely audible over the wind.

Varian tensed and froze. Turning his head towards the window, he saw Alden's face, fear in his eyes although the older man tried his best to conceal it.

"I'm not going back,", Varian yelled with a mix of irritation and desperation in his voice. "I… I have to…"

"To what ? Run away and be tracked down for the rest of your life ? Or fall and crash down below ?" asked a younger voice as Phil climbed on the windows sill in front of Alden. He had removed his helmet, and secretly hoped he had the time to remove part of his armour as well for better balance, but he couldn't waste time. He had to get close to the boy before he was out of reach.

"What ?" recoiled Varian, confused by Phil's sudden change of tone with him.

"Phil, what are you doing ?" asked a bewildered Alden.

"Just sayin'," Phil replied calmly, setting one foot on the cornice, trembling a little as he did so. The last thing he wanted was to take a stroll over the void but he still went on. "that either you manage to escape and you become a rogue forever – although you probably will be arrested before you reach the castle gates anyway – or you lose your balance and end up crushed on the ground. You know, I thought you were smart, but this looks like a silly plan, if there is a plan at all. How hard have you thought it through exactly ?"

Varian locked his jaw, his eyes flashing with anger (or was it because he felt hurt in the tiny speck of pride he had left ?) and turned around to go on alongside the wall, away from the two guards.

"You don't understand," he replied coldly as he was looking away. "I have to do this."

"For who ? For your father ?"

Varian froze.

"Tell me, Varian, which one of these outcomes will help your father best ? If you're lucky, you may not end up dead, but sent back to the dungeon. For a very long time. Her Majesty the Queen is giving you a second chance, you are not getting another one, kid."

Varian was standing still, the only movement on him being his hair flowing in the wind and the rise and fall of his chest, more visible than usual due to his heavy breathing.

"Come on, I'm sure you realize how foolish this is. Come back and we'll talk when we're safe inside."

"Why… why are you doing this ?" asked Varian like he was out of breath, still looking away from Phil. "I don't need your help or your protection."

"Says the boy on a cornice," replied Phil ironically. "But you are stuck with me, whether you like it or not." He swallowed hard. "I made a vow."

Varian's head snapped up as these words hit home. He had taken a vow too. A vow to his father, the vow to free him and make everyone pay, no matter what would come of him. And that's exactly what he was going to do.

"You see, when you were found badly injured in your cell, I made the vow I would protect you and help you with all my might. There is something you don't know, Varian, and that I need to tell you."

"What ? What are you saying ? Why are you talking about what happened that day ?" spat the boy, too angry to look at Phil, who was getting closer step by step.

"It was my fault," the guard admitted.

Varian felt his heart skip a beat and there was a long silence. Only the cries of the wind could be heard.

Unbeknownst of Alden, Phil and Varian, a pair of eyes was watching them from below. A man who had stopped his task as soon as he recognized the boy's voice up in the air. A man who had been assigned against his will to what was in his opinion the most detestable chore, since it brought back some bad memories : cleaning the stables.

Hans wasn't a good loser. He was still bitter from his defeat in Arendelle because of two girls he should have overpowered easily. Being downgraded from a royal guard to a stableman because of a spoilt fourteen-year-old was not going to improve his mood.

Part of him just gazed at the whole scene hoping a foot would slip and send the brat break his fragile bones against the unforgiving ground.

"Now you know," Phil's shaky voice broke the silence after a while, "and I want to tell you that I am very sorry for what happened. I keep telling myself I could have – I should have done things differently to prevent Nigel from getting at you. But what's done is done. The only thing I can do from now on to try and make it up to you."

As Phil finished his sentence, Varian heard the dreadful click and the too familiar feeling of metal around his left wrist. The young alchemist whipped his head around only to see Phil clasp the other end of the shackles around his own right arm. How did he not hear him pull these from his belt ?

Then to Varian's horror, the young guard undid the ring of keys secured on his belt and tossed it away. The precious metal tools fell to the ground and landed somewhere in the bushes below. Words were stuck in Varian's throat, but his terror-filled eyes locked with Phil's.

"I will make up to you, kid," Phil continued, more confident than ever. "Even if that means that if you fall, I fall."

Varian just stared at Phil, speechless. Phil held out his hand.

"Your move, Varian."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elora was running in the hallways, chasing Ruddiger who was more than excited to see his boy again. Turning around a corner, she saw the Queen who was walking in a much more lady-like way towards the library. Ruddiger caught up with her first and ran in circles happily around her long purple skirt a couple of times.

"Why, hello there, little fellow !", Arianna chirped. She couldn't say when she started to have a soft spot for the chubby raccoon and the little animal made it easy to love him anyway. He was always in a good mood, a little greedy at times and above all, it was his absolute loyalty to Varian she admired the most.

"Your Majesty…", panted the young handmaiden as she ran after the Queen, "are you headed for the library ?"

"I am, Elora. We still have time until lunch, but I'm pretty sure Varian is the kind of reader who doesn't put down his books easily. I just want to tell him to be ready soon."

Elora giggled. "You are right, Your Majesty. Although…" her lips made a pout. "He prefers to read books about science and alchemy. I liked it better when I was reading fairy tales with him."

"Yes, he likes these topics a lot, I guess he was missing that kind of reading. Be patient with him, sweetheart. At least these books keep his mind busy, and he needs a break from….". Arianna suddenly hesitated and decided not to go into details. "Well, he just needs a break from time to time you know. We all do, don't we ? "

"I… guess, Your Majesty,", Elora carefully replied. She may be young, but she could get that Varian was an emotional mess, that he felt alone without his father and that he was angry for being ignored. Why did all the adults act like she didn't know better ?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Time seemed to have stopped for the two young lads standing in mid-air outside the castle. Leaning out on the window sill, Alden could only watch, holding his breath and clutching his halberd in his shaking hands.

A million thoughts were filling Varian's mind, twirling and overlapping and crashing, impossible to control. He didn't want to let his father down, and he didn't want to step back inside and have all these people allegedly trying to help him. But he didn't want to be alone and hunted down again, nor die. He didn't want Phil to be in trouble or die because of him.

Varian realized that not so long ago, he wouldn't have cared at all about Phil. Revenge was all that mattered.

Now, things were different. Phil was there for him, putting his own life in jeopardy. The same Phil who made a terrible mistake at first. He apologized to Varian for it. And was still trying hard to help.

Was it truly possible to recover from one's mistakes ?

Realization hit Varian and his eyes suddenly shone with a new glint. Despite the guilt and the sadness, Phil just got back up and kept moving forward. All he could do was do try to be a better person and hope for forgiveness. The rest was in Varian's hands.

The alchemist let out a soft laugh and for a moment, Phil thought the boy had gone insane.

"Phil," he sighed, speaking his name for the first time. "You don't have to be sorry for what happened. You had no way to know, and you never meant for me to be hurt. If anything, it was my punishment for what I did."

Phil had to stop himself from tugging at the chain to show his disapproval.

"Don't you talk like that ! You didn't deserve this !" he shouted back.

"How can you be so sure ?" Varian sneered. "Or maybe you agree that the royal family had to pay ?"

"You can't mean that, Varian. Not after all the Queen has done for you."

Varian's body tensed as he started to flail his right arm in his air in exasperation. "She has no idea what I– Aaah"

The boy yelled as he lost his balance. His foot slipped, but there was nothing for him to hold on to. He fell into the void, face forward, and would have hit the ground if it weren't for his left hand secured with Phil with the shackles. Unfortunately, he was dragging the guard down with him.

Alden saw the whole thing and reacted quickly. Holding his halberd by the top just below the blade, he pressed the long shaft against Phil's chest to prevent his fall. But light as it was, Varian's dangling frame was enough for Phil to lurch forward and lose his balance.


	46. Chapter 46 - Out of breath

**Hi, all ! Here are a few shout-outs for once :**

 **ASaladofDicklessProportions** **, ah ah, yes, we could totally use a Hans-extermination Patrol ! You might want so save it for later though...**

 **Car45** **, you exactly nailed it. Varian needs people to "show the way" : Arianna for the love, Phil for the forgiveness… so hopefully it will all come into place at some point in his mind and heart.**

 **Megan Guess** **, I'm not sure I understand your question, but if that helps, Varian wasn't in condition to take the antidote willingly and time was running out.**

 **Without further ado...**

Chapter 46

Panic can do more to your brain than one could imagine. It can make you freeze on the spot, lose it completely or act much faster than usual.

Phil's mind probably fell in the latter category that day, as the young guard's free hand was able to grasp the bottom of the shaft in the nick of time with a strength that surprised him. Alden felt the sudden weight on his grip and the blade of the halberd tipped up violently, meeting his upper arm. Fighting the natural reaction to let go, Alden secured both hands around the shaft that was swinging according to Varian's dangling frame, tied to Phil by the shackles.

After the initial shock subsided for the three of them, Phil tried to pull up Varian for him to reach the cornice with his free hand, careful to keep enough strength in his other hand so it would not slide down. Without prompting, Varian tried to lift his gloved hand, but he was still to low. Ignoring the throbbing pain in his arm, Alden used his both hands to haul up the shaft, closing the distance between him and his younger colleague. Varian felt with relief that he was lifted up until he was finally able to relieve the guards from his weight. It wasn't much in itself, but it could make the difference between life and death.

After too many agonizing seconds, Alden and Phil clasped their hand on each other's wrist. The older guard braced himself to summon the last of his strength on his good arm to hoist Phil until he could step on the cornice.

The rest happened very quickly : Varian was pulled up and literally thrown back inside. Acting on instinct, the teen turned around to help Alden with Phil. The three of them rolled on the cushions of the window seat and tumbled unceremoniously in a heap on the floor.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Your Majesty !"

Arianna turned around to face Stan, waiting for him to speak. Elora stopped as well, letting Ruddiger scurry down the hallway towards the royal library.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Your Highness, but the King has requested your presence."

"Now ?" she inquired, slightly annoyed at the upcoming royal duty she would have to fulfil.

"Indeed. The dressmaker has arrived with your gown for the Moon Festival and is ready for your fitting. Since you and His Majesty the King are leaving tomorrow, he will need all the time he can get, should alterations be needed."

Arianna let out a deep sigh.

"Very well. I'm coming with you," she replied reluctantly.

"But Your Majesty," Elora interjected, "What about Varian ? You wanted to see him."

The Queen knelt down so her eyes were at Elora's level.

"Will you be a gem and tell him for me it's lunchtime soon? I'm afraid I won't be able to join him because of the fitting, but we need to keep his schedule as regular as possible. It is important that he has time to rest and maybe take a map in the early afternoon, especially today."

"What do you mean ? What's happening today ?"

Arianna's lips curled into a mysterious smile.

"Today, he's getting out of his shell. I hope he will at least. And…." Her smile fading, she paused, lost in her thoughts for a minute. "He will need his strength."

Elora searched the Queen's face for an explanation, but before she could ask for details, Arianna rose to her feet.

"Off you go now. It would be rude of me to keep the dressmaker waiting."

She turned on her heels and followed Stan down the hallway, leaving a very confused handmaiden standing there, dozens of questions in her head.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

For a while, ragged breathings were the only sounds that could be heard in the library. Varian, Phil and Alden were in shock and relieved at the same time. They had shared the same uncontrollable fear that everything could be said and done in an instant, and yet there they were, safe and sound.

Well, almost.

Varian was actually quite pale and still trembling from the terror he had felt deep inside. But his mind was also racing, trying to come into terms with the fact he nearly dragged Phil down with him, and that the man could have died because of his foolishness.

"That's it, I'm definitely asking for a raise !". The forced laugh brought Varian out of his thoughts. Phil was trying to joke about the whole thing, but the tension could be heard in his voice. If he had to tell the truth, Phil was actually torn between being casual about it or completely lashing out at Varian for nearly throwing everything away. The chance he was given. The possibility of redemption and maybe a new start. His very life.

"Well, you may be fired before you get the chance,", Alden replied as he got to his feet, leaning on his halberd for support, "because we have a problem here. Your keys are down there, who knows where, and mine won't work on those shackles. What now, genius?"

Phil stood up as well, and Varian did the same when he felt a tug on his shackles, although his legs were wobbly.

"Hey, sorry if I didn't think that far !", Phil shot back. "At least, we're all in one – Alden ! You're bleeding, pal !" the young guard exclaimed as he could see scarlet blood seeping through his friend's sleeve.

Alden looked down at his arm, trying to stay calm. Still, he clutched his injury with his good hand and hissed between gritted teeth.

"I'll be fine. It didn't cut too deeply. I think."

"We have to fix that too and fast ! If the Queen finds out all that happ-"

Phil's words died on his tongue as he felt he was pulled down by the wrist. Looking down, he saw Varian's unconscious form sprawled on the carpet. The boy's left arm was still raised because of the short chain, but the rest of his body was unnaturally limp. He had always been squeamish around blood, and the sight of Alden's wound, especially after that near-death experience, had been too much for him.

Phil sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand.

"I think I know now why Her Majesty has had those bags under her eyes lately. There is no catching a break with this kid."

Angry chittering interrupted their discussion. With a few hops, Ruddiger reached his young friend, sniffing Varian's body to try and identify what was wrong with his boy. Unable to find the cause, he turned to Phil and started scolding the guard in his raccoon language.

"Hey, hey ! Knock it off, furball ! It's not what it looks like, okay ?" Phil defended himself. "I didn't lay a finger on him. He just fainted, I swear."

"If the raccoon is here, Elora can't be far," Alden pointed out. Realization hit Phil and he looked around him frantically, thinking fast.

"Close the window, Alden ! I'll take the kid. I have an idea : Elora's fairytale book is still here. Let's rearrange the cushions, quickly."

The guards had barely finished their setup when Elora entered. Alden was standing by the window, leaning casually on his halberd, his wounded arm away from her view. Phil was sitting comfortably on the window seat, a book on his lap and a seemingly asleep Varian slouched against his side, head resting on his shoulder. He was holding the boy close to him so the shackles and the chain would disappear between them.

"Oh… Wow", Elora exclaimed. "You guys have gotten pretty close. Is… is Varian sleeping already ?". She took a few steps forward and bumped into Ruddiger who, strangely enough, wasn't cuddled next to his boy.

"Oh, yeah, yeah," Phil replied, his voice hushed, "we've been reading the book you picked earlier and then… well I guess the lad was more tired than he was letting on."

"You've been reading that book ?" she asked, her lashes fluttering in disbelief. "You and Varian ?"

Taken aback by Elora's reaction, Phil pursed his lips and cast a glance at Alden. Looking back over the handmaiden, he simply nodded with a sheepish smile.

"Actually, Elora," -this time it was Alden who interfered – "I need you for a special mission. You see, I've leant out of the window and my keys fell. They are attached to a big golden ring. Since I am assigned to Varian's supervision, I can't go and get them myself. Could you please find them for me ?"

Elora automatically looked at Alden's belt, then glanced up at him but said nothing. Did he really think he could fool her when his own keys were hanging from his belt for everyone to see ?

She could feel something was up, but picking up on the urge in Alden's voice, she decided to play along for the time being.

"Just so you know, Her Majesty would like Varian to have his lunch soon. She will come and see him later," she added over her shoulder before leaving.

"Oh, um, all right then.", replied Alden. "Let's all meet up in Remyus' chambers, shall we ? And, Elora…"

"Yes ?"

"Thank you," he added with a smile.

Elora smiled back at them, casting a last glance to Varian's slack form and left.

Phil carefully waited for a little while and then picked up the unconscious boy in his arms, his free arm supporting his upper body. His right hand, the one tied to Varian, found its way under his knees. The boy's face was completely out of sight, hidden by long dark and blue bangs and buried in the guard's chest.

With a concerned look on his features, he stood up and met his colleague's eyes to check he would be able to walk despite his wound. They exchanged a nod and quietly made their way to the physician's place, Ruddiger on their heels.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

How invisible could be golden keys in green bushes, Elora kept asking herself, cursing the time she was wasting. She had checked multiple times she was under the right window and was looking everywhere, lifting branches and leaves and getting scratches on her hands in the process.

"Looking for something ?"

There was a sneer in that voice that sent a shiver up the girl's spine. Whipping around, she met green, squinting eyes and recognized Hans, who was holding up said ring of keys in his gloved hand.

She had heard of his attitude toward Varian and didn't like it, just the way she didn't like the peculiar quirk on his face right now.

But he was the one holding the precious keys.

"Oh, _Monsieur_ Hans. Thank you very much for finding them," she went to grab them as she forced herself to be polite.

But the keys suddenly shot up out of her reach.

"Ah, ah, I'm not sure I should give them to you. They are the property of the Royal Guards, therefore I guess I should hand them over to the Captain." Hans was enjoying himself, rubbing his chin in mocked reflection. "Or… mmh… to the Queen, perhaps ?"

"I was sent by one of the Royal Guards, so you can trust me. I will make sure the owner gets them back." She did her best to stand her ground, small as she felt next to the sly, tall man.

"Oh I'm sure you will, but will you tell them how it came that they landed in the bushes ? That's not very responsible of a Royal Guard, don't you think ? I'm sure they will be curious to hear how it happened."

Elora didn't know what to say. She suspected that Alden's story was a fib, but she had no idea what happened exactly. But she couldn't draw Hans' attention on that fact. She had to get the keys.

"I though you were assigned to the stables now," she pointed out. "You probably have a job to do. Besides, you have so much mud on your boots, I'm sure the Queen will appreciate if you don't spoil the nice carpets inside the castle."

Hans' smug look turned into a frown.

"I, on the other hand," she continued, her confidence kicking back, "work inside the castle walls. I will take that, thank you very much."

Hans gritted his teeth and laid the keys in her open hand. He didn't say a word, and Elora didn't wait up for a reply anyway. She turned her heels and ran back to the castle, more determined than ever to have a talk with Phil and Alden.


	47. Chapter 47 - If I could forget again

**Hi there ! Sorry it's been a long time -I've been awfully sick for a few days and I clearly had forgotten how tiring it can be.**

 **Anyway, here's for you, guys :**

Chapter 47

Luck was on Phil and Alden's side. When they got to Remyus' chambers, the old physician wasn't in.

Phil darted off to the back room to lay Varian on his bed. Alden browsed the messy shelves trying to find everything he needed to tend to his injury before joining them. Phil had managed to pull up a nearby chair for himself and was sitting next to the bedhead, his arm still tied to Varian's.

The boy was still unconscious but he was breathing evenly. Phil tried patting his hand gently, calling his name. When that didn't work, he moved to his cheeks, desperate to get a reaction from him, but he remained as motionless as death.

"Ooh this is not good. Not good at all. We must get him to wake up, and we need those keys before anyone else finds out…" he was repeating endlessly, shivering in panic now the adrenaline from their near-death experience was wearing off.

"I could also use an extra-hand," Alden added as he tried to wriggle out of his shirt with his bleeding arm. "We can thank the person who chose that deep red color for our uniforms."

"Crimson."

Phil and Alden nearly jumped out of their boots at the high-pitched voice at the door. They gave a sigh of relief as they saw Elora.

"It's crimson," she repeated as she stepped into the room, playing idly with the ring of keys,"and I will help you in a minute, Alden. Just give me time to return these to their rightful owner, if you please," she said, pointing to the keys hanging from his belt.

Alden looked down and his jaw dropped. He could have slapped himself for being less smart than a child.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Fantastic ! Absolutely marvellous !"

Arianna and Frederick never heard so many superlatives in such a short time. As the fitting went on, the dressmaker pinned, tucked, added ribbons and pearls while emphasizing how proud he was of his work.

Frederick was standing aside, taking in the beautiful sight in front of him. Standing on a stool in the middle of the room, Arianna patiently waited for the dressmaker to complete his "masterpiece" as he called it : her dress for the Moon Festival that was to take place the next evening in the Kingdom of Epoisses.

The Queen of Corona was looking gorgeous indeed, in a long, flowing gown of deep purple silk, enhanced with sequins and pearls, making the most incredible starry night pale in comparison. Around her slender upper body, her tight velvet bodice contrasted wonderfully with the fullness of the silk skirt, supported by multiple layers of petticoats. The delicate heart-shaped neckline was trimmed with shimmering rhinestones, and the front piece showed an elaborate embroidery made with the finest silver threads.

The most stunning part of her dress was perhaps the double sleeves : there was a first set of sleeves that followed the soft curves of her arms so closely that they might as well be sewn on her. Then, a second set of large sleeves lined with lilac silk hung loosely and reached the hem of her skirt. At the slightest movement of her arms, they seemed to float and wave in the air as smoothly as hair under the water.

Arianna, a fine sewer herself, knew what extraordinary skills such refined work required. But she couldn't put her head into chiffon and lace at the moment. She was thankful she had enough times to give orders to the servants of the castle, so they would know what to do when the villagers would bring the items she required.

She took a steady breath to calm down (as deep as could be despite her tightly laced corset). Everything should be in place in the afternoon.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So, Varian is not really asleep, isn't he ?" Elora ventured, alarmed by her friend's lack of rosy color on his cheeks.

Phil was fumbling through his keys, still too nervous to be efficient.

"How was I supposed to know he couldn't stand the sight of blood ? Honestly ?"

Elora sighed.

"You guys owe me one, you know. So…. what happened ?"

At last the right key was set in the cuff on Varian's wrist, but Phil paused and tried to find his words, growing more and more frustrated as silence settled in.

"I did a stupid thing, that's all."

Three pairs of eyes shot up and met the icy blue color that was revealed by half-opened eyelids.

"Varian !" Phil breathed out in relief. "You… you're awake ! How are you feeling, buddy ?" Remembering he still had that key in the lock, Phil turned it and the cuff finally opened.

Without moving from his lying position, Varian instinctively brought his wrist to his right hand and started rubbing it.

"I'm… okay… I guess."

"You sure gave us a fright back there. I'm glad you're safe and sound", Alden stepped in, pressing a piece of cloth on the bleeding slash in his upper arm.

"Don't go near him, Alden !" Elora immediately scolded. "Are you trying to make him feel faint again ? Come on, let's go next door and we'll take care of this," and she added in a whisper, "away from Varian !"

The boy on the bed couldn't stifle a half-hearted laugh. "She's so forceful when she wants to be. I'm glad I'm not in Alden's shoes right now."

His smile faded, and he looked away.

"Phil, I…. what you did outside the library… I mean… that was…". Why were words so hard to come out ? "Thank you."

They were two words, short, simple but Phil could feel how much he meant them. And appreciated the effort.

"Hey, anytime, kid. Why, if next time, helping you out doesn't imply a walk in mid-air, I would be glad though," and with that, he opened his own cuffs and hung the keys on his belt.

Varian gave a shy smile, returning his gaze to the guard.

"Varian, why did you…" Phil started and Varian winced. The last thing he wanted was a lecture for his behaviour.

"Why did you forgive me so easily ?"

Varian had to admit, he didn't see that coming.

"You are talking about the time you let Nigel in the dungeon, aren't you ?" Varian asked hoarsely, and Phil nodded.

"I… don't know. I guess it was the right thing to do."

Phil hummed soflty in agreement, studying the boy's face. Then he ventured :

"Then why must you be so hard on yourself ?"

Varian didn't utter a word but his eyes opened wide and his breathing immediately stopped. He knew what Phil meant. If he could forgive Phil his mistake without a second thought, why couldn't he believe other people would forgive his own mistakes too ?

Releasing his breath after a few seconds, Varian's voice came low and weak.

"I should actually be thanking you for letting Nigel in. After the…. beating, I… I forgot a lot of things. The bad things." The knot in his stomach tightened. "I wish… I wish I could forget again."

Phil opened his mouth to retort, but was stopped by voices next door.

"Remyus…" he whispered. "He's here." Varian sat up in the blink of an eye, ignoring the surge of dizziness the sudden change of position caused. Phil's movements became erratic as he realized he still had the shackles on his lap. He quickly put them on the floor and pushed them under Varian's bed with his foot, seconds before the old physician stormed in.

"Varian, are you alright ?" he asked, out of breath with worry. "I saw Alden's wound and…"

Remyus trailed off. Varian was here and was apparently in one piece.

"Never mind,", he said, shaking his head. He turned around and went back for Alden.

Varian and Phil breathed out, feeling slightly guilty to have freaked the old man out. But after a second, their eyes met and they broke into giggles they barely managed to keep low.


	48. Chapter 48 - The Pottery Therapy part 1

**Okay, so this chapter is like the start of a tentpole part in the story. It's been in my head for a very long time, and I'm glad I made it till that point !**

 **Everything Varian is going through -anger, rejecting others, not eating or self-harm thoughts- are the expression of bottled-up feelings we will explore soon. His reactions, while not always healthy or helping long-term, are his way to cope (or not cope) with his traumas for now.**

 **And I apologize for people who would have liked Nigel or Hans or Varian being turned to animals, that is not where I want to go with that story (sorry cristalcritter). I have plans for these characters, so bear with me, and even it's might not be what you expect, I hope you will like what you will find.**

Chapter 48

"Are you ready, Varian ?"

It didn't matter how gentle her tone was, Varian tensed at her question. Ready would be a strong word. Back then in his lab, when he had her in his control and that his scheme was unfolding accordingly with his plan, he thought he was ready. Now he knew he actually wasn't, and that it was already the case long before he even sent his first automaton to the castle as a diversion. He wasn't ready to go rogue and betray the royal family he once revered. He wasn't ready to be on his own for weeks, for months. He wasn't ready to lose his father to a giant block of amber.

So whatever would come next, the boy knew he wasn't ready. Neither physically nor emotionally. But he had to keep going.

He chose to avoid mentioning that he hardly ate his lunch, his stomach still churned after his foolish and dangerous attempt to escape. And after that, he did try to relax, but sleep wouldn't come and all he could do was stare at the ceiling, one gloved hand under his head and the other petting Ruddiger absentmindedly. Trying to contain his feelings and keeping his breath under control was an effort in itself as mixed emotions once again warred inside.

So he opted for a simple nod and put on his leather apron before following the Queen of Corona to whatever new task that she had set for him. Ruddiger crooned and scurried after them, Phil on their heels. Alden had been allowed to rest, due to his injury.

Without a word, Arianna led him to the back doors leading to the garden. Varian had come to like that place. He never felt very comfortable within the castle walls, where everything was too big, too tall, too shiny. The garden was peaceful, the trees welcoming and the scents of nature reminded him of Old Corona. He was still a prisoner, but there, he could almost feel like he was free.

When the Queen swung the doors open, Varian's eyes squinted because of the brightness. It was mid-afternoon and the sun had already started its downward course to the West, blinding the people stepping out of the castle's backyard. A few clouds had started to gather here and there, but for the moment, the garden's colors were enhanced by the beauty of the sunlight.

Once Varian's eyes got accustomed to the light, the boy gasped. Something had changed. In front of him stood more pieces of clayware than he had ever seen. They were literally everywhere in sight – on the grass, on the balustrade, some hanging from the beams… they could be seen as far as the gazebo was – dozens of them.

"What… what are these ?" he stammered as he took in the different sizes and shapes. Some looked very regular and made by expert hands, others were awkward and askew.

"These," the Queen said in a very serious tone, "are here for you, Varian."

"Okay… please don't tell me you're asking for my opinion about your decoration choices," he managed, more to himself than to her.

"No," she chuckled. "I will explain, but first, you are going to need this."

And with that she handed out a small object that Varian immediately recognized, although he hadn't seen them since his arrest : his goggles. They were reflecting the sunlight and had apparently been cleaned.

Warily, he took them from the Queen and put them to their usual place on the top of his head. It was a nice feeling to have them again. It was hard to describe, but they were such a part of him that he now realized how much he had missed them.

"So… I guess you want me to paint them… all of them ?" he ventured as he looked around but he only got more confused as he couldn't see the appropriate tools anywhere.

"Not exactly, Varian", Arianna said mysteriously as she slipped on another pair of goggles for herself. They were quite different from Varian's ones, shaped like ovals with a thin silver frame. "You see, everyone in town gave a hand in making these. Of course, the potter was first in line, but so many people decided to help. As you can see, it was a first try for many of them !"

She pointed to some of the smallest pieces. His curiosity taking the best of him, Phil came to take a closer look.

"These look like they were made by children," he joked. But then he gasped as he read the makers' names engraved on the side. "Mariette ? Lison ! Oh and this one was made by Andrée ! Even the youngest, Colette tried to do… her best, I guess," he added with a face as he saw the heap of clay that was probably meant to be a pot.

"What are you talking about ?" Varian interjected, starting to feel frustrated, "who are they ?"

"They're my sisters !" he replied excitedly. "Why, my half-sisters to be precise. You see, my father is the baker in town. He and his wife work a lot, from dawn to dusk, so they play outside most of the time. You may have seen them on the plaza. Four red-haired little girls ?"

Varian, who lived in more Corona and didn't come to the New Corona that often, just shook his head.

Arianna decided it was time to focus. "Phil, I am thrilled that your sisters participated, and I am grateful to them. This is not about what their work pieces look like anyway. Like I said, Varian, they all are here for you."

Varian turned back to meet Phil's eyes, hoping to get a clue. All that the guard's expression showed was that he was as confused as the teenager was.

When Varian looked at the Queen again, she was holding a thin, long metal bar in her hands. Varian couldn't help but step back in surprise and uncertainty.

"Now listen, Varian," she said softly. "This is important. I would like you to imagine that every piece of clay here represents a moment of your life that makes you feel upset, angry, or sad. Choose one, look at it and say out loud what is inside. It can be anything you want. And when you are ready, I want you to smash it with this metal bar."

Varian was watching her with round eyes. He did his best to control his hands that had started to shake. He had expected some kind of community service, like when he fixed the wall his automaton broke, not an introspection in his deepest feelings.

"I will start," she added as she lowered her goggles to protect her eyes, exhaling sharply. "This pottery," and she pointed to a very low and plump piece, "is the moment my only child was stolen and taken away in the night."

Her grip tightened on the bar.

"A night that lasted eighteen long years. I was the one supposed to hold her and help her grow. I was the one who should have seen her first smile, heard her first words, support her for her first steps."

Arianna's expression changed. Her eyes squinted into slits. Her jaw tight, she seemed to have forgotten the guard, boy and raccoon who were watching and barely dared to breathe.

"That woman who took her from me… she didn't have the right to do that. She stole so much more than a baby from her mother, she stole all those moments that we will never get back. Even if I'm grateful that my daughter is back and okay, I… I can't bear the thought that she got to share all that with her, while all I had… was an…empty… nursery !"

 _CRACK !_

Arianna all but yelled her last words, as she swung the metal bar and smashed the pottery into pieces.

It seemed time had stopped. After the shattering of the pottery, silence came. Even the leaves had stopped their rustling noise, as if waiting, just like Varian, Phil and Ruddiger, for the Queen to catch her breath and the heavy heaves of her chest to stop.

She stayed still for a moment, her back turned to them, until she ripped the goggles off her head and quickly wiped her eyes with her wrist. A couple of deep breaths and she was back to her royal self. Years of practice helped.

She took a few steps forward and handed to metal bar to Varian.

"Your turn, now," she said, looking deeply in his blue eyes.


	49. Chapter 49 - The Pottery Therapy part 2

**Thanks for your reviews ! It's Always nice to know how people care about the story, their characters and what may happen !**

 **Arkham, I didn't know about Batman the animated series, nor that there were similarities, thanks, that's good to know !**

 **L, wow, so many ideas ! Bear with me, Varian is not done yet ! Siha Rephic is right, a lot of clay pots are needed !**

 **alejg, thanks, no I'm no psychologist, I'm just a nerd when it gets to this stuff I guess. Also because Varian is a character that is very special to me.**

 **Oh and I am working on fanart for this chapter, WIP, soon to be on tumblr !**

 **Ok, here we go !**

Chapter 49

Frederick always knew that he married a strong-headed woman.

That's what made him fall in love with her from the start. Arianna was passionate about everything she would undertake. And it was clear that, once her mind was set, there was no stopping her. Her eccentric younger sister, Willow, often teased her about it, and her last visit was no exception.

Now Arianna was more settled, of course. Wiser. Queen duties would do that to you. And she was sensible enough to adapt and take action for the greater good rather than for her own benefit.

It hadn't always been the case, though. There was a time when Arianna was desperate to prove herself. As a first-born child, she was expected to make a good marriage, end of story. With her future set up for her, the young girl very early on decided that she wanted to be loved for herself. It didn't matter if she had to go to extreme lengths sometimes, go on crazy adventure and sometimes risk her life more than necessary, just to impress her busy parents.

Indeed, that was the woman he loved. So, when the King saw an endless line of townspeople each carrying a clay pot to the castle earlier that day, he was only half surprised. He had also learned that, aside from his own personal feelings toward the young alchemist, they both wanted to help him somehow, and he fully expected Arianna to be as passionate and committed to that mission as she had ever been.

His curiosity taking the best of him, he decided to discreetly watch from his balcony, as his beloved wife held out the metal bar to the boy in front of her. How ironic, he thought, as he stepped outside his bedroom to tread the stone floor from which his precious daughter was snatched from him, to watch if they could fix a child who had lost the only parent he had.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Varian stiffed up, his breath hitching even though he was trying not to let it show. He knew he was supposed to respond somehow, but he was completely frozen, unable to say a word or to move an inch. The air was thick, hot on that summer afternoon, and Varian tried to convince himself it was the reason why he started sweating.

Phil saw the teen's distress and was almost as bewildered as Varian after the Queen's emotional display. Unsure how to react to help him, he just took a step forward to stand next to the trembling boy and laid a hand on his shoulder.

Arianna spoke up, breaking the silence.

"I am perfectly aware of what I'm asking of you, Varian. And I can't make you do it. But know this : if you decide to give it a try, you won't be alone. I'll be by your side, and so will Phil," she commented with a nod toward the guard she knew had managed to find a crack in Varian's armour. Phil wasn't sure he wanted to agree with this, but did he have a choice ? Obviously not.

"And why would I ?, came Varian's shaky voice, barely above a whisper. "What makes you think that breaking stupid clay pots will fix anything ?". He was holding his head low, hiding his eyes under his bangs. In his head, all he could see was the image of his Dad, still trapped in amber, and that little game of hers was not going to shatter it and free him, he was sure of that. But he just couldn't say it out loud, no, he couldn't say a word about his father because he felt he would lose it completely if he did.

"Because I believe you need to let out those feelings that have been gnawing at you for far too long. Because I want to help you, Varian."

"Why ?" he said coldly as he lifted his head but kept looking away. "Oh, right, I know why, because you promised the Princess you would do so," he managed, anger and contempt back on his young face.

"Varian," Arianna said with a slightly stern tone to get his full attention, "do you trust me ?"

Varian didn't reply and broke away from Phil's hand, visibly upset but back in his shell again. He took a few steps past the Queen, ignoring the metal bar. Ruddiger scurried after him as the boy gazed at the display of the disparate clay pots all over the garden, his gloved hands clenched into fists.

He did trust her, deep inside. Or at least he wanted to. But every time he would allow himself to believe that she would be there for him, his fears came crawling back and squeezed his heart like claws. All the people he admired or cared for had betrayed him, one way or another. Flynn Rider, no Eugene on the very day they met. Cassandra at the Science Expo. Rapunzel after he came to her through the blizzard. Even his father... The boy's feelings had been trampled on, his heart literally quartered between the people he trusted most. The wounds were still raw, and he couldn't go through that again.

He hugged himself with one arm as he often did when under stress, his head sulking between his shoulders. He kept his back turned to Phil and the Queen as he tried to speak out his thoughts. Ruddiger nudged his head against his leg tentatively, but the boy, wrapped up in his pain, ignored his furry friend.

"I… don't know what to believe anymore," he said in a blank tone. "I'm tired of secrets and lies. Even my father…". He trailed off, his whole body tensing again. Tumbling upon him without a warning, the memory of the piece of purple glass made his heart skip a beat, as he realized he could very well use it to induce pain, physical pain to his body right there and then. Anything, any form of pain would be welcome if only it could distract his whole being from the excruciating agony of his heart.

Spinning around, he faced the Queen and stared at her, his cerulean blue eyes intense with rage as he shouted, fighting back tears he could feel coming :

"My own father came to the King and lied to his face ! How can I trust anybody after that ?"

Up there on the balcony, Frederic gasped. Suddenly, his thoughts reeled, back to the day of the snow storm as he distinctly remembered his old friend Quirin. He was the one who desperately tried to warn him about the consequences he would inflict upon Corona if he removed the Magic Flower to save his wife and unborn child, many years ago. Frederick chose to ignore the risks.

Frederick felt a pang of guilt in his heart. Not only because he was the reason why the rocks started to spread throughout the land, but also because he knew, oh yes he knew, thanks to Quirin, about the dire situation in old Corona. Now his friend was stuck in amber, alive or dead, no one knew. He, Frederick, could have –should have –done something about it, rather than let this disaster unfold in front of his eyes. Maybe then, that broken and angry child, down in the garden, wouldn't be standing there right now.

Arianna was staring intensely at the boy in front of her. She said nothing, stepped forward and once again held out the metal bar to Varian.

"So, which one ?" she asked.

"What ?" was all Varian could utter.

"Which one of these pots are you going to break, thinking of that moment ? I'm not here to answer your questions, Varian. All I ask is for you to choose a clay pot and smash it."

Phil was standing still, a respectful distance away. He started to see where the Queen was going with that. She wouldn't lecture Varian or pretend to know who is right and who is wrong. She only wanted him to let go of his emotions that had been consuming him for far too long and clouding his judgement.

The realization didn't stop him from being worried about Varian though. The boy was emotionally unstable, the incident in the library that occurred in the morning proved as much. Would he be strong enough to endure what looked like bringing an old house down before re-building it ?

As to mirror his thoughts, clouds started to gather in the sky above.

His goggles still sitting on top of his head, Varian drew a sharp breath. He was torn apart, one part of him screaming not to trust anyone, the other remembering the way she had taken care of him ever since his bad encounter with the Stabbington brothers. If only he could trust her, if he could allow himself to rely on her…

Like he was an automaton himself, Varian raised his arm and grabbed the end of the metal pole with his glove, his mind blank as too many painful memories invaded him again like a gigantic boulder rolling toward him. He ripped the cold tool out of the Queen's hand and in one swift motion, whipped his body around with a raw scream that didn't even sound like his own voice.

Metal met clay abruptly and the latter broke into pieces with a loud clutter that made all the birds resting in the nearby trees fly away as one.

Silence came, and only the teen's panting breaths could be heard. Once they quieted a little bit, he straightened, the metal pole in one hand, and turned to the Queen. A glance, and then a nod, were all that passed between them.

Feeling a knot tie up in his stomach, Varian forced himself to exhale and slid his goggles down onto his eyes.


	50. Chapter 50 - The Potteroy Therapy part 3

***Spamelot song playing)* I am not dead yet !**

 **This chapter took a long time to be complete, because I've been exhausted/sick these days, and especially because this chapter was not easy to write (as I expected it would be, but still). I'm not so good at expressing anger in general, so I guess… it's great that Varian can do it ?**

 **And Guest, I totally agree, the root of Varian's issues lies in the relationship with his Dad, and in consequence, in his own behaviour (which is shaped by the aforementioned Relationship. Does that make sense ?)**

 **Anyway, I hope this chapter makes the wait worth it, and please leave a review if you care for the story !**

Chapter 50

The sun had retreated behind the clouds, its golden light leaving the beautiful garden of the castle for a while. The air was hot, suffocating even, as it can be during summer, making the people of Corona yearn for the cool, refreshing rain.

But Varian didn't really pay attention to the weather. With his goggled secured over his eyes, the only clue on his face was his mouth. Its ends were drooping slightly but it was also tense, as was his jaw. Behind gritted teeth, a lump formed in his throat, and the shallow breaths he took because of stress didn't help. His heart felt like it was squeezed while his stomach was churned and made him feel sick. Varian's whole system was like a volcano about to erupt.

Flashes of distant and recent memories alike kept fighting in his mind. His brain had suddenly gone out of control, with too many pieces of information to deal with at once. Each thought sent a wave of rage and frustration through his skinny body, like too many arrows piercing his heart.

Varian meandered for a while amongst the clay pots, dragging the metal pole behind him, its ends scraping against the footpath with a screeching sound. There were so many things he was feeling angry for. So many times he had felt betrayed and hurt, and he never complained. So many unshed tears for the sake of others.

Oh, he did cry at times. When he was alone, except for Ruddiger, when the world's harms were too much too bear. Because Varian never wanted to talk about it, to anybody. How could he let such a weakness show, when all he did each and every day was try and prove he could be strong and skilled and worthy of their interest ? So after his experiments or his inventions failed, which was the case more often than not, he would make sure nobody would know how he truly felt.

And above all, he would never go to his father for comfort. Not to him, the leader of their village, such a tall, strong man, flanked with him, Varian, a poor excuse for a son.

The silence was unbearable, but Arianna didn't want to interrupt the unstable teen's train of thought. With Phil on her heels, she picked up Ruddiger, knowing that the sweet critter may want to run to his friend too early in the process. She was making sure she was standing a respectful distance away from the goggled boy, although she never lingered too far behind so he would know she was there.

And hoping with all her might that it would be enough for him not to lose his mind completely.

"Your Majesty ?" Varian called out over his shoulder after a while, catching the Queen off-guard. His voice was weary and sounded older, not matching his real age. "Do you know what it feels like ?"

Unable to find a word for all his bottled-up feelings, the boy didn't wait for a reply as he swung the metal pole around him and over his head. With a heart-breaking cry, he struck another pot as he brought it down violently. Immediately moving on the side, he raised the pole again, a painful pressure building up in his chest. His next words came as if violently pushed out his mouth by pure rage, his voice barely recognizable.

"Secrets." **_CLANG_**

"Lies." **_CLANG_**

"Broken promises." ** _CLANG_**

Shattered pieces of clay jolted around as he spat the words.

"From the people you TRUST !" he yelled as he smashed another pot, never stopping his motion.

"From the people you LOVE !" he went on, breaking yet one more vase. Only then did he realize he was panting hard, struggling to catch his breath.

"Why does nobody care ? Why am I not worthy of their trust or even their interest ?"

His bowed his head, and with a frail and childlike voice, he whispered : "Why am I doomed to be alone ?"

His hands shaking, the boy took a sharp inhale and looked up, his glance lost far away in the sky for a few seconds, just taking the pain in, feeling it. Then, under the thick goggles, determination flashed across his eyes, and within a couple of long strides, he approached a group of awkward clay pots, including the ones made by Phil's sisters.

 ** _CLANG !_**

 ** _CLANG !_**

 ** _CLANG !_**

 ** _CLANG !_**

The boy strained his weak muscles beyond their endurance as he angrily and mercilessly smashed the metal bar against each of the clay pots. His heart was racing, his arms would probably awfully painful after the night, but he didn't care.

Behind the Queen, Phil was clutching his halberd in his gloved hands so hard it might break. Varian's cheeks had gone red, with effort or rage, probably both. His teeth were either tightly clenched or bared as he snarled about his grievances. For the first time, Phil saw Varian's inner rage take control over that small body, and it was more scary to watch than he could imagine.

"He wouldn't tell me ! My Dad didn't want me to experiment on those rocks, but he knew something about them, and he wouldn't tell me ! All I wanted to do was help ! No one would do something about those rocks ! My Dad and the King ignored them ! They ignored ME !"

 ** _CLANG !_**

"And do you know the best part ? My father said I wasn't READY !"

 ** _CLANG_** _!_

A bitter scoff passed his lips and he shook his head. "But Dad… tell me Dad… do you think I was ready for this ? Do you think I was ready to be on my own, abandoned by…

 ** _CLANG_** _!_

Absolutely.

 ** _CLANG_** _!_

Everyone.

 ** _CLANG_** _!_

Including.

 ** _CLANG_** _!_

You !"

 ** _CLANG !_**

"Have you got any idea, Dad", Varian continued after a few loud breaths that sounded like whines, "what it's like to cry for hours at the bottom of the gigantic amber prison in which you're likely to be DEAD ?"

 ** _CLANG !_**

Phil glanced at the Queen, hoping to make eye contact in a silent plea to make this stop. But the royal lady was standing straight, Ruddiger secured in her arms despite the critter's protests. She held her head upright, her gaze straightforward and never leaving the boy in front of her. She might as well have been turned into a statue. So Phil tentatively took a step forward, but before he could address her, his attention got caught on her soft lips that were mouthing inaudible words.

 _Go on, Varian. Don't hold back. Go on…_

A stray tear fell from her eye and ran down her cheek. Phil decided he should trust the Queen and keep quiet to give Varian a chance to meet his anger face to face, even if it hurt.

"Have you got any idea what it's like for me to be so close but not be able to touch you, to reach you ? Can you imagine what's it's like to scream and shout until your voice can scream and shout no more, but nobody can hear you anyway ?"

 ** _CLANG !_**

 ** _CLANG !_**

 ** _CLANG !_**

Varian's words were sometimes interrupted because of his ragged breathing, and he was now sweating profusely, if the dark stain on the back of his shirt could be trusted.

No longer able to talk, Varian went on, breaking and hitting and smashing, moans and cries of rage escaping from his throat. In time, his blows got weaker, and his arms started to tremble as the last bout of strength left them.

"No one…came…. No one came… for me… no one…" came the fragile voice again as the boy pulled his goggles back so they could sit on the top of his head. His eyes were full of tears and they could stream down his face freely now. The broken teen didn't even bother to wipe them away.

He stood there, eyes squeezed shut and sobbing through clenched teeth as a few drops of rain started to fall from the dark clouds. His legs seemed to suddenly give up carrying his weight and he sank to his knees. His gloved hands released the metal bar, not willingly but out of exhaustion too, before they reached out in front of him as he doubled over and planted his palms into the ground. He gasped for breath through his tears, but his gasps quickly turned into gags as his stomach twisted. Before Varian could do as much as turn away, the remnants of his meagre lunch were splattered on the rocky footpath.

"Your Majesty…. "Phil winced, unable to bear it any longer, but unable to look away.

Stoic as before, Arianna gently raised her hand to shush him, slightly tilting her head in his direction, but her eyes were still locked on the slumped frame a short distance away. This wasn't over yet, Varian's retching proved as much. She was silently crying too, the only thing that kept her standing there instead of rushing by Varian's side was the necessity to let him expel all the emotions that were ripping him apart from the inside.

Because that too, was healing. There was an infected wound that had to be cleansed to give it a chance to heal properly. The pangs in her own heart didn't matter.

When his stomach heaved no more, Varian absentmindedly wiped his mouth with the back of his gloved, eyes unfocused. Then he put his hand on the ground, finding the metal pole again and using it for support as he got to his feet.

"Why did you leave me, Dad ?" came his shaky, broken voice as he took a few wobbly steps. "Why did you have to push me out of the way ? You should have left the amber engulf me. I'm the reason why the amber sprouted up ! It was all my fault ! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME !"

 ** _CLANG !_**

The Queen's eyes went wide and she clasped her hand over her mouth to stifle a cry of horror. Ruddiger seized the opportunity to wrestle his way out of her embrace and rushed to his boy.

Arianna had had a hunch about the reason for the amber, all this time, because she saw him pour the drops on the rock next to her when she was chained to the floor, helpless. She was suspicious that Varian knew how it grew.

But to hear the story from him… to hear how it happened… it was an accident, a terrible accident but Varian had played a part in it, even if he never intended to hurt anyone. His words kept ringing in her mind : "you're likely to be DEAD". The boy was a scientist, as he proudly called himself, and he always had openly rejected any kind of magic. Any logical mind would conclude immediately that with the lack of air, Quirin probably died of suffocation seconds or minutes after being entirely encased. Surely Varian's brain kept reminding him that scientific fact.

But still, Varian couldn't give up. So he made a desperate choice : give up all his former beliefs, trust in magic for once, get the flower, and when that didn't work, get Rapunzel to come to his lab so he could use her hair. And when that didn't work either, put all the blame on her.

Because at that moment, the only other option for that forsaken boy who was crying on his knees next to the amber rock, would have been to face his own responsibility for his father's death.

The rain started to pour down harder as Varian's hand let the metal pole fall loudly on the ground, ignoring the raccoon at his feet. He fell onto his knees again, his whole body shaking violently and tears streaming endlessly down his face. He wrapped his arms around himself and curled into a ball, his head sagging more and more with every sob.


	51. Chapter 51 - Under the storm

**Wow, thank you all for your support and nice comments ! Long (some very long ! :)), short, they've all brought me so much joy. !I'm glad that the last chapter, which was a challenge for me to put into words, had such an impact. I hope you will like what's next too (lots of fluff coming up!)**

 **And really,I love to hear how the story and the character development can inspire people and make them want to think and / or discuss about the show.**

 **So, thank you guys (TrickySK, Britt30, Sphia Rephic, Rain4evah, Totallynotvarian, arkham, paranoidspook, SakuraXXstrawberry, Car45, crystalcritter2007, EmJelenKoala, Megan Guess, Everyheroneedsavillain, and anybody I may have forgotten !)**

 **Megan Guess, to answer your question, the best thing to do is to read again and let your imagination lead you !**

 **Enjoy ! (and keep some tissues at hand) :)**

Chapter 51

A low rumble echoed in the distance, a warning of a storm to come. The rain started to pour harder, but no one in the garden of the Corona castle thought of taking shelter. From his balcony up above, King Frederic looked down at the scene with sad eyes as he saw his wife and the young guard break into a run toward the broken form on the ground. With a deep sigh, he retreated into his room, a huge lump forming in his throat now he was facing the actual role he played in the child's misery.

Arianna was sharing gut-wrenching feelings of guilt too, albeit not for the same reasons. At that very moment, she hated herself for inflicting so much pain on the young alchemist It was like she had just rubbed salt in his wounds. Had this gone too far ? Pushing those thoughts at the back of her mind, she let her protective instincts take over, dropping on her knees in the forming puddles and fiercely throwing her arms around the skinny, shaking teen half a second before he collapsed on the soppy ground.

"I've got you... I've got you, Varian", she whispered softly in his ear while tightening her embrace as much as humanly possible without choking him.

"We… had a fight… about the rocks…", Varian sounded small and very young as he cried salty, hot tears, holding onto the Queen's arm for support but speaking as if to himself, "I know he didn't want me… to experiment … but I still did… behind his back…"

Patiently, Arianna let Varian tell his story. She listened, because she knew he needed to have someone listening. She rubbed soothing circles in his back but it was clear it would take time before the boy could even begin to calm down.

At a loss what to do, Ruddiger nudged his head repeatedly into Varian's ribs, but the boy didn't seem to acknowledge his touch any more than he did to the Queen's.

"B- b- but… they were destroying… our village… our home… I… I had to do something… I spilled the compound when he came in…. we argued… and…"

Feeing a pang stabbing her heart, Arianna squeezed her eyes shut, tears spilling underneath her long eyelashes.

"I know, Varian. It was an accident", she repeated. "It wasn't your fault, honey."

"It should have been me…". Varian was swaying back and forth nervously now, hooked on Arianna's arm and squeezing it. "It should have been me… he was stuck… and I was… so scared and… I didn't know what to do…", he whimpered as fresh tears sprang from his already red and swollen eyes, remembering too keenly the spike of panic that took hold on him at that moment.

"You were scared. Anybody would have been scared in that situation. I'm so sorry it happened to you, Varian", the Queen replied, picking on Varian's pace and starting to rock him gently.

Varian hiccupped and nodded weakly, his face wet with tears and rain alike, hot and cold drops running down his cheeks.

"It was… so cold… so cold…", he stammered uncontrollably through chattering teeth, shaking even more as if his body was reliving the bone-freezing cold. "I came back home… in the blizzard but then it was… so much… worse… I was cold… all over, and… my Dad… I was too late… he couldn't hear me… see me… or talk to me… anymore…"

A flash of light illuminated the sky, followed by the sound of thunder soon afterwards. Varian jolted at the loud and sudden sound, but his brain didn't seem to register what it was. All he could feel was that excruciating sensation of hollowness in his chest as he realized he was all alone in the big wide world. How could emptiness crush his heart with too much weight to bear ?

He was feeling sick in his stomach.

"I called and called… I cried for hours, but… he wouldn't move… my Dad was... right in front of me… but he was… gone…he was gone… because of me…", he wailed as he broke down completely and wept into her shoulder.

Arianna noticed that not even once did Varian mention what happened with Rapunzel (nor Cassandra for that matter, but she never knew about the Science Expo incident between them), but kept the thought to herself. She was starting to understand why. She had managed to bring down the walls around his heart, but now, it was defenceless, exposed and raw. Varian was finally letting go of all the bitterness, blame and anger towards Rapunzel or the Kingdom he harboured for months, and they now hit their true target : himself.

The clay pots had filled their role beyond her expectations and had pushed him to unleash his feelings. But Arianna hadn't expected the boy in her arms to go this far and… to hurt so much.

Somehow, she felt that Varian always knew the truth, but that the only way to keep his sanity was to let his mind blind itself.

Because for too long a time, no one would be there to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart if he let guilt and grief in. To the fourteen-year-old, that plainly felt like falling off a cliff without a parachute.

"Honey, listen," Arianna's voice was never softer, "I'm here, you are not alone. I'm sorry we haven't been there for you before, but you don't have to face this all by yourself anymore." She moved one hand to the back of his head, combing her fingers through his mop of hair, encouraging him to relax and lean on her completely. To not avail. Varian's twig-like body shook from spasms, dry heaving a few times as his stomach churned again.

"What… have I…done ?" Varian sobbed and hiccupped into her bodice, too overwhelmed to return her embrace, "I did this… I…I killed him… My Daddy… is gone… because of me… I didn't...listen to him… and now he's…"

Desperate beyond words, Varian buried his face into the crook of his arm, and his cries turned into screams as he let out on the verge of madness :

"I've screwed up again, big time. Dad ! I'm sorry ! I am a bad son ! Dad ! Dad ! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"Shhhh… Varian… Easy now… breathe… please, Varian, you need to calm down," Arianna shushed, cringing at his harsh words toward himself and struggling to control the panic that was seizing her as she realized how much things were getting out of hand. Even Ruddiger took a few steps back, ears down, warbling in worry.

A large, gloved hand gently took hold of Varian's, and gave it a light squeeze before pulling it away, revealing the teen's reddened eyes. Unable to control his sobs, Varian looked up through blurred vision to meet Phil's gaze, his eyes sad but his mouth trying to put up a sympathetic smile.

"Hey, buddy, it's okay. It's okay, we're here for you, Varian. Let us help you, and….", his voice bore a brotherly, concerned tone. "…let yourself be saved."

Varian froze and dug his eyes into Phil's while his mind was trying to process his words. Something in those eyes convinced the young alchemist that he could trust the man kneeling next to him. That he could trust both of them.

The boy's still and confused expression abruptly changed as he cried fresh tears. His black gloves grabbed the Queen's dress in a tight grip. Completely ready to hug her back this time, Varian was literally holding her as onto dear life. Her embrace was soft and welcoming. It felt safe, and it was the only place where he could survive for now. He was sure he would have broken apart without her wrapping her arms around him, Phil's hand now reassuringly resting on his shoulder and Ruddiger finally nestled on his lap. For the first time, Varian realized how much he needed others and how much his lonely heart had been yearning for something as simple and yet as essential as human contact.

"I miss him, Your Majesty…", his voice was broken with exhaustion, but there was something different about it. Something warm had just blossomed, as for the first time, there was no fake coldness on his behalf. "I miss him so much… and my village too…I want to go home…."

"I know… I know, Varian. I'm so sorry", she replied, choking back a sob. "For everything."

Granted, Varian had cried more than once since he was in the palace. Out of rage, or fear, or panic. Every time, the hot, uncomfortable tears did little to ease the teenage boy's tortured mind in the end.

At long last, the ones he was shedding now as he was clinging desperately to Arianna were bringing what he sorely needed : relief.

A deep, shuddered sigh escaped his lips through sobs. The broken boy felt the arms around his frame hug him more fiercely than before. Slowly, Varian allowed himself to relax and go limp against her as she held him, whispering into his ear :

"You did so well today, Varian. Such a great job. I'm so proud of you."

Echoed by the distant thunder, the rain had just started to fall harder on the castle of Corona, washing many tears away.


	52. Art blog announcement

Following a request from Rain4evah and Megan Guess, I've started a blog that's dedicated to my fanart. For the moment, it's mostly about Varian and meant mainly for readers (new or old) of "He needs me" because I illustrated some of the scenes, but also to all fans of the universe of Tangled the Series.

Now, I'm not the best artist out there, but I'm happy to share what makes my heart beat. I'll also gladly take any piece of advice to get better ! Or let me know if you would like to add your own piece to this humble TTS shrine !

The blog is  mycove-art on tumblr. Hope to see you there !

Note : For other posts (analysis or reblogs), look for  mycove on tumblr !


	53. Chapter 52 - Something he knew

**I have no words to say how much your comments are wonderful and inspiring. Thank you so much for your kindness, you all :) . I would like to post this quickly, so I'm not going to make shout-outs this time, but here's a chapter I enjoyed writing a lot. We're not really moving into the plot much, but I feel like following Varian's pace is the right thing to do at this point. So I'm taking the time we need for him to untangle (pun intented) those complex feelings. It wouldn't make sense to solve all the problems in the blink of an eye, would it ?**

 **And for those who asked (Car45, Rain4evah), well, I am…. not done yet, rest assured !The plot will move on again later (you didn't honestly think that Varian would get his happy ending so easily ?) Enjoy !**

Chapter 52

Every effort Arianna made to try and hold back her own tears proved to be useless in the end, as Varian's cries never seemed to quiet down. They were not as intense and raw as before, but she still could feel his slender frame shake with every sob and shattered breath, and it pained her to no end. After months of bottling up his feelings, the boy was finally giving in. It was for the best, she knew, that he could let go of the rage that was plaguing him, but her arms seemed powerless to prevent the young alchemist from falling apart.

Beyond exhausted, Varian put up no resistance when Phil took him inside on his back. They were all soaked with rain by then, but no one complained. Arianna followed quietly, her hand on Varian's back. Ruddiger's fur was dripping on the hallway carpet, leaving a trail behind him. His backed down ears clearly showed what he couldn't say with words : his sadness he felt for his human friend, and his yearning to see him smile again, if only just once.

Back inside Remyus' chambers, Phil lowered Varian carefully onto his bed and Arianna fumbled around for a towel and a dry shirt.

"Phil ?" she called out. "You may go and get changed. Please take the rest of the day off. We all need to rest," and she eyed the slumped who had already brought up his knees against his chest, "and I would like you to take your next shift first thing in the morning."

Phil turned around to look at her, impulsively wanting to protest, but he changed his mind. He had observed how the Queen knew her way when it came to Varian. Like she mentioned, the boy needed rest, and privacy, and quiet. His eyes were distant and unfocused, as if all his energy had been drained. Absentmindedly, Phil wondered what on Earth was keeping the boy awake.

"Yes, Your Majesty," he replied with a bow. "I will be standing at the door at dawn." He knelt next to the bed so he was at eye level with Varian. "I'll see you tomorrow, buddy. Try to rest tonight, okay ?". Varian nodded faintly, but his misty eyes didn't try to connect with him. Phil let out a sigh, patted the boy's knee and left. If he were to be honest, he knew he cared for the boy as much as he cared for his younger sisters, and to see him so broken was heart-wrenching for him.

Arianna unfolded the towel she found and gently removed the googles on the top of Varian's head before she proceeded with drying his thick hair. Then she peeled off his gloves and removed his wet shirt before wrapping him up in a soft blanket, providing a feeling of containment that grounded the boy. Her gestures were slow and tender, and she spoke softly during the whole process, patiently explaining what she was doing. Varian offered no more reaction than a rag doll.

When Arianna was done with the towel on Varian, she gave a quick wipe to Ruddiger before settling the raccoon on the bed, petting him a couple times to make sure he was comfortable. Then she sat down next to the boy.

"Varian, I know you're tired, but I would like you to eat something. Ethel should be here soon. If you feel warm enough now, we'll finish to get you changed and…"

She never completed that sentence, as Varian, still curled up into a ball, allowed himself to lean sideways and let his head rest against her, his eyes lost under his disheveled hair. A soft sniffle was all it took for her to know he was weeping silently, and her heart sank. He was the child in dire need of affection she definitely saw behind the angry boy, back in the lab. She had been genuinely scared of him, because she had seen in his eyes how determined he was, and she was sure that every threat he proclaimed, he would have done, hadn't he been stopped by Ruddiger and then Rapunzel.

But then, there was a moment he had reached out to physically touch her and the King in his act of sassiness – a bold thing to do under ordinary circumstances. Yet, as far as she observed during the days he had lost part of his memory, Varian was rather a shy person when it came to contact, but it seemed more due to a lack of habit than a lack of desire.

Now Varian wasn't trying to play a part. He had buried away his own personality for too long and couldn't keep the mask on anymore. His genuine craving for love and touch couldn't be denied.

Tenderly, Arianna wrapped her arms around him and pressed her chin on the top of his head. Even through the blanket and despite her still being wet from the rain, Varian could feel her warmth surrounding him, protecting him and he let more tears fall. He felt unable to speak, nor did he want to. His whole body felt weak, and he couldn't stop himself from shaking slightly. He buried his face in her neck and let her hold him, quietly wishing she would never let go.

"Shhh…it's all right, now. It's all right, honey. I've got you…", she whispered, wiping his tears with her slender fingers.

She knew words were futile compared to Varian's hopelessness, but she still tried to soothe him the best she could. With aggressiveness, anger and contempt out of the way, deep sorrow was now overwhelming the boy. He needed time to process that now and had every right to feel depressed. He could for sure use all the support he could get, and the Queen made a mental note that she would have to make sure there would be somebody with him at all times from now on.

As she hugged the fragile boy, Arianna reminded herself with a pang in her heart that she and the King were to travel to Epoisses the next day. That was really a bad time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Varian remained uncharacteristically quiet after his latest breakdown. He had completely changed at last, wearing only a long, dry shirt. His wet clothes were roughly folded on a chair nearby and the leather wrappings that served as his boots were sprawled on the floor. Arianna's hair and dress were still damp from the rain, but she insisted that they would work on his arms first. He had strained his muscles so much to break the clay pots earlier, she knew some stretching was required if he didn't want to be awfully sore in the morning.

She shifted to sit on the bed behind Varian and prompted him to lean back on her. She gently took his hands, crossed his arms on his chest and gradually pulled on them. Varian winced at the dull pain, but it was far from unbearable. He jerked a bit as a knock was heard from the door.

"May I come in, Your Majesty ?", came a familiar voice.

"Yes, please come in, Ethel", the Queen replied, not interrupting her task on Varian.

"Your Majesty, I have made – Aaaah !" she yelled, nearly dropping the tray she was holding. "Your hair, Your Majesty ! And your dress ! Why, you are completely soaked ! You are going to catch your death !", she exclaimed, forgetting she was talking to the Queen of Corona and not her granddaughter.

Arianna chuckled at her antics.

"You're right, Ethel. I will change in a minute."

Ethel gave a doubtful look, her mouth soon stretching into a fond smile. She knew that the Queen would always put the boy's needs before hers, and this motherly devotion was growing on her. Her own feelings for the teen were following the same pattern, her former grudges toward him (because of the transformation he performed on his raccoon that caused Elora to be plagued with nightmares) long gone.

"I hope you're hungry, Varian," she greeted him with a wink. "I have made my special soup for you."

"Oh.. um… thank you," he replied shyly, not sure yet how much his churned-up stomach would take and feeling stress rise in him already, should he not eat as much as was expected of him.

"All right, Varian, done," Arianna announced letting his arms rest by his sides and running her hands up and down to relax him completely. "Do you think you can manage the soup by yourself while Ethel helps me for a bit ?"

"Um, okay," he answered, eyeing the dressing screen in the corner. The Queen had slept in this room a couple of nights ago, and most of her things were still there. For some reason, the thought that she may not need to go to her royal chambers was… reassuring, but he kept that for himself.

Ethel causally shoved a bowl of steaming soup into the boy's hands and disappeared with the Queen behind the screen to help her with the lacing of her dress.

Varian stared at the bowl for a while, letting its warmth seep into his bare hands. It was smelling incredibly good and appealing, but he still couldn't bring himself to try it. He exhaled and closed his eyes. After his emotional outburst, he felt like a huge knot had been unwound inside him, but at the same time, he was still incredibly tense, barely allowing himself to breathe. He didn't want to admit it, but his clever mind knew exactly what it was.

His heart was troubled. In the Queen's embrace, he felt so good. She was soft and kind and patient, and it reminded him of something he knew. He was so young when his own mother died, so he wasn't sure if he knew by memory or if it was his imagination, but it felt like he had a mother again.

On the other hand… other memories came uninvited and were racing through his mind. He could see her relaxed features when she was out cold thanks to the compound he made so she wouldn't resist as he took her to his lab. The rough ties he used to bind her hands, then the cold metal chain around her ankle. The drop he intentionally poured on the rock next to her to turn it into amber… the huge claw of the automaton he was driving, crushing her ribs as she cried out in pain…

He felt sick in his stomach again, feeling utterly disgusted with himself. His hands tightened around the bowl and his bottom lip quivered uncontrollably. His surroundings seemed to fade and he closed his eyes, swallowing hard.

A soft patting on his thigh reminded him of the reality around. He blinked a few times, trying to get his vision clear. When did he start to cry again ?

Varian's eyes locked with Ruddiger's. The raccoon crooned softly, as if begging him to eat already. The boy's breath hitched a couple of times and he forced himself to put up a wan smile.

"I'm okay, Ruddiger. I'll… I'll eat in a moment, that's all," he told his furry friend under his breath.

He leaned back completely against the headboard, wishing he could fall asleep there and then and stop thinking or feeling anything at all.


	54. Chapter 53 - Promise ?

**This was another chapter that was tricky to write. I hope it doesn't sound repetitive in the story, but I think a few issues needed closure (like SakuraXXstrawberry and Car45 said, things are not over yet with a few smashed clay pots and I am giving Varian time to recover). I have the feeling I just completed a puzzle/jigsaw, and that all the pieces are in place where they should be !**

 **Lorraine48, I do have ideas about a future reunion with Rapunzel (and they look different from the hints I had so far in the comments), but that would require a whole sequel, haha !**

 **Welcome, angstisMyLifeUwU, given your username, I bet you will like it here ! XD**

 **Rain4evah, if you read your inbox, you know I have already things in mind… an important interview coming up next chapter !**

 **Thank you all for your comments ! I take a lot of time here to explore the feelings and the mess they can bring because I can do it with this media (and I enjoy it !). I don't know what the show has for us in store, but I trust the writers will have found a very clever and efficient way to show us the rollercoaster Varian will go through emotionally, one way or another (I even suspect it will be a tougher ride than we expect). And I can't wait.**

 **I might be a bit slower with my upcoming update, as I am currently on another project for St Paddy/ Valentine's Day on tumblr. I am hyped by this and I would really like to complete it ! I also added a new piece of fanart on mycove-art.**

Chapter 53

A low rumble could be heard in the distance over the dull sound of pouring rain. Ruddiger's ears backed down and he tried to make himself very small – the poor raccoon was never comfortable around thunder. Whenever it happened, back in his village, Varian would make sure to comfort his furry friend by petting him letting him hide his muzzle in the crook of his arm. Skinny as it was, it was for Ruddiger the best place in the world to wait for storms to die away.

But Varian did none of that. He didn't move an inch, didn't gave a glance. In fact, he looked like he didn't register any of this, his gaze lost in the void and his mind numb.

"By the Sun of Corona, child !", Ethel's voice gave such a jolt to Varian's weak frame it was a miracle that he kept the bowl straight in his hands. "You're never going to feel better if you don't eat !" She pulled up a chair so she could sit next to him and yanked the bowl from his hands. "Look, boy, I'm not going to have you faint again over your chores, not under my watch, you aren't !".

Varian blushed at being scolded like a child. Arianna stepped out from behind the screen, wearing now a comfortable velvet dressing gown.

"What are you talking about, Ethel ?" she asked with a tilt of her head as she tied the sash around her slender waist.

"Oh, right, you weren't in that day, Your Majesty," she replied nonchalantly. Behind her plump form, a wide-eyed Varian was gesturing madly, obviously panicking hard and trying to get her to keep quiet, but the old maid paid no attention.

"My, I found this young man sprawled on the floor in one of the guests' rooms on that Science Expo day because he had overworked himself until he collapsed with exhaustion. I had to pat his cheeks so hard to make him regain consciousness, they were bright red after that ! And as soon as he could speak, all he could think of was get back to his tasks straight on, because he needed to have them completed for a friend, he said. But you know me, I didn't let him get away so easily, not until he drank a cup of warm milk and honey in front of me."

Arianna was standing there, stunned, looking at Varian with round eyes. She saw the embarrassed look on his face and decided not to push this further.

"Well, Varian, I guess you know what to do, now," she replied sternly to match Ethel's tone as she proceeded to take every pin out of her hair bun, silently hoping that the boy would comply without a fight. Feeding him had been an issue almost every day he had spent in this castle. Maybe she should think of organizing another picnic soon.

Varian knew better than upset the old maid. She had forcefully grabbed the bowl and the spoon, so he assumed he had even lost the right to feed himself at his own pace and didn't dare ask them back. He braced himself and tried to prepare mentally to swallow some of the food in front of him.

Arianna brushed her long silky locks before weaving them into a thick braid. She hadn't thought of bringing another dress to the physician's chambers, so for now, the casual hairdo and the dressing gown would have to do. It was still too early to go to bed, barely 6 o'clock, but she could tell by the dark bags under Varian's reddened eyes that the kid wouldn't be able to stay awake for much longer. She could at least make sure he would peacefully go to sleep before focusing on being properly dressed for the time of day.

To say the truth, Ethel's soup was delicious, and much to Varian's taste. Or at least it would have been normally. After three or four mouthfuls, the teen felt his stomach tense again, as if locking itself up by its own will. Pain seared with every breath he drew, and he felt the urge to lie down and try to relax.

"Can… can we take a break now, Ethel ? Please." He didn't mean for his voice to sound so apologetic, but he couldn't take any more. He winced at how pathetic he sounded. His panted breath made the old maid frown in worry and she brought a hand to his forehead to check his temperature. The boy's skin felt slightly cold and clammy under her touch.

"Right, Varian," she said, keeping her growing concern hidden, "you must be tired." She left the soup on the table for later and helped him lay down. For once, Varian complied without a fight, too weak to even protest for being so much babied.

Arianna turned her head at Ethel's words. She heard the maid's message between the lines. Time to make sure Varian closed his eyes and let sleep take him over now. As on cue, Ruddiger tiredly snuggled under Varian's arm and leaned against his torso. The raccoon's warmth seeped through the boy's shirt and into his skin. Varian's breathing immediately became deeper and calmer. Arianna smiled. Ruddiger was the best hot water bag ever.

"Thank you so much, Ethel. You may leave us. I will take it from here."

Ethel bowed respectfully and left. The Queen moved to the other side of the bed to close the curtains hanging in front of the barred window. It didn't make the room completely dark, but at least it was now bathing in a dim light. The rain could still be heard outside, persistently playing its soothing song.

But Varian's heart was anything but soothed.

"He would hate me, wouldn't he ?", he muttered as soon as it was darker.

Arianna froze. She knew, with a pang in her heart, who he was talking about. She came over and sat down next to him. Her eyes were slowly starting to get used to the lack of light. The boy was still lying down on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"Varian," she began. "Honey… your father loves you, no matter what. He loves you so much."

"I've done… terrible things. Horrible things," he went on, ignoring her. "I've poisoned half of the castle staff. Pushed the Princess to commit treason. Stole the flower. Injured so many of the guards. Took you way from you family and tried to…"

"Shhh, Varian. You're exhausted. Why don't you close your ey…". Varian shook his head and cut her off.

"I tried to encase you in amber, just like my father was," he cried, "in cold blood. All I wanted was to get the Princess to help me." Tears spilled from his eyes as he squeezed them shut. His voice became louder as he lost control. "She promised. She promised."

"Varian…."

The boy threw both his forearms over his eyes as he continued screaming and sobbing.

"And then, I attempted to kill you. And Cassandra. I wanted nothing else but to do it. I wanted to see Rapunzel suffer as much as I was." Varian was stuck in a terrifying agony. He knew his body was in a bed, in Remyus' chambers at the castle of Corona, but his mind was convinced he was back inside the automaton, this time watching from aside a very angry boy push and pull levers with bared teeth, watching himself grab Cassandra and the Queen and relish the moment of glory, of power, of control. The moment when he could have caused irreparable damage.

"She had you. She had her father, she had her friends. She had love. I was left with nothing. Nothing at all, nothing and no one to live for."

"VARIAN !"

Arianna's suddenly harsh tone took the youth by surprise, as much as the tough clamp around his arms. She lowered then gently but firmly, and he met her face, tight with a frown and a quivering lip.

She sighed and her gaze softened a bit. He stared at her, frozen, tears threatening to burst again.

"That I won't hear, honey. Listen, I know you are hurt. You've been through a lot, Varian. Please allow yourself time to process all this. Yes, you made bad calls out of rage and grief, what's done is done and we can't change the past. But now you have to move on."

"How could I ?" he whimpered, flashbacks about the amber encasing his father and his blind rage after that flickering and invading in his mind again. "What I've done to you… to Rapunzel… to my Dad…. what I could have done… I'm scared, Your Majesty… I'm so lost. I've lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore."

Arianna moved one hand to his cheek, cupping it and feeling the moist of his tears. She could see the deep distress in his eyes. She felt sick to the core for the immense shame and guilt the distraught teen was feeling, even though she knew it was inevitable.

"A lot of damage has been done to you too… There are so many things we could have handled differently. I'm so sorry, Varian." She paused to catch her breath and subside her own urge to cry.

"There is more in you, Varian. You are young, you are still learning. You may have made mistakes, but you are truly sorry for them, and I'm sure you will try to do better in the future. Only you can decide what choices you'll make and who you'll be."

Fresh tears spilling, Varian shot up and rolled on his side, crushing Ruddiger under his light frame in the process and buried his face on her lap, shoulders shaking. Arianna moved one hand to his back, rubbing soothing circles, and the other to his thick hair, caressing it softly as she let him cry himself to sleep.

Arianna's dressing gown was all wet when Varian's sobs quieted down and she gently put him back to bed, carefully leaving him on his side so she wouldn't move him too much. Just as she thought he was out cold for the night and let go of him, his eyes shot up open and his hand, quick as lightning despite his fatigue, grabbed her slender wrist with surprising strength, his big, round, tear-filled eyes locking with hers.

She understood his unspoken plea.

"I'll stay with you until you are sleeping, honey. And I will spend the night here, right next to you. I'll be there when you wake up," she explained, holding his hand in a firm grip

"Promise ?" he asked under his breath.

Arianna gave a start. Those words. They couldn't have been easy for him. It just showed how desperate and vulnerable he felt. And at the same time, it also meant he was ready to trust again.

"Promise", she replied, meaning it with all her being.

As she drew the covers all the way up to his chin, she heard him whisper :

"Thank you… for not giving up on me." And with that, he drifted off into sleep, letting darkness overtake him.

Arianna listened to his breathing peacefully slowing down and evening out. At least, he fell asleep with the knowledge he wasn't alone. Ever so gently, she stroked his hair on more time, pulling back his bangs and placing a kiss on his temple.

"Sleep tight, my fallen angel. You are more loved than you think."


	55. Chapter 54 - Dawn

**Hi ! I'll post this quickly as it's quite late and I should be off to bed ! A new dawn for Varian...**

Chapter 54

Dawn.

Beautiful, ever-changing, eerie, inspiring dawn. So many ways to describe it.

Phil could only think of two words.

Too early.

Not wait. Three words.

Way too early.

Outside Remyus' chambers, the young guard yawned hard for the tenth time, leaning on his halberd for support and wishing he could go back to bed. True, the Queen allowed him to be off-duty quite early the day before, but he spent most of the night chatting with Alden. The older guard was still recovering from his injury on his arm after the library incident, but it was healing well, thanks to Remyus' expert hands. But of course, that wasn't what kept the two guards awake late at night.

They both had come to genuinely care for Varian, but watching and protecting him wasn't always an easy task. His mood could be unpredictable, as much as his actions. Proof of that was that the aforementioned incident was a close call, and that was an understatement. They also kept the truth from the Queen, and Phil wasn't comfortable with that. Of course, she was kind and trusting and forgiving… but what if this broke her trust toward Varian ? Or on the contrary, what if she let her guard down and the boy hurt himself again, or escaped, because she had been unaware of the crazy ideas Varian could come up with at any time ?

Worse still, what if the King found out ? He probably wouldn't be as understanding and he may send the kid back to the dungeon, calling out the pretense of his own safety. Phil was sure it would do more harm than good, especially after he got beaten up by the Stabbington brothers when he was there. And being the one who let Nigel in to carry on that sick plan of his, Phil couldn't let this happen to Varian.

Alden and he would be also sacked, that was for sure. Not that it would be worse than the weight of guilt, but Phil needed the financial support he could provide his family with. As a father of five (Phil and his four step-sisters), his father could barely make it, although he and his wife worked hard each and every day at the bakery.

Phil closed his eyes, yearning for a few seconds of makeshift sleep. The loud snores that came from Remyus on the other side of the door didn't help.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Further from Phil, in the back chamber, Varian was tossing and turning in his bed. After smashing clay pots and crying so much, exhaustion took its toll on the teen's body and mind, and the first part of his night went by in a deep, dreamless sleep for him. But before dawn, his skinny frame started to become restless, his face twitching and frowning as he rolled his head from side to side. A few moans that may have been words escaped his lips, making Ruddiger's ears perk up. Drowsy with sleep, the raccoon stretched before climbing on Varian's chest to gently pat his cheeks. On the verge of waking, Varian protested unconsciously. A soft chittering sound helped him out of sleep and he slowly opened his eyes.

"Ruddiger ?" he croaked in a rasping voice as he felt, more than saw, the worried critter under his bare fingers. His mind was still clouded with blurry memories of weird dreams he just had. At least, for once, nothing that Varian would call nightmares. "What is it ?"

He flung his hand onto his mouth, suddenly putting two and two together and remembering that he may not be alone in the room. Settling Ruddiger next to him, he sat up in bed, gently pulled the curtains slightly open to get a little bit of the sunrise light and squinted his eyes, trying to pierce the darkness.

He saw her gracious form lying on the bed next to his and he released a breath he didn't know he was holding. She was there. The Queen did spend the night in his room. He had awoken and she was there, just like she promised.

Eyes stinging, Varian suddenly felt the urge to go to her, kiss her hand and thank her just for staying by his side. He knew she was sleeping, but he at least had to come closer to her. He flung his skinny legs over the edge and jumped down. He winced as metal clattering could be heard as his left foot connected with something cold and hard. Arianna moaned softly in her sleep, stretched a little and relaxed again. Her lids remained sealed shut.

Varian kept the awkward statue position he froze into for a few seconds before allowing himself to exhale in relief and check what made that noise. Keeling down, his eyes starting to adjust to darkness, he felt a shiver run up his spine when he recognized the object under the bed.

Phil's cuffs were still there, a painful reminder of his "stroll" on the cornice. Varian's brows furrowed. If the cuffs were untouched, then maybe…

The teen carefully tiptoed around the Queen's bed, followed by a puzzled raccoon. Bingo. Pushed away against the wall, the purple glass shards from the carafe he broke were still lying there as if waiting for him to come back. Varian picked one up between his fingers and looked at it thoughtfully for a moment, letting its smooth surface glisten in the swelling light as he gently moved it back and forth.

He didn't feel the same urge as earlier, the need to use it on himself. In the eerie silence of the room, except for Arianna's soft and steady breathing, Varian was struggling to understand how he felt. Not as anxious and angry as before, that was for sure, but something else was tugging at his heart. Was it… confusion ? sadness ? fear ? He wasn't sure. After having released his rage on the clay pots (despite the Queen's care, his sore arms would remind him of it for a while), what now ?

After a while, Varian's head shot up, a new kind of energy making its ways through his head. His eyes held a stance Ruddiger hadn't seen in months, the one that told him when his human friend's brain was at work and that he would soon come up with a new idea of his.

Varian's spirit was reeling indeed.

 _I need to find something hard and sharp to work on the glass. I will need a couple of ingredients to make that compound, it won't be easy because I'll be watched all the time, but maybe… oh, yeah, yeah, that could work._

Abruptly, Varian whipped around to get his clothes, got dressed within seconds and left his night shirt on the bed in a heap. Once his gloves were on, he carefully slid the piece of glass in his apron pocket. He was about to head for the door when he stopped in his tracks, went back to get his journal, ripped a page and quickly wrote a note. He left the piece of paper on his bed and, motioning Ruddiger to follow him, walked out the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As the main door of Remyus' chambers squeaked open, Phil nearly jumped out of his boots, ripped away from his half-sleep. He held out his halberd menacingly, aiming at the person behind him.

"Oh Varian, it's you," he exhaled as he realized it was the young alchemist, "why, you just scared me ! Never do that again, I almost skewered you !"

"Quiet," Varian hushed him in a whisper, "Remuys is snoring loudly, but he might wake up if he hears you !". The teen let Ruddiger out before slowly closing the door behind him, successfully avoiding any further creaking.

"Okay, Phil, I need you to take me to the garden, let's go", said the teenager casually, already making his way down the hall."

"Wait, what ?" Phil answered in disbelief, making no effort to lower his voice, "uh, excuse me, what do you think you are doing ?"

"Shshhh,", Varian hissed between gritted teeth, "I'm still a prisoner, remember ? So I can't be left without supervision, that's why you have to come with me."

"No, no, that's not what I meant, Varian. What makes you think you can give orders ? What about the Queen ? She'll be looking for you", Phil said sternly. "And what do you intend to do in the garden at dawn ?"

Varian barely concealed his impatience.

"Look, I left a note for her, and I just want to go and clean my mess up from yesterday. With the storm we had last night, I'm pretty sure no servants were sent out there. I have to clear the pots myself, that's why I have to go before anybody else does it, now the rain has stopped."

Phil looked at Varian intensely for a moment, as if seeing him for the first time. He couldn't help but feel admiration for the resilience and persistence he saw in such a young boy.

"Listen, Varian, I get what you want to do, and I'm with you on this."

"I can sense a "but" coming", Varian said, rolling his eyes.

"But, "Phil went on, ignoring the hint of sarcasm, "you're not going anywhere with that empty stomach of yours. Ethel told me you didn't eat much last night. So here's the deal : we head for the kitchens, grab something for you to eat and then you can go and pick up the pieces of clay the day away of you want."

"I'm fine", the teen replied coldly. "I can eat later. Besides, I'm not exactly supposed to roam by the kitchens." He looked away, slightly embarrassed but trying to get away with it with a smile. "They didn't appreciate my truth serum cookies so much last time. I'm sure the King wouldn't be happy if he knew", he added, pretty much satisfied with his last point.

Phil lifted his hand and rested his chin on it, pretending he was thinking hard.

"Mmm… yes, sure, you're right, that would be unfortunate."

Still, the young guard extended his arm and grabbed the boy's wrist, heading for the kitchens in long strides that almost forced Varian to run along.

"Hey ! What are you doing ?" Varian exclaimed, outraged.

"I wouldn't like getting in trouble with the King," Phil retorted calmly. "But if I let you work yourself out before breakfast, the Queen will have my head. And I'd rather choose the King over her any day." He turned around to face Varian and blinked with a lopsided grin.

"What ? Are you… are you kidding me ? I said I'm not hungry !"

Phil didn't even slow down his pace.

"I'm not buying that, Varian. You're all skin and bones and you need to get proper meals".

"The Queen, Ethel, and now you ?" Varian scoffed. "Are you all going to be on my case when it comes to food now ?"

Phil stopped right where he was and spun around, digging his eyes into Varian's.

"Yes. We are. And we will, until we are sure you're all right. Deal with it."

Varian said nothing, taken aback by Phil's determination. His defensive instincts taking over again, he glared at him with his icy blue eyes, not really wanting to hear the kindness in his words.

Phil sighed and let go of Varian's arm. He wasn't as good as the Queen when it came to communicate with an unstable teenager.

She had to be a Saint for being so patient with him.

"Look, Varian if you don't want to go for yourself, at least, let's go for Ruddiger. The little fellow could use a piece of bread or an apple."

Varian scoffed again.

"Nah, he's fine. He knows how to grab his food, don't you worry about him"

"Oh come on, Varian, when was the last time you…"

Phil trailed off, his mind coming to a stop in sudden realization. He remained silent for a few seconds, debating with himself. When he spoke, his voice sounded blank but firm.

"Pick him up."

"What ?"

"You heard me Varian, just do it."

"I don't get it. He can walk." He rolled his eyes. "Fine ! If that makes us go outside faster…"

Varian went to Ruddiger, bent his knees and scooped up the raccoon in his arms, bracing himself slightly in anticipation for the weight to lift, because his muscles, stiff as they were, felt like noodles.

When the teen lifted his companion from the floor, he came up faster than intended and had to back up one of his feet to keep his balance. Then he froze, head down, his eyes hidden behind his bangs, Ruddiger held tightly in his arms.

Phil watched him in silence and took a couple of steps closer when he saw his skinny frame was starting to shake.

"Varian…. I'm sorry…."

A tear rolled down Varian's cheek and fell on Ruddiger's fur.

"I…. I had no idea…" he muttered. "I had no idea he had lost so much weight. W..why . How ?"

Phil laid a hand on Varian's shoulder.

"We tried to feed him, Varian. Elora, Ethel, even Remyus and the Queen would bring him some food regularly, but he would hardly eat. I… I guess he was too worried about you, Varian. You weren't feeling well, and because the two of you are so close, he started to feel bad too."

Varian hugged Ruddiger against his chest, his breathing now erratic.

"I… I was so wrapped up in my own problems, I never saw, I never felt…" The distraught teen buried his face in the soft fur and cried. "I'm sorry, Ruddiger. I'm so, so sorry…"

Ruddiger answered with a few chittering sounds, butting his head against Varian as if to say :

"You know you're such a rockskull, sometimes, but I'm here. I'm not leaving you, no matter what."


	56. Chapter 55 - A peaceful morning

**Hello, everyone ! It's getting hard to publish as often as before, and I'm quite busy at the moment - we're getting a new place to live, which is exciting, but requires a lot of my time -**

 **Again, I can't thank you enough for the kind words I get to read. Thank you for every note you leave, every gut reaction you write, every "hi "you send !**

 **Guest, I don't know "Rise of the shield hero", but it sounds interesting ! Thanks for sharing ! looks like it's not on Netflix in my country, though… :(**

 **Enjoy the return of the sun in the story (for now) !**

Chapter 55

The morning sun brought the peace after the storm. There was a dampness lingering in the air, a reminder of the sky turmoil of the day before. Dew drops were shining on the leaves under the rising light like dozens of diamonds.

A short distance away from Varian, Ruddiger was lazily sprawled on the grass, obviously content with the breakfast he heartily took earlier. One knee on the ground, the boy was apparently busy picking up pieces of clay and yet he was very much lost in his thoughts.

In the past, cleaning up his mess whenever one of his experiments would have an unexpected outcome had always been self-evident. It hadn't been so true over the few past months, if Varian were to be honest. That mindset from his early years radically changed after the princess broke her promise, and tidying up had become a vague concept lost somewhere in the most remote parts of his brain, rather than a priority. Now he was almost ashamed to think about it. He even vehemently refused when Phil offered to help him. Not that the young guard heeded his words, though, as he went off to get the larger pieces which had miraculously been spared by Varian's angry blows. The teen merely shrugged and said nothing, grateful deep inside for the support. He sighed and got back to work, and to his thoughts.

Soon the time would come when he would have to answer for his actions, he knew that. Even if the people around him, especially the Queen, were doing their best to make him feel comfortable, he still had broken the law in many, many ways. The King wouldn't ignore that when he would be sent to court. Several of his actions could singlehandedly earn him to be either imprisoned for life or hanged.

But the worst part was that now the anger had been released, Varian felt utterly awful inside, remorse wrecking his gut every time he thought about it. The uncertainty of his future, the fear, the guilt consumed Varian's mind, forcing him to reel over and over about his fate.

 _I've done terrible things. I shall pay for them, even if it means my father will remain in that amber rock forever. It's for the best, I guess. He wouldn't like to see what I've become. I failed him. I'll never see the pride in his eyes._

…

"Is something wrong, Varian ?"

Varian jolted as if he had been struck by lightning. Phil was coming his way with a nearly whole clay pot, filled to the brim with broken pieces he picked up here and there.

Varian looked up.

"What ?"

"You're shaking", Phil added as he knelt down next to him.

Varian nervously clenched his hand on the piece of clay he was holding. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times, no sound coming out, no word rolling off his tongue.

"I….I'm…."

Varian looked down, unable to stand Phil's gaze on him, feeling the older man was trying to read his face like an open book. He couldn't take another heart to heart talk, not when he was feeling like he was the most horrible person in the world and when his eyes were threatening to water already. He decided to push the feeling at the back of his mind and play dumb.

"Well, yeah, I mean, something is wrong indeed. Obviously, I am not going to live like this forever in this castle. And I certainly don't want to, with you shadowing me everywhere - I mean _everywhere_ – I go."

Phil wasn't fooled by the teen's teasing tone, especially after witnessing the forlorn look in his eyes but he played along to give the kid a break.

"You've gotten used to it by now", Phil chuckled. "You would miss me."

"And you would get bored without me," replied Varian with a smirk.

Phil gave out a soft laugh but couldn't shake off the bittersweet feeling. He knew Varian was worrying about his future. His gaze softened and he rested a hand on Varian's shoulder, a comforting gesture he knew that worked well on the touch-starved kid.

"Hey, buddy. you're thinking too much, you know that ? You should have faith in Her Majesty. She won't let anything bad happen to you, you should know that by now. Hey, you have me too, and you can count on me to keep on following you _everywhere_ !"

The young guard traced quote marks in the air with his fingers to emphasize the last word, hoping to lighten the mood. Varian gave a wan smile and Phil stood up to pick up more clay.

"Besides", he added casually, "no trial is coming anytime soon, since Their Majesties are leaving for Epoisses in the afternoon."

The words, meant to ease up the boy's worries, only made his already fragile heart sink. The Queen was leaving. Today. She was going away, and she was going to leave him behind. Varian painfully swallowed the lump in his throat.

He didn't have time to dwell on the nagging feeling though, as his eyes were suddenly covered by two small hands and a squeaky voice pierced his ears.

"Guess who it is !"

Varian's gut reaction was an uncontrollable urge to fight back, but something clicked in his brain just in time as his mind registered there was no danger. Ignoring the fast beatings of his heart, he replied:

"Oh, hmmm, I don't know, Friedborg ?"

"Friedb… What ?" the voice sounded outraged, but that didn't make the hands release their grip. "Varian, have you ever heard her speak ?"

"No, I haven't", he admitted, "which is the reason why, as far as I know, she may very well sound like this… Elora !" replied the scientific boy smugly.

"Oh you… you are so….", the young maid pulled out her hands to put them on her hips, half irritated, half amused.

With a chuckle that was pleasant to hear, coming from the much troubled boy, Varian spun around still in his crouched position to look at her. Phil had risen to bow respectfully as the Queen closed the distance between her and Elora. Varian couldn't help but shrink a bit thinking back how he left the bedroom while she was still asleep.

"You're up early, Varian. And at work already ?"

"Well, um, I couldn't sleep anymore, but I'm… I'm fine, really. I had plenty of rest, you know."

"Good. Because I was wondering if you would like take Elora for some play time this morning."

"Now ? Where ?" asked the confused teen. Elora seemed just as clueless as he was.

"You could go and enjoy the garden and this lovely morning. Besides, I'm pretty sure Elora has always dreamt of trying the swing."

The little girl's face went bright red.

"The royal swing ? The swing for the Princess ? But… no… I couldn't…. it's meant for the Princess."

Varian cringed as he was reminded of Rapunzel and hid his eyes under his bangs.

"Was meant", Arianna corrected with a twinge of sadness in her voice. "The Princess is a young lady now. And I'm sure she would love you to have fun with it."

Elora's eyes sparkled with joy and she covered her mouth with her hands, unable to contain her excitement anymore.

"Oh… Your Majesty…. Thank you ! Let's do it, Varian !" she squealed, hopping up and down and clapping her hands.

"But… the clay pots…" Varian began.

"That's all right, Varian. You've done enough, and I want to thank you for that", the Queen steadily replied. "You have another job to do, remember ? We discussed how it would be a good idea to go and help the guards on some of their daily tasks."

Varian looked down. He did remember, it was something he was willing to do to make amends for injuring so many members of the royal guard when he released Ruddiger in his monster's form on the castle. But he would have to face the Captain, who was badly hurt that night. He was also the father of Cassandra, no less. Again, a lump made its way up his throat, making it hard to speak. He blinked a few times quickly as tears welled up in his eyes.

Arianna noticed how the boy started fidgeting and spoke up :

"You don't have to do it today if you need rest, Varian. There is no rush about it. Now off you go ! Go have some fun !" she commanded with a beaming smile.

"Come on, Varian, let's go !" Elora giggled as she yanked his arm expectedly. Despite the pins and needles in his legs, Varian clumsily got to his feet and ran with her to the swing by the chestnut trees.

Forgetful of his duty for a moment, Phil watched them leave with a content sigh. Soft words barely above a whisper reached his ears :

"Please keep an eye on him."

He turned his head to make sure he heard right and his eyes met the Queen's intense gaze. Phil nodded and then bowed.

"As you wish, Your Majesty."

More than a year after Rapunzel's return, Arianna's heart was still hurting whenever she was reminded of the years she didn't get to spend with her daughter. Her childhood time had been denied to her as a mother, and there was no changing that.

Yet, for the first time, she was able to listen to the spontaneous laughter of a little girl having the time of her life without a pang in her heart. As Phil scurried away, she closed her eyes, trying to pretend for a few precious seconds that her baby girl was back and running to the swing her mother had designed for her, at last.

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Phil had never seen Varian act as a child his age until he watched him untiringly swing Elora with gusto. Not that she would have let him stop. She encouraged him to push her higher and higher with her high-pitched voice and her enthusiasm was contagious. His mind focused on the young maid's happiness, Varian was wearing a smile that reached his eyes for once. His usually steely gaze was radiating with a warmth that wasn't there before. He looked much younger, almost like he was another person. Phil had to wonder, when was the last time he was this carefree ?

The sun was already high in the sky, and beads of sweat were pearling on Varian's forehead, but the teen wouldn't stop, even if his arms were sore and that his breath was hard to catch. He felt happy, and relaxed, and safe. It was a good feeling. He decided he would push that swing until nightfall he could.

None of them heard footsteps coming closer over the laughs, thick grass muffling the sounds coming from thick soles like they agreed upon it beforehand. It took a deep clearing of throat to make the three heads whip around.


	57. Chapter 56 - Alchemy vs Magic ?

**Dear all,**

 **I'm back and trying to keep up my updates on a regular schedule, but it's hard ! (or the pace I had at first was truly a crazy one !).**

 **I was nicely surprised of the reactions about Varian being happy ! Looks like it was a long-awaited for moment, brief as it was. Thanks again for all your comments, I can't find enough words to say how important they are ! (if you haven't done it yet, feel free to leave your own comment !)**

 **Some scores to settle in this chapter before the Epoisses festival...**

Chapter 56

There was a collective gasp as the three young people realized who was behind them. Elora's cheeks went scarlet red and she got off the swing before she could think. She lowered her eyes and bowed while Phil was prompt to resume the position he was supposed to take in front of the highest authority.

Varian didn't move an inch. Mouth agape, his suddenly blank mind leaving him unable to make a decision whatsoever, he was standing, frozen, behind the swing. The lifeless piece of wood was the only thing still in motion which ironically made it look more alive than the people around it.

"At ease, soldier", the King commanded to Phil, firmly but not harshly. "Morning, young lady", he greeted Elora who was trembling slightly. Then he squared his shoulders as he spoke to them both. "I would like a word with the prisoner. Alone."

No matter how void of anger or even irritation the King's voice sounded, Varian inwardly cringed at the word that reminded him of his status in this castle. Worse even, his blood downright ran cold in his veins when he heard it would be a one-to-one interview. The teen found himself wishing he could turn himself into a rabbit and disappear into a hole in the ground. His scientific brain quickly dismissed the idea though, and as Varian came back to reality, he noticed how wobbly his legs were.

As in a daze, Varian heard Phil's voice sound out some words. He didn't know which ones, his mind too busy screaming internally for them not to leave him, but he knew their meaning : the guard was complying. Next to him, Elora managed to utter a polite "Yes, Your Majesty", and the boy's heart sank as his last flicker of hope vanished.

The King noticed the forlorn expression on Varian's face and how it had gone pale. Even the nice pink flush he had gotten on his cheeks seemed to have been drained away.

"Don't be afraid, Varian, I'm here to talk to you, that's all. Would you please sit down ?"

Not only Frederick wanted to make sure that the weary teen wouldn't faint, but he also knew that Varian's head would actually be slightly higher if he was sitting on the swing rather than standing, which could be (if possible) less intimidating for the boy.

Varian shuffled his feet and did as he was told. He hauled himself up using the sides of the swing, shaped like 2 "Rs" for Rapunzel. He kept his head bowed. He couldn't help but wonder what the King wanted with him. With a pang in his heart, he remembered that he never apologized for his attitude back in his lab… (and looking back, that was pretty much over the edge). Chances were, that was what the King was here for.

On defensive mode again, Varian crossed his arms and chose to give the King the silent treatment. An uncomfortable silence settled between them.

Once the chirping of the birds was the only thing to hear, so much that it started to become irritating, Frederick cleared his throat before speaking. Varian was sure he saw him look away for a second or two, as if searching for words. But kings always know what they have to say, don't they ?

"Varian, I know these past days in the castle haven't been easy for you. And I hope you are feeling better now."

The young alchemist couldn't believe his ears. Was the King actually concerned about his well-being ? Or was it a trick to make him lower his guard ?

Without realizing it, Varian's doubts started to show on his face, his features drawn in a tight frown.

Frederick sighed.

"Listen, my boy," he began, suddenly sounding more like a tired man than a king, "Quirin... your father… has been a friend of mine for years."

Somehow, a grudge he didn't know he was still holding against his own father, moreso than against the King, made its way back to the surface of Varian's mind. The teen downright rejected the older man's attempt to put him at ease and scoffed.

"A friend of yours ? Oh, please Your Majesty, you can't be so naive. Or does it have to be me who must tell you that your dear friend lied to you ?"

"Varian,' Frederic's tone went very sullen, "your father… never lied to me."

It took Varian a few seconds to let the words sink in. He looked up in disbelief.

"… what ?"

"He did mention a plentiful harvest when the rocks were actually plaguing his village. Your village," he specified. "As you recall, it all happened in the courtroom, in the presence of counsellors, advisors… and the Princess." Frederic carefully chose not to mention Nigel's or Rapunzel's names and moved on. "You see, instructions were to keep the black rocks a secret."

"YOUR instructions…", emphasized Varian under his breath.

"Yes… indeed," the King relented, his shoulders hunched as if he was bearing the weight of the world on them. "And that's why we had a sort of code between Quirin and me."

"The harvest…" Varian realized.

"Exactly. No one else was to know, not even the people closest to us. We both vowed to protect our loved ones and keep the truth to ourselves. That included my wife… my daughter… and you, Varian."

Varian looked blankly into space, opened and closed his mouth a few times, not knowing where to start. His head was spinning. All that time believing his father had lied to the King's face… Everything he thought he knew…

"W…wait, wait… what do you mean, protect us ?", Varian sputtered. "How was such a secret supposed to protect us ? The rocks had been spreading throughout the land for months before that. You knew about them, you always have !"

"Calm down, my boy…"

"NO ! No, I won't calm down !" yelled Varian as he jumped off the swing and came to stand right in front of the massive frame of the King. "You… You've always known, and you never did anything ?" The teen was starting to shake with rage. "How could you ? how could you deliberately choose to ignore something like that ? You're the KING !"

Tears welled up in Varian's eyes, and the boy hated himself for being such an emotional mess. How could he be so angry and on the brink of tears again after laughing with Elora only a few minutes ago ?

"Please, listen…" the King tried again.

But Varian couldn't hear.

"You let the rocks spread out ! They invaded us everywhere ! They destroyed our crops, our homes ! A bunch of them stood in the middle of my lab, and…. And I experimented on them ! Nobody was doing anything, neither you, nor my father…"

Varian paused to catch his breath, panting hard, but he never let his gaze down. His steely blue eyes were bright with tears and anger and they looked like they could send daggers. Frederic froze on his spot. He had the feeling he was standing next to a bomb ready to explode and his body would neither move to unarm it nor to run away.

The explosion came.

A bout of blind rage suddenly seized the teen's whole being as he lunged forward, hands into fists that starting to pound hard on the King's chest.

"I experimented….on the rocks… because of him…. Because of you…. Because of your secrets and your lies… I went against my father's orders and now, because of me, he… he is…."

Hesitantly, Frederic rose his arms, moving them to and fro, unsure of what to do with them. He couldn't find it in him to stop the punches. Even if hitting the King was, of course, strictly forbidden, the strikes weren't strong enough to actually hurt him and also, after witnessing the pottery moment, Frederic knew how much anger there was inside that skinny frame. He couldn't blame the boy.

So he laid his hands on the boy's shoulders and waited for the storm to subside.

Much to Varian's despair, his strength soon gave out, exhaustion of the past events taking their toll. He pressed his forehand against the King's chest, his fists too weak to strike anymore. Soon he went still, expect for the soft shaking of his shoulders as he let some tears fall.

His hands still on the teen's frail shoulders, Frederic put one knee down.

"Varian… I'm sorry… I never meant for this to happen. I know that's not an excuse, but… when my guards reported that black rocks had sprouted up when the sunflower once was, I… I panicked."

Varian choked back a sob as he wiped his eyes and running nose with his glove.

"Panicked ? You ?"

"I was terrified. The rocks existed because I took the magic flower to save my wife and unborn child. I knew because I had been warned."

"Warned ? by whom ?" Before the King could utter an answer (it was stuck in his throat anyway), Varian's eyes opened wide as it dawned on him.

"The scroll… my father…"

"Yes, Varian. Your father is the one who came to warn me. But I didn't listen. I couldn't. I had to try everything to save my dear Arianna and our child."

Varian went silent for a moment, confused. He closed his eyes, trying to sort out his feelings. When he looked at the King again, his eyes held a mixture of sadness, resignation and compassion.

"And I can see why you did," he whispered. "I would have done the same if it had saved my mother."

Frederic was speechless. He hadn't expected the sassy, angry boy to be so understanding and wise beyond his years.

"Thank you", the King breathed out, eyes watering and pulling Varian into a fatherly embrace. It felt good, and the boy wondered if he would ever feel his own father close to him this way one day. That thought made him shed a few more tears that fell on the King's sleeve.

When they looked at each other again, Varian, feeling a little awkward, chuckled through his last sobs.

"I guess alchemy and magic aren't that different, after all."

"What do you mean ?"

"In alchemy, you can't create something if you don't have the elements you need. It's the basics of alchemy. There is a price to pay, if you like."

"…as in magic," Frederic concluded thoughtfully. "Although in alchemy, you can predict what will be equivalent I suppose, whereas in magic… the consequences can get out of hand. As they do now."

"Thank you… for telling me all this, Your Majesty. I'm relieved to know that my father didn't lie to you."

"You're welcome. And I'm sorry. It was long, long overdue, and you suffered because of that. I hope someday you can forgive me."

Varian ruffled the back of his head nervously.

"I… I don't know, to be honest, that's a lot to take in. But I'll… I'll think about it, Your Majesty."

"Good." Frederic gave Varian a proud smile and got to his feet to take leave.

"Aaand, maybe," Varian ventured nervously, "you can have a thought about… you know… a few things I did, and… well… I… I shouldn't have gone that far."

Frederic turned around and nodded.

"I will, Varian, and we will settle all this in court in a few days. You will have the chance to explain yourself in a fair trial."

Varian didn't know what to reply. A trial ? Was that good news ? He wasn't sure.

Once he was left alone (Phil was obviously still keeping an eye on him from a distance and giving the boy some space), Varian sat back on the swing, threw his legs over the sitting board this time so he could rest his arms on the backrest. He lowered his chin on his hands and looked at the sky for a long time, thinking about how much kings and princesses were, after all, not all-powerful as he always thought. Was this part of growing up ? To realize that those mighty people were just that ? People. With their fears and their flaws.

King Frederic was a ruler but also a husband and a father who wanted to save his family, and then paid a dear price for his own actions.

Rapunzel genuinely wanted to help, she only wished for things to be alright, but how could she know that a huge storm would make her break her promise ?

And that went for this father too. For the first time, Varian started to ponder how his Dad tried to do what he thought was best for his son but couldn't predict that maybe untold secrets would hurt more than the truth.

Torn, Varian let the swing rock him soothingly back and forth. His eyes were still wet, and he had come to accept it would take time for them to dry. But at least, by learning how very fallible grown-ups could be, he had ironically regained his ability to trust them again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In the early afternoon, all the castle staff were gathered on the plaza in front of the castle gates as the King and Queen of Corona left to attend the Moon Festival in Epoisses. They were escorted by Pete, Stan, and the Captain who rode their horses on each side and at the back of the royal carriage.

Arianna was keeping casting glances back, long after the houses in the town hid the view.

A large, steady hand suddenly covered hers. She looked up and met her husband's eyes.

"He'll be fine, darling. He's more resilient than meets the eye. Besides," he added on a lighter tone, "we could use the break and we will be back by sunset tomorrow."

Arianna rolled her eyes as how well her husband could read her thoughts.

"You're right, I know. He's not a four-year old and he's made so much progress. Not to mention I trust the people who will be watching him while we're gone. We have our duties to attend, and we even might enjoy this one", she replied, more to reassure herself than her husband.

She looked out the window as the castle became smaller and smaller. She sighed and her lips drew into a half-hearted smile. After all, what could possibly go wrong ?


	58. Chapter 57 - Bend or break

**Hi ! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. Everything is going to be fine, anyway. Right ? :D**

 **Please read & review !**

Chapter 57

On the steps of the palace, Varian gazed at the wobbly carriage shrinking away in the distance. He failed to understand why he felt a pang in his heart, why his breathing hitched and his vision blurred. He could do this. She wasn't leaving forever. She would be back before he knew it. So why did he feel he was being abandoned again ?

Varian clenched his fists. He wasn't a kid anymore. He had to fight the urge to run after her.

A hand on his shoulder reminded him that he wouldn't be alone either. Varian sucked in a deep breath and looked up to meet Phil's eyes.

"Are you all right ?" asked the guard with concern as he saw the teen's watery eyes.

"Yeah… I mean… sure…", he managed, but his quivering voice betrayed him. "I… I have a job to do, you know, so um… might as well get it over with." he added, quickly changing the subject. Phil nodded, indicating he remembered about the chores Varian for the guard squad. Varian himself understood how puny community service was compared to the pain he caused, but that was the least he could do.

Phil suddenly felt Varian shiver a little under his touch as the teen recalled the reproachful glare of the Captain as he left. It seemed to Varian that the older man was able to pierce his very soul. As agreed with the Queen, the Captain never mentioned his daughter, more precisely, the fact that Varian tried to kill her in the grip of his machine, but Varian could feel the resentment and the anger under the thick eyebrows more than with any words.

In a way, Varian was grateful that the Captain left with the Queen. He cast a last glance at the town below. The carriage was now lost somewhere in that maze of stone walls and rooftops. Catching sight of something, Varian's melancholic eyes turned into a frown.

"Is that ?... Is that Alden walking this way ?", asked the boy, as he took a couple of steps forward.

Phil scrutinized the lower plaza and saw the familiar figure.

"You're right ! That's him ! That's odd, he's still supposed to be off. Looks like his arm hasn't completely healed yet."

Indeed, the man's arm was resting in a sling. Great, thought Varian bitterly. Another injury he was responsible for. Another reminder for his past mistakes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The trip to Epoisses was uneventful, not to mention boring. Because of the carriage, the small party couldn't go into the thick forest nor take the scenic route. It would be longer but safer to stay on the main road.

Hours seemed to drag away to be as long as days. Despite herself, Arianna sighed for the umpteenth time. Every minute that passed seemed to be an utter, unbearable waste of time.

"It's been a long time since we last saw the Duke and the Duchess of Epoisses, isn't it, my dear ?" Frederic ventured, hoping to distract her from a certain boy he knew she was thinking about.

"Oh, oh yes, of course, that's a lovely idea, darling," Arianna replied, her arm resting on the carriage door and her gaze lost in the landscape, looking at nothing in particular.

Frederic hummed, frowning slightly. He loved his wife and couldn't even be angry at her for not listening, but he couldn't help but be deeply concerned. He knew how difficult it was for her to leave.

After his conversation with Varian in the morning, the King had started to get a better understanding of his friend's son, how behind the sassiness and the anger, there was a lonely, desperate boy who had been through too much pain for his young age. But right now they had duties to attend, and trivial as it may seem, festivals and events such as the one about to take place in Epoisses took a huge part in political relationship building between the different kingdoms.

Sometimes, it was hard for a King, or a Queen, to be a ruler who had their duties coming first, and a person with their own feelings. He knew that very well, especially since that fateful day when he let the husband and father in him take over and chose to use the flower, even though as King, he knew there would be consequences that wouldn't involve just him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Phil and Varian hung around with Alden for a while to catch up. Varian kept uncharacteristically quiet, casting side glances to Alden's sling from time to time, guilt gnawing at him but unable to find the courage to talk about it.

It was about five when the three of them made their way to the guard headquarters. A few other guards were there, chatting while scrubbing a blade or polishing an armor. Alden went over to greet them, and he was welcomed with warm smiles and pats on the back.

"So, Varian," Phil said as they watched the happy reunion, "ready to luster some boots ?"

Varian shrugged. This wasn't a fun job, but it was useful – and obviously, he couldn't be assigned to the sword or dagger cleaning.

"So ready," he replied, not without a hint of sarcasm in his voice as he saw the many, many boots lined up next to a bench for him to take care of. He was never happier to have his gloves on right now.

"Good. I'll be over there helping with the weapons," Phil pointed out. Varian took a deep breath, grabbed a rag and went to sit on the bench. Thoughts had been whirling around in his mind during the whole afternoon, not only about the guards he injured, but also about what he learned from the King in the morning. His father didn't lie to him, but there still was that secret about the rocks he knew, but wouldn't share with him, his own son. It had to be something big. Did it have something to do with the scroll Varian deciphered ?

Varian let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. These past few days had been emotionally strenuous to say the least, and he was tired. He just wanted to keep his hands busy and focus on a menial task that required no over-thinking.

The room was fairly quiet, if you could ignore the voices of the guards, talking, joking and even laughing from time to time. In the far end of the room, Varian patiently took one boot after the other, scrubbing and wiping until the leather shone, never taking his eyes off each boot he was working on and merely content to be somewhat by himself for a while.

After an hour or so, Varian lost count of how many boots he thoroughly cleaned, but his sore arms sure knew it had been quite a lot. Wiping a bead of sweat running down his forehead, he felt a sense of achievement and at least his heart felt lighter than before. He was now looking forward to going to bed early in the evening. He could use the rest, for sure.

The young alchemist was about to grab the last one when a pair of muddy black boots came to a stop right in front of him, the heels thumping menacingly, loudly enough to send a shiver down the teen's spine. Varian paused, a hollow feeling in his gut and looked up.

Of course.

Mr. Sideburns.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Do you remember when we last visited them years ago ?", the King tried again after a while. "They just had a baby. A girl, if I am correct."

The word "baby" seemed to catch his wife's interest and wake her up from her daydream.

"Oh, you're right." Arianna remembered clearly the sweet and sour meeting with the little girl. During all those years when Rapunzel was missing, it hadn't been easy to fully rejoice over new-borns. Especially girls. "She must be 6 or 7 now," she countered with a soft smile. "The Duke and the Duchess had claimed for years they were too busy to have a baby, but in the end, they were blessed with a daughter. I'm so happy for them, and I can't wait to see her again."

Frederic smiled fondly at his beloved wife. At least, she now had something to look forward to about that visit to the Epoisses rulers and would hopefully stop being so worried.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hans grinned as he looked down on Varian. It was obvious the boy clenched his jaw to hide his fear, and the man seemed to enjoy that in a twisted way.

"What are you looking at, kid ?, "he berated in a low voice. "You're here to clean the boots, aren't you ? Well, guess what, I was told yesterday that mine were too dirty for this castle. Oh, wait, she's a friend of yours, I believe. That insolent little brat of a maid… Anyway, you wouldn't want me to walk around and spread dirt all over the carpets, right ? You don't want to give the girl more work than she already has."

Varian remained silent during Hans' speech, his eyebrows pulled into a tight frown. He never liked Hans, and he knew that Hans couldn't stand him. He was itching to reply with a biting remark of his, but he knew better than getting into trouble.

"Well, what are you waiting for ?" said Hans impatiently as he sat across Varian and crossed his legs so his right boot was lifted up. "Get to work."

Varian breathed out and his hand tightened the piece of cloth in his hand. He looked down, glad to hide his eyes from Hans under his bangs. His nose wrinkled. The boots were covered with mud, straw and other unpleasant things from the stables. Well, he said to himself as he started to work, what are two more boots to clean, after all ? Then he'll be gone and he'll leave me alone.

"Are you going to just caress the leather ?" Hans asked, looking annoyed. Slowly, the man bent over so he could whisper in Varian's ear. "Down on your knees, boy, so you can put some muscles into it."

Varian looked up again and glared. He could feel Hans was trying to test his patience. But part of him couldn't let that despicable man humiliate him like he was a sort of slave.

Hans held Varian's gaze, and unexpectedly, his mouth stretched into a lopsided grin. He leaned further and grabbed the boy's chin with his gloved hand, tightly enough to prevent Varian from pulling away.

"I'd get on with that rag if I were you. If I'm not satisfied, I'll make you lick them until they shine like a mirror."

Varian's blood froze in his veins. There were times when threats had to be believed. His small frame started to shake. No, not now. He couldn't let Hans see he was afraid. Swallowing his pride, Varian looked down, indicating without words that the man could let go. Clenching his teeth, he lowered himself to the ground, his knees cold against the hard stone floor. He took the boot in his hands and started to scrub it with all the strength he had left, hoping he would be done soon.

Hans chuckled in satisfaction and leaned back comfortably.

"That's a good boy."

 **Please don't hate me ! XD**


	59. Chapter 58 - Under his skin

**Dear readers, I cordially invite you to check out Rain4evah's artwork on tumblr ( rain4evah-art or my blog). They did a splendid job on some characters and costumes ! Thank you, Rain4evah for bringing Phil to life and design Arianna's gown and way more !**

 **Thanks for your reactions too ! Some people were getting mad at Hans from the lastest chapter... Will this chapter calm things down . ?... or not ?...**

Chapter 58

When Frederic and Arianna reached the castle of Epoisses, the place was already swarming with guests, carriages and servants running here and there, bringing luggage inside or carrying heavy trays of food for the evening banquet. There were banners and decorations of all sorts everywhere, showing a full moon in a starry sky, foreshadowing the magnificent sight that the evening would bring.

The busy but merry atmosphere was contagious, and Arianna's worries seemed to have melted away as Frederic noticed with relief that her eyes were sparkling in wonderment. When was the last time she allowed herself to be relaxed and carefree like this ?

The royal carriage came to a halt in front of the palace doors. The Captain raised his gloved hand to motion Pete and Stan to hold their horses. As on cue, they quickly dismounted, Pete taking both horses' reins while Stan went to open the carriage door.

Arianna got down first, her slender feet treading a thick velvet carpet that would lead them inside. Before her stood the Duke's palace, not as big and sturdy as Corona's castle, but a beautiful place nonetheless.

As she walked looking up, the Queen of Corona suddenly felt her ankle getting caught in something, but couldn't stop in time. Before she knew it, she lost her balance and sprawled face first on the carpet, her hands reaching out in the nick of time to prevent her from breaking her nose.

"My dear, are you alright ?", inquired a very alarmed King Frederic. But his concern was soon replaced by irritation as he heard giggles around him. The sight of a tumbling person always made people laugh spontaneously, even more so when that person is royalty. But one voice in particular got his attention on his right. It was high-pitched, and seemed somehow exaggerated just to openly mock the Queen.

It took Arianna a few seconds to recover from her unexpected fall, but she too turned her head towards the jibe, and they both saw with wide eyes black ringlets whip around and a full skirt swish as a short giggling figure turned around and ran away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hans was a clever man.

Every now and then, he cast side glances to check the guards were still busy with their small talk and not paying attention to the silent battle of wills that was taking place. Except that Hans was sure to win this battle, fully aware that the boy had no choice but stay put. It was almost too easy to force him to keep quiet and obey, but it still amused the older man beyond reason. As the youngest of 13 brothers, he never got the upper hand during the first years of his life. Time for the tables to turn.

He failed to understand why this boy would get such a lenient treatment in the castle after the acts of treason he committed. He probably gave the Queen the big puppy eyes, and she fell for that old trick. The king himself was way too indulgent with his wife's weaknesses. Someone had to rein the brat in.

On the cold floor, Varian was biting his lip to contain the anger that threatened to rise. Hans was getting under his skin, for sure, but he also nearly got him to be in disgrace once. Varian knew the trust the King had in him was a flimsy thing – if there was any trust at all.

And then there were these words the Queen whispered to Phil's ear but that Varian overheard by chance.

 _Keep an eye on him._

"You'd better get used to it."

The sharp words jolted Varian from his thoughts. His spontaneity and his curious mind got the best of him and he looked up at Hans.

"What ?"

The man was still leaning back, gazing at ceiling nonchalantly.

"You being kneeling down and cleaning my boots. I could get used to it," he replied with a smirk. "From now on, you'll scrub them every night. I'm sick of that nauseous smell in my bedroom."

"Not in your wildest dream." The words left Varian's mouth between clenched teeth before he could think. "Phil wouldn't let it happen."

A soft laugh escaped Hans' throat. He lowered his head and locked eyes with Varian.

"Because you think he cares ? For you ? Come on, you can't be that stupid. As long as you don't get him in trouble, he'll be fine with anything. He might even be glad that someone teaches you a lesson."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The day was fading gently, the sky getting nice shades of blue, orange and pink. There were no clouds in sight, as if the moon itself prepared the stage before its grand entrance.

After many, many apologies from the Epoisses guards and the chamberlain, Arianna and Frederic were shown to their guest apartments to get ready for the Festival. The Duchy of Epoisses was part of Corona, and the duke was Frederic's direct vassal. Needless to say, the ruler of Corona was the Duke's most important guest, and the lavishly decorated rooms were a vivid proof of all the respect due to the King and his wife.

Speaking of respect, the incident that occurred earlier really didn't sit well with Frederic.

"I wonder who played that silly trick on you," ventured Frederic with a frown that wouldn't leave his face. "Way to welcome your guests !"

"That's all right, dear, she was only a child,", the Queen replied while opening her trunk. "The Duke and the Duchess can't possibly control every subject, can they ? Besides, we'll never find out who she was and will probably never see her again."

She paused, her thoughts back to Varian for a moment. Although he was older, he had proved capable of making bad choices as well. Not just for the sake of a prank, though. Which made her wonder, why would such a young child do something like this ?

She sighed, hoping once again that the boy would be safe while she was gone, and pretended to be thoroughly interested in unfolding and preparing the gown she was going to wear for the Festival.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Varian sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves.

"Phil would never let you use me as your servant", he said blankly, his tone not as convincing as he wanted.

"Oh, do you really think you can trust him ? Or that he trusts you ? Ha ! Tell me, boy, has he told the Queen about your little stroll outside the library ? On the cornice ?"

Varian's blood was like frozen in his veins.

"Don't you dare…", he growled, his teeth bare.

"He has failed to watch you properly, and he could be dismissed for that. Surely he must hate you for this."

Hans knew his barb hit home by the way the kid blanched.

"See ? My point exactly," Hans went on as he leaned back again. "You want to convince yourself he's your friend, but you're nothing but a nuisance to him. A mere burden to everybody in fact, from the very start. Haha, I wouldn't like to be in your father's shoes right now. What would he think of you ?"

There was a growl followed by a scream of rage and Phil whipped around, only to see Varian lunge at Hans with enough speed and strength to topple the man over despite his skinny frame. Caught by surprise, Hans felt he was falling backwards along with his chair and landed painfully on his back.

Varian couldn't think. Blinded by anger, teeth clenched hard and his eyes darting daggers, he fell with Hans, not quite processing what was happening. He didn't let the man get back to his senses as his left hand closed into a tight fist, rose in the air and went down violently to punch Hans on the nose, spilling blood.

"Varian, stop !", Phil yelled, not believing what his eyes were seeing. Alden and the other guards they were talking with stared in shock, dumbfounded.

But Varian didn't hear his friend's voice, his fist ready to strike again. His heart seemed to swell in his chest that had suddenly become too tight for it. His ragged breathing wouldn't let him shout all the words that came to his mind. They were stuck in his throat anyway, just like a crowd trying to squeeze through too narrow a door.

Before Phil or any other guard could run up to Varian, Hans clasped his gloved hand around Varian's wrist. He had been trained since childhood to fighting, and not only for battle. For as long as he could remember, he had to fight against his brothers. For a long time, he had always been the one who lost, at least until he got strong and cunning enough.

Had he have known all those lost fights would be so useful one day, he would have thanked them. The palm of his hand wide open, he pushed Varian on the side in one swift move and sent him rolling on the stone floor. Varian barely registered the clinking noise that could be heard as he was tossed like a rag doll, an uncomfortable sensation flooding in his body. He instantly knew what it was : the memory of his father pushing him away from the rapidly growing amber. Reviving that stress made the boy twice as dizzy as the fall should have made him. Varian's powerless frame stopped and he laid there on his stomach, his head spinning.

He yelped in surprise when he felt his wrist was being gripped again, so tightly it was sure to leave bruises. He didn't have time to linger on it, as his arm was violently yanked backwards and pressed against his back. Hans immediately straddled the boy, pinning him to the ground and earning a cry of pain as the weight of the man seemed to choke every last bit of air out of him.

Hans wiped his nose and he frowned as he saw his glove matted with his own blood.

"You… are going to pay for this," he growled.

An arm's length away, something glistened on the floor with a purple glint, catching Hans' attention. Not bothering to mind the boy under him, he shifted his weight to get it between his fingers. Varian gritted his teeth to stifle another cry as the pressure of the man's knee on his shoulder was nearly unbearable. His eyes were still closed as he heard Hans' snarling voice mixed with a wicked smile :

"My, my… What have we here ?"


	60. Chapter 59 -- The guilt inside

**Warnings for mild abuse and violence, and self-harm triggers !**

 **Sorry there seemed to be a problem when I first posted this chapter. Hope it's fixed !**

 **This chapter was exciting to write ! I apologize also for the previous chapter, it wasn't clear at the end that the voice belonged to Hans. I fixed that !**

 **I'd like to reply to unawarewolf and their relevant comment about how Varian was treated as a guest by everyone in the castle. It may have looked like a bit too ideal, but you know what they say, still waters run deep...**

 **Thank you for all your reviews and reactions!**

CHAPTER 59

"Hans !", roared Phil as he dashed towards the pair. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, let alone understand how it happened. The older man had the boy pinned on the ground with the full weight of his body, and was holding down his right arm mercilessly twisted behind his back. Stuck beneath him, Varian was struggling to just keep breathing and his face was contorted with pain and lack of air. "Get away from him !"

Followed by Alden and the guards they were chatting with, Phil stopped dead in his tracks as Hans held out his hand, the small, glistening piece of purple glass between his gloved fingers.

"He had THIS on him. Stay back, all of you !", he ordered, his gaze hard as steel. "Look what he did to me," he added, gesturing at his bleeding nose. "Who knows what he intended to do with this sharp chip ?"

"N-no…", Phil stammered in confusion. "No, w-wait, there has to be an explanation."

"Think so ? Don't be so naïve, Phil." Hans replied sharply as he got on his feet, ruthlessly hauling up Varian with him, both hands held firmly behind his back, not bothering how the boy screeched in pain as the older man lifted him up, stretching his arms up and backwards so roughly they were nearly driven out of their sockets.

"He obviously could have slit anyone's throat as soon as we let our guard down. Tell me, boy, who did you plan to kill ? Was it Phil, so you could escape ? The Queen ? It would have been easy, she hardly ever leaves your side and she seems to think you're so harmless. Or the King, perhaps ? You have quite a grudge against him, don't you, brat ?". To emphasize his point, he shook Varian's by his restrained wrists, making it hard for the teen to keep his balance on his already wobbly legs.

Varian squeezed his eyes and gritted his teeth, his mind barely having time to register what was happening. He was sitting quietly just moment ago, cleaning boots, and now he was being manhandled again and practically accused of murder. No, no this wasn't fair !

Seething with rage, Varian slowly managed to open his squinted eyelids, and he immediately regretted he had.

His gaze met Phil's. And what he saw on his face hurt him much deeper than his crushed back, his abused arms, or even any of Hans' taunts.

Shock. Confusion.

Disappointment.

No.

Not again.

His heart sank. Unable to bear the look he had dreaded to see for most of his short life, Varian closed his eyes again and turned his head away from the guard.

Behind him, Hans scoffed.

"Get real, Phil. He's been fooling you, all this time. There's no trusting him," he sneered, shifting his grip on Varian so his slender wrists were restrained by one large hand, while the other grabbed the shackles on his belt.

"Wait, hold it, Hans," Phil managed, gathering his thoughts with difficulty because of that unexpected evidence. "We should at least let him speak."

Hans froze and gazed at Phil wryly, pure contempt in his eyes.

"If you wish. Be my guest."

Phil bent his knees and rested his hands on them, so he was at eye level with Varian who was still refusing to open his eyes.

"Varian ? Varian, look at me."

The boy's tense features were still for a moment, them he reluctantly opened his eyes and looked up warily at Phil, his lips sealed shut. There was a coldness in his eyes that took Phil aback for a few seconds.

The young guard swallowed hard, trying to ignore the reproachful glare.

"Varian, tell him. Tell us you didn't want to cut anyone's skin with that."

Varian's heart skipped a beat and he gasped. No, he never intended to hurt them. He never wanted to injure or kill him, the Queen nor the King. That thought never crossed his mind.

The boy could have shouted, he could have screamed his innocence at the top of his lungs, because that was the truth. He should have. But he didn't.

His mouth stayed open, not a sound coming out of it and his eyes stared at nothing. His mind was suddenly lost within his darkest thoughts, leaving him speechless. A big lump formed in his throat and his only contact with reality was that he suddenly felt sick. He couldn't see the gazes of the guards on him, he couldn't feel the iron grip on his wrists. He wasn't even aware of being in the guards' headquarters anymore.

He was back in his room, when he was by himself, just with Ruddiger for company. It was like he was out of his body and was watching himself, kneeling down by the wall opposite his bed, where he had hurled a purple carafe in a fit of rage. He could distinctively see his gloved hand pick up a chip of broken glass and press it against his skin, ready to slice his flesh open and draw blood. He fully relived the excruciating emotional pain he was feeling at that very moment, and how it was too much to bear, making any other kind of pain welcome, his only way to escape from his living hell.

Varian's breathing hitched, and he lowered his eyes in defeat. How could he say he never intended to cut anyone's skin with that chip ? That wasn't true. The only person he ever wanted to hurt was himself, but he couldn't face it, nor admit it out loud.

Phil was speechless at Varian's silence. There were some murmurings among the guards behind him. Some were already agreeing that the boy's attitude plainly proved he was guilty. But the next sound Phil was really aware of was the metal click that resonated in the room as Hans clasped the shackles around Varian's wrists.

"That's what I thought", the red-haired man stated coldly before roughly dragging Varian away by his upper arm.

Utterly dumbfounded, Phil watched them leave, Varian apparently not even trying to protest or resist. For the past few days, he had developed a brotherly trust towards Varian. He even had a soft spot for him. How couldn't he see that coming ? Why would Varian do such a thing, after all the support and love he received on his end and also the Queen's, Remyus', Ethel's or Elora's ? He just felt numb and didn't know what to believe anymore.

And something else was gnawing at him. That look Varian cast him. For a split second, there was defiance, and especially hatred back in those steely blue eyes.

He was startled as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"We tried, buddy,", said Alden with compassion. "I wanted to believe that he could be helped, and saved, too. But I guess that was beyond our reach."

Phil didn't turn around but his eyes darted quickly from one side to the other. Head down, he bit his lower lip, thinking hard.

"No…", he whispered to himself. "No, this doesn't feel right. It doesn't add up."

"What ?" asked Alden.

"There must be…" Phil started, his voice now slightly louder. "There has to be an explanation. Something happened."

He whipped around to face his fellow guards and friends.

"I mean, why would Varian attack Hans like this ? He knew he was no match, physically. Why would he take such a risk when he has the Queen's trust ? Hans must have done something to him !"

Confused, Alden fell silent and looked at Phil like he had gone crazy.

"Phil…"

Phil glanced over Alden's shoulder to meet the eyes of the guard who had spoken.

"I… I'm sorry, Phil, but you saw it like the rest of us… He had that sharp piece of glass on him and he didn't defend himself when you asked him."

"You guys can't seriously think a boy like him…", Phil ventured uneasily.

"He kidnapped the Queen, remember ?" cut in another guard. "And he threatened her very life."

"He sent a machine to attack us in the castle."

"And a monster."

"He badly injured the Captain."

"He built an army of those machines in Old Corona, we barely made it with our lives."

"He would have killed the princess if she hadn't stopped him."

Phil's eyes went wide. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. For days, he had assumed that the people in the castle were fine with Varian's presence as much as he was. The truth was, most of them were only tolerating him because of the Queen, but inside, they hated him for what he did and certainly didn't trust him.

How could they count on their support now ?

Stepping back so Alden's hand was no longer on his shoulder, Phil sucked in a sharp breath, a frown drawn on his face.

"So much for friendship, hey ?", he snarled. "So are you just going to let the kid in the hands of that madman ? I hope you guys are proud of yourselves," he spat before turning his heels and running after Hans.

His hand still hovering in mid-air, Alden stood there, shocked by the younger's man burst of anger that was so unlike him. There was a light, a heat in his eyes that he had never seen before. He took a couple of seconds to think. Was he going to take Hans' word over Varian's like the rest of them ? Was he going to ignore his friend's gut reaction ?

His free hand clutched his other arm in the sling and he started to run.

"Phil !" he called out before the younger guard could turn round the corner at the end of the hallway. "Phil, wait !"

"You're not talking me out of this, Alden," Phil replied, barely slowing down his pace. "I'm not letting Hans lay his hands on the boy anymore. You know he has pushed him over the edge before ! He…"

"All right, Phil. If you are so sure that Varian is innocent, then I'll follow your lead. Let's go find the bottom line of this."

This time, Phil stopped and turned around.

"Wait, what ?"

"I'm with you," Alden spelled out for him as he caught up. "I don't know why, but I can feel that's the right thing to do. But you'd better be right about this."

Phil's mouth stretched into a smile, but before he could reply, the two guards were interrupted by Varian's piercing screams in the distance.


	61. Chapter 60 - Please

**Hi ! To thank you for your enthusiasm, I'm spoiling you with a longer chapter ! (tadaaa).**

 **Don't thank me yet. You might regret it.**

CHAPTER 60

Varian's mind was numb as he was dragged out of the guards' headquarters. How had he come to this ? The look in Phil's eyes was the last thing he expected, the last thing that he wanted… He had failed the people he cared for again. He was almost grateful to Hans for taking him away so he wouldn't have to face another of his failures.

That moment didn't last though. The room led to a hallway made of grey stones, nothing like the royal apartments. In silence, boy and man turned the corner and went down the long corridor leading to a staircase.

Not just any staircase.

And Varian recognized it immediately. Its opening was standing there, just like it did on the day they arrested him, narrow and gloomy, barely lit enough by the flickering lights of a few torches, ready to swallow him whole.

The way down to the dungeons.

Realization abruptly clicked in the teen's brain and all his senses went into overdrive. Dark, cold, damp, hard, merciless. Solitude, isolation, danger. He shuddered and his breathing hitched, memories and feelings flooding back and clashing violently in his mind as no coherent thoughts could find their way in the rising panic that was raging on in his whole being.

"NO !" Varian's torn scream shot up and bounced against the stone walls, the emergency in his voice emphasized by the echo it produced. His eyes wide as horror and dread twisted his stomach, he started to thrash and writhe and fight against the man holding him, his hands tied behind his back making it particularly difficult.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In another part of the hallway, Phil and Alden froze for a couple of seconds when Varian's cry reached their ears. It was terrifying to hear, not knowing what was happening, but the tone itself in the boy's voice was heart-wrenching. They didn't need words or glances to start running, Alden slightly slower due to his injured arm. Behind them, a small party of three nosy guards had stepped out of the headquarters. After a quick nod, they decided to follow up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"No, no, let me go ! Please ! I'm sorry ! Don't do this, please ! I'm sorry… Just… please don't lock me up in there again !", he pleaded and panted, his whole body trembling with fear.

Varian stiffened and dug his heels into the asperities of the uneven floor, but the leather wrappings on his legs didn't provide enough resistance and he was mosly tripping and stumbling, unable to make the older man slow his pace down.

"Quiet !", Hans shouted back at him, his grip on Varian's upper arm squeezing it a bit tighter. "Too late for begging. You never should have laid a hand on me. You had it coming, boy !"

Desperate beyond reason, Varian dropped on his knees so fiercely that it surprised the red-haired man.

"Please ! I'm sorry ! 'll… I'll do anything ! I can't go back in there, they'll kill me !", he implored as tears started to sting his eyes and blur his vision.

The teen's frenzied plea had one effect, but not the one Varian needed. Hans' face grew tense with irritation.

"If you don't keep walking, that will be the last of your worries !" he snarled menacingly, sending a cold shiver in the boy's body, crippling the last bouts of fighting he could have mustered.

And with that, Hans yanked Varian's arm up to force him onto his feet and ruthlessly led him down the spiralling steps.

Panting, Phil, Alden and three more guards charged down the stairs, just in time to catch up as Hans was again pulling up Varian who had fallen down in the dust at the bottom of the staircase. The boy was a screaming and crying mess, hot tears in his eyes and not caring if he had bruised his limbs or broken his bones. His body had taken over and moved by a will of its own. If there still was a part of that brilliant brain at work, it was completely overruled by panic and survival mode. Varian was still squirming and fighting, despite the shackles in his back and his obvious lack of strength that made any resistance completely useless.

"Let him go, Hans !", Phil yelled above Varian's panicked cries.

"I know he hit you, but this is not the way !" Alden cut in, trying to calm things down.

"I'm not taking any chances, Alden," Hans replied coldly as he continued dragging Varian to the nearest cell. "Your judgement is biased, as much as the Queen's. Better lock him up before he hurts someone else."

"Can't you see he's terrified, Hans ?" Phil added, his memory of an unconscious Varian lying on the floor of his cell flooding back to him. "He was physically abused the last time he was in here. He's only a child !"

Without releasing his iron grip on the scrawny arms, Hans rolled his eyes, blatantly annoyed.

"He. Is. Dangerous. You should be thanking me for saving your job and maybe even your life."

"Does he look dangerous to you ?" shouted an infuriated Phil, gesturing at Varian's tear-stained face with one hand and seizing Hans' wrist firmly with the other.

Hans' expression changed in the blink of an eye into one of pure determination. Before anyone could react, he let go of Varian, grabbed Phil with both arms and pushed him, forcing him backwards until they were inside the cell that was intended for the boy. With one swift swipe of his leg, Hans caused Phil to lose his balance and fall awkwardly on his bottom.

"No !" cried Alden, and the older guard started to lunge forward to help his friend, but he found himself being held back by beefy arms. The largest of the guards had just seized him from behind and pinned his free arm to his side, squeezing the injured one painfully in the process.

"Come on, Alden, be reasonable ! Hans is right !"

The two other guards didn't let Varian time to recover – not that he could have run away with his hands in his back. Varian bawled, words of supplication replaced by wild screams of utter fright as they reached down to grab him by his arms and lifted him off the ground. A couple of strides was all it took for them to take him to the opposite cell and drop him there, not caring that the boy wouldn't be able to catch himself.

In the meantime, Hans had quickly gotten out of the first cell and locked the metal gate behind him, leaving a stunned Phil inside.

"Hans !" roared Phil as he scrambled to his feet, his head dizzy. He flung himself at the bars, both in rage and need for support. "HANS !"

Hans, ignoring the young guard, turned on his heels, dusting himself as if nothing had happened. When he looked up, he cast a cold glance to Alden who was still restrained by his large colleague.

"What about you ? Do I need to lock you up as well ?"

Alden clenched his jaw and said nothing. It was time to think fast.

"No. No, Hans, that's fine, I understand this is for safety measures. The King can interrogate the kid when he's back."

Hans studied the man's face, his expression unreadable. Then he relaxed slightly and declared :

"Very well. Let him go."

Alden looked at Varian's broken form on the floor beyond the bars on his left, and then turned around, meeting Phil's eyes. The younger guard's face was bright red and his nostrils flared in anger.

"I can't believe it ! Alden !"

"Sorry, pal," came the reply, voice steady and hard as steel. "We're lucky he hasn't attacked you or me before today. He needs to cool off, and this is the best solution for everyone until their Majesties decide what to do with him."

Hans smirked, a rictus of satisfaction and self-pride he couldn't hide.

Alden walked away, ignoring how Phil called his name desperately as he banged the cold, unbreakable metal bars with his fists.

"So, um, what should we do with him ?", one of the guards asked, turning everyone's attention back to Varian. The terrified boy had crawled backwards to the farthest corner of the tiny cell, his former cries now mere whimpers. Tears he didn't even try to hold back were streaming down his cheeks.

 _No, no… they're going to hurt me again, please no_ …

Hans simply huffed and joined them in the cell.

"Leave us," he commanded. "I'll handle this. Two of you are to stay on duty at the top of the stairs. No one will be allowed downstairs, is that clear ?"

"Hans !" Phil shouted again as the three guards climbed up . "What are you doing ?". Phil shivered at what Hans could do to Varian if he were alone with him. He couldn't fully understand the man's hatred for the kid, and that was scary. Hans was obviously set on breaking the teen, and he was the kind of man who wasn't afraid to do whatever it took to achieve his goals, that much he knew.

Varian started to scream again in panic as Hans came closer, his voice raw and broken. He frantically searched for a way out around him, but didn't have time to make a single move from his crouched position on the floor. Hans grabbed his arm and forced him to turn around so the boy's hands that were tied behind his back were within his reach. Getting the key hooked on his belt, Hans unlocked the shackles and discarded them, only to toss the scrawny frame towards the back wall. Varian's arms hurt from the rough pull, leaving him unable to fight back. He hurt the stones with a cry of pain and sagged against them like a dislocated doll. The metal shackles that hung below the barred window rattled and jangled wildly as he collided with them.

"No ! Stay away from him, Hans ! You got what you wanted, just… just lock that damn door and leave him alone ! Please." Phil was begging now, for Varian's sake. He knew he wouldn't be getting anywhere with anger or demands. They both were at Hans' mercy. Phil could only try to limit the damage.

Hans went on with the silent treatment though. While the boy was still groggy, the man seized his wrists, one after the other and clasped the shackles over the black leather gloves, spreading the skinny arms wide.

Varian quickly came back to his senses, still in full panic mode, as he realized he was even more helpless than before.

"NO ! NO, PLEASE ! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE !" he yelled as his survival instincts kicked in hard. How could he ever defend himself, should the two huge men assault him again ? He would die here if they did, that's all he could think of. He thrashed against his bonds, tried to pull away, using his legs for support, but ended up on his knees, panting heavily, his head down like he was about to throw up. Which he actually was.

Hans straightened, standing back up and looked down on the miserable brat.

"What a wimp !", he scoffed. "Is it because the Queen has been pampering you too much or have you always been like this ? Now stop resisting, shut your mouth, or I swear I'll make you," he snarled before leaving the cell and walking up the stairs.

"Hans !", Phil called. "You're not going to leave him like that, are you ? Hans ? Hans, come back !"

But the man has already disappeared into the spiral staircase.

Varian was screaming. And crying and sweating as he struggled against the chains. His blue eyes were wide with terror and panic.

"Varian. Varian, calm down", Phil tried. "Listen to me. You have to calm down.". Oh, this was getting so out of hand. What could he do ? What would the Queen do ?

"Varian, you've got to breathe. Deep breaths, buddy. In and out, with me, come on", he coaxed on and on, doing his best to overcome Varian's cries without shouting and scaring him further.

After a few minutes, Phil had to face the fact that Varian was simply too overwhelmed and overstressed to hear him and he sank, hand between his hands that were still clutching the bars. The teen's scratchy voice was barely recognizable, and Phil swore his throat had to be painful, but even that didn't seem to stop him.

None of them heard the dull footsteps that came in pace with a regular clanking and sloshing noise.

Phil lifted his head up to see in the dimmed light that Hans was entering Varian's cell again, this time carrying a bucket full to the brim with water.

A shiver ran down his spine.

"No," he whispered in disbelief, hoping that his hunch was wrong. "Hans, what are you doing ? No, don't, please don't ! HANS !"

Again, Hans didn't do anything to acknowledge the young man's presence. He stepped forward, facing the mess of a boy down on the floor. Without a warning, he lifted the bucket, moved his free hand under its bottom and dumped its whole content onto the crumpled figure.

A sharp wave of shock ran through the boy's body and he jolted, his cries stopping at once. The water had been taken straight from the well, and was constantly chilly, freezing even. It was like being struck by lightning, and Varian felt like his heart had stopped abruptly. For a few seconds, he neither moved nor breathed, except for the quivers his body made by sheer reflex and the drops of water dripping from his mop of hair.

Hans tossed the bucket on the side and knelt down in front of the whacked frame, one hand menacingly hitting the wall next to his head, the other closing around a fistful of Varian's hair to force him to look up.

Inches away from the boy's panic-stricken face, Hans muttered :

"Now, one word, one sound from you, and I'll come back to gag you for the night. Understood ?"

Varian stifled a sob, sucked in a deep breath –and his pride with it – before nodding weakly. Hans' mouth stretched into a grin and he let go of Varian's hair a bit more roughly than needed to make sure the boy would bow his head.

Hans stepped out, the key turning in the lock clearly indicating that there would be no escaping for Varian. Before leaving, the man called out to Phil :

'That goes for you too. Try to talk to him, even one word, and you'll both be tied up and gagged. Good night", he mockingly added before leaving.

Phil listened to the footsteps as they faded away, frozen. But what scared him more than Hans' threat was the fact that now, he couldn't hear anything. There was absolutely no sound coming from the cell opposite his, a sharp contrast with the wild screams filling his ears before. No cries, no whimpers, not even heavy breathings or sniffling could be heard. Daylight was now fading fast, and despite the full moon in the sky, Phil would soon be completely unable to see Varian's still form in the deafening silence.

"Oh, Varian," he whispered under his breath. "I'm so sorry."


	62. Chapter 61 - A mother's heart

**I'm sorry I left Varian like this in the former chapter... Life got in the way but I'm back ! I've also finished my very first animatic (about Varian !), you can check it out on tumblr or youtube watch?v=fm-2jF0S1x4**

 **That was a lot of work, so, I'm confident I will get more time to write !**

 **On with the story. Please R &R !**

CHAPTER 61

The full moon shone bright in the sky as the whole land bathed in the darkness of the night.

Epoisses was a small part of the Kingdom of Corona, and equally beautiful. But that night, no sight was as beautiful as the one of Arianna in her silk and velvet gown.

Vain people may say it was due to the dressmaker's talent, and although the dress was a pure piece of art, Arianna was wearing it to perfection. She held her head high on top of a long, slender neck that rose from the delicate neckline, emphasized by her hair skilfully weaved up in an elaborate bun. She was walking around in such light steps she might as well have been gliding on the floor, the gentle sway of her skirt matching the one of the very long velvet sleeves. Her elegance didn't come just from her attire, nor her title. She was the embodiment of grace itself.

To honor the moon, the ball would take place outside on the plaza in front of the Duke's palace. The musicians had already started to play, and the most delicious food had been laid on endless tables covered with white linen, candlesticks providing a soft, flickering light here and there.

The atmosphere was so nice and peaceful despite the crowd that Frederic and Arianna had completely forgotten about the incident that occurred upon their arrival. As they marched down the front steps, the chamberlain announced :

"Their Royal Majesties, the Queen and the King of Corona !"

Everybody on the plaza stopped dancing or chatting to turn around. There was a gasp of surprise and admiration, even murmurs spreading. Then, as one, all the guests collectively remembered their place and bowed respectfully.

A nasal voice broke the silence.

"Ah, Your Majesties ! You are most welcome in our humble home !", greeted the Duke cheerfully. His wife was beaming, holding him by the arm. They were a queer couple, the Duke wearing an oversized grey powdered wig and a tail coat that revealed a plump belly sticking out under its shorter front, and the Duchess was a very skinny figure walking too stiffly due to her grand panier that extended her hips so much that the Duke had to lean on one side.

Arianna caught herself in time to stifle a chuckle. They were such a funny sight, but she didn't mean to be disrespectful, and they obviously had put a lot of efforts for this reception.

"It's been a while, my old friend", Frederic stepped in. "How are you doing in your splendid Duchy of Epoisses, Your Grace ? I've noticed everything is so spot on."

"We just try our best to be worthy of their Majesties' trust," he replied with genuine respect. "As rulers of this land, we have always striven to make this part of the Kingdom prosperous and happy."

The King and the Duke exchanged smiles before the latter held out his hand and snapped his fingers, a signal for the musicians and dancers to resume.

"What about you, my dear Catherine ?" Arianna asked the Duchess as she came closer to her, "how are you ? It's been such a long time, we have a lot of catching up to do."

"Oh, I should be the one asking, Your Majesty !" she replied, obviously a bit nervous. "It's been more than a year since your daughter returned. We were delighted to hear the news !"

"Please Catherine, it's Arianna. And I know, dear, you wrote me the longest letter I have ever seen ! I can't thank you enough for rejoicing with us."

"You must be so happy ! How is the Princess adjusting to her new life ?"

"Amazingly well, actually. I'm so proud of her. I wouldn't say it's easy every day, though… We lost a baby and she came back as a young woman. Sometimes, I feel like I'm the one struggling to adjust…" she trailed off, staring at nothing.

Catherine remained silent, not knowing what to say or what to do. She didn't mean to probe and end up being rude. She tensed, feeling the awkwardness of the situation, but too scared of making a mistake to make a move.

Luckily for her, Arianna quickly got a grip on herself.

"Speaking of daughters, where is your little girl ? I would be so happy to see her !" she moved on with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. She was genuinely looking forward to meeting the little Duchess, but the reminiscence of Rapunzel being away had sent a nostalgic pang in her heart. Being far from home, and far from the boy who needed her support so much only made her feel worse.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Little did the Queen of Corona know how much she was deeply needed. At the same moment, in the castle of Corona, a young maid and a raccoon were hugging each other as the girl was crying hot tears. As the day faded, she had come looking for Varian for that story time routine they both enjoyed so much. Remyus had already been informed by a guard that his patient wouldn't be returning to his chambers until further notice and that infuriated him to an extent no one in the castle had seen in all the years he had been around.

The old physician had demanded explanations to Hans, angry beyond words at the young man's nerve for taking such decisions without the King or Queen's consent, even without asking him for medical advice. He was responsible for Varian, and he knew how much putting him back in a cell was a very bad idea for his mental state. But Hans remained inflexible, threatening the old man to lock him up as well just like he had done with Phil and claiming he was doing this first and foremost for Corona.

Remyus met Elora on his way back to his chambers, sadness and frustration across his face. She was skipping down the hallway, happy with the playtime she had outside with Ruddiger, and the raccoon was scurrying behind her as he would do with Varian, completely familiar with her now.

The old physician's report broke her young heart.

"No… no, it can't be ! This is so unfair ! I'll… I'll go and talk to Hans and I'll make him…"

"Elora," Remyus tried to soothe her by holding her by the shoulders, "I tried. They won't yield. There is nothing we can do for now. Most of the guards seem to agree with Hans."

"Most of them…" she recalled, eyes searching. "You said Phil has been locked up because he was standing up for Varian, right ? What about Alden, then ? How could he leave like that ?", she asked angrily.

"Wait, what ? What are you saying, Elora ?"

"While I was playing outside with Ruddiger, I saw Alden come out of the stables with a horse. I called his name and he turned around to look at me but he mounted his horse despite his injured arm, spurred him hard and galloped away."

Remyus broke eye contact with the maid, thinking out loud.

"Alden is off due to his arm, why would he take one of the royal guards' hors…" Remyus didn't finish his sentence, hope swarming back into his heart. Could it be that Alden was on his way to Epoisses ? Or did he just flee and went home not to get involved ? After all, he wasn't supposed to be in the castle.

"I have to go to Varian !", Elora's determined tone jerked Remyus out of his thoughts.

"Please, Elora, no matter what you do or say, they won't let him go and they won't let you see him either. You'll only get yourself in trouble, and that's not what Varian would want."

Tears swelled in her big round eyes.

"But… but we can't leave him like that…"

"I'm sorry, Elora. All we can do is hope that their Majesties will be back soon and set things right."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"My daughter ? Oh, she's doing absolutely fine, Your Maj – I mean Arianna. You won't see her tonight though. She is being taken care of by her governess. Children have no place in official events", she added with an embarrassed chuckle.

"Oh, really ? Well, I must admit I would rather say it's important for them to attend them on the contrary. There's a lot they can learn from shadowing you. Not to mention, we're having such a beautiful party tonight, wouldn't that be a wonderful moment to share with your child ?"

"Oh, but Your Majesty," Catherine's cheeks flushed red, "I'm way too busy to look after a child. I have to greet my guests, make orders, check…"

"…or maybe grab one of those lovely toasts with your daughter and ask her which one is her favorite ! Trust me, Catherine, those things are way more important than greeting your guests."

Catherine looked at Arianna, puzzlement in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Catherine, I'm speaking out of turn. It's just… ". She hugged herself absentmindedly. "I would have loved to share those moments with my daughter. She is back with us now but there is so much we couldn't do together. Besides… children need those bonding moments as much as we mothers do. I've seen… I've learned… how much they need to be loved and supported. And how much fear, sorrow and even hatred can be harboured without that nurturing."

"Your daughter ?..." Catherine tried.

"No… not my daughter actually. There's another child… a boy who is so love-starved… you have no idea how lost he is…" she whispered, looking away as thoughts of Varian rushed back in her mind.

She felt a hand on her shoulder.

"That boy is very lucky. You must love him very much", she said with a soft smile.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was dark and cold. And silent. And wet too. Nothing could dry properly in those damp cells.

Varian's thick hair was still mostly wet, even if it had stopped dripping. Now it was plastered awkwardly on his face and around his head. His shirt and pants were damp, the coolness sending uncontrolled shivers in his body.

He couldn't have cared less.

There was only one thing that mattered. To be utterly quiet. Or he will come back to gag him. And they could come and beat him up and he wouldn't be able to call for help.

Across the boy's cell, Phil, who had been awake since dawn, had started to doze off, slumped against the cold bars. He had chosen to stay there instead of lying on his cot. Not that it would have been very comfortable anyway, but he wanted to be as close to Varian as could be. Unfortunately, he couldn't give a reason to Hans for gagging the boy or doing whatever his sick mind could come up with. So he kept silent until he fell asleep, hoping that Varian would do the same.

But Varian didn't sleep. He couldn't even close his eyes, although there wasn't much to see in the darkness of the prison. But he had to keep them open, wide open, to be ready for anything. He was chained to the walls, arms stretched on either side, and felt too vulnerable already. Closing his eyes at all wasn't an option.

And in the silence, the darkness, all he could do was rock mechanically his upper body back and forth, carefully minding his chains so they wouldn't rattle, and mouthing over and over again the same words that no one could hear.

 _Come to me. Please come back to me. Don't leave me here, please. Help. Help me…_

 **Sorry... I'm being very mean, aren't I ?  
**


	63. Chapter 62 - Tiny feet in a crowd

**So sorry for being away for a while (and for leaving Varian like this) but I really needed a few days "off". This chapter is dedicated to our beloved colleague and friend, Emma, who lost her battle to cancer. We love you.**

 **I've made some art for little Emma (the character) on tumblr ( mycove-art) and finished my first animatic ! It's about Varian (of course) with a song sung by Jeremy Jordan. You can find it on youtube : watch?v=fm-2jF0S1x4**

 **I've been thinking of the story too though, and I think I've improved some scenes.**

 **I would also like to welcome our new reader, Ju , whose reading I was able to follow up with every (enthusiatic !) comment ! And thanks to you all who keep leaving a note, a remark, a reaction. It means the world to me.**

 **I've kept you waiting for long enough. Here we go !**

CHAPTER 62

Arianna opened her mouth to reply to Catherine's soft words, happy to be able to talk about Varian a little. She still didn't dare confide in her husband, knowing he had mixed feelings about her relationship with the young alchemist. But on the other hand, she felt love and care rise within her heart. At last she had someone with whom she could share those feelings and put them into words.

She didn't get the time, though. A high-pitched shriek pierced her ears, quickly followed by more screams of panic and a wild commotion ensued as people started to run everywhere, a few ladies leaving their fancy but not-so-securely-tied shoes behind them.

"A mouse ! That's a mouse ! Take it away !"

Indeed, a confused white rodent was scrambling and scurrying amongst legs and long skirts. Some guests downright fainted in their partners' arms, fear and tight corsets combined causing them to lose their breath. The Duchess Catherine herself was searching frantically for a higher place to climb upon before darting to a chair. Lifting her skirt and the multiple layers of petticoats, she was standing on it in a blink of an eye, legs wobbling and fingers digging into the velvet backrest. Her grand panier spreading on each side of her lean body stood out from the equally lean chair like it was going to make her lose her balance, on one side or the other should she make the slightest move.

"Arianna !", she called out with her face looking even paler than any make-up could ever make it.

But the Queen of Corona was standing where she was, near the tables on the side of the now nearly empty courtyard. She turned around to grab a small piece of bread on the table and, holding her full dress gracefully, swished it out of her way as she knelt down. She then picked up the hem of the tablecloth and lifted it gently, her other hand open, palm towards the sky with the piece of bread sitting on it and waited.

The musicians had stopped to play, and nobody dared to move. There was now an eerie silence under the bright moon. From the distance where he was standing by the Duke, even King Frederic was holding his breath.

"The last time my sister came to visit me, she brought me a very queer rodent… an Umlaut…" she said quietly, remembering that day when she had been so irritated. Now she was keeping fond memories of that experience. After all, that was the first of her birthdays she got to spend with Rapunzel. And the crazy adventure (better not mention that, though… Who would believe such a story ?) she and Willow shared had brought them closer. "This is just a little, harmless mouse. He's probably more scared than all of us put together."

Varian may be just like that mouse, she thought as the words formed on her tongue. A helpless creature whom no one could understand, and who was probably much more scared than everybody else imagined.

Well, not that helpless, she chided herself. His high intelligence and sheer determination were an explosive mix that could make him either the most helpful or the most dangerous person in the kingdom. The difference only laid within his own will and conscience.

After a few minutes, a tiny snout came out, whiskers flickering as it tried to catch the scent of food. Then, to the crowd's amazement, the Queen of Corona stood up, the white mouse in her hand as it was greedily nibbling crumbs.

Arianna smiled to herself, her patience and gentleness having paid off and helped to replace the rodent's nervousness by ease and trust.

She walked over to Catherine who was still standing on her chair and starting to panic as all she could see was the furry animal being brought closer and closer to her.

"How can you touch… ?" she started, but her words died on her tongue. "Wait… I know that mouse ! It belongs to…"

"Miss Emma !" a frightened voice called from the distance. "Your Grace ! Show yourself ! This is not funny anymore !"

"Velma ?" Catherine blinked as her eyes caught sight of a rather short and plump old lady wearing a mob cap, beneath which her round face was flushed on the cheeks with effort and pale with worry anywhere else. The off-the-ground, puffed skirt of her striped "a la polonaise" dress kept bouncing up and down in a comical way with every frenzied step she took.

"Not again…", The Duke's voice sounded weary and tired as it reached Arianna's ears. She turned around only to see him pinch the bridge of his nose, his usually straight shoulders slumped as he struggled internally to keep his composure.

"Who is Velma ?" Arianna inquired under her breath to Catherine, as she petted the mouse in her hand.

"She's my daughter's nursemaid," the Duchess replied as she warily climbed down the chair. "Looks like Emma has decided to drive her – and us - crazy again."

Arianna's gaze returned to the panicked governess, feeling a pang of sympathy for her. Although she never had this kind of situation with Rapunzel, the situation was strangely reminding her of a certain boy.

"My friends," The Duke declared as he rose his head and stepped forward, his hands up to calm things down, "please don't panic. Let's forget this incident and resume our party." He turned around, now rubbing his hands nervously and bowing to the King. He was obviously sweating profusely.

"I'm awfully sorry, Your Majesty. Rest assured that my daughter will be severely punished for this."

"No, no, my friend, there's no need to," Frederic explained calmly. "This is obviously the prank of a playful child, and I must say that as a", he cleared his throat in fake modesty, "fine prankster myself, I'm impressed. This tiny mouse," he chuckled, "obviously hit its mark."

The Duke's jaw dropped, dumbfounded by such tolerance and quiet demeanour, despite the awkward incident. Not to mention it was the second time, after the trip wire…

Frederic smiled softly, and the Duke released the breath he was holding. Finally smiling in return, he snapped his fingers and the musicians started to play again.

"If you'll excuse me, Arianna,", Catherine ventured, still blushing with embarrassment, "I will go to Velma in order to find out what happened. We need to find Emma."

Arianna nodded, wondering what she could do to help. When Catherine ran to Velma (as fast as her huge gown and high-heeled shoes allowed her), she pondered for a while, letting the paws of the tiny mouse tickle her palm gently. Then, remembering where the turmoil started, she decided to walk in that direction. She strode past the crowd of dancers and chatterers, then past the tables and candles. Away from the musicians, she could hear the wind that was blowing gently now and welcomed the soft breeze that washed over her face. As she was standing by the bushes that decorated the bottom of the stairs to the palace doors, she heard an unexpected rustle of leaves. A tiny shoe that looked like a black, soft ballet slipper was sticking out.

Arianna smirked and knelt.

"Looks like I have something that belongs to you, Emma. Why don't you come out and get it ? He must be missing you."

"Emma's not here", came a squeaky voice.

"Oh, really ? Poor Emma... She will be so sad when she finds out her pet mouse escaped and made such a mess at her parents' party. Well, I guess I'll have to go inside and check if she's in her room, then", and she started to brace herself to get up despite the multiple petticoats that surrounded her.

"They deserved it anyway."

Arianna froze and smiled. There was her chance.

"Excuse me, who deserved what ?", she asked a little sheepishly.

"My… Her parents. They got what they deserved. They have fun all the time and do so much stuff without her. I'm glad that Mr. Giggles ruined their party."

"Mr. Giggles ? Is that the name of your mouse ?"

"Yes. I gave it to him. He likes to be treated with respect. Don't forget the Mr. when you talk to him."

"So he's your mouse ? But I thought he was Emma's mouse."

Silence. There was a rustle of leaves again, louder, angrier, and an infuriated little girl stepped out, a few leaves and sticks still caught in her jet black hair.

Arianna recognized immediately the lovely child she saw briefly after the trip wire prank upon her arrival. Now she could take a good look at her : thin curly locks were framing her sweet, round face, enlightened with big brownish gold eyes. Her hair was parted in the middle and tied on each side of her head and fell down in a series of thick black ringlets. She was wearing a knee-length dress with puffed sleeves and many petticoats, so that the skirt was swirling around her with every move, letting lace pantalettes show. A long sash was tied around her waist in a nice bow in the back, its ends flowing freely behind her.

"You cheated ! You knew I was Emma all along !", she exclaimed, stomping her foot with frustration from having being caught so easily.

"Nice to meet you, Emma. You were a baby the last time I saw you. How old are you now ?"

"I'm six and a half. And I'll be seven in three weeks. Mr. Giggles seems to like you," she pointed out, forgetting to be mad at the beautiful lady who was kneeling at eye level with her. "Would you like to come to my birthday party ?"

"I would love to, Emma. Do you think your parents will agree ?"

To her surprise, the little girl shrugged and looked away.

"They won't be there anyway. They never attend my birthday parties. They're always too busy." Her eyes became misty, like she was about to cry. "But I don't care !", she quickly added, trying so hard to look brave. "I can have all the fun I want."

"I see," Arianna replied with compassion in her voice, but also showing great interest in what the little girl was saying. "Is that why you think their party should be ruined ? Because you think they don't spend enough time with you ?"

"They NEVER spend time with me ! They always have more important things to do", she replied, her face growing red.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that the things they have to do are more important, my lovely. Maybe…" she trailed off as she placed Mr. Giggles gently in Emma's small hands, "maybe they need to be reminded of what is truly important. Adults… can forget that sometimes."

The little Duchess tilted her head, gazing at Arianna with a stern look, way too mature for her age. Then she placed her pet mouse on her shoulder, biting her lip.

"How would you know ? Tonight, their guests are the King and the Queen. Nothing's more important than them. Of course they will spend time with THEM."

Arianna chuckled.

"Maybe not. Maybe the Queen is bored of bows, formal greetings and _ronds de jambe_. Maybe she prefers to have a chat with a cute little Duchess", she added with a wink as she removed a stick that held three leaves from her hair.

Emma 's face at that moment was priceless. Her mouth opened wide, but made no words, only a loud gasping sound as she realized at last who was before her. That random guest she sent to sprawl face first on the welcome carpet was the Queen of Corona. Her Queen to be precise, since her father, as a Duke, was in charge of a small piece of the kingdom and reported directly to the King.

Arianna stood up and held out her hand to her, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Come with me. Let's go find your parents."

Emma looked at the ground, up to the Queen, down again and then raised her beautiful eyes with a shy smile. She lifted her arm and fit her little hand inside hers.

"Emma !"

They both looked up, their heads following instinctively the sound of a voice slightly broken with relief.

"M-Mum ?" Emma spluttered as she saw her mother standing on the top of the stairs, both hands against her chest, and breathing heavily. The child hid behind Arianna's full skirt, not sure if her mother was genuinely relieved to see her or just containing her irritation.

Arianna gave a gentle squeeze to her hand and motioned her to walk up the stairs with her. Catherine, followed by Velma, started her way down. Unaware that many guests had stopped their dance or their conversation to look at them, the four of them met half-way on the staircase.

Arianna gently tugged Emma's arm to encourage her to step forward. She resisted. Catherine herself wasn't sure how she felt. Of course she was upset for the mess at such an important celebration, but she also had never seen her daughter follow up an adult so willingly. And Arianna's words from earlier still rang in her ears.

 _Children need to be loved and supported_

 _Wouldn't that be a wonderful moment to share with your child ?_

Had she been wrong, all this time ? She and her husband have been so dedicated to the Duchy, and to the King, that they had spent every waking moment working on fulfilling their duties to perfection. Maybe… maybe the Queen was right. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have Emma at the party as well. Maybe they could share that moment together ? and do something else, just the three of them, tomorrow ?

Catherine reached out with a trembling hand. Emma looked up in awe, unable to believe the intense look on her mother's face. For the first time, her mother wasn't speaking to the governess, giving directions and orders about her, not sparing a word or a glance to her as if she wasn't there. Instead, she was standing there, her watery eyes on her and her only, and her slender hand outstretched for her to take.

Slowly, Emma released her grip on Arianna's velvet dress and stepped forward, ready to let go of the Queen's hand, when a new commotion at the entrance of the plaza drew everyone's attention.

There were hooves noises and a loud neigh as a horse barged in the courtyard. A hubbub of questions and comments rose up in the crowd. From where she stood, Arianna couldn't see the rider clearly, as he was hunched down on his mount, his head mostly hidden in the thick mane, but she recognized the familiar color of the horse's harness. Seized by a surge of panic she didn't understand, Arianna whipped around and ran down the stairs, the silk and velvet of her skirt and long sleeves trailing behind her.

She reached her husband just in time to see him and the Captain catch the man as he fell from his horse. He was exhausted and about to pass out. She saw with horror that his arm was bleeding, a wound that was in the process of healing but that obviously reopened.

It seemed that all the air Arianna had in her lungs had been torn out of her body and could only mouth a name.

"Alden…"

 **Yes, I had to use the "Not again" line... Quirin, you are not forgotten.**

 **As for Varian, sorry but I'll keep you on your toes a little longer…**


	64. Chapter 63 - Love is

**Hi all ! Now that Alden is here, it's clear that time is running short... What should our royal rulers do ?...**

 **Welcome to Soul'sPenumbra, your beautiful comment touched my heart. I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story.**

 **This chapter is a little short, but there will be plenty to unpack soon !**

CHAPTER 63

"Careful, lads, put him down gently," the Captain instructed Pete and Stan as they rushed to his side to give him and the King a hand.

The music had stopped once again, and of course the dancers had stopped dancing. The whole crowd was holding their collective breath as they waited. The Duke was standing right behind the King, at a loss what to do and internally giving up the hope that this party would ever be back to normal.

"Easy, Alden, we've got you," Frederic soothed as he held Alden's arm close to his body, sounding more like a concerned friend than a King.

Alden let a moan pass his lips as he felt the hard floor under him. No matter how carefully everyone was trying to lay him down, the long ride in the night with his wounded arm was taking its toll and it seemed to him that everything was hurting.

Catherine and her daughter Emma joined the small group that had gathered around the injured man and stopped behind Arianna's back. The Queen was standing unnaturally still, as if time had stopped. Thinking quickly, the Duchess spoke for everyone.

"Back up, all of you. Give him some air. Someone get the physician, hurry !"

"Who is this man, Your Majesty ?" inquired Emma, tugging the Queen's wrist gently to get her attention.

Arianna didn't respond. Her mind was reeling fast. Why would Alden be here ? Why did he ride for several hours with only the moonlight to show him the way ? How did he keep going with his injured arm ? Her brain was shooting multiple questions at once, none of them answered, although the common denominator was clear. But for some reason, she wouldn't, she couldn't let the truth she was dreading cross the threshold of her conscious mind.

"Your Majesty ?", the little girl tried again, slightly afraid of her sovereign's blank look.

"Alden ? Alden, talk to me," the Captain tried, and with that he patted the man's pale cheek softly with his gloved hand in an attempt to make him open his eyes. "What happened ?"

"… Hans…", Alden moaned from under his moustache. "He…". A pause for breath before he whispered one last word before his world turned black. "…Varian…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Varian's eyes wouldn't shut.

Even blinking was a dangerous thing to do.

What if they came, what if they entered his cell, while he wasn't on his guard ?

In the cold, in the dark and alone, the teenager's mind was on overdrive, terrified and hypervigilant at every second, leaving no room for any kind of logical thinking. Those feelings of terror and loneliness weren't so different from what he had experienced continuously for endless months after the day of the storm. But all they were condensed now, hitting him and hurting him ruthlessly, more than any physical torture.

His body remembered too, and in the dim moonlight, the boy was shaking hard. Maybe the icy water that still soaked his hair and clothes was the reason. Or maybe he was just one inch from losing his mind completely.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That did it.

The sound of Varian's name sent a jolt through Arianna's body, and she gasped for air as if she had been underwater and had now reached the surface, fresh air forcing its way into her lungs.

Her hands clenched into fists, and Emma let go of the arm she was holding, taken aback by the sudden tension.

Frederic turned his head and looked up to see Arianna's pale and shocked face. He stood up to take her by the shoulders, but she raised both arms defensively in front of her before he could actually touch her.

"Don't even… You're not talking me out of it. Don't even try. I know what you're going to say, I know we have our duties, but I'm leaving. Right now." Breaking eye contact with her husband, she lowered her gaze to the guards kneeling on the ground. "Find a horse for me, Stan. Please."

"Arianna…", Frederic started.

"Stop ! I don't know, any more than you do, what happened between Hans and Varian. But Alden didn't come all this way for nothing. You can argue all you want…"

"Actually,", he cut in, now resting his large hands on her shoulders to make her look into his eyes, "I was just going to say : please be careful. And let the Captain go with you."

Arianna froze as the words sank in. She had expected Frederic to be mad at her, at the way she was ready to give up her duties for the boy, at how attached to him she was (and she couldn't even hide it). She hadn't expected his full support in the least.

"I….", she stammered, her eyes watering. "I never should have left him…"

"Go, my darling. I have faith in you. You're the only one who can help him."

Unable to bear it anymore, Arianna flung herself into his arms. She let a few tears fall, and then, collecting herself like the true Queen she was, pulled away and held her head high.

"Thank you," she breathed. Then she turned around, eyes searching for her friend.

"Catherine ? I'm sorry… I'm enjoying your and Emma's company beyond words, but…"

"I will give you our finest horse, Arianna", Catherine replied confidently, barely containing her emotion. "Go to him. You said so yourself, children need to be loved and supported. He needs you now."

Brief as her time with Arianna was, she could feel the strength of the bond between her and that boy who wasn't even her son. Yet tonight, she had witnessed what pure love and devotion looked like. It brought her to the verge of tears, and for the first time, bent down to grab her daughter's hand.

"Emma ? Why don't you come with me and show me you favorite food on the tables ? And after that, we should have a dance together."

Emma's jaw dropped, quickly replaced by the biggest, brightest smile that had ever been seen in all Epoisses.

"All right, Mum," she said, beaming. "But only if Mr. Giggles comes along."

"Fine, sweetie. You'll have to hold him yourself, though."

"Fair deal !"

Emma clutched her mother's hand tenderly, and before she let her lead her to the buffet, she looked at Arianna over her shoulder and mouthed a very sincere "thank you", before skipping along.

Arianna smiled, sweet relief and genuine joy for having helped a mother and her daughter reunite washing over her.

Moments later, Alden was taken inside the palace so the Duke's physician could tend to him, and Arianna was meeting the mare that would take her back to her castle.

"Her name is Freya," said the Duke as he petted her flank. "She's fast and brave. I trust that she will take you home safely."

"Your Grace, I don't know how I can apologize…"

"No offense taken, Your Majesty," he assured. "I'm the one who should thank you, actually. Tonight, you have shown me that the things we carefully plan can go astray, and it's not the end of the world. Especially when there are more important matters at hand." He cast a glance towards his daughter and wife, hand in hand, and how the guests were looking at them with admiration and tenderness.

"We've tried so hard to be dedicated to our duties that we wouldn't allow ourselves to spend time with our only daughter. Obviously, we were wrong. So, thank you. For reminding us where our most important duty lies."

Arianna nodded, and her eyes slid from the Duke to her husband. One look was all it took for them to understand each other. She hauled herself onto the back of the mare, full skirt and flowing sleeves undulating and swishing with her movements, checked that the Captain was ready on his own horse, and spurred her mount as she whispered a desperate plea :

"Take me to him, Freya."


	65. Chapter 64 - Endless night

**I'm back, and sorry for keeping you waiting ! Life has been busy and all, and for some reason, that chapter was tricky to write. I had all the scenes, but I worked a lot on how to organize and connect them.**

 **AND... it's been a YEAR (since July, 4th) since I started this mad adventure ! Big thanks to TotallynotVarian for mentioning it, I'm not sure I would have remembered ! XD (and thanks to you, I was able to mention it on tumbr !). To be honest, one year ago, I'm not sure I would have believed TTS would take me that far !**

 **Let's welcome BehindtheCurtain, I'm so glad to have your support and enthusiasm, but I must say I was stunned to read you stayed up until 3:30 am !**

 **And everyone, your reviews are amazing ! Your comments are gems to me, and if I'm tired, they remind me why I keep writing.**

 **And they can be inspiring too ! (Potkanka, I'm looking at you, you should find a callback in this chapter !)**

CHAPTER 64

Summertime would be over soon. Anyone could feel it by the coolness of the night and how it was spreading everywhere in Corona. It found its way in the woods, over the fields and into the sleeping town perched on the small island.

And in front of the palace, that chilliness was also surrounding a peach and white small form, huddled up on the steps. Small clouds of steam formed with every exhale the little girl would release. She was shaking slightly, but it wasn't as bad, thanks to her shawl and the furry bundle curled up on her lap. Tears were streaming down her face as she wept silently for the friend she was so worried about.

Elora promised herself she wouldn't give up. She had to be there when the King and the Queen would come back. For Varian and with Ruddiger, she was determined to wait all night and more if needed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Your Majesty, wait for me, please !"

The Captain hated to admit it, but he was having a hard time keeping up with the Queen's pace. They had been riding for hours, but neither her nor Freya showed signs of tiredness.

It was an eerie night, silent and lit by the full moon's pale beams, and the only sounds around were the stomping of the two horses' hooves as they galloped under the trees. The journey back was shorter this time, the riders being able to race through the woods. From time to time, a swarm of fireflies would rise from the dense undergrowth to avoid being trampled, but Arianna would not pay attention to their beauty. Her eyes locked on the way forward, she didn't even seem to hear the Captain. She never slowed her pace, not even when branches ripped the hem of her flowing dress and her floor-length sleeves.

 _Varian... I don't know what's happening back there at the castle, but please be ok. Hold on, sweetheart, I'm coming. I'm on my way._

A few strides behind her, the Captain sighed and spurred his horse. Now he knew where Rapunzel got her recklessness as well as her unshakable persistence from.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The night seemed to never end, and Elora dozed off every now and then, her uncomfortable position never allowing her to get some quality sleep. She would wake up with a jolt every time her head began to loll on the side. But then again she was just a child, and her resolve wasn't enough to keep her eyelids open for long.

Only when the sky started to bleach slightly on the horizon did Elora lose the battle completely and fell asleep on the cold steps, Ruddiger huddled up in her arms.

Clippery-clop sounds and neighing horses tore her from her much-needed sleep only a few minutes after that. In the blink of an eye, the raccoon was off her lap, chittering and hissing earnestly as if trying to tell the story to the humans who hadn't even dismounted yet.

In a daze, Elora needed a few seconds to register what was happening. The Captain is here. The Queen is here. Although she never had seen her like this. She was wearing the most beautiful gown the young maid ever got to see on her, but it was all ragged and tattered. One of her long sleeves was practically reduced to shreds. The skirt was torn apart in places, and her hair was a mess, half in and half out of the formal bun. She looked exhausted and out of breath, so different from the poised royal lady she was accustomed to.

"Your Majesty ?..." she quavered, barely believing what she was seeing. "It's you… It's really you !"

She scrambled up to her feet, her legs wobbly because of her prolonged sitting position, and she lost her balance. Arianna just had the time to jump off Freya before she caught the little girl at the bottom of the stairs. She held her by the shoulders to steady her and look at her at eyes level.

"Elora, oh my goodness, what happened ?" she asked with worry as she saw the tear-stained round face. "Why are you crying ? Where's Varian ?"

The maid opened her mouth to answer, but only sobs came out. Her eyes spilled fresh tears as she struggled to let out some words.

"Elora !", Arianna repeated sternly, angrily even, shaking her small frame to and fro. "Tell me ! What is it ? What about Varian ?"

"Your Majesty, please," the Captain interfered, "Let her catch her breath."

Arianna flinched and her eyes met Elora's. The little girl was staring at her, frozen and confused.

"I'm… I'm so sorry, Elora. I didn't mean to frighten you…", she faltered. She hadn't slept at all through the night, and she was sick with worry and on the edge of fainting or breaking down, whichever would come first. But that was no excuse.

She closed her eyes.

 _Focus, Arianna. Focus. Varian. Focus on Varian_ , she repeated in her head over and over until her shallow breathing calmed down a bit.

She inhaled and exhaled deeply before opening softer eyes upon the little girl.

"Elora, please, I need you to help me here. Can you tell me where Varian is ?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

If there was one thing Hans was very proud of, it was his good looks. He was not just vain about that. He had a special reason to cherish that aspect of himself.

Life had been a struggle ever since day one for him, although he had become an expert at hiding it from the outside world. Being the thirteenth's son, he was easily overlooked by his father, mother, and the entire household. His twelve brothers were not the compassionate type either and that was an understatement.

All of them were older, bigger and stronger than he was. Hans spent his entire childhood feeling very small and powerless.

Until he found out how he could use another asset : his charm. Nature had been kind to him, and he had learned that his smile, his face and his demeanour were as powerful as brutal strength to get what he wanted, if not more. It required a little bit of cunning, slyness even, lies sometimes. Hans was smart enough to use those wisely, gradually outsmarting his brothers in many ways as he grew up.

Even when playing chess, a game he was quite skilled at, Hans knew that deluding your opponent was just as important as moving your pawns wisely.

Indeed, his looks and the way he used them on others were a strength he could rely on.

So when dawn approached and his nose was still swollen and looking like it was crooked, it infuriated him to no end. No matter how many times he would look at himself in the mirror or how much cold water he would use, all he could see was a fat, puffed potato-like protuberance where his once fine nose had been. The cell and the shackles were definitely too good for the damned brat. Hans mentally slapped himself for not using the bucket to duck the boy's head underwater a few times before he dumped its content on him.

He huffed at his own reflection, nearly disgusted with himself. That was a new feeling and he hated it.

At least, he had managed to get a few hours of sleep. Time to go and check on the brat, he mused. But since he couldn't keep him with his arms chained to the wall forever (not that he had any qualms with that), he decided to drop by the armoury to grab another device.

It was too early for the arms room to be other than empty. Hans was relieved he would be able to browse without having to justify himself. Granted, the guards followed his lead meekly the day before - well, expect for that stupid young one he had to lock up as well, what's his name again - but he also knew that power was a fragile thing. People were quick to judge their leaders' actions. In other words, Hans couldn't allow himself to look like he was nothing more than a sadistic, cruel man. Whatever he chose to do, he did for the safety of the castle, therefore that of the kingdom, while the King was away. He had to make sure that would be clear for all to see, and if it meant manhandling Corona's most dangerous criminal, youngest convict ever or not, so be it. The best part was that the pretext he needed had been served to him on a silver platter by Varian himself. He had expected the brat to react violently, but not as much as he did, not in his wildest dreams.

He grinned. His hands had finally found the exact item he was looking for. It would have been too small for any grown-up man, but it would be perfect for a scrawny boy. He made his way out of the armoury, silently relishing the idea of subduing the wayward adolescent for good. But the morning quietness was broken unexpectedly.

"Hans !" he heard from behind.

There was a strange tone in that voice. It was a tone that was deadly serious, beyond firm, and it only took one syllable to know that the person who had spoken meant business.

Hans stopped, took a second or two to think, and turned around slowly.

"Your Majesty," he smiled. "Back so soon ?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The morning chill was also sinking down, down into the cells under the castle, silently and mercilessly. It was seeping into Varian's head, crawling under his skin and into his skull. It had been hours since Hans threatened him and poured a full bucket of cold water onto his head, and his hair seemed to be unable to dry up. The young boy could feel the cold right inside his bones but oddly enough, he was feeling too hot at the same time. He hadn't slept a wink and he felt he was at the end of his rope, his extremely nervous state the only thing that was keeping him awake.

Through his weariness, he tried to focus on controlling the clattering of his teeth and the whimpering sounds that escaped from his throat every now and then. He wanted to let it out and cry so badly, but he held back. His eyes remained dry, but not just out of fear like before. After all, what was the point of crying, if there was nobody who could hear ?


	66. Chapter 65 - A battle of wits

**Yup, it's here already ! Told you I had more time to write ! XD Also, I'm just like you guys, I wanna get to the good stuff and see Varian out of that cell ! :)**

 **Aaah, Totallynotvarian, you clever one, you made a good guess somewhere in your comment !**

 **Welcome to FCL, I think you beat the record of the longest review award so far XD, hope you'll like it here !**

 **Rain4evah, yeah, sorry about the gown, but that was its destiny...**

CHAPTER 65

As the slender man turned around, Arianna couldn't believe her eyes as she noticed straight away his reddened and swollen nose. She gasped and stopped dead in her tracks, her anger fit nipped in the bud. On her heels, Elora nearly bumped into her but she petrified and clenched her jaw the second she saw Hans. Ruddiger, having no obligation to be social and polite whatsoever, overtly hissed and growled at the man.

Clever as he was, Hans used the element of surprise to discreetly hook the device he had just retrieved from the armory onto his belt, just like it had always been there. Now wasn't the moment to draw attention on it.

"Hans, what happened to your face ?" Arianna asked slowly, afraid to hear the answer that was taking form in her head.

"Thank you for asking, Your Majesty," Hans replied respectfully with a bow, "it'll be fine. Please rest assured that everything is under control and the threat has been neutralized, for everyone's safety."

"What does that mean, soldier ?", questioned the Captain, who was just catching up after tying the horses outside. His input bought time for the Queen who pulled herself together and straightened her back.

"No riddles, please. Tell us what happened."

Hans mimicked her and unbent. He held her eyes confidently, not at all intimidated by her snapping.

"Yesterday, in the late afternoon, I found out that the prisoner was in possession of a glass chip," he reported almost mechanically. "He hasn't confessed who his target was yet, but he obviously intended to kill someone here. When cornered, he went mad and attacked me with considerable violence. You can see the result on my face right now."

Hans had lost count how many fibs had passed his lips during his life and he didn't care. Life was a war, and a fighter needed weapons. Fibs and lies were his weapons and he would use them as much as needed to win.

Besides, who could ever prove that Hans taunted the boy first ? No one was close enough to them to hear (and Hans had made sure his voice was low), and, it would be his word against the kid's, if the brat ever talked.

"Varian," Arianna enunciated slowly - because it was clear this was about him - to remind Hans that prisoner or not, the boy deserved more than to be called that way, "would never hurt any of us. He may have made bad calls in the past, but everything's different now."

She clenched her fists at her side. She wanted to convince Hans, but she also needed to convince herself. She did her best not to show it, but it seemed to her that the floor had gone beneath her feet. When she left the teenage boy the day before, he was fine, his mental state had become much more stable, he had made so much progress and they had nurtured a bond of trust and even affection for each other, and… Her head was spinning. Why did she ever leave his side ?

"I'm sorry I have to be the one to report this to you, Your Majesty," Hans slurred, "but that traitor would have stabbed you in the back when you least expected it. He's unpredictable and dangerous. I took the decision to lock him up for the greater good. I'm only speaking the truth, painful as it is, to serve my kingdom", he added with a fake hint of compassion.

"The truth ?," Elora interjected. "Oh pluh-ease, you two-faced…"

"Look who's talking," Hans cut her off calmly, with practiced control over himself. "Tell me, clever one, have you or your friends, who, mind you, were supposed to watch the prisoner, told their Majesties about the library incident ?"

Elora's face went red and she was at a loss for words. All she could feel was a big lump in her throat. He knew. Elora put the pieces together in her head. She met him outside when she tried to find the key that Phil had tossed away to keep Varian safe. He must have seen them on the cornice. And no, none of them had told the King and the Queen, of course not. She felt like a huge trap had just closed its metal jaws upon her whole being.

"Elora ? What is he talking about ?" Arianna inquired, a cold shiver running down her spine.

"Oh, see ? My point exactly," Hans added with a slight smile, not letting Elora speak for herself. "Unfortunately, Your Majesty, it looks like the people you chose to trust have kept a thing or two from you. Well… who can blame them ?", he continued casually. "It's easy to understand why they wouldn't advertise about how the prisoner tried to escape and nearly killed himself in the process."

Arianna tore her gaze from everyone else, her breathing short. Everything seemed to crumble down around her.

Hans smirked. He loved it when he moved his pawns so cleverly that his opponents' defense was weakened and about to shatter. He was going to unravel the threads that tie them together, one by one. They had to lose their bond of trust between each other, and then the King will know he can rely on only one person, his loyal guard Hans. Divide and rule.

"Enough !" the Captain interfered, not liking how Hans was behaving like he was the master of the house. "Take us to the prisoner, soldier !"

"His name… is… Varian," the Queen insisted again between her clenched teeth. She could feel rage growing anew inside her, but right there and then, it was easier to be mad at the Captain than to face the mess she had been powerless to prevent. She held out her hand, meeting Hans' gaze and holding it fiercely.

"The key, Hans. Now."

Hans just stared at the Queen's open hand and let it hover in mid-air. He noticed it was shaking. A few seconds passed with none of them saying a single word, until Hans broke the silence with a cold, steady voice.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Your Majesty."

There was another pause. Even the Captain was speechless.

"I… I must have misunderstood," the Queen stammered, confused. "I am your Queen, and I demand that you hand over the key to Varian's cell."

"From where I stand, you have no authority over this, Your Majesty. According to the laws of Corona, you are the Queen consort, and as such you don't have the power to undo a decision that was taken in the best interest of monarchy. Like I said, there was a threat and I neutralized it. Only the King himself can interfere with this decision now."

Arianna's legs were so wobbly she feared she would collapse on the floor. Hans took a few steps forward and stopped just when he was about to pass by her.

"Don't worry," he chuckled under his breath. "He's still in one piece. Unlike your protégé, I didn't break anybody's nose."

With that, he moved on with long strides, ignoring the raccoon on his way. Ruddiger jumped back in the nick of time to avoid being kicked and caterwauled angrily in return. Hans muttered something under his breath. He would have to pay his visit to the brat later. But the look on the Queen's face was worth it.

Arianna was standing there, her sweaty fingers fidgeting with the fabric of her dress as she tried to sort out her thoughts. It was hard, so hard because of anger and lack of sleep combined. She knew Corona laws as well, and she knew Hans was right. Even the Captain, despite being his superior, couldn't cancel what had been done without the King's consent. There was blatant proof of Varian's deeds, and even she couldn't deny that.

Suddenly, she shot up her head and with a steady voice, exclaimed :

" _Onus procedendi_ !"

Hans stopped but kept his face away from her. He stiffened a bit.

"I would like to cite _onus procedendi_ ," Arianna repeated more calmly. "If it's valid in court, I'm sure it will be here, as long as there is sponsorship of a statesperson – which I am - involved."

Hans remained silent and very still, but his hands clenched into fists.

"Therefore, and by Corona law, Varian has 24 hours to justify his actions," she concluded, turning around to look at Hans' form. The latter turned around slowly, barely concealing an angry glare.

Arianna gently lifted the hem of her skirt and petticoats and marched towards the stiff man. Again, she held out her hand.

"The key, Hans, if you please."

Hans locked his jaw and undid the hook on his belt.

"Very well, Your Majesty," he relented as he laid the heavy key to the cell gate in her hand. "I ve tried to warn you. I don't know what you're hoping to save, but if you insist… so be it."

Arianna was about to head to the dungeon when a half-grin stretched on Hans' face as he used his other hand to fumble in his pocket. He grabbed a smaller iron key between his fingers and showed it to the Queen who looked back at him, confused.

"You might want to know that I had to restrain him. He was out of his mind and would have hurt himself," he said, feigning an apology.

"You have no idea what you have done," the Queen uttered under her breath. She remembered how upset Varian was when he managed to tell her between sobs about the night he was assaulted by the Stabbington brothers in the dungeon. She was scared to even imagine how the boy may have reacted when forced to face that trauma again.

She moved forward to take the key, but Hans closed his hand and yanked it out of her reach.

"All I can let you do is open the cell gate and talk to him. That should be enough for him to speak and prove his innocence, shouldn't it ?", he pointed out, emphasizing the word "innocence" with a sarcastic touch.

Arianna gritted her teeth. Suddenly, she felt like lunging at the man and punching him in the face. It didn't matter that his nose was already bruised. She could add a few broken teeth to the list.

"Hans, you're right", the Captain interfered before the Queen could let her frustration get the best of her, "but as your superior, I'm the one to keep the key to the prisoner's cuffs."

Hans knitted his brows before relenting :

"Very well. Here you are, Sir. But I'm coming with you."

The captain nodded. Arianna could feel her blood pulsing in her veins, but there was nothing she could do against it.

"Elora," she said solemnly, "Go back to your mother and grandmother. Get some rest. And then resume your chores. I'll take it from here."

The little maid opened her mouth to protest, but something stopped her. The Queen wasn't looking at her, and anger was plastered across her features. Elora hung her head, more tears welling in her eyes. Although she took little part in the library incident, she hid it from the Queen. Fighting back her tears as much as she could, she sniffled and mustered :

"Yes, Your Majesty."

She turned on her heels and ran away, past the Queen and past Hans, her dam breaking before she could find a place to hide.

Uncharacteristically stoic despite the child's obvious pain, Arianna called out :

"Captain ? Let's go."

 **All right, I know you all were** **impatient to see Arianna lash out at Hans, but as you can see, that didn't happen... Tbh, I'm pretty satisfied with that part, building up the tension, and sorry if that's not what you expected *evil laugh*. Well that wasn't what Arianna expected either. Hans is such a clever guy, it would be a shame not to use that, right ? I hope I can still surprise you after a year and 65 chapters ! XD XD**


	67. Chapter 66 - Down in the dungeon

**For some reason, this chapter took me ages to get done, but I really enjoyed writing it, the situation is pretty intense now. I'll let you see for yourself !**

 **Thanks to all, new and "older" readers, who are kind enough to let me know how you enjoy the adventure on your end. Sorry I won't do callouts this time (but all your messages are in my heart), I want you to get this chapter asap !**

 **And there it is.**

CHAPTER 66

Phil awoke to the sound of heels coming his way, and he picked himself up from the floor as quickly as possible. His back and neck were aching, due to his half-lying, half-sitting position of his body since he fell asleep against the bars. The sun had begun to rise, and he squinted his eyes to try and discern Varian's form in the cell opposite of his. But before his vision could adjust to the contrast between the dark cell and the beams of light that were wanly shining through the window, three figures stopped in front of Varian's cell.

Phil was barely able to recognize the Queen. Only the rustling and the shimmering of her attire still showed that the person with their back to him was highly ranked, but hair and fabric looked like their owner was either a beggar or had fought with a bear on their way. Behind her, the Captain was standing with his shoulders slightly hunched with fatigue. Last came Hans, who ignored Phil just as much as the other two. On the stone floor, Ruddiger was zigzagging, dodging their feet to get as close as his human friend as possible (as much as the metal gate allowed him).

A gasp of horror escaped Arianna's lips and Phil's relief to see her here was already over. Although he couldn't see Varian right now, he knew it was a pitiful sight.

When Hans mentioned he had to restrain Varian, Arianna expected to find him with his hands shackled in front of him, but at least he would be sitting, resting or sleeping on the cot. Instead of that, the skinny boy was on his knees, unmoving against the wall, arms spread wide and head down. His mop of hair was overall messy, hanging in thin clusters around his face, some locks oddly stuck against his cheeks. On the top of his head, the lenses of his goggles were glistening in the growing light, a huge contrast with everything else in the cell.

Her hands shaking even more than before, Arianna fumbled with the lock as she tried to steady her nerves. She shook and twisted and turned the key in the hole frantically, finally managing to open the metal gate. Despite all the rattle, the teen didn't make a single move. In fact, nothing showed he had registered their presence. Even the raccoon felt something was off, and came in slowly, his ears pinned back with worry.

"Varian…", she uttered under her breath as she darted towards the broken form.

No response.

"Varian ? Varian, it's me, Arianna. Look at me, Varian, what happened ?"

She knelt down.

"Varian, I'm so sorry. You have every right to be mad, but please, for your own sake, talk to me."

She ducked her head to try and meet his eyes from underneath his bangs. For all she knew, he might as well be asleep, but she kept talking anyway.

"We're going to set this right, Varian. I just need you to…"

She trailed off. It seemed that her blood had frozen in her veins when she saw Varian's face in the dim light of dawn.

His mouth was slightly open, and she could hear him breathe in and out with difficulty and much faster than he normally would.

His face was ghostly pale, save for his upper cheeks that held a bright pink colour.

And his eyes… far from being closed, which at least proved he was awake and conscious, were wide open, bulging almost. Reddened by sleep deprivation, underlined by dark bags, they were just glazing over, as if the body they were attached to was empty.

Arianna shuddered, shocked beyond words by the dull expression on his young face. Tentatively, she reached out to him with one hand, gently cupping his cheek.

"Varian ? Honey ? Can you hear m-"

She flinched when her hand made contact with his skin. He was burning up.

She didn't have time to dwell on it though, as Varian unexpectedly reacted to her touch. The boy jolted and gave a raw scream, arching his back violently and digging his knees in the floor. The back of his head collided with the wall and he clenched his teeth in pain, eyes squeezed shut. Arianna was taken aback for a couple of seconds, mentally scolding herself for scaring him. Varian was definitely not himself.

"Shhh, Varian, it's all right, no one's gonna hurt you", Arianna spoke softly, as if she was talking to a very young child who had a nightmare. Her voice was shaking a bit, and she could barely conceal the nameless fear she was feeling right now, the fear that he had lost his mind overnight, that she had lost him completely. She turned around to the men behind her and asked in a low voice :

"Captain ? Unlock his cuffs, please. He's sick and should be taken to Remyus right away."

The Captain nodded and stepped forward as gently as he could.

"No sudden moves and don't touch him directly", the Queen advised, her eyes locked on Varian.

In the doorway, Hans narrowed his eyes but said nothing. Fine. Let them free the brat for now.

The iron key was inserted into the cuffs' lock, releasing one arm after the other. The alchemist's frame faltered and collapsed, a flash of pain across his features as he brought his sore arms in front of himself with a hiss. Arianna stretched out her arms and slightly moved her upper body forward to show she was there to welcome him in her embrace and comfort him. This time she would let him be the one to decide for physical contact.

But Varian decided otherwise.

Arianna had expected him to break down, fling himself into her arms and let his tears fall.

She hadn't expected him to scramble backwards, press his back to the wall when he hit the corner behind the cot, feet still scrabbling for grip on the uneven floor to get away from them as far as possible. The dullness in his eyes was now replaced by a harsh, unreadable expression on his face, and Arianna gulped for air. Every inch of her body wanted to go to him, but she fought back the urge.

"Obviously, he's not going to cooperate."

Hans' voice tore the thick air like a sword. He moved his hand to his belt and retrieved the device he had gotten from the armoury earlier.

"I knew these would come in handy. There you go, Captain. It's your job after all", he said casually, as if he was passing the salt during lunchtime.

Arianna twisted her neck to look. Between him and the Captain, two handcuffs were dangling under long chains that were connected to another, larger circular piece of iron which Hans was still holding in his hand. Her eyes went wide. A collar.

Was the Captain about to grab it and use it on Varian ? She didn't wait to find out. She rose to her feet, turning around at the same time and lunged at Hans with a grunt and so much strength and rage that she forced him back until he bumped into the bars next to the gate. The chains in Hans' hand rattled angrily.

"What is wrong with you ?", she growled, not understanding herself how she wasn't yelling with fury right now. Maybe a small, reasonable part of her brain didn't want to scare Varian any further. Whatever the reason, her voice was even more menacing that way. "How can you think I would ever allow this ?"

Briefly dumbfounded by his Queen's reaction, the Captain decided it was time to calm things down.

"Guard, I believe you are currently assigned to the stables. Back to work. I will have a discussion with you later today." He spoke quietly yet firmly to make sure he would be obeyed by Hans, but he couldn't do the same for the Queen. When she didn't move an inch, expect for her flaring nostrils that betrayed how much it cost her to control herself, he laid his gloved hand on her arm, pushing it down gently.

"Your Majesty ?" he said with a softer tone. "The kid needs to be examined. You can let go now."

Arianna's eyes darted for a bit until they focused again. She slid her hands off Hans' suit of armour and she took a step backward. She cast one last glare at the man before turning back to Varian. Hans steadied himself, saluted the Captain and left without a word.

Arianna barely heard Hans' footsteps fading away. Varian was huddled up against the wall, shaking uncontrollably and pressing his hands over his ears. No wonder.

Guilt and sadness on her face, the Queen lifted her right hand and grabbed firmly the top of her left floor-length sleeve. It was the one that had been the least damaged by the branches in the woods.

*riiiiip*

The Captain froze as he watched her tear her dress. Not that the beautiful gown wasn't ruined already, but still…

Arianna walked to Varian's trembling frame gently, knelt and spread that makeshift blanket around his shoulders. Remembering how being bundled up had calmed the boy before, she held it around him until he crossed his arms over his chest and grabbed each end in his own hands, letting the weight of his arms tighten lightly the fabric around him. His breathing slowed down and his eyes softened a little, the feeling of containment grounding him back to reality.

Ruddiger came closer, slowly, shyly. He crooned, as if asking for permission to go to him. When he was within Varian's reach, he held out his front paw and laid it on the boy's leg and crooned again.

Varian gave a start, though not as violent as before and looked at the raccoon with hazy eyes. Inch by inch, he lowered one hand to pet him, studying the furry animal as if seeing him for the first time. Then, silently, he encouraged Ruddiger to curl up on his lap by pulling him closer. He let out a shaggy exhale as he hugged the raccoon, a wave of reassuring memories washing over his body and mind.

"Come on, Varian", Arianna spoke softly. "Let's go to Remyus now. Can you walk ?"

Varian didn't nod but started to get to his feet. He felt dizzy and faint, but he didn't reach out for support. Ruddiger climbed on his shoulders, his favorite spot, to allow the boy to hang on to the wall as he clumsily stood up.

The Captain cleared his throat, torn between feeling sorry for him and his duty. He also still felt resentment towards Varian for nearly killing his daughter, and as weak and defeated he looked right now, the older man couldn't just dismiss the feeling altogether. So he chose to keep the captain-of-the-guards mask on, and lead the teenage boy towards the staircase.

Arianna was the last one to leave the damp cell.

"Captain ?"

Said man and the Queen looked over to at last see Phil in the cell across the corridor. Varian, once again, didn't move and kept his eyes cast down, his hands still clutched onto the velvet sleeve wrapped around his upper half.

"What are you doing in there ?", the Captain inquired.

"Hans", Phil replied dryly. "We had a… divergence of opinions."

"Looks like a lot of things happened while we were gone", the Captain stated as he fumbled his keys, looking for his master key.

Arianna remained silent as the gate was opened, but spoke up when Phil stepped out.

"Actually, Captain, could you take Varian upstairs ? I will join you in a minute. I would like a word with Phil first."

The Captain bowed and motioned the boy to follow him. Varian's eyes were still hollow, as if he wasn't really there. He started walking like he was one of his automatons.

"Your Majes-", Phil started only to be cut off by both scolding eyes and harsh voice.

"When were you going to tell me about what happened in the library ?"

Phil opened his mouth, closed it again, struggled to find his words. He just spent the night in a cell because he tried to stand up for Varian and stop Hans' madness, he wasn't sure why he had to account for that matter right now.

"Apparently, Varian almost killed himself that day. What do you have to say for yourself ?" she demanded.

Phil looked away. Guilt and fear were overwhelming him. After a moment of silence, the Queen spoke again.

"Go home. You are dismissed until further notice."

Her lower lip was trembling, so she made it short. She turned on her heels, leaving the young guard shocked, on the verge of tears and heartbroken.


	68. Chapter 67 - Click

**Hi ! No, Arianna hasn't lost her mind, but she's just like the next human, she has her weaknesses. She obviously doesn't manage her emotions so well in the heat of the moment, especially when her loved ones are in danger or distress (remember when she thought for a moment the Fred had ordered the beating at the beginning of the story?)**

 **Sietha, thanks for your interest, and I'm okay with you translating into Russian. It's very nice to know that those characters and this story are loved all over the planet !**

 **Keep sharing your reactions, it's the fuel that keeps me writing too ! XD**

CHAPTER 67

Remyus was both exceedingly relieved and seriously concerned when Varian was brought back to his chambers by the Captain. The boy with dishevelled hair was whole, walking by himself (if a little wobbly) and didn't seem injured. He was clutching onto the velvet makeshift blanket around him as if for dear life, his loyal raccoon perched on his shoulders. But he was keeping his gaze down, and his eyes didn't hold the gleam they used to have and that the old man had come to be fond of.

The old physician had met that empty glance many times before, although not here in Corona. In his youth, he had been traveling far and wide to learn everything he could about medicine. In some realms, people were at war, and torture wasn't uncommon to get some information, or just out of revenge. The luckiest ones – those who weren't left to die from their injuries, which was rarely done out of mercy, but because they could be needed later for leverage – were examined and tended to by the local physician. As their apprentice, Remyus saw more than once the hollowness in the toughest men's eyes (when they hadn't been gouged out) after they had been forced to endure pain and terror for hours on end. And that was that hollowness he could see in the frail teenager's eyes right now.

They plainly looked like their owner had lost touch with reality, and that his body was just an empty shell. Even in his darkest times, when he was either desperate beyond words or angry at the whole world, Varian's eyes held that spark that made him who he was. Now… now Remyus wasn't sure that the boy he knew was still there.

"Thank you, Captain", the old man politely said, trying to conceal the concern in his voice. "Varian, come and sit on the bed, I'm going to examine you."

The boy meekly moved over to the familiar bed and, pulling himself up, sat on the edge without a word, his back hunched. Remyus's keen eye understood his body language. The usually reckless boy hadn't become reasonable or obedient overnight, he just didn't care.

The Captain, despite his own exhaustion, stood in the corner patiently to let the physician work. He wondered what was keeping the Queen away. She still hadn't caught up with them, and the boy's pace had been very slow.

It was hard to say if Varian was aware of his surroundings and even of the people next to him, but at least, he didn't falter at Remyus' touch. He let the physician do his job, even opening his mouth wide for a throat check-up or taking his shirt off to let him listen to his heartbeat. Throughout the whole process, he kept a hand on Ruddiger who was cuddling next to him and his gaze remained locked on some imaginary spot between him and the wall. As soon as the examination was over, he bundled himself up with the velvet sleeve again. Not a word passed his lips.

Remyus had remained silent too, a furrowed brow on his face when he felt Varian's warm skin and checked his bloodshot eyes. The teen's pulse was too fast, part of it clearly due to the fever, but the intense stress he endured for the whole night was still wracking his system, not allowing him to relax his tense body.

With a sigh, the old man finally straightened his back and walked to his main room before coming back swiftly with a small vial filled with a thick, white substance. He spoke to Varian directly :

"You have quite a high fever, Varian. It's too early to tell if it's just your body reacting or another disease coming up. You've got to drink lots of water and rest now. You haven't slept at all last night, have you ?"

Varian's frame trembled a bit at the memory and his brain took a few seconds to process that an answer was expected. He shook his head weakly.

"I see. Varian, I want you to drink this first", he explained, showing the vial. "It's white poppy syrup and I'll be honest with you, not the best thing you'll ever taste. But it will bring your fever down, help you relax and make you go to sleep."

When the last words sank in, Varian's breathing suddenly hitched and his eyes widened in fear. His chest constricted and he heaved, scrambling backwards and came to a sitting position on the bed with his legs crossed and his upper body curled up onto himself. His teeth clenched and he shook his head vehemently this time.

"Varian ? What's wrong ?" Remyus frowned in concern, not expecting that surge of desperate energy from his patient.

"He's scared he will be sent back to prison in his sleep, that's what, Remyus", came a feminine voice.

"Your Majesty," the Captain exclaimed. He hadn't heard her come in and felt stupid for letting himself be distracted. He barely concealed his surprise when he saw her watery eyes. Her cheeks were slightly red too, and dark bags stood up against her pale complexion. No doubt she was exhausted, as they all were, and that she wiped a few tears before she joined them.

"Y – Your Majesty, what happened to you ?", the physician stuttered at her sight.

"I know, Remyus, I'll be fine. I just made sure I didn't come across the dressmaker on my way here. The poor fellow couldn't bear the mess I made of his latest creation, could he ?". She tried to keep a light-hearted tone as she walked in, but the rough night and the mixed emotions she went through were starting to take their toll on her.

She laid her eyes on Varian, and noticed that he obviously still wasn't quite back into his own head.

"Varian ?", she spoke softly, sitting on the bed next to him. "You don't have to worry, sweetheart. It's all right, you can sleep now. No one is thinking of sending you back to the dungeon."

"Actually…"

Arianna whipped her head around at the Captain's embarrassed tone, mouth open with disbelief.

"I beg your pardon, Captain ?"

The man cleared his throat uneasily before continuing.

"Your Majesty, in the light of the elements that we have, it would be unwise not to keep the prisoner under lock and key until we know what happened. Remyus has examined him, let him give the boy his medicine, but after that, we have to…"

"Enough !" Arianna yelled, standing up abruptly, and Varian pushed himself further back against the headboard. "He's not going anywhere. Captain, he's not only sick, there has obviously been some… damage done to him. Mental damage. And is _this_ your answer ?"

"Calm down, both of you," Remyus interrupted firmly. "Or go and argue somewhere else. The boy needs peace and quiet as part of the recovery process, especially after what he has been through."

"But I can't leave the prisoner unattended with you, Remyus, your life may be in jeopardy", the Captain argued.

"His. Name. is. Varian !", the Queen spelled out again, infuriated beyond words that the Captain would never call the teen by his name.

 _Click !_

The three adults fell silent and turned their heads in unison at the unexpected clicking sound and their jaw dropped.

Varian had chosen another option.

The boy was kneeling on the floor, from where he had been able to reach under the bed and retrieve the handcuffs forgotten by Phil after the library incident. One cuff already shackled his wrist, and before any of them had time to blink, the kid had already secured the other part to his bed.

"Varian…", Arianna breathed.

Varian's eyes focused for the first time since they found him in his cell as he stood up. He looked at them with a mixture of defiance, determination and fear. No. No one would take him back there.

Then it all happened very fast. Not letting time for the dismayed queen, captain and physician to react, Varian tore his gaze from them to meet Ruddiger's. He held out his hand, showing the raccoon the small key for him to grab in his mouth and patted his backside gently two times. The loyal four-legged friend didn't need words –Varian was still unable to utter any – and jumped off the bed, dodging the boots and hands that tried to stop him on his way out. Varian watched him as the raccoon managed to leave the chambers and disappear into the hallway, quick as lightning.


	69. Chapter 68 -- Lost in the fog

**Sorry about the glitch earlier ! Hope it's fixed !**

 **Hello, my dears, I know this one took forever to be up, but those are busy times (we're moving), and also, great news ! I was very lucky and won a giveaway from** **bookishdiplodocus** **(editor/writer)** **on tumblr, and they gave me feedback on my writing (chapter 50, if you want to know). It really enlightened me, and I can't thank them enough for their help. I tried to address my weaknesses, and it's probably still not perfect, but I did my best and really thought about my writing and how it enhances/impairs the emotions I want to share in the story. I'm not going to say in detail what we talked about (yet), please just let me know how you feel at the end of this chapter or if you noticed anything !  
alejg made an awesome piece of art for the beginning of the story ! Please check out their beautiful work on deviantart : (remove the spaces) : / / w w w . popular-all-time/?q=He+needs+me+by+mycove**

 **In this chapter, as well as the last ones, Arianna's gown is quite important. If you like, please go and check** **rain4evah-art** **'s design on tumblr ! They made a stunning job on that ! (and it helps to understand the story)**

 **I also have added / will add soon my art on** **mycove-art** **on tumblr**

 **** **Sietha** **, I forgot to ask you, could you please send me a link of the website where you will translate the story ? I would love to have a look !**

 **Now, all of you, take a deep breath, this chapter is a bit longer than usual and... oh well you'll see !**

CHAPTER 68

Varian got lost.

He got lost when, ironically, he experienced the most completely tunnelled vision of his life. Whilst he was left alone, with an amber tomb and his guilt for company, one thought and one thought only would keep him going, like he was walking on a very narrow bridge surrounded by fog. In those times, he would even barely acknowledge the last living being that still stuck with him, his loyal raccoon. The boy knew he was there, would pet him from time to time, but rarely made eye contact anymore. He wouldn't think of his friend's needs, nor even his own. He had no idea how much he needed that company, and never tried to reflect on that. One thought. One goal. One way to go, one direction on that bridge. Nothing more.

He could do nothing more, he could think of nothing else than save his father.

It didn't matter what it would take. It didn't matter what he would have to become. It didn't matter who he would blame, or hurt. There was no space on the bridge to move on the side, or turn back. No other path.

So he took that path, the only one he could see. And somehow, somewhere, he got lost.

Now… he was back on that bridge, there was still fog everywhere. It was heavy and thick. His vision was more restricted than ever. All his mind could connect with were snippets and scraps.

 _Remyus' room, again. The Queen and the Captain arguing. Someone – can't tell who – mentioning the cell. They're planning to send me back there. No… Why is it so hard to breathe, suddenly ?_

 _A flash. A memory. I've been shackled to this bed before. I would be safe here, if only I could… The library. Phil's handcuffs. Under the bed._

 _Get off the bed. Find the handcuffs. Lock one around my wrist, the other one to the bed, quickly, before they can do something. See ? You're not taking me down there. I can't, I know I'll die if I let you._

 _The key. They can't have it. Don't trust them. None of them. Look what happened._

 _My heart is beating too fast, I can feel it banging in my chest, I'm sweating._

 _Ruddiger. Take the key for me, hide it, don't let them catch you. Go. Go, please. My eyes are stinging. I can't find my voice. I can barely breathe._

 _Ruddiger is getting away. You clever boy. Don't let them have that key…_

 _I'm shivering. I'm cold. I.. I think I'll pass out._

With unimaginable effort, Varian hauled himself up back on the bed. It wasn't an easy task because of the chain that now binded his left wrist to the frame. His free hand grabbed the piece of velvet that once belonged to the Queen's beautiful gown and he wrapped it back around his shoulders. Then he just sat there, tears beading at the corners of his reddened eyes and every muscle in his rickety body strained to its limit.

Varian was slowly coming back to himself but his thoughts kept skipping in and out of his foggy brain. In the background, he could hear Remyus, the Captain and the Queen still arguing nervously. He was unable to catch a sentence, a concept, a word. Everything was so blurry. He only registered the tired frames, the hands wiping exhausted faces and the deep frowns. The stress in their voices, too. The Captain and Remyus were on edge, that was for sure, but the Queen was… hysterical and her eyes were wet. His stomach twitched as he downright assumed he was responsible for her tears.

"You can't possibly let him shackle himself to…"

"I will, Your Majesty, if that's what he needs right now to calm down. That's the only thing that matters now."

"I have to agree with Remyus, Your Majesty. We want him under lock and key until he can be interrogated, and since the dungeon doesn't sound like a good idea right now, this looks like a fair solution after all."

"Fair ? How can you call this fair ?! He's trusting a handcuff over us !"

"This is not about us, Your Majesty. Nor is it about you. He has made his choice. Give him time, Your Majesty and let him rest. I'm begging you, for his sake."

"No ! I refuse to allow this ! We'll just get the funnel so he takes that medicine and -"

In the midst of their voices, Varian struggled to picture in his mind what happened during the past hours, but his brain refused to let him access that information. He knew he was awake, but it was like his head was empty and that was terrifying. His whole body started to shake again, his gaze unfocused and eyes moving rapidly as he struggled to quell the rising panic. He started to hyperventilate, whimpering despite himself.

"You're not thinking clearly, Your Majesty," Remyus snapped at the Queen. "Are you even listening to yourself ? Now, I know what's best for my patient, and I'm going to do my job, whether you like it or not. And you should go and get some sleep."

The exhausted boy gulped at the anger in the old man's voice and watched as he turned away from the Queen and the Captain to grab the vial containing the white poppy syrup on the nightstand.

"Varian," Remyus said, his voice much calmer and softer, "listen to me now. You win. You can keep the chain. But you must rest, now." And with that, he uncorked the vial and held it out to Varian.

"Swallow it up, son, and then, I'll give you some water to wash it down."

The tone didn't leave much room for argument, but Varian was almost grateful for it. His head was pounding. He was sure his fever was rising, and he couldn't think anymore. He just did as he was told, longing to be able to close his eyes and sleep. He felt a strong, reassuring hand connect with his back as he drank, just in time to silently coax him to ignore the horrible and acrid taste of the syrup. Remyus whispered a few words of praise and quickly replaced the empty vial by a cup full of fresh water. The first gulp was a blessing, not only to get rid of the awful feeling on his tongue, but also because it made him realize how thirsty he actually was. The coolness down his throat was more soothing than ever. He drank greedily from the cup, one, two, three times, until Remyus stopped him.

"That's enough for now, Varian", he explained. "Now, it will take a few minutes for the syrup to become effective. Would you like to eat something ?"

Varian shook his head. He couldn't relax enough to eat something and keep it down, and he knew it.

"Very well", he heard the physician say simply as his hand pressed on his chest to gently lay him down, the other one supporting his upper back and nape at the same time.

Remyus briefly considered taking off the makeshift shawl, but the boy was clinging onto it as for dear life. He was also very much aware that Varian still hadn't uttered a word since he came back, but decided against pressing him in any way. That could wait.

"I'll go and get a rag and more water to help with your fever," he added, hoping to earn at least a focused look from the boy but the steely blue eyes remained lost in their own world. With a sigh he couldn't withhold, he left the room without a word for the Queen and the Captain.

"So….," the Captain ventured after an awkward silence, "Your Majesty, I believe the boy's in good hands now. There's nothing more we can do."

"Yes, Captain", Arianna replied like she was reading a written speech, "you may leave. Go get some rest."

"Thank you. "He bowed and made his leave, looking with concern over his shoulder one last time. "And... with all due respect, Your Majesty, I think you should do the same."

Arianna stayed where she was after the Captain left, standing in the doorway, her hazy eyes vaguely gazing into the room where Varian laid. She felt bad for overreacting earlier but was especially devastated over Varian's state. The way things unfolded left her with the awful feeling that she had failed the boy, again. And as a result, he didn't go to her for safety and comfort, but chose to use the handcuffs instead and even trusted a raccoon over her to keep the key away. All her efforts, all the progress he made so far, gone to waste, just like that. She couldn't bear that thought that tore her heart like a blade in her heart.

Feeling as tattered inside as her torn gown, she let her shoulders slump even further and let out a shuddered breath, deeply discouraged and unspeakably tired.

Something caught Arianna's eye on the floor. A small, chubby furball was stealthily trying to tiptoe past her. Ruddiger was back, and the key wasn't in his mouth anymore. His ears flopped back down when he met eyes with her and he crawled backwards, cautiously hiding under the nearest table to wait for her reaction.

The Queen looked pensively at the raccoon for a moment, her face unreadable. Then, very much like she did in Epoisses to get Emma's pet mouse to trust her, she knelt down and spoke softly :

"Don't be afraid, little fellow, you're not in trouble. You're here for Varian, aren't you ?"

Ruddiger's ears perked up, as he listened to her soothing voice. Tentatively, he stepped out from under the table and Arianna picked him up.

"Let's go then", she whispered, ignoring the frustration she knew would come for her. Because as much as she was craving to hold the boy close, she couldn't force him as long as he wasn't ready to be touched.

Varian was still lying awake on his bed. His eyes were closing of their own accord with exhaustion, but still he refused to let himself be engulfed by darkness. The boy was a trembling wreck, since the accumulated stress was receding very slowly, and his body was too tired to handle it. The sedative in his system couldn't become effective soon enough.

He jerked a bit when he felt something weighty and warm against his side. He blinked his tired eyes several times, until the image became clearer. He felt indescribable joy as he took in the familiar, chubby face of Ruddiger. He choked out a cry, a relieved smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he petted the raccoon's head.

Arianna, who had to lean over the boy to gently set down the raccoon across the bed (there wasn't much space on Varian's left side, since that was where the handcuff was), faintly smiled too. Confident that Ruddiger's presence would be most helpful for Varian to relax and go to sleep, she turned around to quietly leave the two of them alone.

But she suddenly stopped when she felt that her right long sleeve, the only one remaining after that rough night, was stuck and was holding her back. She whipped around and immediately froze in stupor, her eyes wide.

Varian had come to a sitting position, and he was clutching onto her dress, the velvet fabric that was trailing on the bed two seconds ago bunched hard in his free hand. He was holding his head down, his eyes hidden under long, messy bangs.

"You… you came back for me…" he stuttered under his breath.


	70. Chapter 69 - Surrendering

**So, last chapter, following bookishdiplodocus' observation, I did less head-hopping (changing the point of view several times) to focus most of the time on Varian's emotion. Kudos to Potkanka who mentioned it ! Have some cookies, you made my day (and theirs !)**

 **Here, all, have a full-on fluffy comfort chapter !**

CHAPTER 69

His lower lip was quivering as the words left his mouth, his hand fisted on the sleeve was shaking. His whole body was actually wracked with tremors, from both physical and mental exhaustion. Even his voice was quavering, not to mention raspy from the cries the night before and the lack of use thereafter. He was burning up with fever and his head was spinning from the effort of sitting up.

He choked back a sob, head still low.

"…I'm sorry", he blurted out, tears building up in his burning eyes. "I'm so sorry, I… I didn't want to fight, I just… I'm sorry… I keep getting into trouble and yet you…. Still you…"

He stopped and gasped, taking a sharp inhale when he felt arms surround him in a tight and warm embrace. Before he knew it, hot tears were flowing down his cheeks and he couldn't stop them. The dam broke, for him as well as for the Queen. Arianna held him close, her cheek against his and her eyes wet, while he was crying a litany of apologises.

"I'm sorry… I never should have punched him…. I'm so sorry…" he repeated over and over again through hiccupped sobs. "Please… I know I deserve punishment, but… I can't… I can't go back to the dungeon again !", he shouted as fresh tears spilled from his eyes.

"Hush… Varian, calm down," he heard her shush the soft words in his ear. "I know… I know… I'm here, now. I'm with you. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you. You're safe now."

"They… They're right… I'm dangerous… All it took was a few jabs and I…. What's wrong with me ?". There was a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach when he said those words. In the blink of an eye, he had become that mad, enraged boy who was ready to hurt, or even go for the kill.

A slender hand ran through his hair at the back his head and he gritted his teeth, fighting back his tears.

"Don't say that, Varian. You are a good kid. You've just been through too much to bear. Now, tell me what happened."

Varian felt his chest was going to burst. It had never burnt so badly, not even when he cried his heart out in the same arms after he lashed out at the clay pots to release his anger.

"That guy… Hans… he started to say those things about my father, and… but still… I shouldn't have…"

"Varian, please don't blame yourself", the soft voice spoke again. "I'll have a conversation with Hans and make sure I set things right. You should rest now. Everything's fine."

But Varian wasn't done.  
"No… no, I don't deserve your forgiveness. It's all my fault, and because of me, you came back from an important event and you ruined your beautiful dress…"

He felt her pull out suddenly and her hands cupped his face so fiercely it almost hurt. His eyes met hers through their tears.

"This isn't about forgiveness, Varian, because there's nothing to forgive. You didn't do anything wrong, honey. No official event could be more important than you. And I would tear a hundred gowns like this one for you if I had to, Varian, because you're worth far, far more than all the silk and all the jewels in the world, don't you know that ? Why is it so hard for you to believe it ?"

Varian stared at her, and she held her gaze, giving him time for the words to sink in. He could feel how much she meant those words in her eyes. Thinking again… he knew. Yes, he knew that already.

He lifted his sore arms so his gloved hands covered hers. His left hand couldn't make it that far though. Curse that handcuff, after all.

"… I knew you would come back," he finally confessed in a shaky breath. "I knew you would, this is the only thing I could hold on to, down there."

Before his mind could register it, he was back in the soft embrace where he knew he could let go and cry all his tears out, where he didn't have to fend for himself against the rest of the world, where he would be welcomed and understood. Where he was cared for. Where he was loved.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Remyus came back to his chambers with a clean rag and a bowl of fresh water and found them still bundled up together on the bed, with a raccoon huddled against their lap. Varian's tremors had slowly subsided, partly from exhaustion, partly from the white poppy mixture he took earlier. His body ache from head to foot, and he finally relaxed, relishing the feeling of sagging against another person. No matter how much weight he would lean against her (not that he was heavy), he could feel her there, steady and strong, a rampart against the pain this world could bring.

In harmony with his body, his mind started to calm down as well. Varian drifted in and out of consciousness like he was rocked by gentle waves. The high level of stress that had invaded him brutally was receding, allowing the boy to feel more serene than he had been in a long time. Any form of fear was now kept at bay.

"Mmyour Majesty," he mumbled, his speech slurred now he was on the verge of sleeping, "please don't take 'em away…"

"What are you talking about, Varian ?"

"The shards from the broken jar… don't dispose of 'em, I need 'em…"

That sent a jolt through the Queen's body. She had almost forgotten about that piece of glass Hans supposedly found on the boy, and they still didn't have an explanation for that.

"What do you need them for ?", she tried before he fell completely asleep.

"…wanna make… something… for you. 'ts why I had one in my apron… wanted to see if I could carve it…"

Arianna's eyes filled with more tears as relief washed over her. Not only the boy had kept faith that she would come for him even when he was panicked in the cell, but he was also trying to take a step towards her. Not that she expected or required any gift from him, of course. To see him well and happy was her greatest wish, and that was the only kind of recognition she was yearning for. He didn't need to do or make anything, he didn't need to try and impress her, she loved him for who he was. A strong, sensitive, caring and loving boy at heart. But for the first time since he came here, he wanted to do something for someone else. That was a sign that all the progress he made was still there and that it was worth every hurdle. He was getting better.

Varian had come to the point where his eyelids were so heavy that he just let them dip, not having the energy nor the will to open them again. He felt so comfortable and safe he wished that moment never ended.

"I… I never intended to hurt anyone else with it… I swear….'d never hurt you…", he added in a semi-conscious state.

"Shhh, Varian, that's fine," she coaxed him gently, wishing he would just give in to his much-needed sleep now. "No one can blame you for wanting to make Hans pay."

"…'s not that… I never…. wanted to hurt anyone else with it…", he repeated, each syllable more difficult to produce than the previous one with darkness tugging at him.

Arianna's brows furrowed as she tried to understand what he meant. Was the boy's system so overrun by the white poppy mixture that his words couldn't make any sense ? She looked at Remyus, confused, and she saw he was knitting his brow, thinking hard.

The physician came closer to speak softly in Varian's ear, hoping his hunch was wrong.

"Anyone else ? Anyone else than who, Varian ?"

"…me."

And with that, his energy definitely flagged and he fell into a dreamless sleep.


	71. Chapter 70 - What if it's not enough ?

**Aperson, this story isn't over yet ! Now, everyone, I know this is the longest I've gone without updating and I'm sorry but life has kept me away for a while. Things are slowly getting better/calmer. So here I am and it's good to be back. Hope you still want to read the story !**

 **Thanks for your reviews that always encourage me with keeping on ! You guys are awesome ! Please share your thoughts - no limitations, and I love to hear from you !**

CHAPTER 70

Varian's body sank into Arianna's embrace as consciousness left him at last. As he went completely limp, the tension in him creeped out only to make its way into the arms holding him, like a lurking shadow. It quickly spread through the Queen's whole body and clutched at her heart with greedy claws, silently, mercilessly. She sat completely stiff and stunned, except for the fresh tears building up behind her eyes.

She held Varian tighter with shaking arms, trying to gather her thoughts after the revelation that felt like a punch in her stomach. A million questions popped up in her head, her heart torn between disbelief and sadness.

"How…? Why… ?" she stammered, her lower lip quivering. "Why would he… ?" She would never have imagined this, much less understand it, as much as she tried. She knew Varian had gone through a lot, that no one could tell if his father was alive or if he could be saved, that the boy blamed himself, that he had trouble believing he was worth loving and all, but he had been in the castle for a few weeks now and she had done everything in her power to show him that he wasn't alone or to teach him to trust again and, each and every day. She had no idea he could still feel so miserable that he would come to such a thing. She had failed to see his inner distress. She had failed him.

A wrinkled hand gently took hold of her upper arm.

"Your Majesty," Remyus spoke softly, "it's been a night. We should let him rest now. He'll be fine, he just needs to sl –"

"He'll be FINE ?", she interrupted with a broken voice that surprised even her. "Oh, yes, sure he will, Remyus, after all, you just had to sedate him so he could go to sleep. He feels so unsafe he's shackled his own wrist to the bed. And he just confessed he tried to…to…"

She couldn't bring herself to go on, and she cradled him even tighter, burying her face in his mop of hair and refusing to let go. Concerned, Ruddiger crooned sadly and stood on his hinder legs to wipe the tears that were now rolling down her cheeks.

"Your Majesty, you have to keep faith in him," the physician said calmly. "I told you before, he needs time to recover from all he's been through. A lot of time - and a lot of love. Also…", he went on, guessing her fear. "I can assure you he wants to live."

"How can you be so sure, Remyus ?", she asked, hating herself for not understanding Varian's motives with that glass chip.

"It's complicated, Your Majesty. You see, when the pain inside is too much to bear, well for some people, physical pain… can be seen as a way of getting some control back, or of feeling something else. Granted, it's not the best response and it's only temporary, but it's probably the only answer he could find, not with the intend to end his life, but with the intend to survive."

Remyus paused to let his words sink in before he went on.

"After all, he accepted your embrace, Your Majesty. For me, it shows he hasn't given up yet. He wants to live.", he repeated with a wan smile.

"But…", she whispered, doubt still creeping into her heart. "But what if it's not enough, Remyus ?" She turned to face him and looked into his eyes, searching desperately for an answer. "What if all the love we can give is still not enough for him ?"

Remyus sighed.

"I agree, Your Majesty," he conceded sorely, "there's only so much each of us can do. But what would have come of him, without the support he's been given here so far ?"

Arianna was lost in her thoughts for a minute. Varian's words came back to her and rang in her head.

 _I knew you'd come back for me. T_ _his is the only thing I could hold on to, down there._

Her vision blurred with fresh tears than she couldn't stop, Arianna placed a kiss on the boy's forehead. It felt much too warm with fever and it was damp with sweat, but she didn't care. One of her tears fell and rolled on his flushed cheek as she pulled away, lying him down gently on the bed. She wiped his face before minding hers, murmuring soft words to him even if she knew he couldn't hear her in his drug-induced sleep.

"You'll get there, Varian. No matter what it takes, no matter what I have to do… believe me, you will pull through, sweetheart. Just… just hang in there. Please."

A cold shiver wracked her body, as she came to a realization : there was only one thing she knew would truly help him through, and she couldn't make up for it. As long as the village leader would remain frozen in his transparent tomb, Varian would never be able to heal from his grief and guilt and move on. In short, Varian would eventually have to get the answers he needed to free his father from the amber, for the best or for the worst.

She had known this all along, but it felt more real now : the boy couldn't stay in the castle in her care forever. That thought pierced Arianna's heart like an arrow. Letting him go would be her ultimate act of love towards Varian, but for her, it meant another agonizing, soul-ripping separation with a child she never knew she needed so much.

Hands shaking, she grabbed the rag on the nightstand and dipped it in the bowl of cold water, wrung it and unfolded it across his feverish forehead. She made it big enough to also cover his tired eyes, the coolness helping with the tingling and the redness in them.

"Allow me, Your Majesty", Remyus said softly as he came to stand behind her to unlace her dress and corset. Beyond exhaustion, Arianna waited patiently until the tight embrace of the fabric loosened its grip around her. Releasing a deep breath she didn't know she was holding, she let the ragged gown fall down to the floor with a soft rustle. She politely and mechanically thanked Remyus and stepped out of the heap of silk and velvet and sequins. She felt like she could fall asleep before she could even lay down onto the bed next to Varian's.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In the town underneath the beautiful castle of Corona, a young man was trying to sleep, but he just couldn't. True, he had managed to doze off in the cell, although it wouldn't be his best night ever, and there was daylight too. So he tried to convince himself that those were the reasons why he couldn't get a wink. Anything was better than letting in the frustration of having been shut away by the Queen and forced apart from Varian.

No, really, it wouldn't be easy for Phil to catch up on his lack of proper sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A few hours after she fell asleep, Arianna felt somebody touch her shoulder and shake it gently. She drifted in and out of sleep, and finally opened her confused eyes to meet the physician tired gaze.

"Remyus ?", she asked, still in a daze. "What is it ? Has the King come back yet ?"

And suddenly, remembering all at once, she gasped and turned her head to catch a glimpse of Varian. Her breathing hitched.

Said boy was still lying in his bed with the wet rag on his head, but she could hear him wheezing as he was breathing with difficulty. His eyes were closed, and his mouth open like he was trying to get as much air as possible.

Alarmed, she scrambled out of bed and laid the back of her hand on his cheek, his burning cheek. The fever had clearly gotten worse. The raspy cough that followed did little to ease her concerns.

"Oh no… Varian…". She whipped around. "What can I do to help, Remyus ?" she inquired.

But the old man hung his head, eyes searching, until he found the courage to look at her again.

"Your Majesty, I'm sorry. I didn't wake you up so you could tend to him. I have examined him, and he clearly shows the symptoms of pneumonia."

Arianna took an audible, sharp inhale. She didn't need to hear the words that would come next, she didn't want to. But she already knew.

"My Queen,", Remyus added solemnly, "according to the protocol of Corona, and for your own safety, I must ask you to leave this room immediately."


	72. Chapter 71 - Frustrations

**Hey all, thanks for reading the story chapter after chapter after chapter. Are you excited for season 3 to begin ? I know I am ! My concern is that I would like my fanfic to be consistent with canon stuff, so I might change my ending plans (which have been in my head for more than a year, but well...). But that will be for later. I'll see how it goes.**

 **It's quite late, so just a few comments on my behalf, but I'm sending my deepest thanks for your comments your way !**

 **EALM528, what can I say ? Um, you're right ? I will stop torturing the boy one day, I promise !**

 **Aperson, this is no silliness at all ! And I should have written "latest" instead of "last", hence the confusion. My bad !**

CHAPTER 71

Arianna clenched her shaking hands into fists. The procedure wasn't new to her. In the case of a contagious disease within the palace walls, the members of the royal family were to be kept as far as possible from the sick person, and she knew it.

"Besides, you haven't slept all night, Your Majesty", Remyus went on, convinced that the Queen would need more persuasion given the circumstances, "and the lack of sleep severely compromises your system's capacity to defend itself. Which is what probably happened to Varian. That, and…"

Remyus seemed to be at war with himself for a moment. Should he go on ? He cast a glance to the Queen, and the daggers her eyes were sending his way gave him the answer. He had spoken too much to turn back now.

"…well, the fact that his goggles had kept some water on the top of the lenses and the way his hair was plastered around his face… would tend to prove that he was wet at some point, and was probably left that way for hours in the damp cell."

Arianna's eyes went wide. She remembered she saw a bucket in the cell that looked like it had been tossed aside without much care, but hadn't paid much attention to it.

"Hans…" she muttered, anger rising inside her.

"Thank you, Your Majesty, for understanding", Remyus sighed while handing her her dressing gown (she was still wearing only her shift) and motioning her towards the door. "There is no need for 2 people to be at risk of being contaminated anyway. I will keep you informed, of course."

"No need….," she mustered, lost in her thoughts. She wasn't a doctor, but everybody knew that, although medical knowledge in Corona was one of the most advanced in the seven realms, they still couldn't cure everything. Statistically, one person out of three would perish from pneumonia. Especially the weak, the infants, and the elderly.

The elderly…

Arianna's posture stiffened as she planted her bare feet into the floor with determination.

"You're right. There is no need for two people to stay. You may leave, Remyus. I will stay here with Varian."

"Your Maj –"

"Listen to me, Remyus, I'm begging you. I can do this. Just tell me what I must do, prepare all the medication he will need, and I will take it from here."

"But –"

"I've spent several hours right next to him anyway. I've slept a bit, I'll be fine. You should take care of yourself, Remyus. You're more at risk than I am, and you know that." She felt bad for using the argument of age against the loyal physician, but she had to convince him. "What would we do if you got sick ?"

"I can't let you, you're the Queen and –"

"That's an order, Remyus", she stated with a calm, royal voice, "and I'm taking full responsibility for this." Her eyes softened as she braced herself to tell the true reason. "Besides… I'm not leaving him, Remyus. I just can't. I won't fail him again." She stepped forward and took his wrinkly hands in hers. "Please understand, old friend. He needs me."

Remyus looked at the Queen intently, realizing his Queen was willing to put her own life on the line for the boy, a peasant boy, one of her subjects. He let out a defeated breath and held out the dressing gown for her to take. He knew he couldn't change her mind, because this wasn't about social status anyway. This was about a woman who cared so much for a child that she would cross every line to follow her heart… and do the right thing for his sake.

"Keep the rag on his forehead cool and wet. Don't cover him too much, even if he has chills. We want that temperature of his to go down. He also needs fluids in his system, so make him drink regularly some water or linden infusion. If he's too unconscious to do so, at least keep his lips moist. I'll be back with some potions."

Arianna simply nodded and let Remyus make his leave. She turned to the sick boy, who was sleeping or unconscious, she wasn't sure. His skin was clammy with all the sweating and his lips held a blueish color. Short, panted breaths were the only sounds that could be heard in the small room. There was even something lingering in the air that felt sickly. She gently took hold of his wrist – the one not shackled to the bed – and felt his racing, irregular pulse.

Next to Varian, Ruddiger crooned sadly. He knew something was wrong with his boy, and the furry animal looked up, seeking reassurance in the lady's eyes. But she didn't seem to notice him, worry and sadness plastered on her face. So the raccoon laid down against Varian's side, ears pulled backwards. After a few seconds, though, he blenched when the teen's body suddenly shook with a violent fit of coughing. It jerked Varian awake, the combined pain in his head and his lungs unbearable. Arianna helped him turn onto his left side, letting the damp cloth on his head fall off, and rubbed soothing circles on his back. After many agonizing coughs, Varian let his body fall limply on his stomach, his chained arm stuck under his body. He closed his eyes and let out a rale. Every muscle in his small body was hurting, but the consuming burn in his chest was the worst and he felt unspeakably weak.

"…hurts…"

"Shhh… Don't speak, sweetheart", he heard the familiar voice whisper as he was flipped over to his back and propped into a half-sitting position against a steady arm, his head resting in the crook of an elbow. "I know it hurts, but you did very well. Here. Drink this." Varian felt a metal cup was pressed against his lips and soon afterwards the coolness of fresh water calmed the burning sensation in his mouth and throat. He took a couple of sips and then turned his head to cough some more, which left him unable to drink. Breathing was difficult, excruciating even. His whole body was shaking with chills and fatigue. He instinctively snuggled against the warmth of the body next to him – even if he was much warmer himself because of the fever, he felt he was very cold. But to his dismay, the soft arms laid him back down and within seconds, the cold and wet rag was placed on his forehand again. He moaned in protest and felt a soft hand stroke his cheek in response.

"Keep holding on, Varian. I'm here with you, you know I am. Rest now."

That simple touch against his face felt like it was the best thing in the world and if he had enough strength, Varian would have cried for it. The soothing words helping, he let himself drift off back to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At dusk on the following day, the pneumonia reached its height. If Varian seemed in a horrible condition to Arianna when she first saw him, it was nothing compared to what she was witnessing now. Of course, Remyus told her that it would happen, that it was a natural process that was to be expected. But even with all the information she needed to be able to tend to the young teen properly and not to panic, the force of the sickness in such a scrawny frame was scary.

The acute fever was raging on, radiating from him alarmingly. His breathing was loud and ragged. His eyes remained shut and he didn't respond to Arianna's or Ruddiger's touch anymore. From time to time, a few whimpers that may or may not have been words passed his blueish lips.

Frederic had come back from Epoisses earlier that day, and to say that he wasn't pleased with the situation about his wife was an understatement. Although part of him did admire her dedication, the perspective of her getting sick with pneumonia was highly reminiscent of the time he almost lost her, 19 years ago. And this time, there would be no magic flower. No miracle. But it was too late to turn back, now.

So ironic, he thought. His wife's life being in jeopardy for Varian's sake, him turning rogue, the black rocks invading Corona, the boy's father warning about the consequences of using the flower, Frederic's choice to ignore that because he was too scared to lose his family… So the circle comes back around.

Desperate not to let fear and anger in, the King kept himself busy. He made sure that Remyus would check on Alden's wound after their journey, while getting as much information from the physician as he could. He listened to the Captain's report with the greatest interest, barely concealing his frustration when the highly ranked soldier couldn't depict the entire picture. He sent for Hans, who answered with practiced serenity and chose his words wisely to justify his actions, just the way he did with the Queen.

There was something unnerving about the red-haired man, in his smug posture, his over-the-top confidence, or his lopsided smile when he spoke. As king, Frederic had learned years ago not to be deceived by appearances or fine words. He remembered the incident that occurred between Hans and Varian in the hallway a few days ago, when the boy was assigned to fix the crack his automaton made in the wall. He could never forget the raw anger and the obvious irritation of the teenager that day and wondered how much the lanky man could be trusted. But then again, the kid had been unpredictable before and Frederic didn't know what to make of those mood swings, no matter how hard he tried.

After hours of discussions and reflections, Frederic sat back in his throne and sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. As long as Varian would be unable to communicate his own version of the incident, there would still be too many grey areas.

But then, the King dropped his hand, his eyes lit with a new brightness.

There was one more person he needed to talk to.


	73. Chapter 72 -- I can't lose you

**I'm baaack ! I've been through a lot lately, but getting better. Still busy with moving. I've missed Varian and this story though !**

 **Your comments got me thinking, and I think you're right, guys, changing the ending because of season 3 is not necessarily a good idea. Well, we're not there yet anyway ! Let's see how Varian is doing...**

CHAPTER 72

 _Dear Remyus,_

 _Thank you for the latest instructions you gave me. Communicating by letters so as to avoid contagion sounds like a good idea indeed, and your knowledge is valuable beyond words. Thanks to you, I can manage Varian's care by myself._

 _Varian has slept throughout the night, although he's been quite agitated at times. Every now and then, he tries to speak but it comes out as a mumbling and most words I can't understand. His fever is so high, I'm not sure whether he's dreaming or delirious. He distinctly calls out his Dad's name over and over when his restlessness reaches its peak. It's like he's stuck in a never-ending nightmare and nothing seems to work to snap him out of it._

 _It's been next to impossible to get him to drink something for the past hours and I'm really worried that he's not having enough fluids in his system. I've tried the cup, and when he wouldn't respond to it, I've used the drinking horn with the leather spout, hoping he would instinctively take it. But to no avail._

 _I think I dozed off now and then during the night, and I slept a few hours before dawn, when he quieted down. I know I should get more rest, but ever since his state worsened last night, I'm scared he might pass away while I'm sleeping._

 _I'll keep holding on, Remyus. As long as I'm able._

 _I'd better try and make him drink once more. Wish me luck._

 _Queen Arianna._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The wooden door creaked as it was pushed open, letting the morning sunlight dart into the small room above the bakery. Phil didn't bother to open the shutters, neither when he got up at 4 o'clock to help his father with the breadmaking, nor now that he could get some downtime. Closing the door behind him, he shuffled his feet to reach his bed and collapsed face first on the coarse bedsheets.

Ever since Queen Arianna had dismissed him from his guard duty, Phil had been helping with the family business, but that was all that he could bring himself to do. He would spend the rest of his time upstairs, swallowed by the darkness of his tiny room. The stubble on his face was turning into a messy thing but he didn't care. He had no idea when he would be allowed back in the castle and that was driving him crazy. All he could think of was Varian screaming while Hans was dragging him into the cell. And then the deafening silence, all night. Worst of all, before Varian started to panic, the boy's icy blue eyes intensely glared at him with such intensity that they were always at the forefront of his mind.

Phil knew he deserved it, somehow. After all, when Hans displayed the chip of glass Varian was hiding, he felt suddenly shaken by doubt. Hans's assumptions were very plausible, in a way. For the umpteenth time, Phil's fingers curled up into fists and grabbed his hair. How had they come to this ? It all happened so fast. Everything was going pretty well, Varian was clearly getting better, and then, it only took the slightest flicker of doubt in his eyes to shatter Varian's trust. He had hurt the boy, Phil was sure of that. And he couldn't even go to him, check on him and apologize. Guilt and remorse were like two snakes intertwining around his heart, devouring it and feasting on it.

Phil didn't even jolt when a knock was heard through the door. He only wished he could be left alone and didn't make a single move, foolishly hoping that, if he didn't respond, they would walk away.

"Phil ? Son ? Can I come in ?", his father's muffled voice called out.

Phil's strategy proved itself useless, as the man opened the door anyway.

"Your stepmother agreed to be in charge of the bakery for a while", he said awkwardly, looking for the best way to start this conversation. It was painful to him to see his son like this. As a boy, Phil would be curious about everything, and often set his mind on finding new recipes to help his parents. His enthusiastic and loving little boy.

Unfortunately, his behaviour changed dramatically when his mother died. Phil had just turned eight and he had spent the afternoon playing with other children. When he came back home, the doctor was there, as well as a few neighbours, and his father was very sad.

Then time passed, as it always does, and the boy turned into a teenager and the teenager into a young man. Having to help his father at the bakery had made him more mature, in a tragic way. He would still be proud to be there for his father, but his innocence was gone. Maybe that was the reason why he decided to become a guard instead of taking over the bakery. Somehow, making bread in that kitchen where his mother would always hum songs while baking had become less and less bearable over the years.

His face still buried in his pillow, Phil felt his father sit down on the bed next to him. Silence followed.

"He would be the same age", the older man suddenly stated quietly.

Phil's eyes went wide and he turned his head toward the voice.

"…what ?"

"Your brother. He would be the same age as Varian, wouldn't he ?"

Phil's lip quivered as his mind reeled. It had been fourteen years since his mother died while pregnant and about to give birth. How had he not realized this ?

"Son… I know it's hard for you to be away from the castle at the moment, but you know the Queen will take good care of him."

"B…But…", Phil stammered as tears prickled at the corners of his eyes, "but I let him down, Dad. I wasn't there for him when he needed me the most. And… and even now, I'm still…."

"You can't help him right now, and that's okay, Phil. Varian… he's not your brother. There had been some unexpected complications, and we couldn't save him or your mother. You know they didn't die because you weren't there. They died because it happened. It was unfair, but that is what happened. And there's nothing you could have done."

Phil's heart sank. How did his father know ? Phil had always blamed himself for not having been there when his mother died. He never got to say goodbye. And worst of all, he strongly believed for years that if he had been there, maybe… maybe things would have been different ?

He felt his father's steady hand around his shoulder, and he lost it. He sobbed into his pillow, pain and sadness overflowing in hot tears. Why did he have to feel so helpless all his life ?

"Varian will be alright, son, and you'll be together again. Just give it a little bit of time."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _Remyus,_

 _I know I wrote to you only a short while ago, but Varian opened his eyes this morning. He's still feverish and confused – he didn't even seem to recognize me. But at least he was able to drink some linden decoction from the horn. Hopefully that will help bring his fever down. He's weak from the lack of food and severe coughing, but for now, he's gone back to sleep peacefully._

 _I have massaged his chest with the salve you made to treat his lungs. Ruddiger doesn't seem too keen on the smell, but it's probably effective._

 _I really hope Varian's condition will significantly improve by the end of the day. He's either sleeping or having nightmares, he's sweating a lot and can't eat._ _I'm not sure how long he will_

 _Thank you for your assistance, Remyus. I'll write again soon._

 _Queen Arianna_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It had been a while since Phil's father had gone downstairs, back to the bakery to welcome the many customers that would soon swarm into the little shop to get some freshly baked bread.

Phil's cries had gradually calmed down, as he realized that the memory of his lost mother and brother had subconsciously taken over his mind. His father was right, the situation with Varian was entirely different.

He couldn't be by the boy's side yet, but that didn't mean something would happen to him in the meantime. And it wouldn't bring his mother back either, although that was something that the child within him was still desperately clinging onto.

Still, Phil missed Varian more than he could admit. But he didn't have a choice, he tried to reason with himself as he was sitting on the edge of his bed. He couldn't go past the Queen's orders, or he might get fired for good, and that was the last thing he wanted.

A chiming, young voice behind the door calling his name brought him out of his reverie. He instantly knew who it was. The youngest of his half-sisters, Colette, was up and of course, she would try to get him to go out and play with her. Again.

Indeed, a red-haired little girl with pink cheeks popped her head by the door with a grin.

"Not now, Colette. Leave me alone, please. I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood", Phil sighed, fully aware that he had said the very same thing the days before. But right now, it plainly seemed impossible for Phil to go out and play carelessly and laugh about trivial things.

The little girl's eyes seemed to be pondering over something for a second or two, and then she casually replied :

"Oh, ok, I guess your visitor has to come back later, then."

Phil buried his head in his hands.

"Well, you can tell Alden that he's wasting his time once more. I don't want to go out", he mumbled.

"Nuh-huh, " Colette said, shaking her head from left to right with so much energy that her pigtails flew in the air, "not Alden. But he doesn't want you to go out, he only wants to come in", she replied with the full innocence of her five years.

"Wait, what ?". Phil looked up, just before stopping dead in his tracks. By the door, there stood a large silhouette with a long coat and heavy boots. Light shone wanly from behind him, casting soft rays around his frame, and shimmering playfully on his golden crown.


	74. Chapter 73-- Past and Present

**Oooh it's been a long time, and I can't thank you guys enough for your amazing, loving messages of support. I do love writing, and sometimes, getting a sudden reminder of WHY I do it (for you !) just makes my day. Thank you thank you for being still here ! You're all fantastic !**

 **And we've had 9 episodes in season 3 ! I especially loved "Be very afraid", as you probably can guess. Also, Varian's redemption in episode 1, though a bit rushed (compared to my standards !), was nicely done.**

 **I'd love to expand, but I'm leaving tomorrow morning for London aaaaaand... I'm going to see Jeremy Jordan in concert on Sunday night ! I'm so excited !**

 **So I just wanted to pop in, give you guys a new chapter and let you know I'm still here and not done yet !**

CHAPTER 73

Varian opened his eyes and blinked several times to take in the surroundings he couldn't recognize. Where was he just before ? He couldn't remember. The place was dark and empty except for a faint glimmer of light in the distance.

Not knowing what else to do, Varian started to walk. He noticed that the floor under his feet was hard, but his footsteps wouldn't make any sound.

As he got closer to the speck of light, all he could see was a large mirror, taller than himself and lavishly decorated. He searched for the source of light that reflected on the cold, hard surface, but found none. Only his reflection greeted him with a lopsided smile.

Except that Varian wasn't smiling at all.

His reflection was staring at him with mischievous eyes and the sassy look that, he, Varian, had constantly on his face, not so long ago, especially when he trapped the King and Rapunzel in the goo of his invention, and forced the Princess to let him use her hair to free his father.

Confused, Varian stared back, mouth open but the words were stuck in his throat.

"Surprised ?" the reflection asked teasingly.

"Who… who are you ?" Varian managed.

The reflection roared with laughter.

"I am you," it grinned."Don't be afraid. I came here to comfort you."

"Wh…what do you mean ?" the boy stammered.

"Oh, I know you feel lost. All those people who never understood you, who never cared. They are the guilty, all of them, and now they're blaming you for nearly taking down their kingdom. They're so afraid of you, because you are so much smarter. You could overthrow this kingdom with ease and they hate you for it."

'No… no", Varian stumbled upon his words as he tried to gather his thoughts, "no, it's not like that. I… I did terrible things, I know that, but they don't hate…. no, they're trying to help me. They know I've never wanted all this to happen…"

"Oh but you did," the reflection slurred. "Don't you remember ? You meant every single thing that you said and did. Even when you stole the flower, you were so jealous of Rapunzel that you wanted to take everything away from her, namely her father's trust and love. You've been wanting to hurt them all along. How couldn't they hate you for that ?"

"You… you don't know anything !" he screamed, his hands over his ears. "Just… just be quiet !"

The voice wouldn't stop and Varian started to panic. It wasn't coming from the reflection, it was actually in his head and there was no escape from it.

"You deserve what's happening to you," the reflection jeered.

"NO ! No ! Stop ! The Queen, she… she cares for me, I know she does !"

"She's only pretending. Can't you see she only seeks to have full control over you, so you don't try to destroy them again ? In time, by making you believe they're your friends, they will use you for your knowledge and intelligence. And you won't even notice that you became their good, obedient little plaything."

"Shut up ! You're lying ! you're lying !". Varian was crying desperately now, more to himself than to the reflection, squeezing his eyes shut and letting fat tears roll down his cheeks.

"No one believes in you, Varian. I know it's painful, but you have to face it. Who could ever, really ? You shame even your own father."

"SHUT UP !" Varian screamed at the top of his lungs. Suddenly, his body wasn't his to control anymore, and he felt himself lunge forward in rage and smash the mirror with his both hands clenched into fists.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It took a moment for Phil to regain his composure and get some control back on his dropped jaw. The King ? in his house ? Those were two things he never thought he'd see together. It just didn't make sense. Awkwardly, he stood up from his bed, dusted himself off a couple of times -like that would be enough to straighten his wrinkled clothes and unkempt hair – and put one knee on the ground, his head down.

"Your Majesty…"

"Good morning, Phil", the King greeted, his voice as solemn as if this was an official court session. The large man stepped inside, doing his best to conceal the twitch on his nose as a not-so-pleasant smell reached his nostrils. He fought the urge to open the window and the shutters to get some proper light and especially fresh air.

"I came here because I need to hear your version regarding what happened between Varian and Hans. Can you tell me about it ?"

The young guard knew by experience that since the King had started the conversation, he was allowed to stand, but he chose to stay down, on knee against the dusty flooring of his bedroom. He did his best to ignore the lump in his throat, fighting against a weird feeling he couldn't understand, a lurking guilt that ate at him even though he wasn't the one who hurt the boy. The shameful remorse of having been so powerless to protect Varian made his stomach lurch in an almost permanent fashion. The harshness of the Queen when she sent him off finished to convince him that he deserved to be shut out by her. And by Varian.

He sighed.

"I… I'm not sure how the argument started, Sire", he began, looking away, "but I'll tell you what I know."

He steadied himself with a deep breath, fully aware that the King wouldn't leave him alone until he knew why that fight ended up with him and Varian in two cells, and leaving the Queen upset enough to send the loyal guard away from the castle and the boy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't the first time Varian had nightmares since he was in the castle. They were one of the reasons why a bed had been set up next to Varian's for the Queen to use.

So, finding Varian crying and thrashing in his sleep was nothing new to Arianna. Every time it happened, she would hold him close and whisper soft words to calm him down and lull him back to sleep. Sometimes it would work straight away, sometimes it required more time and additional strokes in his hair. In the aftermath, he would never have the strength, or maybe the will, to tell what scared him so much, even after the night. Arianna had noticed more than once how his jaw locked and his gaze intensified when she would ask him to open up to her, as if he was terrified of something he refused to call by name. But at least, she would always manage to soothe his nerves enough for him to get more rest.

This time though, the fever were making the effects of the nightmares on Varian so much worse. The raw screams, the tension on his face that would contort his features, the way a sudden rush of sweat would drench him in no time. The impossibility to snap him out of his trance. No matter how soft the words, how comforting the caresses, nothing would bring him back to reality and thus, to some sort of relief.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Phil, lad…" Frederic ventured after the guard finished to report the events of that night. "I'm sure the Queen isn't as mad at you as you imagine."

"Maybe you're right, Your Majesty, but…". He hesitated. "But… to be honest, it's not the glare of the Queen that haunts me the most. It's… Varian's."

"What do you mean ?"

"For a split second, he… he looked at me, straight in the eyes, and he was staring at me with such…hard, cold eyes. You see, I doubted him for a moment, and he saw that." Phil let out a defeated sigh before adding under his breath : "He hates me."

Despite having been trained from an early age not to let himself be overrun by his emotions, Frederic's heart sank as the despair in the young man's body language and voice was clear and painful to see. If only he could talk to the Queen straight away, he would make this right. If only Varian wasn't badly sick with pneumonia…

The King suddenly felt very tempted to tell Phil about Varian's medical condition. The wait would be more acceptable, because of the contagion hazard. That would give enough time for the Queen to cool off, and Phil to get back to his old self.

He opened his mouth, still searching for a way to report the latest news with tact, but then decided against it. There was no need to worry the young lad about something he couldn't help. He wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere near Varian by Remyus, let alone the Queen anyway.

Yet the thought of keeping secrets sent another pang to his heart, as he remembered where secrets had gotten him into so far… the rocks spreading over the kingdom… the anger of Rapunzel when she found out he had lied to her… the boy losing everything after his father got encased in amber, his wife and daughter in danger…

Torn between two choices, between past and present, Frederic's hands clenched into fists of their own accord. Not for the first time, he wished that he didn't have to fit those royal shoes that implied so many responsibilities.


	75. Chapter 74 -- In the dark In the sun

**Hey, long time no see... or write ! Good news are, I'm officially done with my old place, and managing only one place to live will be so much easier ! And hopefully, I can get back to my hobbies and passion for Tangled :))**

 **Thank you all for not giving up on this story and being still there ! I have expanded a bit on Varian's mental state, which is not helped by his physical condition... I hope it's not boring, but it's been quite some time since I've written the former chapter, and it also helped to getting my head into the story !**

 **WARNING FOR GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS, INCLUDING BLOOD, INJURIES AND SELF HARM TRIGGERS. DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ, OR MORE IMPORTANT, IF YOU THINK IT CAN UPSET YOU, DON'T READ EITHER !**

 **You have been warned.**

CHAPTER 74

Tight angry fists smashed the mirror with such desperate strength that a star-like shaped up immediately on the once flawless surface, dividing the sneering reflection into multiple images of itself, broken and overlapping. Varian saw its sassy grin, still there, still mocking and taunting him, piercing his mind and soul.

The boy sucked in a deep breath, his teeth clenched hard as a fresh wave of rage washed through his body, rose his fists in the air and slammed them down again with all his might and a wild roar.

The mirror shattered into dozens of pieces, sharp, uneven shards that took a purple color and now littered the floor around Varian's feet in a heap that was bigger that it should have been.

 _Varian…_

 __Short, raspy breath caused less by the physical effort than the swelling of anger in his chest, Varian looked where his reflection was standing a second before. In its stead was a large silhouette dressed in crimson red. His father, within arms' reach, was looking back at him, his expression unreadable and his body very still.

"Dad ?" Varian uttered under his breath. Shaken by the sudden appearance, the boy lost his balance, his legs no longer supporting his light weight. As he tried to stay on his feet, sharp edges of the shards sliced the tender skin on his legs.

"Ah !", Varian cried out, desperately trying to support himself, torn between looking down to find a stable position and close his eyes not to see the blood that started to bead in multiple places along the cuts. He shot his head up to meet his father eyes, desperately prompting him without words to come and get him out of this mess. But the bulky man was still standing there, a frown dawning on his face.

"Dad ! Help !", he cried out, but panic seized him and he lost the little coordination that could have kept him up and steady. He fell forward on his knees, his hands and forearms digging into the heap of glass and stinging all over instantly. Varian realized in horror his skin was bare. Where were the thick, protective gloves he never took off ?

 _Varian…_

While his legs remained trapped in the countless chips of glass, hidden from his view, Varian's reaction was to immediately raise his hands to look at them. His eyes told him what his aching body already knew : so many welts covered his hands and arms that he couldn't count them. They drew red lines, overlapping and crossing all over his pale skin, and they grew redder with each passing second as they were weeping scarlet blood.

"Dad ?", Varian ventured in a trembling voice, barely able to look away from the pool of red before his eyes. Nothing came, not a soft word nor a comforting hand on his shoulder. Eyes wide and mouth agape with panic, Varian was shaking all over as he looked up from beneath his dark bangs with watery eyes.

 _Varian…_

Scorn pierced his soul and hurt him more than any of his wounds. He had seen disappointment in his father's eyes before, but never… like this. Without a sound, they were yelling at him ; "What have you done, Varian ? How could I ever be proud of you ?"

"Dad…" the boy whimpered, close to fainting.

His father's lips never parted, but Varian could hear his words as if the voice came from his own head.

"You're not my son. You no longer have a father, and it's all your fault."

With that, Varian watched as the large figure turned around with heavy shoulders and walked away. Varian reached out a bloody hand but he felt a heavy cuff of metal holding it back.

"DAD ! DAD ! DA-AA-D !"

 _"_ _VARIAN !"_

 _*slap*_

The shattered mirror was gone in an instant, and so were the glass shards around him. Instead, the boy suddenly found himself sitting on his bed, screaming his father's name one more time. Suddenly, the Queen's pale and worried face was close to his, and she was holding his upper arms to steady him. He struggled to catch his breath and found he couldn't speak. His face was wet and his left cheek was stinging.

"Varian…" the Queen said softly. "It's ok, everything's fine, it's me. You're safe. It was a dream, Varian. Just a dream."

Varian's chest felt like it was about to explode, although he couldn't tell if it was an infection in his lungs due to pneumonia or the emotional overload.

"I'm sorry about your cheek, Varian. I tried everything to wake you up. You…."

She trailed off as the kid's hazy and wild eyes made her change her mind. Now was not the time to tell him how he was totally out of control, crying a flood of tears and flinging himself from one side to the other in his sleep. Ruddiger had been kicked off the bed in the process and his boy's screams had scared him to such an extent that the chubby animal was still half hidden under the small table opposite Varian's bed.

"I hope it's not too painful" she said simply as she laid her hand on his smarting cheek. Varian's skin didn't feel as warm as before, but that was probably because he was drenched in cold sweat. "Are you ok ?"

Alarmed, Varian flinched at her touch. Not out of daze or confusion. Nor out of rebellion or anger, he was way beyond that. No, he couldn't let her touch him. He couldn't let her feel how much he was shaking. The visions from his nightmare kept swirling at the forefront of his mind, fear and guilt stabbing his heart repeatedly. He couldn't talk, he couldn't breathe, and he felt so overwhelmed by emotion that he felt that lurking, ugly urge to feel some sort of physical pain instead of this mental torture sneaking in again.

Stifling a cry of anguish, he scrambled back out of her immediate reach, his back hitting the headboard in his haste. On the other hand, his left arm wouldn't go any further because of the metal cuff. Cornered, the boy turned his back to the Queen, brought his knees to his chest and flung his right arm over his head, hiding his face. A futile, childish attempt to make her leave him alone, but everything in his body language betrayed his inner turmoil.

Seconds passed, with Varian's laboured breathing the only sound to be heard. Then the teen felt the mattress collapse a bit next to him, as if somebody was placing there something a bit heavy with great care. A soft croon followed, along with a small paw on his thigh. Next, he registered that something soft and warm was draped over his shoulders and back. The skin on the back of his neck recognized the silky velvet he used as a shawl earlier.

"I'll give you a minute, Varian," Arianna said in a calm tone, "a few, actually. I'll heat up some broth for you, and I would like you to try and eat some."

Arianna knew better than invade Varian's personal space when he was clearly not ready. She turned around and went for a fat tureen on the table.

Calming down a little, Varian lifted his head slowly and watched her as she poured the broth in a saucepan so she could heat it up in the fireplace. Respectful of his privacy, she didn't cast a single glance to him.

The Queen's words had come out like a statement, not a request. She was set on getting him to fill his stomach, and he didn't feel like it if he were to be honest, yet he mostly felt grateful for her to grant him some air for now. Even though he knew her well enough to assume she would pry later about his nightmare, like she always did.

His eyes fell on the concerned eyes of his raccoon. He tried to smile, but feared he would start to cry again if he did so. He simply stretched his legs so Ruddiger would be able to climb on his lap. Once the hairy, soft hairball huddled against his friend, making him feel safe and warm, Varian let his free hand leave his shaggy head to pet him.

The Queen was now stirring the broth quietly over the fire, the soft, regular sound of the spoon drawing circles in the saucepan almost soothing. Varian let his head rest again the wooden headboard of his bed. He started into space, and there could have been anything but the dull stone wall facing him and he wouldn't even notice it. He felt tense all over, his hand on Ruddiger already completely still as he got lost in his thoughts. He knew he would get no sleep before long because of the memories of his nightmare.

It was an awful vision, seeing all that blood dripping from his arms and legs, thick and warm. He hated and recoiled from blood and could even remember registering pain in his dream, and yet, he yearned to feel it for real. He longed to see the red liquid swell and flow down from fresh cuts. He needed the rush he would feel in his body, proving he could be stronger than fear, stronger than pain. It didn't make sense, it didn't feel right, but he couldn't help it. In a twisted way he failed to understand, the stinging on his cheek felt almost good, a welcome distraction somehow, although it was fading now. He only had a few more seconds to focus on that dull ache before it would be gone, leaving him empty and vulnerable to his fears.

He grabbed a fistful of the bedsheet in his hand and bit his lower lip in frustration. His eyes were glistening from tears threatening to swell. He couldn't do anything to relieve the pain the way his body and mind demanded and had no clue how to deal with it otherwise. He wouldn't allow himself to cry either, no matter how badly he wanted to. Before he knew it, he felt a metallic taste in his mouth. Had he bitten his lip that hard ?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You know what I think, Phil ?" Frederic said after a moment of silence. "I think Varian needs your presence and your support, more than ever." The King held out his hand, offering Phil to take it to stand. The young guard stretched his own hand meekly and it was met by a firm grip that hauled him up and drove him to sit on the edge of the bed. Frederic sat down as well, and the two men would have been at eye level, equally seated if Phil hadn't kept a hunched posture, his elbows resting on his knees and his eyes looking away like the dust in the corner of his room was the most interesting thing in the world.

"I know there is no reason why you should believe me," the King continued in a soft voice that Phil had rarely heard. "That's why you should have a talk with Varian."

"I doubt he'll want to listen to me," he merely scoffed, not caring If he was sounding rude to his Royal guest. "You know how stubborn he can be." At that, Frederic couldn't hold back a light chuckle. "How did I come to this ?", Phil went on, more to himself than to the King. "How did I even let Hans lay a finger on him ?"

"It sounds like I need another conversation with this Hans. And as for you, young man," he added as he rose, "I would like you to stop beating yourself up and take matters into your own hands. You have three days to rest, get some sleep and clear your head. I will speak to the Queen and will make sure you will be reassigned to Varian's watch."

 _If the boy makes it, he thought to himself._

"And If I may, you have no time to lose. You wouldn't want Varian to see you like this, would you ?" he added as he gestured to Phil's slumped frame and unkempt hair.

Without giving time for Phil to reply, Frederic turned and stepped out, leaving the door wide open and allowing a ray of sun to come in. Phil stayed frozen for a minute, his mind trying to process what just happened. Debating with himself, his eyes darted from one side to the other as his thoughts raced.

Then, he finally straightened his back, stood up and went for the window. Shutters creaked angrily as they were flown open, welcoming the daylight even though Phil's eyes hurt and squinted into the brightness.

Time to shave, brush his hair and let Colette know he was dying to play with her in the sunlight.


	76. Chapter 75 - Finding the light

**Thank you guys, for still sticking to this story, and special thanks for those you left the reviews and make my day (and it's a nice push for me to keep going !), you guys are A-ma-zing !**

 **I don't use AO3 yet, but I've had that request before, so it's in my to-do pile... no promises yet, but I'll let you now if I start publishing there !**

 **Have some fluff, for once ! Doesn't Tangleboi deserve it ten times over ? :)**

CHAPTER 75

Several moments passed in a deafening silence in the small room, where Varian was still huddled up against the wooden headboard of his bed, his back turned away from the Queen. Even though she wasn't saying anything, he could feel her gaze on his nape. Why wouldn't she leave him alone for once ?

Little did he know that the woman was nowhere to leave him unattended after the confession he made earlier to hurt himself. In the state of semi-consciousness induced by Remyus' powerful poppy medicine, Varian himself had no clue he had let that slip off his tongue. But Arianna could think of nothing else and was determined to keep the boy safe thanks to her constant watch. That felt a much easier thing to do than bring up the topic.

Unaware of the real reason for the silence between them, Varian only knew he wasn't sure how he would react to one of the Queen's soothing endearments that used to warm up his heart. The memory of his reflection assessing that nobody actually cared and that they all were just pretending was still too vivid in his mind.

The dim light in the room told Varian that it was almost night time. When did he fall asleep again ? How many days had passed since he left the dungeon ? He had lost count. While darkness was closing in, the flickering glow from the fireplace seemed to bring a new atmosphere.

With nothing else to do, Varian started to focus on his beloved Ruddiger. The chubby raccoon felt warm and reassuringly heavy on his lap. Small, black eyes met blue eyes with concern. Using his teeth, the teen peeled off the leather glove from the hand that wasn't cuffed so he could feel the fur beneath his fingers. It was softer than Varian had ever realized before. Gradually, he started to calm down. The strong urge to cut faded away, not disappearing completely but that was a start.

When Arianna pulled up a chair to sit next to the bed, Varian didn't even stir, and a pang of worry showed on her face. From where she was, the boy's prostration was alarming, but she forced herself to keep her distance and speak in a quiet tone.

"How are you feeling, Varian ?" he heard as he heard two metal objects being put down on the bedside table – the bowl with the broth she was heated up, probably, and ?... a candle ?

Varian shrugged.

"…'m okay… I guess…". Boy, he hated to behave like that, but he couldn't help it.

"I'll need more details than that, Varian", she replied, no hint of annoyance in her voice, only softness or… tiredness ? "How's your head, your chest ? Any more fever ?"

Varian pondered for a moment, his back still towards her.

"My head hurts a little… and… my lungs are burning when I take deep breaths but it's not as bad as before. Not sure about the fever."

"Will you let me check your temperature, Varian ? And after that, I would like you to eat something before you go back to sleep."

Varian flinched. He didn't want to go back to sleep. Oh, he certainly was drained beyond words, no matter how many hours he had slept. But the mere thought of closing his eyes again sent shivers up his spine.

The boy said nothing and slowly started to move. If he did as she said, maybe she'll eventually leave.

"I'm not really hungr-", he admitted as he turned around but his words died on his tongue. In the quivering, yellowish light brought by a fat candle, the Queen's face looked… exhausted. Varian was shocked by the dark bangs under her eyes and her worn features. She was smiling at him, but it was a weary smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. It didn't help that her hair fell loosely around her face, the thick locks that were once secured at the back of her head messy and dishevelled. She had cast her gown and corset aside, and was wearing a simple nightgown, which was a very unusual attire for royalty unless in private chambers. Obviously, within the past few hours, decorum had gone out the window.

Varian's sudden expression of pained surprise startled Arianna.

"What's wrong, Varian ?" she tilted her head as she asked.

In response, the boy clenched his jaw, new feelings taking over. He felt sad, but not for feeling lost this time. He felt confused, but not because of his own emotions. He felt sorry, but not for himself.

Tears started to well up in his eyes as he stared at her, unable to look away if he had wanted to. How long had she gone without sleep or any form of rest for his sake ? Had she borne the worry, the concern, to the point of neglecting her own well-being ?

Leaving Ruddiger's fur, his right hand reached out, like he needed to use it to confirm what his eyes were seeing, and touched her cheek before she could register what was happening. She didn't falter, though, and let him feel her skin under his.

"….I'm sorry", he whispered.

Arianna's eyes opened wide at the unexpected apology but she quickly caught herself and smiled at him, leaning into his touch.

"Don't be, Varian. It's all right. You have nothing to blame yourself for."

Varian kept looking intensely at her, all doubts about her sincerity gone. Another familiar feeling gnawed at him again, making him bite his lip anew. Remorse.

Varian's eyes then became unfocused as he stared at nothing but his mind was racing. Deciding quickly, he turned his head and locked eyes with Ruddiger, determination on his face. A simple nod from the boy, almost imperceptible, and the raccoon darted away and out of the room.

"Wh… what happened ?" Arianna asked in confusion. 'What did you ask Ruddiger to do ?"

"Something I should have done a while ago, Your Majesty. And… I'm really sorry for all the trouble I've caused you. I'll eat up the broth, I'll do my best at least. And I'll rest some more. You shouldn't worry about me, I'm feeling a bit better than before now."

Arianna smiled, a genuine smile this time, mixed with relief. Unable to hold it back anymore, she flung her arms around his skinny frame. Tears were shed, from both sides, exhaustion as much as mutual fondness and happiness bringing them.

The two had barely pulled away from each other when the furry raccoon scurried back into the room, the cuff key in his mouth glistering in the candlelight.


	77. Chapter 76 - I must

**Hi everyone ! December sure flew by quickly, but it's also been a bit harder to get into writing these days. I'm not calling it a writer's block, maybe just, you know, the lowest point of the wave. Anyway, back on track and I hope you'll like this chapter ! Thank you all for your comments, new and long-time readers !**

 **I hope you had a lovely Chirstmas, if it's something you celebrate, or that you at least get to spend quality times with your loved ones for the end of the year. You are great, you are wonderful and unique people, and you deserve to be loved.**

 **On with the story...**

CHAPTER 76

Varian wasn't sure he wanted to wake up from what had been a peaceful sleep of recovery. Refusing to crack his eyes open, he gradually became aware of the unpredictable sounds of crackling fire and the softness of the sheets covering him. His pillow felt plump and welcoming, like his head just belonged there and was never meant to leave it. An inviting smell was lingering in the air – stew, maybe ?

Clatter came suddenly, startling, irritating. It came with an audible gasp and then the turmoil ended as quickly as it started with one last clang.

 _No… Just… just let me sleep, just a little more._

It was too late, and he knew it. With a groan he was unable to repress, Varian stirred and rolled onto his side. It felt so nice and warm, too bad he was tugged awake this way.

Something small connected with his cheek, both soft and spiky. Heavy eyelids opened half-way to reveal in a blur the furry face of Ruddiger.

"Hey, buddy…", Varian slurred in a sleepy voice, letting his eyes close again. "…knew t'was you…", he added, referring to the familiar feeling on his paw on his skin.

"Varian !"

The boy had no time to process where the spontaneous cry came from, as his whole body was forced onto his back again by someone rushing over to him and embracing his frame into a fierce hug.

"Varian, you're awake !"

Varian tried to open his eyes but had to blink several times, the soft glowing light from candles and fireplace too much for him after so many hours of sleep. It took him a few seconds until a round, beaming face swam into focus.

"E… Elora ?" he stuttered. Somehow it felt like ages since he last saw her and he couldn't pinpoint why. "Uh, hi ! What's up ?" he asked sheepishly.

"Oh, Varian, are you kidding me ? You are ! You're awake at last. Well, I'm sorry, I dropped that bowl and I probably woke you up, but… after all I'm not sorry ! You're out of danger. Your fever broke last night and Remyus said you'd be fine once you'd wake up and…"

"And you should let him come back to his senses and rest, young lady", another voice interrupted, which Varian recognized as old Ethel's. "You'd better get him some fresh water now."

"Yes, Grandma", Elora grudgingly replied and hopped off the bed.

"Oh, no, she doesn't have to… I mean…I'm fine, really…", Varian started, but a fit of coughing seized him and left him unable to say more. He could only grimace through the burning sensation in his lungs.

Ethel sighed and came closer to rub his back.

"Easy now, lad. You haven't quite recovered yet. You'll have to give it time", she soothed while pushing him firmly back on the bed. "Elora, we really need that water now", she added over her shoulder to the young maiden who was still standing there, wincing at Varian's pain. She nodded and rushed out of the room.

"Varian, listen up. The pneumonia is receding and you're no longer contagious, Remyus said. But that's no reason for fooling around. No straining yourself. And until further notice, you follow my instructions, understood ?"

"Um, oh, ok", he quickly acknowledged, taken a bit off guard by Ethel's forceful ways. Sure, she was often straight both in words and body language, and that made Varian feel very much like a little boy who'd better heed her words and reply when prompted. But at the same time, there was care in her voice, and gentleness in her touch. He remembered feeling such gentleness before….

That's when realization hit him like a bolt.

"The Queen ?", he gasped, sitting up once again and looking around frantically. "Where is the Queen ?"

In response, Ethel laid her hands on his shoulders to calm the boy down.

"You're not being reasonable, Varian. Lie back down now. The Queen… is not available at the moment."

Varian gave her a questioning look, eager to know more. When Ethel remained silent, he came up with a logical explanation by himself, like he always would.

"Right… right ", he repeated, his shoulders sagging under the lady's hands. It made sense. She had spent so much time with him lately, nursing him back to health with all the energy she had... Now he was better, she was probably back to her royal duties. Or did she go and get the rest she clearly deserved ? He could only hope so.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Frederic was pacing up and down the hall, his hands clenched behind his back. For those who knew the King, they knew it was a sure sign he was being nervous.

At least, the Captain knew it too well. Feeling thickness in the air, he cleared his throat before speaking.

"I have followed your orders, Your Majesty. My most trusted men are assigned to the prisoner's keeping until Alden and Phil are back on duty. I have specified they need to keep a watchful eye on him, of course."

No answer came, not even a nod as the pacing continued.

"And Hans will go on with the stable chores until further notice, so we minimize the chances he can get to the boy. Until we have all the information about that incident, that is."

Frederic came to a halt, not even bothering to look at the Captain. Instead, he turned to the window and gazed outside as if there was something deeply interesting in the garden. It was only mid-morning, and the Captain of the Guard knew it was going to be a long day for all of them. Of course, the King had been under a lot of stress since coming back from Epoisses. Having to accept his wife's choice to take care of Varian herself was not an easy thing to do for a start, and now… Frederic feared he and his wife would both pay the price for that.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elora came back swiftly with a jug of water which Varian drank eagerly. Panting for more with every gulp he took, he realized only then how much he needed it. Then it took more coaxing from Ethel to convince the boy to lay back down until his food would be served.

The truth was that, although still weak, Varian was feeling fine enough to dread having to lie awake with nothing to do expect be bored to no end. He knew every bit of this room by heart, every small crack in the ceiling or missing stones on the walls. Besides… now he was fully awake and conscious, he knew that unwanted thoughts and feelings would come back, taking control of him and dragging him down to a pit of darkness again. His father was still trapped in amber (or at least, he supposed so, it was too scary to ask), and he was still responsible for it. He was still a prisoner in this castle for committing high treason and threatening the Princess and the Queen's lives. After a few weeks within these walls, he was still getting nowhere.

And there he was, lying in a bed that, even though it was plain and simple, was more comfortable that any he had known. It was too comfortable, when all he deserved was a hard cot in a prison cell.

His hands balled into fists as his whole body started to tense again.

He was pulled out from his dark thoughts by voices he didn't recognize at first. Two voices, two men, by the depth of their tone. But they were bickering like children and didn't even bother to stop as they came in.

"And I'm telling you, the King was looking at ME when he underlined very clearly how he was putting all his trust in us", claimed the skinny one, "He knows I'm the clever one, admit it !"

"Funny you should say that, because I distinctly recall that he gave ME a nod, his eyes into mine, as he dismissed us. Body language can be more eloquent than words, you know", his colleague with a moustache assured him.

"You've always been jealous of the attention I get from the King !"

"Look who's talkin-"

"Stan ! Pete !", Ethel interrupted, exasperation in her voice. "Can't you two knock it off for a minute ? There's a patient who needs rest here !", she argued, her hand pointing to the boy.

Though she had managed to silence the two guards pretty well, she became silent herself, as she saw that Varian had rolled on his side, his arms wrapped around himself.

He had recognized the two men. They were the same guards who were standing by the rear of the cart, looking at him with scornful eyes as he was arrested and taken inside the tiny, moving prison.

His back still turned to everyone else in the room, Varian brought his knees to his chest. He felt bitterly disappointed with himself. He naively believed he was over this, he really did. He shouldn't care one bit for what those dumb guards thought of him. And yet, there he was, shaking nervously and wracked anew with frustration, anger and… sadness. The mere sight of their faces had brought back so many memories to the surface, and not even Ruddiger's gentle pats or Elora's spontaneous concern could snap him out of it.

"There !", Stan interjected. "You've done it now !"

"What, me ? You have upset him with your voice !", Pete replied vehemently.

"Excuuuuse me, Sir, but you have the most nasal tone of voice, here."

"Well, at least, I'm the one the King is trusting with the prisoner while the Queen is sick !"

"PETE !", Ethel shouted out to him.

"What ?", Pete shrieked.

"We weren't supposed to tell, clever one," Stan spelled out for him while smacking the back of the thin guard's head with this gloved hand. "Remember when the King said : "do not mention her having contracted pneumonia" ?"

Ethel facepalmed.

"Out… the two of you…. Just get out," she mumbled, barely containing her frustration.

"Varian, no !" came Elora's desperate cry. Ethel whipped her head and saw the little girl trying to make him stay in bed. But the teen was already swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, determination back in his eyes. Ignoring Elora, he stood up, but he immediately felt like he was on a ship. His body would not obey him, and the world around him was spinning. He lurched forward and then reeled, eyes rolling at the back of his head. He didn't even feel Ethel's plump arms catching him just in time so he wouldn't hit his head on the floor.

"And where do you think you're going, boy ?", she lectured the limp form.

"Do you need help, Ethel ?" Stan ventured.

"No. Absolutely not. You two are assigned to his watch, so go watch the door for now", she replied dryly without casting a glance at them. "And try not to argue for the next five minutes. Help me out, Elora, will you ? Take his feet."

Stan and Pete knew there was nothing else to say, and left the room, a little bit ashamed, but not before checking the two maids were able to haul the boy, skinny as he was, onto the bed.

"Wh... what happened ?" Varian stammered as he regained consciousness.

"You have nothing in your system, that's what happened," Ethel replied casually. "How do you expect to walk out of the room, let alone go to her ? Besides, Remyus would never allow it."

"B-but after you've had a sickness, you can help others with the same disease during the days after recovery. I've witnessed this a lot in my village, I haven't found why quite yet, but that's a fact. I-I can go to her, if you just get me the wheelchair-"

"Absolutely not, Varian. If you're not strong enough to walk, then you're not strong enough to help her."

"But I….". The teen trailed off. He had to admit Ethel was right. But he had to, he needed to…

Suddenly, his small frame convulsed as he felt his gut twist and churn in such a pain that he sat up and immediately doubled over, clutching his middle.

"Please… please bring me something to eat," he hissed through clenched teeth, his body cruelly reminding him how much it needed food. Or was it that his fragile mind only allowed him to notice it now ?

"Varian ?", Elora said, confused.

"I'll get my strength back in no time," he whispered, more to himself than to her, tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. "I'll do whatever it takes and I'll go to her. I must. She was there for me when I needed her. Now it's my turn. She needs me."


	78. Chapter 77 - A game of wits

**Yeah, I'm updating ! I'm so hyped since the episode "Pascal's dragon" aired. Somehow, Nigel reacted the same way with the dragon as with Varian. He believed there was a threat and didn't hesitate to go against his sovereign (although Rapunzel explicitly told him to stand down), blinded by a tunnel vision. His choices can be explained by the traumas he faced, although they're reckless. Anyway, I'm so satisfied to feel I got his character right !**

 **Thank you all for keeping on reading ! And for sharing your thoughts ! Also, please, even though learning about you guys being so hooked is a great reward for a writer, try not to neglect too much your duties :) (look who's talking, okay, I've been there too, not being able to stop reading !)**

 **Enough rambling, more story telling !**

CHAPTER 77

Of course it was nice for Ethel not to have to forcefully get the boy to eat for once, but this time she was fretting over how she would keep him from scarfing down his meal in a frenzy. It was like Varian had no other goal in life other than getting his energy back as soon as possible, not caring if his stomach would most certainly protest afterwards. Elora was just watching with wide eyes and a gaping mouth.

"Varian, I will have to take the tray away from you if you're not being sensible. You've gone with little to no food for many days, and you can seriously harm yourself by eating too much and too fast. Now, slow down. Chew. And breathe between bites, for the love of-"

"But what if the Queen's condition gets worse while I'm here ?" Varian interrupted, his mouth still half full. "There's no time to lose."

Ethel rolled her eyes. "First of all, as you know, the old man is with her," she pointed out and Varian rolled his eyes as well at the fact that the elderly maid was never able to call the physician by his name - while she, he was sure, was genuinely fond of him. If those two were not an official couple, they might as well have been. Varian had no clue what it was like to grow up in a household with two parents, but he guessed that was the sort of antics that could happen between people who have known each other for years.

"Besides," she went on, "no need to rush. You're absolutely not leaving this room without my say-so," she explained in a tone that left no room for argument. "You need to get you washed and you'll rest some more today. If you can't go back to sleep, you can read or play games with Elora. End of conversation."

Raising one eyebrow higher than humanly possible, Varian gave her a deadpan look in protest, shoulders dropping, but surprisingly gained a genuine smile from Ethel instead of stiffness or annoyance. The kid was back to the regular teenage mode, sass and all. To the old lady, there was no better evidence and no greater relief.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The moon was round and bright. The royal bedroom was peaceful and quiet. In the large bed, Arianna shifted a little, drifting awake slowly.

A light click was heard though, contrasting with the sheer silence. She felt a cool draft on her skin but quick got overwhelmed by sleep again.

Moments later, she was jerked awake by heart-wrenching screams. A baby was crying. Something was wrong, she could feel it instinctively.

Alarmed, the Queen of Corona sat up and patted the mattress next to her, as it was too dark to see, to get her husband to wake up. But her hand could only find the flat, soft silk bedsheets. Instantly, she looked up in the direction of the cries, and saw a silhouette on the balcony. The door was wide open. Obviously, the intruder either didn't bother to close it, or was impeded by the tiny bundle in their arms. That tiny bundle that desperately called for help. Called for her.

Arianna jumped off the bed instantly and ran, arms outstretched. She ran and ran but reaching the balcony was taking too many strides than it should have, as if she was walking on goo and couldn't move forward. Had the time stopped ? The silhouette was oddly standing there, not moving an inch.

She finally made it to the door, panting and begging, pleading whoever was there not to take the baby away. She reached out, trying to snatch the swaddled form from the cruel arms. There was a loud, wicked laugh and Arianna only had time to catch a glimpse of the baby's face, framed by jet-black hair in which a blue streak was standing out, before the ghostly figure vanished in a cloud of black dust.

Arianna woke up to the sound of a broken, desperate cry that she did not recognized instantly as her own. Remyus' wrinkled face was bending over her, wiping her forehand with a damp cloth and shushing her gently.

"It was a dream, Your Majesty. Only a dream. Take deep breaths, now. Everything is fine."

The Queen's mouth opened and closed aimlessly a few times before she could speak between panicked breaths.

"Rapunzel ? Varian ? My children ! Where are my children ?", pleaded the raspy voice.

Remuys looked at her intensely, torn between worry for her sanity and sadness at how confused she looked. Then the physician in him took over as he remembered high fevers were likely to induce nightmares and hallucinations.

"They're all right, Your Majesty. You must take care of yourself and sleep. Rapunzel is safe with Eugene and Cassandra. And you will see Varian later, I will send for him when you're better."

"Rapunzel… Varian…", she called again, too weak to rise her voice above a whisper now. "I will see them soon, won't I ?"

"Rest now, Your Majesty," Remyus coaxed again. "You have to save you strength."

 _For what's to come_ , he finished silently as she closed her eyes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Across the table, Varian was trying his best not to laugh at Elora's contorted face as she was thinking hard of her next move.

As far as he was concerned, he was ten moves or so ahead already at that moment of the game and was starting to get bored.

Although he reluctantly agreed to play chess with the young handmaiden at first, he was happy to use his brain again. His naturally curious mind quickly got caught up in the game, and his old habits came back with ease. A new move, so many new possibilities. But what will his opponent do next ? The strategy, the challenge were lighting the flame within anew.

However, the thrill ended too soon. Elora had learned how to play, that was a fact, but she had little to no global vision of the game, only seeing the risks or benefits of her very next move.

Repressing an annoyed sigh, the teen moved his rook forward.

He jerked when he heard someone clear his throat behind him and then froze immediately. Elora turned her head and a flash of surprise spread on her face.

"Oh, good afternoon, Your Majesty,' she said promptly, standing up to do her curtesy.

Varian didn't say anything. He was angry at himself at not hearing, not feeling him coming. He's been too careless and felt so unprepared for this. What does the King want now ? he wondered, shaking slightly. He's probably so mad at me for the Queen getting sick.

His hand found his upper arm and rubbed it softly. He barely noticed he was doing it, but that was what he would always do when he was stressed.

"Elora,", he heard the King say calmly, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I would like a moment with Varian, if you don't mind."

Varian recoiled at those words but kept his mouth shut as he watched Elora and her grandmother leave the sick room. The situation reminded him of the day before the King and Queen left for Epoisses, when the man had sent Phil and Elora away to talk to him, and the conversation they had that day in the garden wasn't such a fond memory of his.

"What do you say if we play chess, Varian ?" the King offered almost casually.

Varian felt he had no choice.

"Uh, oh, um… very well, Your Majesty", he stuttered, looking away.

Frederic grabbed the chair and sat down. Varian could feel the weight of the man's gaze upon his trembling frame.

"But from now on, my boy, no more condescending moves, am I clear ?"

Varian's shoulders visibly tensed.

"I… I don't know what you're talking about, Your Majesty."

"Your rook. You decided to lose on purpose. To let the girl win the game," Frederic countered, and there was no hesitation in his voice. "I'm hoping for a worthy opponent, honest and loyal."

Varian didn't dare make a single move. Was the King still talking about the game or about the subject in front of him ?

After seconds that seemed hours, he felt compelled to raise his gaze. His eyes met the King's, and they were soft, void of anger or resentment as Varian had expected. Still, the teen swallowed hard. Deciding quickly, he let a pawky half-smile stretch his lips.

"Agreed… Your Majesty."


	79. Chapter 78 - Playing true

**I'm so hyped by the mid-season ! It's been a ride, and I'm not going to expand on it here, because I already do it enough on tumblr... But it's given me fuel for more Varian feelings. I mean, "Nothing left to lose" is a gem, and I'm certainly inspired by it.**

 **Seems clear that this story will not be over before the Series finale, so... if you're happy to stick with me even after it ends, you are more than welcome ! Thank you for your reactions and general support, it means the world and I hope I can still give you a nice read that brightens your day.**

CHAPTER 78

The game started, getting quite intense after only a few moves as tension built up between the two opponents. Frederic had a solid experience of chess, but Varian was cunning and a quick thinker. Not a word passed between them, and their concentration was solely focused on the challenge at hand.

Ethel came in, a sweet smell lingering in the air about her. Varian didn't have to look at the steaming cup to know she was finally treating him with hot chocolate (for which he had been asking over and over, but the maid would only get him broth and soup and stew so far, claiming he had to recover first).

"Well,", Frederic started, absentmindedly scratching his beard, "aren't you going to get that beverage of yours? It smells incredibly good, doesn't it ?". His mouth drew a half-smile as he finished, but his eyes never left the board.

Varian gritted his teeth.

"And give you a chance to win by carelessness on my part ?", the teen replied, his eyes equally scanning the game, determined not to let his guard down. "That's not an option, Your Majesty."

They both heard Ethel sigh and not so gently put down the tray on the table, muttering to herself. The hot chocolate would have to wait, that was crystal clear. She removed the saucer from under the cup and put it on the top instead. With luck, it will still be warm when the boy would come for it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Remyus soaked the rag again before wringing it to remove the excess of water. With worry plain on his face, he dabbed the Queen's forehand once more but nothing seemed able to bring that fever down.

Arianna had been delirious for the past couple of hours, neither sleeping nor awake, calling out for Rapunzel and Varian as if they were in great danger just because she wasn't near them. Remyus managed to calm her down only slightly by speaking soft words and bringing water to her lips before she could sink into oblivion once more.

The old physician sighed. His Queen was already so weak, and pneumonia had not reached its peak yet.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

No one could deny that Varian was a reckless, stubborn boy at times. But Frederic, although older and technically more mature, could prove himself to be just as reckless and stubborn.

"I mean, that hot chocolate over there is probably very sweet and very… chocolatey," he slurred, trying to override the young alchemist's trail of thoughts – or get on his nerves, whatever would come first. "You should go take a sip. I won't cheat, you know."

Varian merely shook his head, his hand rubbing his chin as his thoughts spread wildly in his mind like the branches of a tree. One idea led to two or three more, each of them leading to more paths…. So many possibilities… and Varian wouldn't let a single one go unexplored.

"You sure know how it's done," the King continued, obviously referring to the game, "I've rarely met such a valuable opponent."

If temptation didn't work, maybe flattery could do the job after all. But Varian remained silent, as he studied his next move. Just when the older man thought he would get nothing from the kid, Varian finally spoke, his body not even shifting.

"My Dad taught me," he said in a surprisingly casual way.

Frederic gasped and didn't dare release his breath. He had been secretly hoping for a chance to bring up the sensitive topic, yet dreading it at the same time. He looked up and gazed at this unique and complex child in front of him who kept his head bowed but discreetly tensed all the muscles of his body.

Frederic let out a compassionate sigh.

"He taught you well."

Varian swallowed a lump at the back of his throat. Truth was, he wasn't sure whether he wanted to talk about his father or not. He had hardly ever spoken of him with the Queen, only when he felt desperate and cried his heart out, the pain inside too much to bear. So why talk about him with the King ?

Varian kept his lips pursed, his eyes still on the game, but now he was more pretending to ponder than actually calculating his moves.

"Varian…", the King almost added "son", a habit of his that started with Eugene every time he had something important to share with the young man, but decided against it. He wasn't sure how Varian would take it.

"Look, I want you to know I am truly sorry that your father is…" Oh, Lord, why were words so hard to find ? How should he say it ?

"… is not here at the moment," he finished tentatively while Varian finally stirred, his hand reaching for his knight and placing it to a new square, outright threatening his opponent's queen. The boy finally looked up, a unexpectedly smug grin on his face.

The King frowned, but he didn't know himself if it was for the move against his queen (of all pieces, it had to be his queen !), Varian's outright nerve… or the fact that his reaction was so bold. Mentioning his Dad did not make it falter, nor hesitate one bit. Not that Frederic was still set on making him lose his concentration actually. The older man felt frustration rising within him as he was at a loss at how to communicate with the teen.

For a lack of a better idea, the King of Corona put his head back into the game and carefully studied his options. Now was not the time to lose his queen.

After long seconds, Frederic plucked the valuable piece between two fingers, moving it away from the knight and closer to where Varian's king stood, protected only by a bishop and a rook he had left.

Varian all but responded quickly by organizing his defence.

"I don't need your pity," he pointed out coldly as he did so.

"It's not pity, my boy, it's…"

"Shame ? Guilt ? That would be a first."

"Varian !', Ethel interjected, shocked with his sarcastic tone. "Hold your tongue !"

"No, Ethel," the King replied with a soothing gesture of his hand. "I want to hear what he has to say."

"Uh, really ?", the teen scoffed. "What are you now, my therapist ? Funny though, how you wouldn't care much about what I had to say, not so long ago. Or are you at last starting to be the King you should be, Your Majesty ?" Varian emphasized mockingly the title, of course.

"Don't listen to him, Your Highness," interrupted a trembling Ethel, as she ran to Varian. "He's… still sick, yes, very sick." She laid a hand under the black bangs to touch the boy's forehead, pretending she could feel him burning up. "He's still running a fever, a very, very high fever. Better put him back to bed, poor kid has overdone himself once again…"

"Hey, get away from me," Varian yelled, not at all happy l with her interfering. "My fever is down, I know it, I'm fine." He thrashed to get free of her hold. "I'm not done with him yet."

Frederic pinched the bridge of his nose. He tried to calm himself and not throw oil on the fire, but the teen wasn't making it easy this time again.

"Ethel, let him go. Please. I'll take it from here", he decided.

Ethel turned around with wide eyes, then slowly released her grip on Varian's skinny arms and left.

"Varian, why does it always have to come to this ?", Frederic asked, and he couldn't help his tone to sound weary. For some reason, connecting with Quirin's son seemed as easy as breathing with Arianna, and the hardest thing in the world every time he tried.

And just to prove him right, his question was met by a moody crossing of arms and a judgemental frown. He sighed.

"Do you remember that day when we talked together outside, by the swing ?"

Varian's eyebrows lifted a little with curiosity he couldn't help. He reluctantly replied, looking away.

"Yeah, that was the day you told me my father didn't lie to you about the situation in Old Corona, that the harvest was merely a code between the two of you."

"That's right. And you said you would think about how you feel about that. Now tell me, and I expect honesty here : do you still blame me, Varian ?"

The boy hugged himself with one arm, a sure sign he was nervous. Blaming the King meant blaming his father too. He averted his eyes as if the corner of the table was suddenly very interesting.

"I don't think I'm…as mad as before, but… I don't know, why are you asking this ?" he blurted out with frustration.

For once, the King was keeping a very controlled demeanour, and that irritated Varian to no end.

"You're still mad at me, Varian. I would like you to tell me why."

"I don't believe you ! You want me to spell it out for you, is that what you're saying ?"

"Actually, yes. I do, Varian. So start talking. I'm all ears", the King replied quietly as he added one of his bishop to the attack on Varian's king.

Said boy retreated into his shell again, back into his mutism. Did he really have to explain why he was mad ? That he was tired of secrets and lies ? That they made him very uncomfortable, insecure, helpless, and angry ? More angry to himself than others. After all, if he was shut out, there was probably a reason. He was not good enough. He had never been, no matter how hard he had tried. How he hated feeling so worthless. How he saw that nobody listened to him nor saw him for who he was, and how it made him sad and mad, deep inside. How he hated himself.

Tears were threatening to spill, so he blinked a few times, hoping that would chase them away, but two uninvited fat drops rolled down his cheeks. Varian drew in a shuddering breath and moved his knight again.

Frederic decided not to prod him any further. The boy would open up when he would be ready to do so.

"Varian, I'm sorry for whatever happened with Hans and landed you in the dungeon again. It was our job to keep you safe in your father's place and we failed you. You have many people here who worry about you and care for you. "

Frederic took his queen in his hand one last time.

"You see, Varian, you are strong, and tough, but you still have much to learn. Now, I know this may be a lot to ask, but you should try to rely on the adults and friends around you sometimes."

Varian looked up, trying to make sense of the words he was hearing, and blue eyes met blue eyes.

"And you've been through a lot. We are aware of that and we'll be patient with you, as long as it takes."

Varian's eyes were shining with fresh tears that kept coming and he sealed his mouth shut for fear of breaking down completely.

"Checkmate."

"What ?", Varian exclaimed, caught by surprise, his attention back to the game. Indeed, the King's last move had been fateful for him. The bearded man stood up from his chair, leaving the board as it was on the table.

"Thank you for your time, Varian. It has been quite interesting."

He turned to make his leave, then added over his shoulder :

"Arianna asked for you. And Remyus confirmed it's safe for you to go to her room."

Varian couldn't believe his ears. Was the King really trusting him with his dear wife ? He quickly wiped his face with his sleeve, his nose sniffing a bit and his heart full of expectations.

"Take good care of her," Frederic whispered, so the boy couldn't hear the quiver in his voice. "Please."


	80. Chapter 79 - In the Royal Chambers

**Can't believe the series is over within a few days ! I hope we fans can keep the fandom alive and that we keep on sharing our love for the story and characters !**

 **This chapter is more an introduction for the next one, but as I don't want to keep you waiting in the wings (ha ha), here you go !**

CHAPTER 79

Light slowly faded as dusk came. It was quite late already, and Varian had vehemently refused to take a bath at first, since it only sounded like a waste of time to him, but then he couldn't deny how much he needed one. There was a sickly smell lingering in the air and all over him after the sweating. It would definitely be a kindness to the Queen to take care of himself before he would enter her chambers.

Soon afterwards, Varian was relishing the lovely sensation of being surrounded with warm water and how relaxing it was. Hot baths were a luxury that was mostly used by the rich and the wealthy, but Varian had always loved them. If only his invention had worked, if only he could have brought hot water to the citizens of Old Corona…

He quickly pushed those thoughts aside and immersed himself completely, just so he could hide from the world for a few seconds. It felt so good underwater, so different from the harsh reality. He closed his eyes, fully aware of the altered perception of his hearing and he held his breath as long as he could. He welcomed the sensation of quiet and stillness. It was like he had the ability to stop time itself.

A few bubbles came up and died at the surface, seconds before a messy mop of hair broke it with a splash. Varian gasped for air, breathing again like for the first time. He pushed his long bangs backwards and leaned against the porcelain tub (that thing was so much softer than wood !) and listened to his own heartbeat until his breathing came back to normal. It felt good to be alive.

As Varian sat more calmly in the tub, his mind started to wander. Was it possible to make this blessed time even better ? Maybe by using various fragrances ? Or by having a constant flow of bubbles in the water ? And why should the water always be transparent as glass ? He could think of several compounds he could use – oh, and he could even make sure some fragrances would be released later than others, by combining them inside a ball that would melt, no be effervescent, there we have the bubbles and why not add glitter ?...

Varian chuckled softly to himself as he realized he was excited about alchemy again. It had been a while…

All in all, his experience in the bath truly soothed his mind as much as his body beyond hope.

Yet as he reached the towering doors of the royal bedroom, flanked by Stan and Pete as his honorary keepers, Varian couldn't help but feel nervous again.

The Queen was the one who was always there for him, every time he was ill, hurt, tired, lost or anxious. And she filled that role perfectly, even when he wasn't the easiest patient. That beautiful, sweet, strong woman was now hovering between life and death, and he, Varian, was the one who could comfort her this time. Not to mention that part of him keep the firm belief that the Queen was sick by his fault from spinning around in his head.

To prevent the pneumonia from spreading any further, Pete and Stan were to stay outside the room and stand watch at the door, an unpleasant reminder for Varian that he was technically still a prisoner.

With his head reeling over those feelings, the boy couldn't pick the exact reason why his stomach churned as he crossed the threshold and could only grit his teeth to repress the awful sensation.

The doors closed behind Varian with a muffled noise, Pete and Stan obviously cautious, for once, to pull them as gently and silently as possible. The lavish bedroom, deprived of the lights from the hallway, instantly became quite dark. Without the rising full moon, big and bright in the sky, the teen would have needed a longer moment to let his eyes adjust. Everything looked so still that he almost had the impression that time had stopped. Only a fragile candlelight, flickering by the bedhead, reminded him that there was a speck of life within these walls.

Varian gulped and moved forward, his left hand finding his right arm to comfort himself.

There was silhouette sitting by the bed, and the kid immediately recognized who it was. The hunched posture, the slight trembling of the hands, the gentleness of his moves while caring for his patient could belong to only one person in the castle.

Remyus turned around before Varian dared clear his throat before greeting the old physician.

"Good evening, Varian. I am relieved to see that you are better. Have you been able to rest ?"

"Oh, um, yes, yes I have, thank you, Sir," the boy timidly replied, his nerves jolting again as he feared that the old man would be able to perceive how drained he actually was – his pneumonia peak was still recent – and send him back to his room. He tried to keep the conversation going.

"Well, I was well taken care of, I mean, she – ", he lifted his arm to gesture at the lying form in the bed, but stopped in mid-air, eyes wide. Now he was closer, he could distinctively see her. Her pale face, clammy and flushed with two reddish cheekbones. Her undone hair, gathered on one side and randomly drawing curves on the pillow. He could hear her strained breathing, in sync with her falling and rising chest.

Varian closed his mouth to keep his lower lip from shaking. It didn't go unnoticed by Remyus, though.

"She's asleep, now, but she's been calling your name countless times," he whispered, taking the teen's hand in his at the same time to bring him closer. "Look, you're welcome to stay for a while if you wish, but not too long. I don't need either of you to tire yourselves out." He made it to his feet as he spoke, but suddenly, he felt dizzy and staggered, trying to hold on to the chair for support. Varian reacted quickly and grabbed his arm to steady him.

"Woah, woah, what's wrong ? Are you all right ?" Varian asked, alarm in his voice.

"I – I'm fine, Varian, I just stood up too fast, that's all." He closed his eyes and ran a hand over his wan face.

"You look awfully tired, to say the truth," the teen stated bluntly. "I may not be a doctor, but it's easy to tell you're sleep-deprived."

Remyus chuckled softly. "Well, thank you for your diagnosis, young man."

"I could stay by the Queen so you can rest," Varian offered. "You have done so much for me in the past. I – I mean, that's the least I can do."

Remyus looked intensely at the boy, trying to figure out when the once sassy, angry, insolent boy had matured so much.

"That's very kind of you, Varian, but first of all, you are still recovering yourself, and secondly - "

"I'm fine ! I can do this !"

"…and secondly, I cannot bestow such a responsibility on you. It's my job to keep an eye on her."

"And there's only one of you ! How long do you think you can keep up ?" Varian replied, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. "Believe me, I know what it's like put sleep at the bottom of the to-do list, but it's never a great idea in the end. Besides, when did you last eat ?"

"Look who's talking !", Remyus exclaimed, amused and overwhelmed at the same time. "Very well, Varian, I was about to go and rest in a bit anyway. I'll go lie down on the day bed next door. Do you think you can wake me up in a couple of hours ?"

"Will do," Varian replied with a nod.

"But I want you to wake me up if anything happens."

"Okay, fine."

"Keep the rag cool and wet. If her fever rises, if she is delirious, restless, come and get me."

"Got it."

"And if you're feeling sleepy, don't fight it. Come and wake – "

"Gah ! I'm not a child ! I can handle this !". Varian didn't actually mean to snap but he couldn't stand seeing Remyus delay his much-needed nap because of him. Yet, the physician didn't seem offended and kept his calm demeanour.

"All right then."

Varian watched as the old man slowly made his way to the boudoir, which was a private, comfy room the Queen loved to use when she needed to get ready for the day. Alone at last, the boy sighed in relief and let himself flop upon the chair next to the huge bed.

 **Any bets on what will happen next ?**


	81. When there was nothing left to lose

**Soooo, the finale happened, and the series are over... but I hope that the fandom isn't dead ! I intend to keep going for a good while anyway :)**

 **"Nothing left to lose" was a great moment. I went back to my early chapters, when he's in jail by himself and reality hits him. I'm quite happy with how I wrote it, many ideas were quite close to the ones in the song. Did I mention that I love that duet ?**

 **Also, the scenery here is inspired by the painting "La Madeleine à la veilleuse" from Georges de la TOur and that was painted in 1642-44. It's the one you can see in the Little Mermaid when Ariel sings "Part of your World". The painter loved to play with light and shadows, and I wanted to use this special atmosphere.**

 **Sorry about the glitch earlier guys... I usually check the chapters since it has happened before, but it was very late for me and I forgot...**

 **Here's a fluffy chapter, so enjoy - we'll get back to angst soon !**

CHAPTER 80

At first, Varian remained motionless on the chair. The room was big but it was lightly furnished and the ceiling was ridiculously high. He felt very small and simply sat there, listening to the Queen's laboured breathing. There was a lump in his throat and his whole body was tense.

Strange how she always seemed to know what to do when he was sick or injured, and how he felt so helpless now. All he knew was that he wasn't sure how he could cope with the feeling that was wrenching his gut.

Fear. Immense fear.

He couldn't lose her. Not her too. She couldn't die.

She seemed so tired and fragile. It seemed to Varian that her life could be gone as easily as the flame from the candle next to him if he blew it.

Yet, that flame was still there, dancing and wavering, fighting against the darkness in the room. Like the Queen, still fighting for her life.

Exhaling to try and soothe his nerves, Varian peeled off his gloves -a thing he would seldom do – and left them on the bedside table. Taking with utmost gentleness the rag from her forehead, he dipped it in the nearby basin. The coolness of the water on his skin was refreshing and grounded him a little. He told Remyus he would take care of her for the next couple of hours, so he pulled himself together and tried to mentally gather up what he could do.

Pneumonia is a very serious condition. Keep the rag cool and wet, make her drink whenever possible. Listen to her breathing, check her pulse.

He gave the rag a wring to remove the excess of water, letting the water run freely between his fingers. He placed the cloth back on her head and wiped his hands absentmindedly on his own shirt.

After a while, Varian broke the silence.

"You know, I remember a time when I wouldn't let you come close to me, Your Majesty. Not for anything in the world". He chuckled awkwardly. "I just couldn't. I know how insane it sounds, because you took care of me from day one, but… you see, I spent so much time… on my own… believing that no one would help me… I decided I wouldn't wallow in sorrow, it was too painful. So I stopped crying, I stopped being sad. I only knew fear and anger and hate. Even the fear I would push away while working, but it would come back at night anyway."

Now his fingers were pretty much dry, he twined his fingers into her locks and started to style them into a loose braid as he went on.

"I had to keep on moving. Making plans. Preparing my revenge. As I went down that path, I knew that I was spiralling into darkness. I knew it was wrong, but it also was the only thing that felt right for me at the time. And I really didn't care about what I would have to do, what I would become. It felt like I had nothing left to lose anyway.

"But I was a fool. After that, I lost the battle and I was arrested. I don't remember everything from it, but I remember the pain, the rage in my heart. My hands tight around the levers of the automaton. How I wanted everyone to pay, especially Rapunzel."

When he was almost done with her hair, he separated a thin lock from the others, twisted it gently and swung it round the tip of the braid. Then he tucked it under itself to secure the hair in place. Not willing to let go of the soft touch, he kept stroking his handiwork when he was done.

"But when I found myself locked in the cell, down there… I… I don't know… only then did I realize how far I had gone. What I did. And what was left. That was the moment I realized I really lost everything."

Varian swallowed hard, memories and sensations flooding back. His eyes started to sting and he blinked the sensation away.

"That's why…. That's why I was afraid to go near the light, because I couldn't face the fact that I could hold onto it and that it might vanish. I was afraid to let you in, Your Majesty, because I was scared of losing you. I just… I refused to go through that pain again so I pushed you away as hard as I could."

He was hardly aware of the tears spilling from his eyes.

"But," he almost sobbed the word out, "now, even though I'm so scared of losing you, I don't want to turn away. I… I want to see your bright smile over me again, want to feel your arms around me again. I want you to play the harp for me again.

"There is not a day when I don't regret what I've done. I thought everyone would hate me forever for this. But you proved me wrong. And I can't go back to being alone – I just can't !"

He covered his eyes with his forearm, trying to hold back his tears.

"I don't know If I'm good or bad," he cried, unable to stop the sobs that now shook his body. "But with you, I can just be myself. I… I know you'll be there for me no matter what. So…. So please, Your Majesty,…. Stay with me. Please…"

His hand on the bed tightened into a fist, squeezing the sheets inside. Then, softly, gently, he felt the touch a warm hand over his. His cries stopped, his breathing ragged and he lowered his forearm.

She was awake. And she was looking at him with her feverish eyes.

"Varian…", she whispered faintly, "Will you… "

"Yes ! What do you need ? What can I do for you ?" he readily enquired, forgetting about his breakdown at once. He got up and leaned over her so she would have to strain herself. "Do you need water ? Are you hungry ? Are you cold ?"

"Please, Varian…." – a pause for breath – "Will you…. call me… Arianna ?"

Varian's eyes opened wide, tears still blurring his vision, but it wasn't the reason for the disbelief on his face.

Had he heard right ?

The boy held his breath for a few seconds, then he let out a choked cry. A cry for joy. He fell on his knees and let his upper body rest on the mattress next to her, letting his tears flow freely now.

"You…I…yes….yes, Arianna !"

He felt like his heart was going to burst. He couldn't have said how he finally ended up all cuddled next to her on the bed, his hand in hers, and he didn't care. Relief was flooding into his system, releasing the tensions he had endured for far too long. His body relaxed with each breath, his heart rate slowing down as his tortured mind was finally at rest.

 **The words "Stay with me, please" mean a lot to me. They were my plea, once. I was 2 months pregnant and we were fearing a problem that may have resulted in losing the baby.**

 **Maybe baby heard. Stayed and lived.**

 **Please review !**


	82. Chapter 81 - Too much

**Hey all ! I'm happy to treat you with a new chapter already. I'm on holidays until Monday and I'm enjoying the TTS world as much as I can ! So here you go !**

 **So about this one... TRIGGERS, TRIGGERS, TRIGGERS. Please choose wisely if you want to read or not. Includes graphic depiction, mental issues as previously seen in the story and I hope that's not over the edge. You have been warned !**

 **If you're still here, please remember that it is fiction. Stay safe, guys !**

CHAPTER 81

It was so quiet. As if the world had stopped being crazy for once and had decided that a few hours could be spent peacefully.

Varian woke up in that peacefulness. Nothing could be heard, everything was still. In the dim light of dawn, he blinked his vision clear and it took him a few seconds to register where he was.

Right. So there he was, still in the royal bedroom. From where he was lying on his side, he could see the lilac chiffon hanging from one of the posts of the bed. He was grateful for the feeling of safety it oddly brought to him. Thanks to the transparency of the light fabric, he could see that the candle was out. Pretty much burnt-out actually. Good. There would be no fire risk. Content and utterly relaxed, Varian started to let his eyes shut gently.

His eyelids were barely closed when he snapped them open again in a millisecond, letting out a gasp. He fell asleep ! He fell asleep while on watch ! No, no, no, oh no, please, let her be –

Alarmed by the sight of the extinguished candle, Varian flipped his body around to look at the form next to him. His whole frame froze and he became very pale suddenly, all color leaving his lips and cheeks.

She was still there, lying on her back, but her face was tinted by a deep reddish color and her skin was moist with sweat. Varian touched her cheek with the back of his bare hand and winced at the heat radiating from it. The rag had fallen off her forehead and had mostly dried up. More worrisome, her breathing was weak and barely audible.

"No, no, no," Varian repeated over and over like a prayer, his both hands on her shoulders and shaking her, "no, Arianna, NO ! No, wake up, please talk to me ! ARIANNA !"

Panic was seizing him. If there was some thinking to be done to wisely choose his next action, he was totally incapable of putting ideas together. This was a nightmare, it had to be !

The teen felt the increasing stress clawing at him. On his knees on the bed, he was sobbing incoherent words, overburdened by an invisible weight on his shoulders and inside him. He painfully sucked in a deep breath.

"Open your eyes, please, ARIANNA, OH PLEASE NO !" he screamed, trying harder to jerk her awake. Tears of rage and frustration fell from his eyes and landed on her cheeks, but she remained completely motionless.

"WAKE UP ! WAKE UP !"

"Varian ! Varian, calm down ! Let her go !"

The boy could hardly hear the voice behind him and he didn't even feel the two hands on his arms holding him firmly. He only noticed that he was being pulled backwards, and he flailed wildly his hands in the air, kicking his feet at the same time, like he could swim his way back to her.

"No ! No ! Leave me ! Leave me ! I gotta – I have to –"

"Enough already, Varian !" the tone of Remyus was more final now, his grip surprisingly strong for an old man as he circled his arms around Varian's torso and arms from behind. "Stop it and look at me !", he ordered, expected to get punched or kicked as he tried to restrain to panicked teen.

Varian thrashed to pull out but Remyus had secured his own hands together and wouldn't let go.

After struggling a couple of times, the dark-haired boy finally caved in and went slack in his arms, head hanging and chest heaving with sobs threatening to come out. Remyus couldn't see his face, but he knew how distraught he was.

"There, Varian, that's it. Calm down. I've got you," he soothed.

"I…I…", the boy stammered, unwilling to meet the physician's eye., "I'm so sorry, Remyus."

"Hey, listen, kid…", the older man began, releasing his grip slightly.

But before he could go on, Varian seized the opportunity to break free, swiftly jumped off the bed and ran, panting, to the boudoir and slammed the door shut behind him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Remyus stood there bewildered for a moment, then decided he had to get working on what was the most urgent matter first so he quickly checked on the Queen. He could easily assess that she had reached the pneumonia peak, which explained the bout of high fever and her general weakness. He cursed under his breath for falling asleep earlier and having left her without care for way too long.

Now he could only hope it wasn't too late. For her sake, and for the sake of the boy for whom he was increasingly worried about too.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Varian stumbled into the small room, not caring if he hit the pedestal table because of his lack of coordination and made all of Remyus' remedies wobble. His eyes quickly searched for a spot to stay, to hide, to be away from everything and everyone, his rational thinking out the window.

The only other piece of furniture in the boudoir was the day bed. The blanket the physician used for his rest had been pushed away unceremoniously in his haste to get up. Because of my cries, thought Varian. Because of me.

Releasing a deep grunt of frustration, Varian rushed to the corner of the room next to the day bed. The distance with the wall was just wide enough for him to fit. He clumsily dumped himself on the carpet floor and drew his legs against his chest like he was trying to make himself as small as possible. Curling up into a ball, he rested his forehead on his knees to hide his face and wrapped his hands over his head but that wasn't enough to stop him from shaking. Within moments, his fingers were fiddling in his hair and he started to pull his locks with his fists.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he moaned over and over, rocking back and forth. He was pulling harder and harder on his hair, trying to get his nerves under control, but it didn't seem to help. All he could do was whine and cry, sobs wracking through him. His breathing was shallow and way too hectic. Having left his gloves on the bedside table, he could feel his thick hair on his bare hands, a sensation he wasn't very used to. And his hair felt soft, too soft.

Suddenly that was too much. Too much of what, he couldn't say, but something snapped within him as the anguish was too much to take. He growled angrily, barely recognizing his own voice and brought his arms down. He watched as his right hand connected with his left forearm by the elbow and his nails dug in the flesh. Grinding his teeth, he let out his rage and without a shred of hesitation, scratched the tender skin as hard as he could, all the way up to the wrist, one, two, three, four times, maybe more, he didn't know.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After Remyus wiped the sweat off Arianna's face, he placed the wet rag back on her forehead and checked her pulse. It was weak, as he expected it, but he couldn't hold back a sigh. Moderate fever helps the body with fighting infections, but too high a temperature could cause brain damage and eventually death.

He didn't want to think of the King's reaction, should his beloved wife pass away. Worse even, of the Princess', when she would come back from her journey. She had been reunited with her parents for only one year, merely a fleeting moment in her life. She didn't deserve to come back home only to find out she would never see her mother again.

And what about the boy ?

Unwilling to dwell on fears and doubts, Remyus shook his head to push those thoughts at the back of his mind. First things first, he had to break down the fever. Where was his supply of white willow again ?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bright red beads of blood started to appear and well up all over the young boy's skinny forearm. Small ones, big ones, gathering along angry welts wherever the scratches weren't deep enough to draw as much blood.

Surprisingly, that didn't scare Varian nor make him feel queasy, as the sight of blood would always do to him. He felt strangely calm and his breathing was even now. He simply stared at the vivid color spreading over his skin like it belonged to a completely different person, or rather like he was watching from far, far away.

Unbeknownst by him, his body was fighting the stress and the pain with its own alchemy and although Varian didn't understand it, he welcomed the feeling and just sat there, eyes unfocused, zoning out of his body, out of his mind.


	83. Chapter 82 - Red Tears

**I never thought, when I started this, that I would be writing about pneumonia while most of us would be confined because of a certain coronavirus, about a fictional kingdom with the same name... The irony of life, eh ?**

 **Anyhow, I hope you're all able to stay safe. Please stay home, take care of yourself and others. This is super important.**

 **WARNING for a bit of graphic description, mention of blood... you know the drill !**

 **This is a rather short chapter, but good news, the next one is ready ! I'll check it and post it within a few hours !**

CHAPTER 82

Remyus waddled, more than walked, as he entered the boudoir, his hands trembling with fatigue and dizziness. After all, he had just woken up, and he found it hard to gather his thoughts in a coherent fashion, and his coordination was at bay as well.

He searched frantically amidst the many vials sitting on the round table for one in particular. His wrinkled hand knocked a couple of them over, but he didn't care. With a sigh of relief, he grabbed the one he was looking for, the one containing the white willow decoction. He started to turn on his heels when a soft sniffle made him freeze in his tracks.

In his haste, he hadn't noticed the fragile form in the corner of the boudoir. Squinting his eyes against the semi-darkness in the room, he called out, uncertain.

"Varian ?"

Silence. Remyus took a few steps closer. Said boy was sitting there, very still and almost looking like a ghost, his eyes hollow and his gaze lost in the void in front of him. His elbows were resting on his knees, one forearm crossed on the other.

Remyus knelt down to be at eye level with the broken teen. His old joints and his tired muscles protested but he did it all the same. Suddenly his eyes were drawn to an unusual pattern on the bare arm.

The physician gave out an audible gasp and, in a flash, seized Varian's slender wrist with more strength than he intended an brought it closer to his face. Angry red stains swelled from fresh gashes, contrasting painfully with Varian's pallor after so many days away from sunlight.

"Varian, what-", the old man started, but he trailed off as he saw the distraught teen flinch. He looked smaller and younger than he actually was, and the dullness in his eyes was now replaced by fear. The boy gave out a shuddered breath, or sob, very much like young infants do after crying a lot.

Remyus recoiled and released Varian's arm, realizing that weariness and stress had gotten the better of him… or was it out of worry for the boy he was quite close to now ?

Anyhow, that wasn't how he should nor wanted to deal with his patients. Especially with this one. He took a deep breath before he went on.

"Varian…," he said softly. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

Varian looked away and brought his arms close to his chest, hugging himself, unable to say a word. What was there to say anyway ?

Remyus almost wished the impulsive boy would have yelled and lashed out at him for once. The fact that Varian was back in his shell only increased the pit of worry in his stomach.

He didn't ask for an explanation for the scratches. He needed none.

"All right, Varian", the physician said abruptly as he got laboriously to his feet. "I need you to come with me so we can clean and dress your arm. There's no time to lose, I need your help with something." He held out his hand to encourage his young patient to stand.

Showing a reaction at last, Varian shot his head up and searched the man's face for clarification, mouth agape with puzzlement. What ? Wasn't the old man going to be angry with him, or at least demand why on Earth he would do such a stupid thing ? Not that he would have had a clear answer anyway.

Sensing the questions whirling in the boy's head already, Remyus added :

"We need to get the Queen to drink the content of this vial, right now actually. It will be so much easier if you help", he said again to make sure that the boy would eventually process his words and focus on something else than whatever thoughts that were torturing him.

Varian blinked his eyes rapidly. His logical mind still couldn't find out why physician wouldn't address the scratches matter one way or another. But in the end, his concern for the Queen, for Arianna…. his Arianna, won the battle, and he nodded.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Now the steel blue eyes were carefully avoiding the injured arm. With no more chemicals in his body to fight against the pain and sight of blood, Varian was now feeling queasy and on the verge of fainting. And although Remyus didn't make a single remark, shame was crawling in him too.

"I was expecting this high bout of fever, just not as early as this," Remyus explained casually as he cleaned Varian's arm with a wet rag. The blood had partially dried up in some places, and even though the man did more dabbing than rubbing, he could see the boy wince in pain as he touched the sensitive area.

"It's a sign she reached the peak of her pneumonia", he went on, his gestures controlled and precise as he spoke. "After that, the temperature will go down and when she wakes up, we'll know she'll be fine."

Varian fidgeted on his seat. Questions were popping in his head much faster than answers.

"But what if her temperature doesn't-"

"No time for that, Varian", Remyus interrupted, not wanting to engage a conversation about the possibility of the Queen not making it anyway. He put aside the compress that was now red with blood, eyes searching for something else. "Now where is…? Ah !"

The physician took another piece of white linen, a clean one and folded it over a couple of times, making a rectangle. Then, starting on one of the short sides, he rolled it into a tight log and held it out to Varian.

"Here. Put this in your mouth."

"What ? Why ? What for ?" the boy recoiled, a bad feeling in the pit of stomach.

"I'm going to use alcohol to clean your cuts. We don't want you to get an infection – nor bite your tongue in the process."

Now Varian was pretty sure he was going to faint. This was going to be bad. The whole surface of his forearm had been scratched in his blind anger, sometimes deeply where his nails had dug in. He was panicking internally and felt the urge to run away. But… but Arianna…. There was no time to lose.

Varian placed the rag horizontally in his mouth and bit it hard. He couldn't make a noise, not while they were sitting only a few feet away from her. He braced himself, making a silent promise he wouldn't scream.


	84. Chapter 83 - To Care for

**As promised, a new chapter ! Hope you'll like it ! The last two have been quite hard to write, for the reaction of Remyus especially. We know he knows about self-harm, in general and for Varian in particular, but I've added a bit of extra angst as he lost control for a moment. After all, he's just a man and he's very tired ! Not to mention the pressure because of the Queen's condition ! I wouldn't like to be in his shoes... But I think he'd be still understanding in the end.**

 **I feel that I don't thank you enough for all your kind reviews. It's so nice to get a touch from you ! Even though I have a goal and I've decided to write this story, I won't lie, your comments also give me the courage to settle down and write more for you !**

 **I forgot to reply to Sh3506, sorry about that ! Thanks for the idea ! I'm not going to spoil anything, but I have my plans for this fic. Just wait and read ! XD**

 **, haha, yes you're right ! He does need a psychologist, but too bad it's not a thing in Corona (or so I headcanon)... Remyus, Arianna and the others are the best support he has !**

 **I hope this chapter will soothe your hearts, after the previous one but also because of the current situation in the world... There can never be enough love and fluff ! (and a little bit of angst !)**

CHAPTER 83

Moments later, Varian's arm was dressed in clean white bandages and the burning sensation was starting to fade away, to the boy's relief. When Remyus rubbed in the alcohol, he had been able to stifle his cries, coming out as whimpers through the log. But in the end, he was pretty much satisfied that he had been able to keep it relatively quiet. He swiftly wiped his face (with his good arm) to get rid of the tears that prickled at the corners of his eyes.

"Come on, Varian, quickly now," Remyus brought him out of his reverie and self-congratulation. "I need you to gently lift her head so I can make her drink the decoction. Do you think you can do that ?"

Varian simply nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, with one leg bent on the sheets so he could easily slide his knee under her for support when needed. Then, taking the back of her head in both hands with utmost tenderness, Varian said softly, his head above hers :

"Arianna, it's me. I'm going to lift you head and shoulders, just enough so you can drink the medicine you need. Please take it, ok ? It will make you feel better."

Arianna didn't actually respond and he was alarmed at how her nape was too warm and sweaty, but he forced himself to stay calm and focus on his task. His eyes met Remyus' and that glance was enough for both of them to know they were ready.

"Allow me, Your Majesty," Remyus said, hoping she could hear them.

The Queen barely woke up, still very much pulled by a dire need for sleep, as she felt caring hands raise her head and upper body. Then she felt the cold, hard glass of the vial against her lips. She managed to half-open her feverish eyes, more or less consciously registering Remyus' frame in front of her. With difficulty, she swallowed the cool liquid in two gulps, a brief relief for her sore throat.

Varian put her head down, keeping up with that gentleness he never knew he was capable of.

"You did very well," he whispered with a fond smile on his lips. Once she rested fully on the mattress again, he ran his hand in her hair, stroking it with a soothing regularity. He gave a little sigh as relief washed over him.

Remyus put down the vial on the bedside table.

"Now, Varian, I will take it from here. You can go back to the sick room and rest now."

Varian gave a start, his hand not leaving Arianna.

"Wh-? No, no I'm absolutely fine. I just had some sleep anyway, and I can sit back and- "

Remyus briefly wondered if he should mention how much the dark circles under his eyes betrayed his fatigue despite him falling asleep last night.

"Varian,", he decided, speaking gently and firmly, "it wasn't a question. I don't want you to overexert yourself and relapse."

Invisible walls were closing in rapidly around Varian's heart.

"Remyus, I… Please, just let me… I'll be good, I swear !", he cried, tears springing anew from his eyes. Panic was seizing him once again, and he could feel it grow at an exponential rate, but he tried to fight it anyway. "I'll behave… and I'll take it easy… I promise", he begged.

"Varian… Son…", Remyus replied, his hands on the boy's shoulders to steady him, "Listen, you are not being punished. And certainly not because of this," he specified with a glance towards the injured arm. "You were under a huge amount of stress and you tried to go through it. We can, and we will, talk about it later to help you with that. Now, listen. I need you to fully recover so you can be there for her. I need you to be reasonable and listen to your physician. I need you to be strong for me. And for her."

Varian helplessly let out a few sobs but he stopped arguing. He hung his head, hiding his eyes under his black locks. Remyus gave a light squeeze to his shoulders as they started to shake.

"Listen, I'm pretty sure Ethel is preparing breakfast for you as we speak. Go. Please eat something, rest and go outside for a bit. Why not take Ruddiger for a walk ? You should be able to find so blackberries now and I'm sure he will love that."

"Is it… Is it late summer already ?" Varian asked, his attention briefly caught on the new subject.

Remyus chuckled.

"Yes, yes we are. So make sure you get some sunlight on your face. Now, Pete and Stan should be outside the room, they will escort you back."

"Okay", Varian relented and he brushed the sleeping Queen's hair with his bare fingers one more time. "I'll be back, Arianna. Hang in there, ok ?"

Varian rolled down his sleeves and put his black gloves back on, carefully covering his bandages. Remyus smiled at him and nudged him gently out. In truth, it tore his heart apart to send the boy away and see him upset like that, but he couldn't let Varian be fully in charge. Just in case something bad happened. The kid would blame himself all his life and never recover from this.

The boy made his way to the door and stood there for a few seconds until he could bring himself to open it and walk out.

The bright morning sun invaded his eyes from the high windows at the far end of the hallway and he shielded his eyes with his arm. He could make out two silhouettes as expected, waiting for him and he clenched his jaw. Now he was back to being a prisoner. He would never get used to it.

"Varian ?"

For a second, Varian couldn't fully grasp why, but he felt that something was off. The voice was familiar, but he couldn't pinpoint whether it belonged to Stan or Pete.

As his eyes got adjusted to the pouring of light, his brain suddenly clicked. This wasn't Stan or Pete in front of him, and his eyes started to water again of their own accord. Closest to him was Alden, a confident smile on his lips that downright said, _hey, I'm so glad to see you again, kid_.

Behind him was standing Phil, his shoulders slightly hunched and unreadable, mixed emotions across his face. After all, last time they saw each other, Varian had shot him an icy glare as he believed Phil didn't trust him. Even though the young guard quickly pulled himself together at the time and tried to stand up for Varian, the boy knew nothing of it.

Unsure of the boy's reaction, he tentatively took a few steps towards Varian.

"Varian, I… listen, I'm… um, about the way we parted, I…" he began awkwardly. Why was it so difficult ? He tried to practice this many times while he was suspended, but every sentence he had carefully prepared had vanished from his brain.

By the door, the young alchemist was no better. The panic that had followed as Hans took him back to the dungeon had turned everything blurry in his head and he didn't remember much. But he also knew in his heart who Phil was. A caring friend.

 _I need you to be strong for her, Varian._

Remyus' words were still ringing in his head. He couldn't form a coherent thought, let alone words. So he ran the back of his gloved hand over his eyes, wiping the tears away. When he was done, there was a totally different expression on his face. Determination, sheer determination was back in the teen's heart.

Maybe he couldn't do much for the Queen's condition at the moment, but he could still hope she'd be ok, that she'd live. He had to, or he would collapse right there and then.

He had a project for her in mind. Had it for a few days, and now was the time to get on with it. And, good news, he didn't have to do it alone, he had friends. Most importantly, he decided he wouldn't be alone.

So he started to walk towards Phil and Alden and without slowing down his stride, grabbed them both by their sleeve and wordlessly led them back to his room.


	85. Chapter 84 -- Reunion

**If like me you are confined at the moment, you know how important it is to keep dreaming and hoping. I'm grateful for the world of TTS that brings us together. I hope you'll have a good time reading this, we all could use a hug (well, for the moment, with social distancing, that will be for our beloved characters).**

 **Thanks for your comments and reactions ! You readers are the best !**

CHAPTER 84

How so much strength could be contained in such a small, skinny body was a mystery for which Alden has no clue for. That arm of his that had been injured during the library incident was now almost fully healed, with only a fading welt still testifying it ever happened. But as he was dragged by the boy, along with Phil, to Remyus' chambers, he felt that not even his full capacities would be able to match such determination.

The boy definitely had something in mind, and the older guard watched this new energy with awe. So far, he had seen Varian either injured, sick, or in a low mood and now he couldn't ignore the spark igniting his gaze and speeding up his steps.

Phil, however, wasn't in the mindset to dwell on this. After being banned from the castle for a few days, he somehow hoped, as much as he dreaded, a heart-to-heart conversation with the boy, or eye contact at least. Was he angry at him ? Was it the reason why he seemed to ignore him ? But then why would he take hold of his wrist ? Was it just that Varian was in a hurry to get to his room and that he knew perfectly that he could only do so with guards in his tracks ?

Before Phil knew it, they were in front of the sick room and Varian let go of them at last, actively searching for something.

"Okay, they should be in here… I'm sure I saw them before… I hope they didn't… Oh, and I will need some tools, like…some sort of a crimper, maybe a hammer and chisel… and sandpaper, different kinds. A piece of wood to lay it on…", the boy listed, more to himself than to them, frantically checking every shelf, looking under every piece of furniture.

"Varian, slow down, will you ?", Alden interfered in his frenzied monologue, "why would you need all this ?

"I'm gonna make something for the Queen and… gah !", he exclaimed, obviously frustrated as he kept looking everywhere, "I will also need a couple of compounds – ah, there they are !"

Varian got to his feet, lifting up proudly a burlap bag for the two men to see. He gave it a shake and a tuneful tinkling rose from it.

"Oh, I'm so glad they didn't dispose of them," the boy breathed out in relief, already turning around to empty the bag on the table. The multitude of broken glass pieces spread on the rough wood, their sweet purple color glistening in the light.

Varian suddenly stopped and gazed at them, thoughtfully. Before him laid the remnants of a jar he once tossed against the wall, during an anger outburst of his. His memory continued to wander and he saw himself as he picked one of those, ready to purposely run it across his skin. His hand moved on his scratched arm without him realizing it. Under his shirt and glove, he could now feel his skin throbbing in sync with his pulse. There was a dull pain he had almost forgotten about, a persistent reminder that was neither stinging nor burning, or maybe both. And with that came feelings that were threatening to come back to the surface, again.

Behind him, Alden decided it was time to give a good shoulder nudge to Phil, motioning him to go to the kid. The young man had been uncharacteristically quiet and withdrawn so far.

Hesitantly, Phil stepped forward and laid his hand on the boy's shoulder, giving it a gentle, grounding squeeze.

Varian was pulled out his thoughts and blinked his eyes a few times, not entirely ready to turn away from this silent war with himself but he turned his head nonetheless. His bewildered blue eyes met Phil's concerned gaze.

"You okay, kid ?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he quickly replied, awkwardly clearing his throat. When did it become so dry ?

"So, um…" Phil stammered, not sure where to begin, "so I've heard that the Queen is currently sick when I came back this morning. How…how is she ?"

"Well, she's… not great at the moment…unfortunately…", Varian replied, searching for his words and spending a lot of energy to fight off the pang of guilt that flooded back over him.

"Is that why you want to make something for her ?"

"Oh, yes, yes because I'm sure she's going to make it", the boy certified, "she's strong, and I must keep hoping, no matter what." He realized the last part was more for himself as he said it, so he turned his back to Phil and Alden again and closed his mouth, his last words hanging in the air and making his cheeks flush with embarrassment.

"Hey, I'm sure she'll be ok," Phil said softly as he picked up on the boy's distress. "To be honest, I was… I was so mad at her for sending me away from the castle. Away from you. But I know she only wanted to help you, she was freaking out and that situation was such a big mess-"

"What ? Did she… dismiss you ?" Varian asked, eyes popping out in disbelief. "Why ? Why didn't she let me know ? Ok, I was out of it most of the time, but she could have… someone should have told me, at least once I was back on my feet !" Irritation welled up again in his heart so quickly it surprised him. To make it worse, he felt downright angry at himself, for not enquiring about Phil's whereabouts after he recovered.

"Wait, what do you mean, out of it ?", Alden asked, confused. "I stayed home for a few days too, due to my arm injury, so…. did we miss something ?"

Emotions clashed at once in Varian's head and the blood in his veins was on fire.

"How do you think the Queen got pneumonia ?" he shouted, more bluntly than he intended. "Because I was sick after I was in the dungeon, thanks to that… that bastard," he yelled, refusing to say the name of the sadistic man who left him all night, dripping with the water he had dumped on him, in a cold moldy cell, "and yet she stayed ! She stayed !", he repeated, his voice on a higher pitch with every word. His hands clenched into fists at his side and they started to shake.

"She stayed… to take care of me… and I… I couldn't even watch over her properly for a few hours, and now, she… she's….". Varian was whimpering through gritted teeth now. He looked awful, fatigue on his features standing out as he fought not to cry.

All his efforts crumbled as he felt Phil's arms around his trembling frame. He let the man pull him into a tight embrace as he burst out sobbing, finally allowing himself to fall apart.

"I didn't know… I'm sorry, Varian… it's not your fault, you know that ?" he whispered in his ear. Alden silently made his way to the both of them and started to rub circles on Varian's back. It was heartbreaking for him to see the boy in so much pain. Phil reached the nearby chair, gently pulling Varian along so he could sit on his lap.

It took a long while for Varian to calm down. He had held back his tears for far too long, and now he couldn't believe how he had lived with that weight on his chest. He cried and cried and it seemed like it would never end.

Eventually, little by little, his sobs quieted, but he was still a nervous, shaking mess. Phil didn't let go and gently placed a hand on the back of the boy's head, waiting for the fragile frame to relax a bit.

"You know what ? I can't believe the King came to my house and he didn't say a word about your pneumonia," he ventured when only a few sniffles could be heard.

Varian gave a weak chuckle, but it was a chuckle nonetheless.

"He kept secrets from you ? Now that's surprising…", he ironized, his voice raw but the sass clear in his tone.

Phil couldn't help a soft laugh out of his throat and that small relief helped him gather enough courage to talk.

"Varian, I'm sorry about what happened with Hans. He managed to sway my certainties for a moment, and I… I never should have doubted you."

"I never should have doubted you either. I know you'd never turned your back on me."

"He certainly didn't and bravely stood up for you," Alden asserted. "That even earned him a night behind the bars !"

"Cut it out, Alden, it doesn't matter," Phil quickly replied.

"What ?"

"Nothing."

"No, really, what is he saying, Phil ?"

"Alden… why don't you tell Varian about your epic ride across the woods all the way to the Epoisses Duchy ? I'm sure he would love to hear it !"

"You did want, Alden ?"

"Who, me ? Nothing !"

"Ugh ! Come on, guys !"

The conversation ended with Phil affectionately ruffling Varian's hair and Alden laughing heartily at the whole thing. For a blessed moment, Varian was smiling and laughing with them, leaving his worries behind, and that was more than the three of them had expected.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"All right, so, about this project of yours… are you going to fill us in ?" Phil suggested, lightness finally back in his voice.

Varian's head shot up, his blue eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Well, well, whatever that project is, no one is going to fill in anyone without a proper breakfast !"

The trio turned their heads all at once as Ethel chimed in with a tray for Varian. The boy made a face, frustration on his features. Now his project would have to wait, before it even started ! The old servant came over to the table, frowned a bit as she tried to figure out where she could leave the tray with the mess of glass chips and grudgingly added :

"Then again, if I can trust that you'll eat the whole thing while instructing those two, that's fine with me. But just for this time."

Upon hearing those words, Varian leaned his upper body forward on the table, using both hands to push himself up and place a kiss on the old maid's fat cheek. Before she could register what just happened, the boy had already sat down and started to help himself with the warm bread roll while starting to passionately ramble about his dear project at the same time.

 **Please R &R ! I love to hear from you !**


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